[Westheim]

Monday was off again for the Raccoons. While Cookie was lying around semi-consciously with the ghastly IV that the Druid had made him and I didn’t know whether he’d make it or not, by Tuesday morning he was wide awake and actually felt better. So that Venezuelan male witch does know a thing or two about medicine after all! Not bloody quite Western medicine, but I’m inclined to take any straw of hope right now…

Cookie was diagnosed with a herniated disc, of all things, and was placed on the disabled list to give his neck time to get realigned. The Druid was of the firm opinion that a minimum stay of 15 days would be wholly sufficient to get him back to strength. He joined Duarte, Abe, Brownie, and McKnight on the DL and would be the first one to come off.

The Raccoons can’t possibly blow a 9-game lead in 15 days, can they?

Raccoons (75-49) @ Crusaders (66-58) – August 21-23, 2018

The Crusaders ranked second in offense in the CL, but only eighth in runs allowed, with a seriously cranky bullpen that was in the bottom three with a ghastly 4.11 ERA. And while they were scoring more than 4.7 runs per game, they hadn’t really played that card against the Coons in 2018, hanging only 3.6 runs onto the Critters in each of the 12 contests played so far, of which they had lost eight. The Raccoons had taken the season series from them for three straight years, and could do so again with a series win.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (19-3, 2.29 ERA) vs. Ted McKenzie (9-10, 5.23 ERA)
Bobby Guerrero (12-10, 3.54 ERA) vs. Jaylen Martin (13-6, 2.47 ERA)
Ricky Mendoza (12-7, 4.51 ERA) vs. Tom Weise (10-9, 3.87 ERA)

These are three right-handed pitchers, and the Crusaders have nothing else to offer. They also don’t have anybody on the DL, going on full strength, whatever that meant when Ron Richards was your home run leader with 14 bombs and also led the team with 63 RBI. Ray Gilbert had only nine dingers, and Martin Ortíz, clearly on the slippery slope on the back end of a great player’s career, had ten, and had almost as many strikeouts as R.J. DeWeese!

We skipped Damani Knight on the off day, because yes, he had pitched seven scoreless in his last start, but no, it was not his fault, if that makes sense. This time all the scorched balls might well fall in, and I don’t want to see them fall in against the Crusaders, when all the games count twice as much.

We also had to make a roster move to fill the spot vacated by Cookie moving to the DL. 27-year old (…) LF/RF/1B Chris Thomson was called up from St. Petersburg. Once a ninth-round pick in 2012 that had instilled mild hope on a late-round wonder for a few years around 2014/2015, he was by now a low-quality quad-A player that would see major league action for the first time after dingling around in AAA for five years. In 111 games with the Alley Cats this year he was batting .317/.376/.457 with eight home runs. He had absolutely no strengths in particular.

We batted Andy Bareford seventh for his first week in the Bigs, because I wanted him to get pitched to… which is no longer the case. Kid bats eighth, hopefully Denny doubles and he doesn’t see any pitch within 10 feet of the zone.

Game 1
POR: SS Walter – 2B Mathews – 3B Nunley – 1B H. Mendoza – RF Jackson – LF DeWeese – C Denny – CF Bareford – P Toner
NYC: 3B J. Carroll – SS Casillas – 1B Gilbert – 2B S. Valdez – C Roland – RF Richards – LF Ro. Hernandez – CF S. Young – P McKenzie

Jonny was bidding for his 20th victory of the season, but had a first inning right from one of my nightmares. Tony Casillas singled, stole second, and scored on Sergio Valdez liner into shallow left, after which Toner loaded the bases with a single by Cory Roland and a walk issued to Ron Richards. Roberto Hernandez ran a full count before swiping over a pitch below the knees, ending the frame. While the Coons picked him up in the top 2nd, plating two runs off McKenzie who walked three batters, including Denny with the bases loaded to tie the game, with the second run scoring on Bareford’s sac fly (though he hit that at 3-1…), Toner’s 30-pitch ordeal was unfortunately symptomatic of most of his recent outings. The results were usually pretty, but how he got there very much wasn’t, and this usually led to him not going far into the game. The Crusaders got runners to the corners with two outs in the bottom 2nd after a throwing error by Matt Nunley, his 17th on the season, but ****ing Ray Gilbert grounded out casually to Toner himself to end the inning. Jonny walked Valdez at the start of the third, but that runner was erased by Denny on the same 3-2 pitch that nipped Cory Roland on strikes as Valdez tried to take second base by force. He was the last base runner for New York through five innings, which took Jonny 89 pitches to complete…

