[Westheim]

Raccoons (48-50) vs. Condors (50-49) – July 25-27, 2022

The Raccoons were on a roll … down a steep mountainside. As were the Condors, more or less. The Coons were 5-10 for their last 15 games, while the Condors were 2-6 for their last eight. One team had not had any dreams as the month had begun; the other team had had its dreams seen popped since the All Star break. Well, okay, the Condors were only 5 1/2 games out in the South, and the Falcons were a troubled bunch themselves, so maybe a walkover versus Portland was exactly what they needed. By now, these were the two lowest-scoring teams in the league, the Coons in 11th, and the Condors a whole bunch worse in 12th place. They were scoring a frigid 3.6 runs per game. There was hope to their pitching, with their rotation in fourth place, and their bullpen – recently enriched by Joel Davis – in second in the league, but that kind of putrid offense was hard to compensate. Their run differential was an unhealthy -42 (Coons: -2). The Critters held a 2-1 edge in the season series.

Projected matchups:
Bobby Guerrero (5-9, 3.84 ERA) vs. Rafael Cuenca (4-6, 3.26 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (4-2, 2.37 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (6-10, 4.48 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-1, 2.86 ERA) vs. Kevin Clayton (6-7, 3.69 ERA)

All starters were right-handed for them. On the DL they had their centerfielder, Matt Jamieson, plus two former Raccoons pitchers, Seung-mo Chun and Cole Pierson.

The Raccoons had begun the week with a roster change, dumping the horrendous Dwayne Metts for the previously horrendous Zach Graves, but that was the player material we had to work with right now.

Game 1
TIJ: 3B B. Rojas – 1B McNeal – C Sanford – LF Larios – RF Boggs – CF J. Gonzales – 2B B. Torres – SS J. Estrada – P Cuenca
POR: LF Carmona – C Rice – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – RF Graves – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – P Guerrero

Guerrero got picked apart with singles right away; Bob Rojas legged out an infield single, stole his 29th base of the season, and then scored on Pat Sanford’s single, the first of three consecutive Condors batters to single to left along with Omar Larios and Robby Boggs. For a change, Juan Gonzales singled to right, and the sad thing was that Guerrero was on two strikes against most of them and couldn’t retire any. Bobby Torres singled to center, scoring the Condors’ third run, before Juan Estrada popped to short and Cuenca struck out to strand three runners, finally. The Coons would draw two walks (Rice and Nunley) in the bottom of the first, but wouldn’t score, but unleashed some 2-out terror in the bottom of the third. Nunley walked again to start things, followed by straight 2-out singles by Rockwell, Graves, and Stevenson, the latter two each plating a runner to inch the team back to 3-2 before Stalker grounded out to Estrada. Little did we know then that not only was this the last run scored in the game – neither starter looked run-proof at this point – but that Bobby Guerrero would technically pitch a complete game… of five innings precisely. Rain broke as soon as the sixth inning got underway, with Guerrero already at 93 pitches. He threw two more in the inning to Gonzales, then lightning got into the mix. The game went to delay instantly, but the storm that had suddenly approached – the sun had been out as late as the fourth inning – would rage for hours. With the Condors ahead, the umpires called the game after two hours. 3-2 Condors. Nunley 0-1, 2 BB; Spencer 2-2;

Bright sides – we didn’t have to involve the bullpen in our misery.

Game 2
TIJ: SS B. Rojas – LF Larios – C Sanford – RF Boggs – 2B B. Torres – CF J. Gonzales – 1B Sauceda – 3B J. Estrada – P Menendez
POR: LF Carmona – C Rice – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – RF Graves – CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – 2B Spencer – P Gutierrez

The Condors scored again in the first inning, and again it involved Bob Rojas singling, stealing (#30), and finally scoring with Sanford batting, this time on a sac fly. The Condors would again pile up singles early, but couldn’t get more runs off Gutierrez despite five hits in the first three innings. Menendez was perfect the first time through the Critters’ order, but Cookie hit a leadoff double to left in the bottom of the fourth inning. Wouldn’t you know it, he was left on base. Rice grounded out, Nunley walked, Rockwell whiffed, and Graves rolled one over to Bobby Torres to end the inning. Probably even sadder from a neutral observer’s watch was the leadoff double that Menendez knocked to center in the fifth inning. Two strikeouts and after a walk to Sanford, Boggs’ pop to Nunley in foul ground had Menendez stranding right there at second base, four batters later.

