[Westheim]

Raccoons (51-72) vs. Titans (72-53) – August 22-24, 2000

The Titans led the division, although their lead over the Loggers was fluctuating up and down all the time. The Titans were strong both offensively and defensively, and their rotation was a tough nut to crack. It was kind of surprising to see the Raccoons come into the series having lost only seven of twelve so far.

Projected matchups:
Ralph Ford (6-12, 4.35 ERA) vs. Jesus Bautista (14-11, 3.29 ERA)
Miguel Lopez (6-12, 5.03 ERA) vs. Sergio Gonzalez (10-11, 3.33 ERA)
Scott Wade (5-10, 4.56 ERA) vs. Jason O’Halloran (15-5, 3.09 ERA)

Game 1
BOS: SS D. Silva – CF Garrison – 3B Austin – RF Greenman – LF G. Munoz – 1B G. Douglas – 2B J. Zamora – C Williamson – P Bautista
POR: SS Guerin – 3B Sharp – 1B Martin – RF Brady – 2B Ingall – LF Parker – C Mata – CF Kent – P Ford

The Coons struck first, if you could call it striking at all. Three soft singles to start the bottom 2nd gave them a 1-0 lead, two on, no outs, and while they loaded them up, they couldn’t seem to score until Ralph Ford came up. Ford’s batting average didn’t even entitle him to a dollar dog, but at least he hit a sac fly, 2-0. Now Ford had his usual control struggles. After Mark Austin led off the fourth with a double, Ford walked a pair to load them up with no outs. Glenn Douglas flew out to Brady on the right field line, and Austin tagged up, only to be shotgunned out at home by Brady. In a perfect world, Ford would have used that to retire Zamora, but instead balked, then surrendered a single to tie the score, threw a wild pitch, and fell to a Williamson RBI double before some baseball god finally showed some mercy with the kid and had Sharp grab Bautista’s liner for the third out. Ford was still run over in the fifth inning and was removed from the game in disgrace. Down 6-3 after six, the Raccoons looked defeated already. Bautista then struggled in the seventh and loaded them up with no outs. Guerin walked to force a run in, but Sharp struck out. Martin had been removed in a double switch and Richardson pinch-hit for Schaefer now, only managed a sac fly, and Brady fouled out. The Titans used three pitchers to get three strikeouts from three Raccoons in the eighth, keeping the score 6-5, and while Diaz held the fort for two innings, they went down as shamefully in the bottom 9th. 6-5 Titans. Parker 2-4, 2B, RBI; Blanco 1.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Diaz 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

How they actually scored five runs from just ten base runners (six hits, three walks, and Ingall took one too close for comfort) is amazing. If they could just once do that in a game where the pitcher actually manages to go past the fifth inning.

Game 2
BOS: SS D. Silva – CF Garrison – 3B Austin – RF Greenman – LF G. Munoz – 1B G. Douglas – 2B Elliott – C Williamson – P S. Gonzalez
POR: SS Guerin – 3B Sharp – 1B Martin – RF Brady – 2B Ingall – LF Parker – C Mata – CF Kent – P Lopez

The Coons, unable to land a hard hit, somehow loaded them up on a few shy singles in the first inning, before Parker hit a shy grounder that wasn’t a single and they didn’t score. Lopez let the Titans’ pitcher defeat him at the first opportunity, as he failed to remove Gonzalez in an 0-2 count in the third. Gonzalez singled, Garrison doubled, and Austin cashed in a pair, while the Raccoons were still wearing bats on their heads and swung at pitches with their helmets. Gonzalez drove in a run himself to make it a 4-0 score with two out in the fourth and we were looking at an extended bullpen showcase yet again (and that was nothing to revel about either). Mata was having a month from hell, losing a good pitch for a passed ball, then causing catcher’s interference to ruin Lopez’ first K of the day, which would have ended the fifth. Instead, Greenman went to first and scored on Munoz’ lightning bolt in the general direction of Montana. Pat Elliott also homered, as the Raccoons went down in flames for the 74th time on the year. In short, the Raccoons were routed, the pitching staff and the catcher sucked like hell, and when the brown-clad team finally found their bats, they were already down by double digits. 11-2 Titans. Guerin 2-5; Brady 2-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI;

And every day, it gets a little bit worse. Four runs on Schaefer, the useless ****. Which moron gave that sucker a 2-year deal??