The Raccoons managed only three hits through six innings, so were in general no help to Toner’s cause as he started the bottom 6th. Valdez led off with a single to right, but Roland struck out again. That was far as two runs would carry Toner, who’s 99th pitch was bombed outta rightfield by Ron Richards, his 15th shot of the season. Toner finished the inning, but hung on the hook with little prospect to get off. Brian Page sawed off the Coons in the seventh before they actually got hits from Nunley and Jackson in the eighth, but the Crusaders threw four pitchers at them in an all-out min-max effort that paid off when DeWeese flew out to Richards to end the inning. Still down 3-2 in the ninth, they faced Colin Sabatino in the save situation. With an ERA of almost three and less than 9 K/9 he surely was not incinvible, but when Denny grounded out on a 3-1 pitch to start the inning I was already close to murdering somebody yet again. Tom Dahlke hit for the insufferable Bareford (.120) and lined a pitch to left and past Roberto Hernandez for a 1-out double, putting the tying run in scoring position for Margolis, who batted for Kaiser in the pitcher’s spot. He grounded out, sending Dahlke to third and leaving things to Shane Walter, who hopefully had to offer something other than leading the batting race! Or maybe he’d just roll one over to Valdez for the final out. 3-2 Crusaders. Jackson 2-3, BB; Dahlke (PH) 1-1, 2B;

Chris Thomson hit for Toner in the seventh to make his major league debut and grounded out harmlessly.

This was Jonny Toner’s first loss since June 13, more than two months ago! Back then he got ripped for eight runs by the Buffaloes. He has not logged an out in the seventh inning in three consecutive starts.

Yes I am in panic mode. WHY YOU ASKING???

Game 2
POR: SS Walter – 2B Mathews – 3B Nunley – 1B H. Mendoza – RF Jackson – LF DeWeese – C Denny – CF Bareford – P Guerrero
NYC: 3B J. Carroll – LF M. Ortíz – 1B Gilbert – 2B S. Valdez – C Roland – RF Richards – SS Casillas – CF Waggoner – P J. Martin

A Bareford single was all that the Coons could put on their scorecard in the first three innings, aside of Walter drawing a leadoff walk in the first and getting doubled off by Mathews instantly. The Crusaders scored a run in the bottom 1st after Martin Ortíz tripled and scored on Gilbert’s groundout, then put Jens Carroll (single) and Ortíz (walk) on base to start the bottom 3rd. Gilbert and Valdez were retired on strong defensive efforts by DeWeese and Mathews, respectively, but when Cory Roland hit a 410-footer to left there was no defending that. Down 4-0 against “Midnight” Martin, the Coons were pretty much done with this Wednesday game. The Critters didn’t get a second hit onto their ledger until Walter singled with one out in the sixth. Mathews grounded to Valdez, who only got the out at second, but “Midnight” shrugged and picked Mathews off first to end the inning. Guerrero walked Roland to start the bottom 6th, his fifth free pass in the game, and was relieved by Wade Davis, who managed to keep the run from scoring, but allowed a double to Carroll in the seventh and that run would come in to score after a single by Martin Ortíz and then Gilbert’s sac fly to plenty deep center. In a 5-0 hole in the eighth the Raccoons got their very best scoring opportunity yet when Mike Denny hit a leadoff single past Carroll into left and Martin walked Bareford, his fifth free pass on the day as well. This meant that the Critters had reached second base for the first time in the ****ing game! Dahlke hit in the pitcher’s spot, hit into a fielder’s choice at second base, Walter fouled out, and Mathews grounded out pathetically to leave the runners stranded. 5-0 Crusaders. Bareford 1-2, BB;

Matt Nunley ended an 11-game hitting streak in this unholy contest. Also, you know that the baseball gods are toying with you when Chet Cummings comes into a lost contest like this wretched affair and strikes out the side in the bottom 8th…