The Coons had the bases loaded in the bottom of the inning. Walks to Stevenson and Bullock, a double steal, and an intentional walk to Jarod Spencer (how else would he ever walk?) pulled up Gutierrez with three on and nobody out. His grounder to first was instantly returned to home plate by Gabriel Sauceda, with Stevenson tagged out by Sanford. The bases remained loaded for Cookie, who flew out to Larios in shallow left, followed by Rice grounding out to Sauceda. Nobody scored. Ever. Gutierrez lasted seven good-ish innings, but still remained on the hook because the miserable lineup could not scrabble together a single run. They had two base hits off Menendez (and five walks) through seven innings. Cookie became the tying run to begin the bottom 8th, singling past Estrada into leftfield. Rice singled to center, and then Nunley hit into a double play and Rockwell struck out once more. Menendez came pretty close to a shutout, only running out of juice in the ninth inning after 116 pitches – those walks be damned! Jayden Reed struck out Bullock to end the game with nobody on base even. 1-0 Condors. Carmona 2-4, 2B; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 8 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, L (4-3);

I wonder, is Rico Gutierrez more glad that he reached the majors, or more sad that he did so with this lousy team of flat tires?

Game 3
TIJ: 3B B. Rojas – 1B McNeal – C Sanford – LF Larios – RF Boggs – CF J. Gonzales – 2B B. Torres – SS J. Estrada – P Clayton
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – C Rice – 3B Nunley – 1B Graves – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – P Huf

Omar Larios drove in the Condors’ customary first inning lead this time, plating Sanford, who had doubled past Alfaro, with a 2-out single. Maybe the Age of Omar had referred to Omar Larios? He was at least batting .275 with five dingers and 35 RBI! The Coons managed to tie the game this time, though, thanks to the proven recipe of Cookie Carmona singling, stealing (#24), scoring, here on a Stevenson single. Nunley would draw a walk, and in the third inning Rice and Nunley would be on base, both times with one out, for the sad couple of Graves and Alfaro, which promptly went a combined 0-for-4 to strand all the precious runners. Matt Huf had his own issues, arriving thrice at Clayton with two outs, twice with a man on base, and never retired him. Clayton singled every time, but nobody scored and Bob Rojas twice ended the inning.

Sanford went yard in the fifth, collecting Andy McNeal’s leadoff walk along the way, to give the Condors a 3-1 advantage. If the Condors would hold on to this, it would make Sanford the guy with the game-winning RBI’s in all three games in the set, which was special in its own way. The sixth inning was the instance mentioned earlier where Bob Rojas would not end the inning after Clayton’s 2-out single, and this was also the one where nobody was on base for Clayton to begin with. Huf would not retire any other batter, bleeding four straight 2-out hits from Clayton through to Sanford before being removed. Sugano struck out Larios to keep two on and the Condors’ lead to 5-1, although at this point five runs were enough to beat the Raccoons several times over. The Raccoons would surrender another run eventually, an unearned run with Joe Moore pitching in the ninth inning (more on that in a second) while their rancid lineup that amounted to four hits in the game would not manage to even nominally threaten the Condors’ impending sweep. 6-1 Condors. Stevenson 2-4, RBI; Sugano 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

At this point, the only batter not completely washed away by the Willamette is probably Cookie, who is still clawing on to his .330 average and actually ****ing gets on base from time to time. A bit of Rice, a bit of Nunley, but overall they are completely off the rolls.

The Raccoons had Thursday off and would make several roster changes.

First, Quinn MacCarthy was placed on the DL after not feeling much at all in his left arm – unfortunately his throwing arm – on Thursday morning. He had pitched the eighth inning on Wednesday. The Druid thinks he can be as good as new in two weeks. I think, MacCarthy’s “new” was never that splendid, but oh well. Furthermore, Ezequiel Olivares finally hit the dumpster. His throwing error had allowed the Condors to score on Wednesday after entering the game in a double switch, and batting .188 was one thing, but making ****ty throws on top of that was another entirely. He had no options and was placed on waivers.

The Raccoons promoted C Edwin Prieto, infrequent September guest of previous seasons and career .098 batter, as well as 23-year-old left-hander Billy Brotman, who had come over from the Blue Sox last July in the same trade that also brought us Tim Stalker. Brotman, who had a wicked curve and threw 92mph, still had some control issues, but oh well, who hasn’t…

Raccoons (48-53) vs. Knights (48-53) – July 29-31, 2022

The Knights were eight games out in the South, but as we had just seen this was a great time to be facing the Raccoons. Lots of free wins! They probably needed it, because the Raccoons had already clinched the season series, 5-1, against them. Ninth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, the Knights actually had a +22 run differential in a weird season in which nothing made sense anymore.