Game 3
BOS: SS D. Silva – 1B Brewer – 3B Austin – LF Thomas – CF Garrison – C L. Lopez – RF Elizondo – 2B Williamson – P O’Halloran
POR: SS Guerin – 1B Sharp – 3B Ingall – RF Brady – 2B Michel – LF Parker – C Jackson – CF Newton – P Wade

Another day, another game, another disaster, Wade was stuffed for seven singles and five runs – in the second inning alone. Meanwhile, O’Halloran was perfect through four. Wade added four innings of 1-hit ball after dying a death of a thousand needles, which added to my cynicism for sure, before Diaz came in and promptly surrendered a 2-run homer to Josh Thomas. The Coons at the same point had ONE hit, a bloop by Jackson. Although O’Halloran only struck out three in the game, he still reduced the Raccoons to rubble and pitched a 4-hit shutout. 7-0 Titans. Brady 2-3, BB, 2B;

Raccoons (51-75) vs. Knights (43-83) – August 25-27, 2000

Now facing the worst team in baseball, the Raccoons had one last chance to prove that they deserved better than being dismembered for the dollar value of their body parts. The Raccoons sucked badly, but the Knights were abysmal with a pitching staff that would embarrass a third rate orphanage. (Well, and the Coons?) We were 5-1 against them on the year.

Projected matchups:
Paco Martinez (1-2, 3.65 ERA) vs. Tynan Howard (6-15, 5.73 ERA)
Randy Farley (12-8, 3.32 ERA) vs. Ed Wallace (2-3, 6.37 ERA)
Ralph Ford (6-13, 4.58 ERA) vs. John Collins (9-12, 5.40 ERA)

That’s three right-handers, which should suit us with most of our batters being left-handed now. But, well, they can easily suck from either side of the plate, no matter who’s throwing what at them.

Game 1
ATL: CF Alonso – 2B Palacios – 1B Tinker – RF W. Taylor – 3B J. Morales – C J. Johnson – LF Kinnear – SS Tanaka – P Howard
POR: SS Guerin – 3B Sharp – 1B Martin – RF Brady – LF Parker – 2B Ingall – C Mata – CF Kent – P P. Martinez

Martinez was all over the general vicinity of home plate, and while he struck out seven in five innings of work, he also allowed ten Knights on base. That they scored only two runs, the latter on a fifth inning homer by Will Taylor, was maybe the most astonishing fact. The Raccoons continued their sucking ways and trailed 2-1 with Martinez already over 100 pitches and done. Friday, and still no guy getting past six this week. It wasn’t much better at the plate, where nothing happened in the bottoms of innings. In the top 7th, Vern Kinnear hit an RBI single off Blanco to make it 3-1 and that was pretty much a gap that could not be bridged by this team, unless the Knights made a mistake – and they made it. Howard began to crumble in the eighth, walking Sharp on four pitches, and then surrendered a hard single to Martin. With Brady up, we expected a left-hander to relieve Howard, but they didn’t send one, and then Brady hit #12 on the year to flip the score to 4-3 for the home team. The hard part came for the ninth: find someone to save this game for Nordahl, who was in line for the W. Since two left-handers were to lead off the inning, Donis was chosen over Miller. Donis fell to three balls on both Stephen Ware and Gerardo Rios, but they poked and both made outs. Donis then struck out Johnny Johnson to end the game. 4-3 Coons. Brady 1-4, HR, 3 RBI; Parker 2-4; Ingall 2-4;

Game 2
ATL: 2B Palacios – RF A. Rodriguez – LF Ware – CF G. Rios – 1B Tinker – 3B J. Morales – C McDonald – SS Tanaka – P Wallace
POR: SS Guerin – LF Parker – 1B Martin – RF Brady – 2B Ingall – 3B Caddock – C Mata – CF Kent – P Farley