Game 3
POR: SS Walter – RF Jackson – 3B Nunley – 1B H. Mendoza – LF DeWeese – C Denny – 2B Hudman – CF Bareford – P R. Mendoza
NYC: 3B J. Carroll – LF M. Ortíz – 1B Gilbert – 2B S. Valdez – C Roland – RF Richards – SS Casillas – CF Waggoner – P Weise

In a rerun of Wednesday Night’s game, the Raccoons kept hitting into double plays (DeWeese in the second erasing Mendoza’s leadoff single) and had no pitching to speak of, too. Ricky Mendoza allowed a walk in the first, although Ortíz would get caught stealing by Denny, then walked two more in the second before Ron Richards blasted another 3-run shot to put the Crusaders on the best of routes to a series sweep. While Tom Weise allowed two hits and struck out six in five innings, Mendoza never finished five. ****ing Ray Gilbert homered off him in the bottom 3rd to put the Crusaders up 4-0, and in the fifth he allowed singles to Gilbert and Roland, threw a wild pitch, and then got tagged with a 2-out, 2-run single to center by Richards who became increasingly unpopular on my card. At 6-0, Chet Cummings entered in a double switch that replaced Hudman with Petracek, and somehow got out of the inning. When Andy Bareford hit a leadoff jack for his first major league home run in the sixth inning, nobody was in the mood to celebrate because the sweep was looming.

Nunley opened the seventh with a single to center, with Mendoza then dropping one into shallow left to put two on. The tying run was far from approaching in a 6-1 game, especially with DeWeese striking out as usual in a big spot. Denny hit a ball up the rightfield line that eluded Richards, who bounced off the sidewall after a vain attempt to cut off the bugger, which instead reached the corner. Denny, certainly not fleet of foot, exploited Richards’ misplay for a 2-run triple, and suddenly things didn’t look so glum anymore. Cummings remained in the game to bat and hit a sac fly, 6-4, before Bareford grounded out, but leaving Cummings in was a mistake anyway. The Crusaders got a leadoff single in the bottom 7th from Ortíz before Gilbert hit into a double play to Walter. Valdez singled, Roland walked, and only now did Cummings get removed. Thrasher appeared, threw a wild pitch, and then conceded the runs on a single by pinch-hitter Bartholomeu Pino before also putting Casillas on with an error of his own. Waggoner grounded out, but the Crusaders were up by a slam again, and the Raccoons did not recover from that return blow anymore. Tom Weise finished the game despite allowing four runs, finishing with six hits allowed and nine strikeouts, sitting down the last eight Coons in order. 8-4 Crusaders. H. Mendoza 2-4; Denny 2-3, 3B, 2 RBI;

Let’s just call this the Mother of all Sweeps, and don’t make any noises on the way to the airport. That includes breathing.

Raccoons (75-52) @ Thunder (45-83) – August 24-26, 2018

The Thunder were one of two teams in total shambles in the South, the other being the Falcons. We had no more games left with the latter, and this was the last series against the former, with the Raccoons so far having taken five of six games from them. They had lost their last four games (but who around here hadn’t?) and were generally awful in offense (u-hum!), ranking last in runs scored, and also in pitching, ranking second-to-last in runs allowed. Their run differential was an unpleasant -143. There was nothing to like on that roster, really… Even their defense was in the worst three of the league.

Projected matchups:
Hector Santos (10-8, 2.90 ERA) vs. Brendan Teasdale (4-20, 5.61 ERA)
Damani Knight (5-7, 4.89 ERA) vs. Wes Yates (5-5, 4.47 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (19-4, 2.36 ERA) vs. Jim Bryant (1-11, 5.82 ERA)

I was almost feeling sorry for Brenda here. Almost. Yates should be the only left-handed pitcher we get in this set, although they have another one in Nick Lombardo (6-4, 3.60 ERA).