Projected matchups:
Ryan Nielson (4-3, 1.80 ERA) vs. Luis Flores (12-5, 1.64 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (0-1, 9.53 ERA) vs. Chris Chatfield (7-9, 3.58 ERA)
Bobby Guerrero (5-10, 3.90 ERA) vs. Jonathan Ryan (7-6, 3.42 ERA)

Those are a southpaw in the opener, then two right-handers. Flores and Chatfield both went in a double-header on Sunday, and the Knights had Thursday off, too. They could skip a pitcher here, but that would only get them to another right-hander with a mid-3 ERA, Leon Hernandez (7-7, 3.45 ERA), so why bother exactly?

Game 1
ATL: 2B Hibbard – LF Folk – C Luna – SS T. Jimenez – RF Fullerton – 1B Herlihy – 3B Avalos – CF Lyle – P L. Flores
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – 2B Spencer – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Prieto – P Nielson

Another game, another first-inning deficit. Nielson surrendered an initial run on singles by Devin Hibbard and Ruben Luna, then Tony Jimenez’ sac fly to pretty deep leftfield. On to the third – no, there is nothing to report about the Raccoons offense, and why are you even asking? – where for once Nunley did look not good on a Flores bouncer that got past him for a leadoff double. That run scored on successive groundouts by Hibbard and Brody Folk, getting the Knights ahead 2-0. Oh wait, there is some mild movement in the Raccoons dugout! Yeah, one of the Furballs just stretched its paws and yawned real hard!

On the actual field, Nunley hit a 2-out RBI double in the bottom 3rd, plating Stevenson after the centerfielder had walked. Rockwell grounded sharply, but right to Hibbard, ending the inning. Spencer hit a leadoff single in the bottom 4th, then stole his ninth base of the season, putting him third on the team behind Cookie (24) and Bullock (10). Alfaro walked onto the open base, which at least constituted no actual damage done to the team, and presented Tim Stalker, who could at times have a bit of power with the go-ahead run on base – and no outs. But Stalker was also batting .214 in RISP situations, and popped out in foul ground. Prieto popped out in fair territory, and Nielson was rung up by Flores. Remember kids, just because it moves, that doesn’t mean that is has to be alive…!

Top 5th, Nielson’s ERA suffered adjustment in a gruesome butchering. Jonathan Lyle and Devin Hibbard drew walks, which was bad enough. 1-out singles by Folk and Luna loaded the bases, then scored a run, 3-1, before Jimenez turned on a 1-2 pitch and rushed it for some 430 feet and a grand slam. With that, the Coons were down by six, in other words, ballgame until at least Sunday. Nielson surrendered another single to D.J. Fullerton before Billy Brotman made his major league debut in a rout against the left-handed bottom of the order. His first ever big league pitch was hammered right back at his head by Trent Herlihy, with Brotman just barely getting the leather up to protect his pretty face. Oh well, we’ll take outs any way we can! Tony Avalos then struck out. However, the Raccoons would not go down without scoring some accidental runs; in the bottom 5th, Cookie singled, stole, scored, then on a Rockwell single with two outs. The following inning the Raccoons also scratched Luis Flores with two outs. Prieto singled – watch Catholics flock to the park now, as clearly a miracle had occurred – followed by Daniel Bullock’s RBI triple, then Cookie’s RBI double. That got us back to 7-4 as Stevenson flew out. There, progress stalled. The eighth inning saw a rare spectacle, as Manobu Sugano and R.J. Lloyd combined for six batters faced and six strikeouts, but that didn’t help a trailing team. Neither did Noah Bricker surrendering three hits and two runs (aided by a passed ball charged to Prieto) in the ninth inning. Lloyd’s throwing error on Cookie’s grounder helped the Raccoons to score a run in the bottom 9th, but maths said that it was not going to be enough. 9-5 Knights. Carmona 2-5, 2B, RBI; Nunley 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Spencer 2-3; Bullock 2-2, 3B, RBI; Sugano 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

The Knights could have scored plenty more. Both of our centerfielders that were actually employed as such (so, not Cookie) saw action in the game, and both threw out a runner at home plate.