The Knights led off with four left-handers and quickly overmatched Farley, as they batted around the order in the first inning and took a 3-0 lead. Nothing remained of 25-innings Mount Randy, as the Knights hit him at will. The Raccoons let it be, and wondered at the fast white things that zipped past them when they were sent to stand into a chalk box for – to them – no discernible reason. Farley was knocked out in the fourth inning, five runs across, and the Raccoons managed two hits through five innings against 22-year old Wallace and his 6+ ERA that was by then approaching 5.50. Wallace showed a small crack in the bottom 6th then, as he allowed the Uttercoons to load the bags on a single and two walks, and Brady was to bat with no outs. The Knights slowly got the bullpen going, not expecting much out of the Raccoons’ middle of the lineup – neither did anybody affiliated with that crap team, either. Brady lobbed a single over Sosa Tanaka, also plating Parker to cut the gap to 5-2. Oh well, Ingall’s gonna hit into double play now, he’s not hit Ingall singles all year. Wallace threw one down the middle to Ingall, clocked at 96, and Ingall hit it square. As it rose up and rapidly gained ground towards left field, some 20,000 people in the park gasped in amazement as Ingall hit a game-tying 3-run homer into the uppermost row in the left field stands. That flash of excitement was short-lived, though. Blanco failed in the top 8th, the Knights scored a pair on him, and that put a definitive end to another night to forget on the Willamette. 7-5 Knights. Guerin 2-3, BB, 2B; Diaz 2.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K;

Game 3
ATL: CF Alonso – 2B Palacios – LF Ware – 1B Tinker – RF W. Taylor – 3B J. Morales – C J. Johnson – SS Tanaka – P J. Collins
POR: SS Guerin – 1B Martin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – LF Richardson – 3B Sharp – C Mata – CF Kent – P Ford

The same story as in every Ford start. Can’t hit the zone, gave up hits, runners scored, wah wah wah. The Knights scored two on him in the second inning, with the first run plated on a John Collins sac fly with one out and the bags full that was more fly than sac, and almost got to the wall. Following the shining example of the more experienced pitching corps, Ford entangled himself in abysmalty, and couldn’t go further than five innings, having on his ledger six each of hits, walks, and strikeouts, and three runs. The Raccoons were held to three hits by Collins through six innings and trailed 3-1. Reyes pitched scoreless long relief, the most menial task on a staff was one he could barely carry out in a semi-decent fashion. Bottom 7th, Brady led off with a shot off his boomstick, making it 3-2. Richardson then rammed a double off the centerfield wall. Uh-oh! The minions are uprising! That brought up Sharp, mired in a 1-22 rut, but maybe we could hit for Kent with an actual batter. Checking the box score while Sharp pirouetted into a Collins slider and sent it to left – high – deep – GONE. Up 4-3 again due to power, the Raccoons put Mata on with a single, but then quickly left the inning when Parker hit into a double play. Daniel Miller was tasked with the eighth, was perfect, the Coons added a run with a 2-out RBI single by Richardson off Albert Matthews in the bottom of the frame. That brought up Sharp with runners on the corners, but he grounded slowly up the left foul line. Matthews, who as a right-hander had fallen in the other direction, stumbled, and Johnson also was slow to make a play, and Sharp beat the throw – RBI single! Donis entered for the ninth, was taken deep by Palacios, and would possibly have blown up if not for a strong catch by Richardson on Stephen Ware’s pop to shallow left. 6-4 Raccoons. Martin 3-4, 2B, RBI; Richardson 2-4, 2B, RBI; Sharp 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Reyes 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (4-2);

In other news

August 22 – The 2,000 career hits mark is reached by SAC OF Aaron Jenkins (.304, 14 HR, 76 RBI). Jenkins, the fourth overall pick by the Scorpions in the 1987 draft, hits a game-tying RBI single in the sixth inning off the Stars’ Elwood Spurrell – to no avail. The Scorpions lose 4-3.

Complaints and stuff

Again, somebody who faced us this week was Player of the Week: Boston’s Mark Austin. I would have voted for him, too, if I hadn’t been stripped of my vote almost 20 years ago for ALWAYS voting for Daniel Hall. Slappy, the janitor, has been voting for us since ’87, and he’s always doing it drunk, and he’s doing a better job than I have done in my sanest of minds.

Before the last game against the Knights, I was begging to just lose ordinarily. Not spectacularly, or in rape fashion. We are that far, because we are that good.

I hear the Three Sisters calling. Can’t wait to lock myself up in a cabin in the woods. Wouldn’t mind the short term company of a grizzly bear, either. Would somebody be so kind to hide one in my office while I’m in the bathroom, crying relentlessly?