Game 1
POR: SS Walter – 2B Mathews – 3B Nunley – 1B H. Mendoza – LF DeWeese – C Margolis – CF Bareford – RF Thomson – P Santos
OCT: CF Stevenson – SS Janes – 1B Manfull – C Parks – LF Cisneros – 3B Ruggeri – 2B Read – RF Hiscock – P Teasdale

Walter opened the game with a single and Mathews hit right into another double play. I was damn close to eating my hat until Hugo Mendoza led off the second with a homer to left center. DeWeese and Margolis hit singles, but the good start was largely derailed by the rookies in the bottom of the order, whose presence was entirely undesired. Bareford hit a sac fly, but Thomson hit into a fielder’s choice, and the inning fizzled out at 2-0. Santos would soon start to have his moments, issuing a leadoff walk to Howard Read in the bottom 3rd before throwing a wild pitch past the poor Margolis. Bill Hiscock singled, putting them on the corners, before Brenda’s poor bunt got Hiscock forced at second and kept the double play in order. Said double play never came; Josh Stevenson struck out, and Erik Janes hit a pop to left center that nevertheless neither DeWeese nor Bareford could catch up with and Janes had an RBI double. B.J. Manfull popped out to short to strand a pair in scoring position in a 2-1 game. DeWeese would however make a strong catch an inning later when Hiscock sent a drive to deep left with two outs and two on that held Santos’ wonky effort in one piece.

When Walter hit another leadoff single in the fifth, the bedeviled Mathews hit a grounder to second yet the **** again, but this time the defense couldn’t turn the gift for a double play. Mathews remained at first, then made to third when Nunley doubled to center. With first base open, the Thunder elected to walk Hugo Mendoza intentionally to bring up DeWeese with the bags full and one out. While DeWeese unleashed a tremendous drive to center, Stevenson caught that one, holding the luxuriously paid leftfielder to a sac fly, which turned out to be the Coons’ only run in the inning once Margolis grounded out to Manfull to keep things at 3-1. Santos held on to that for as long as he went in the game, which turned out to be seven innings with nine strikeouts. While Hugo Mendoza hit a leadoff single in the eighth and stole second base, nobody bothered to drive him in. Davis and Thrasher combined for the bottom of the inning, before Chris Thomson knocked his first major league hit leading off the top of the ninth with a single off Brenda, who was somehow still not routed from the contest. This also did not lead to a run, which put Alex Ramirez into the bottom 9th with only one run of cushion against the 4-5-6 batters, of which Jalen Parks and D.J. Ruggeri were switch-hitters with 19 homers between them. Parks and Javy Cisneros led off with sharply hit singles to put the tying runs on base with nobody out, bringing up Ruggeri, who hit a ball that bounced once back right into Ramirez’ glove. Ramirez started the double play, 1-6-3, leaving Parks at third with left-hander Howard Read batting and singling hard to center. When Ramirez lost left-hander Bill Hiscock to a 4-pitch walk and the Thunder sent another left-hander to pinch-hit in Nate Brown, **** got personal and the pitching coach dragged Ramirez off the mound by his ear. Jason Kaiser came into a real mess to counter Brown, who bounced a ball sharply to first, but Hugo Mendoza was not undone by it and made the play himself to end the game. 3-2 Blighters. Walter 2-5; H. Mendoza 2-3, BB, HR, RBI; DeWeese 2-3, RBI; Santos 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, W (11-8);

Game 2
POR: 3B Walter – SS Dahlke – RF Jackson – 1B H. Mendoza – C Denny – CF Bareford – LF DeWeese – 2B Petracek – P Knight
OCT: CF Stevenson – SS Janes – 1B Manfull – C Parks – LF Cisneros – 3B Ruggeri – 2B Read – RF Hiscock – P W. Yates

Walter opened with a single, and Dahlke, who was in there because Mathews hit into too many double plays for my sanity, hit into a double play. Dahlke, fearing for his tail, did better the next time around, with Petracek and Walter on the corners and one out in the third of a scoreless game. He hit a ball into the gap in left center that wasn’t cut off until just short of the track, and the Coons took the 1-0 lead on the double. Unfortunately, with runners on second and third and still only one out, the Raccoons did the most miserably they could as Jackson popped out on an 0-2 pitch, Mendoza got hit by a pitch, and Denny fouled out over home plate on the very first pitch he got with the bases loaded, and in the bottom of the inning Josh Stevenson reached on a bunt single, stole second, and when Dahlke tried to make a difficult play on Erik Janes’ grounder, he strained his forearm and had to leave the game. Walter moved over, Nunley entered at third, and somehow Damani Knight was not obliterated by the middle of the order, continuing to nurse the 1-0 lead – at least until Wes Yates knotted the score with a 2-out RBI single in the bottom 4th, plating Howard Read even after Hiscock had been walked intentionally.