Sugano has surrendered one run in his last 19 outings dating back to June 13.

In between games, the Knights picked up SS/2B Piet Oosterom (.237, 0 HR, 15 RBI) from the Gold Sox and sent them right-hander Joe Medina (2-1, 2.43 ERA, 3 SV) and a prospect. The 30-year old Dutch Antillean Oosterom was the Gold Sox’ starting shortstop for the last nine years, but fell out of favor this year and had only 169 at-bats at the time of the trade.

Game 2
ATL: CF Lyle – SS T. Jimenez – C Luna – 1B Herlihy – 3B Avalos – RF Fullerton – 2B Hibbard – LF Folk – P Chatfield
POR: LF Carmona – C Rice – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – P Chavez

Somehow – no run scored in the top of the first! Oh my, amazing! The bottom 1st saw Cookie on base with a single until Nunley’s grounder forced him out. The Knights made two errors while Gil Rockwell – who somehow had fudged a 10-game hitting streak together – was batting. Rockwell hit a 2-0 pitch up the rightfield line, but foul. Fullerton lunged after the soft pop, caught it, but stumbled, and lost it. It was ruled an error, Rockwell went back into the box, then grounded to short, except instead of the final out the Knights got a throwing error by Jimenez and the Coons had two on and two outs. For Alfaro. Oh well. Chatfield lost him on balls, but Stevenson flew out to Fullerton to end the inning scorelessly after all.

Top 2nd, Trent Herlihy opened with a double to right center, and the Knights were on the corners after Tony Avalos’ single. Fullerton hit a soft fly to right, Alfaro came in and made some odd showoff swipe at the ball, dropping it for an error. It was about the easiest catch in the world – and the rookie bunked it. Then the rookie got bunked. Alfaro was removed from the game RIGHT THERE, replaced by Graves, and sent to St. Petersburg. Brody Folk would hit an RBI single after the first run had already scored on the rookie poser’s error, and Chavez was down 2-0 at that point, but struck out Lyle eventually to exit the inning. Stevenson batted with the bases loaded and two outs again in the bottom of the third inning, but grounded out to the pitcher, and the Critters were pretty much doomed at that point. Next, Jarod Spencer dropped a pop fly by Tony Avalos to begin the fourth inning, and I was breaking out the blunderbuss to shoot the next guy that would do something stupid right in the bum. Given the spread on this old battle stick, I would probably hit all infielders at once! Spencer and Stalker would turn a double play in the inning that erased the free runner, and in the bottom 4th Spencer and Cookie hit singles to get to the corners, but Rice grounded out, at which point the Raccoons trailed 2-0 and had stranded eight runners in four innings.

Chavez fought valiantly, though of course in a battle he could not win. He could however increase everybody’s suffering as he did in the sixth inning. Retiring the first two batters without much fuss, he went on to walk Herlihy in a full count, then proceeded to nick both Avalos AND Fullerton to load the bases for Devin Hibbard, a valid old warhorse with 118 homers and 784 RBI. Why needlessly load the bases for him? Hibbard was called out on strikes generously by the home plate umpire on a checked swing, without asking for confirmation from the third base umpire, and that was that. Chavez struck out the side in the seventh, then got three outs on five pitches in the eighth inning, in the bottom of which Nunley led off with a mighty drive to left, but nope, it was just not gonna – … the damn ball dropped into Brody Folk’s glove just short of the fence, and nobody reached base as Chris Chatfield logged eight shutout innings, retiring the last 13 batters he faced in order. Chavez pitched nine innings without allowing a man on base after the double-whammy into Avalos and Fullerton, but still was in for a loss, unless the Critters could somehow unhorse Harry Merwin with the bottom of their order. Chances were slim, and only Spencer reached on a weak 2-out single that escaped Jimenez by inches. Bullock batted for Chavez, but grounded out to Devin Hibbard. 2-0 Knights. Carmona 2-4; Spencer 3-4; Chavez 9.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 10 K, L (0-2);

That looks like a Saito/Brownie/Toner line there. Master Kisho especially I remember as the master of the well-pitched 2-1 loss. AND THIS ONE WASN’T EVEN A 2-1 LOSS!!

Alfaro banished, the Raccoons called up – ... what is it, Mena? What do you mean, Bullock can’t extend his elbow?

Must. Not. Scream.