The Thunder had the bases loaded with nobody out in the bottom 5th after a leadoff single by Emilio Farias. Parks also singled, but in between B.J. Manfull reached when Petracek dropped his easy pop, and Petracek was not in a position to get away with **** like that. Cisneros fouled out, but after that Knight got thumped for three runs on a pair of singles by D.J. Ruggeri and Howard Read, both coming on 2-strike counts. Knight didn’t make it out of the sixth and the Coons sat in a 4-1 hole and looked definitely lost again even when DeWeese blooped a leadoff single into shallow right to start the seventh inning. Petracek, playing for his dear life after noticing me, far up above the field, banging with both hands against the windows of my suite and mouthing ‘I’M GONNA ****ING KILL YOU’ down at him, romped a 2-run shot to extreme left, just inside the foul pole, which put the Coons back into the game, down 4-3. Yates sat down Mathews and Walter before Nunley doubled, but Jackson – useless ever since inheriting Cookie’s starting spot – grounded out to the catcher, which was actually a thing with these terrible Raccoons. Mathis allowed a 1-out single to Read in the bottom 7th, who moved up on Hiscock’s groundout and scored when Nate Brown and Josh Stevenson hit consecutive 2-out infield singles, because that ALSO was a thing with these TERRIBLE RACCOONS. Kaiser allowed a run in the bottom of the eighth that didn’t matter, because the entire lineup was inept and sucked and judging by their fat asses were eating every baseball they could get their clumsy little paws on rather than hitting them for any measureable distance. 6-3 Thunder. Walter 2-5; Petracek 3-3, HR, 2B, 2 RBI;

Tom Dahlke was added to the considerable list of broken players, although the Druid listed him as day-to-day. He was probably not suited for taking the field, but was available to pinch-hit.

Like it matters who hits where and when among this collection of losers.

Game 3
POR: SS Walter – 3B Nunley – 1B H. Mendoza – C Denny – LF DeWeese – RF Jackson – 2B Hudman – CF Bareford – P Toner
OCT: CF Stevenson – 2B Farias – 1B Manfull – C Parks – LF Cisneros – 3B Ruggeri – SS Janes – RF Alston – P Bryant

The Raccoons had two hits in the first inning, but scored three runs, starting with Nunley getting a hit and Mendoza getting *hit*. Denny’s drive to center was caught by Stevenson for the second out before DeWeese walked, and when Jackson ran a 3-1 count with the bases loaded I was screaming for him to hold the **** still. He did and walked, pushing in the first run before Brock Hudman singled up the middle to plate two more. Bareford grounded out to Farias to end the inning. Stevenson and Farias made outs in the bottom 1st before Manfull and Parks both singled to right. Toner was 2-2 on Javy Cisneros before he conceded a drive to deep right that eluded Jackson and became a 2-out, 2-run double. So much for early offense, and a triple crown.

Toner drew a leadoff walk in the second, but was doubled up by Walter grounding to Farias, because some things are just in our DNA. The Raccoons did get a fourth run the next inning, but that came on a throwing error by Ron Alston, who was 39, made $3.6M this year, and had under 80 at-bats with his body basically telling him NO as soon as he bent down to tie his shoes. In the sixth, DeWeese led off with getting drilled real hard – it really seemed like nobody liked him on any team – before Jackson tried to get Jim Bryant to turn a double play, but Bryant’s throw to second on Jackson’s sorry 3-1 bouncer was wild and past Janes into centerfield. Two on, no outs, and also no hitting merits so far, with the shambles end of the lineup coming up, although Brock Hudman did hit another fast grounder up the middle and into center to plate DeWeese on the single, 5-2. Bareford popped out, Toner struck out, and Walter popped out after that. Speaking of Toner, when he walked Manfull with two outs in the bottom 6th, that was the Thunder’s first base runner since Cisneros’ dreadful double in the first inning. Parks struck out to leave him right where he was. Toner made it through eight innings for a change, but struck out less batters than he had innings pitched, with the two things maybe related. His spot was up at the start of the ninth inning against ex-Coon Pat Slayton, with Thomson fouling out in his spot. No Coon reached base in the inning, and Alex Ramirez got another 2-run lead to mess with. Be cautious, Alex! This is for Toner’s 20th W. If you make another mess on the floor, you’ll be wearing a diaper henceforth – OVER your uniform! Manfull struck out in a full count to get things moving. Parks grounded a 1-2 pitch to Mendoza for the second out, and he was the only Thunder to put the ball in play; Cisneros struck out to end the game. 5-3 Critters. Hudman 3-4, 3 RBI; Toner 8.0 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (20-4);