Okay, the Raccoons made two roster moves prior to Sunday, banishing Showoff Alfaro, and disabling Daniel Bullock with a sore elbow. We called up Brian Perakis, a 25-year-old corner outfielder, batting right-handed, who had been our 2015 first-round pick and had developed into a terrible AAA player, but options were running low right now (plus he was on the 40-man roster anyway), as well as Guillermo Aponte, who –

What is it, Mena? – What do you mean, Aponte can’t be called up? – He has WHAT?? – In his…?

Oh well, let’s just call up … ehm… Maud! MAUD!! – I need help! – No, not with the computer. Do we have any players left in AAA?

The elaborate Dadaist painting that they were, the Raccoons had to pick between SS Jon McGrew, a 2019 fourth-round pick batting .262 with little power, or INF Dave Hendrickson, batting a hearty and also powerless .236 in AAA, who had come over along with Showoff Alfaro in the Matt Hamilton divestment last season. Well, .262 might translate into .188 at least in the Bigs, so promote McGrew for ****’s sake.

Yay, more debutees!!

Game 3
ATL: CF Lyle – SS T. Jimenez – C Luna – 1B Herlihy – 3B Avalos – RF Fullerton – 2B Hibbard – LF Folk – P L. Hernandez
POR: LF Carmona – C Rice – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – CF Stevenson – RF Graves – SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – P Guerrero

When Gil Rockwell rocked a leadoff jack in the second inning, the Raccoons held a lead for the first time all week long. The Knights’ response was not on the way for long; Hibbard hit a leadoff double in the third, and Folk belched a ball over the fence in left with little effort as it seemed, flipping the score Atlanta’s way, 2-1. That was all the runs the Knights got off Guerrero… who left WITH AN INJURY … in the fourth inning. Goddang, I sure hoped this was something serious, because he didn’t look in pain as he walked off the mound with the Druid, leisurely …! (polishes blunderbuss) As the Raccoons declared it a bullpen day to cover the remaining 5.2 innings in a loss, I had plenty of time to update my list of mortal enemies, with Ray Gilbert right on top, then the editor of the Agitator, and also Mr. Bimbo Millions of the Make-a-Demand Foundation for spoiled rich kids.

McGrew made his debut by the fifth inning, replacing Spencer (with Stalker shifting to the keystone) in a double switch. His first career plate appearance came leading off the bottom of the fifth inning, and he impressively popped out to first base. JUST LIKE THE BIG BOYS DO IT!! In all the blinding madness, this was still a close game, which one could easily forget. The Knights were up 2-1 in the seventh when Joe Moore snapped and walked the bases loaded with two outs. Noah Bricker appeared and struck out Tony Jimenez to escape the jam. Tim Stalker reached with a bloop single in the bottom 7th, but Romero, pinch-hitting for Bricker, bricked right into a bloody double play to advance the contest to the eighth, an inning that saw Billy Brotman walk a pair before Cory Dew dug him out… or maybe Cookie did it, hustling backwards to take Hibbard’s drive on the warning track to end the inning. Dew retired the Knights in the ninth as well, meaning it was a 1-run deficit and R.J. Lloyd facing the middle of the damn order in the bottom of the ninth. Lloyd’s ERA was 4.85, hinting at a better than 50% chance for an average team to pull out at least overtime. Lloyd struck out Nunley and Rockwell without wasting a pitch, and Hibbard caught Stevenson’s liner to right to seal yet another sweep over the Raccoons. 2-1 Knights. Sloan 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Word on Guerrero is an abdominal strain, so he’d also go to the DL for a few weeks. Do we have anybody left? No? Oh well.