In other news

August 21 – TIJ SP Andrew Gudeman (11-8, 2.48 ERA), author of a no-hitter this season, is placed on the DL by the Condors with a torn rotator cuff. He is not only out for 2018, but might also miss the start of the 2019 campaign.
August 22 – In a tightly contested 1-0 game the Wolves suddenly blow the Stars away with nine runs in the bottom of the eighth inning, claiming a 10-0 victory.
August 26 – MIL OF/1B Chris LeMoine (.281, 24 HR, 85 RBI) has five hits in the Loggers’ 11-1 rout of the Knights, including a home run and a double, and drives in three.

Complaints and stuff

This was not a good week. There. I said it.

Finding offense becomes increasingly harder around these parts, with McKnight, Duarte, and Cookie all down by now. While Tadasu Abe would already be a tremendous gain off the DL to get rid of Damani Knight, it’s offense more than anything else we need. The team has dropped to seventh in runs scored again, and over the last 13 games they’ve barely managed more than 3.5 runs per game. For the whole month, it’s a flat 100 runs in 24 games. Still not great, but that was before Duarte and Cookie dropped off the ledge.

I don’t blame Andy Bareford, who seems to get every single at-bat with a brown stripe at the back of his pants that only gets bigger and bigger the longer the game goes, nah. I blame Mendoza. He is TERRIBLE. He is not terrible compared to his teammates, but he is TERRIBLE compared to his track record. He has only one full season worse than his current .838 OPS, which came in 2013, when he was 22 and hit .279/.323/.488 for an .811 OPS. His worst since then? .947 in ’15. Oh and of course his wretched half-season with the Coons in 2017 was also worse than that, but still strong at a .927 OPS.

Looking at the money, because that is what I am paid to do, Mendoza and DeWeese are owed another $27.365M combined. That’s a lot of money for not driving in runs and not hitting home runs like they oughta do.

With Toner’s pair of sub-par outings this week, he’s dropped a bit off the lead in the ERA race, which is now led by “Midnight” Martin, who had no struggles whatsoever in nixing the Coons on Wednesday. Again, this excludes Michael Foreman from consideration, who actually still leads the ERA race by 20 points, but won’t be able to qualify at the end of the season. Toner is only four points behind Martin, with IND Tristan Broun wedged in between. There is a good chance we see Tristan Broun next Sunday.

Matt Nunley made his 17th error this week, which gives him 17+ errors in four of his five full seasons. Yet, I’m not freaking out about it this time. The difference between Nunley and more or less every other error-prone third baseman we ever had is his great range and a real killer arm. He makes tons of plays that other third basemen never make. The advanced-stat eggheads give him ravenous zone ratings. With his range alone, they claim, he wins his team an additional game (more or less) every season. **** the odd additional error every other week. In fact, going back in time, the Raccoons’ only other significant third baseman with great range was Ben O’Morrissey way back in the 90s, and he also made up to 20 errors per season. Back then, I think, I didn’t really appreciate his range that much. But what I really did not appreciate was him being the first rat to jump off the 1997 ship.

Odd stat: Matt Nunley has played almost 6,000 defensive innings in the majors and never played a single inning anywhere but at the hot corner.

There have now been 544 Critters in franchise history. There has never been a Thomson before, but of course everybody still remembers Winston Thompson, who was picked up from the dump prior to the 1983 season and became the Coons’ everyday second baseman for half a decade.