In other news

July 26 – The Titans add MR Dustin Carlson (1-4, 3.40 ERA, 3 SV) from the Cyclones, sending them a pair of prospects in exchange for the 29-year-old left-hander.
July 27 – DEN SP Tommy Weintraub (8-4, 3.50 ERA) is out for the season with radial nerve compression, while his team mate INF Izzy Alvarez (.300, 11 HR, 63 RBI) lacks only the triple for the cycle in a 5-hit effort in the Gold Sox’ 9-6 win over the Cyclones. Alvarez drives in four runs with a home run, a double, and three singles.
July 27 – The Indians switch LF/CF Leo Otero (.276, 5 HR, 33 RBI) to the Miners in exchange for former Indian RF/1B Nick Gilmor (.364, 0 HR, 0 RBI in 11 AB), loads of cash to pay for him, and a second-rate prospect.
July 28 – The Crusaders send SP Cody Zimmerman (8-9, 2.92 ERA) to the Warriors in exchange for OF/1B/2B Ivan Flores (.232, 4 HR, 23 RBI) and a prospect. Flores, 32, had spent his entire 10-year major league career with the Warriors until this point.
July 29 – After only five starts for the Blue Sox after being acquired in a trade from the Raccoons, SP Frank Kelly (9-5, 3.07 ERA) tears his UCL and will require Tommy John surgery. The upcoming free agent could miss most, if not all, of next season.
July 30 – The Scorpions grab the Warriors’ SP Sam McMullen (11-6, 3.22 ERA), sending four prospects to Sioux Falls.
July 31 – LAP LF/CF Steve Hollingsworth (.323, 3 HR, 25 RBI) has a 20-game hitting streak after a single in the Pacifics’ 6-2 win over the Cyclones on Sunday. Hollingsworth, who was acquired in trade from the Thunder earlier, actually has played only 16 games with L.A. so far, starting the streak while still with Oklahoma City.
July 31 – The Falcons manage one hit by 3B Ryan Czachor (.203, 4 HR, 22 RBI) against Alan Farrell and Ron Thrasher, while the Titans slap ten hits, but still only score one run in 1-0 squeezer.

Complaints and stuff

(sings very loudly and wrongly) Freeeee faaaalliiiin’ …! (Slappy sways along on the couch, totally out of sync)

By my count we scored nine runs this week. Which is, y’know, impressive. Also, nine is the number of consecutive losses for this team. And we made it to last place in the power rankings, too!

Yeah right, what the Titans needed was another left-handed reliever – by the way, Ron Thrasher casually was Pitcher of the Month in the Continental League, going 3-0 with a 0.66 ERA and 9 SV. He struck out 16 in 13.2 innings and had a .091 batting average against. (shakes head) And the Agitator calls ME an idiot. Also, let’s light a candle for Frank Kelly, the poor sod, while being glad he netted us Matt Huf before falling to pieces. It’s a terrible year to be even remotely associated with the Raccoons. Slappy has that odd boil on his back … (Slappy nods) … and then there was this incident on Sunday, the park full of families, when Chad stumbled – stoned as ever – on the stairs and tumbled into a peanut vendor, who carried bags of peanuts on a plastic stick with lots of little hooks, and well, that stick lodged in the costume’s left eye. Imagine a 7’6’’ anthropomorphic raccoon with a stick and peanut bags hanging from his eye, wandering around confused and waving with all paws, and hundreds of kids crying in terror. That’s Portland in 2022 for you.

Daniel Bullock was apparently playing Frisbee with his recently rescued dog near the river on Saturday night when he stumbled and hit his elbow on the pavement. So that’s that – NO MORE PETS FOR PLAYERS ON THIS TEAM!

What else? How about some numbers…!

ABL CAREER CAUGHT STEALING LEADERS
1st – Pablo Sanchez – 221 – active
2nd – Martin Ortíz – 216
3rd – Danny Flores – 201 – active
4th – Ricardo Carmona – 190 – active
t-5th – Jeffery Brown – 163 – HOF
t-5th – Javier Rodriguez – 163
7th – Clement Clark – 161
8th – Daniel Silva – 159
9th – Dale Wales – 156 – HOF
t-10th – Moromao Hino – 155
t-10th – Cristo Ramirez – 155 – HOF

Sanchez is that .400 wonderkid the Scorpions have, but when on base he has no control over his legs or brain it seems. He has been caught stealing at least 20 times already six times in a single season, and he’s at 18 this year. He is only 28 years old! Cookie has been caught stealing 20 times in a single season four times, most recently in ’19. He is 25/31 this year, and also four bags away from tying for eighth place all time on that list.

Fun fact, Jonny Toner has been on the DL since June 14, but still leads the team in wins with seven. Nah, that was a cheap shot. How about…

Fun fact: Omar Alfaro is the first Raccoons player to have been born in the 2000s, hatching on August 23, 2000!

Also true: the last three players born in the 1950s to play for the Raccoons were Grant West, Daniel Hall, and Tetsu Osanai. Solid company!

Dang, Honeypaws, those were the times. Also, Daniel Hall would not ever have pulled such a boner move as Alfaro did on Saturday. Players in those olden days still had guts and brains and didn’t much worry about how often someone appreciated their post and fingered them up on Twatbook and that whole **** stuff. Honeypaws, I hate millennials. And I hate whatever is left on this godforsaken roster.

And most of all, where we’re going.