[Westheim]

Raccoons (4-2) vs. Condors (5-1) – April 14-16, 2031

Winning record go bye-bye? The Condors tied us for most runs scored in the Continental League after the initial week’s worth of games, but they had surrendered even more markers than we had, 32 to be precise, second-most in the CL. The damage had been split equally between the rotation and the bullpen, both having a 4.91 ERA on the way in. No, this still does not instill confidence in me, not the least little bit. We have lost the season series for three years in a row, dropping it 5-4 last season.

Projected matchups:
Tom Shumway (1-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. George Griffin (0-1, 11.25 ERA)
Dave Martinez (0-0, 3.00 ERA) vs. Jorge Villalobos (0-0, 3.60 ERA)
Ed Hague (0-0, 13.50 ERA) vs. Joe Perry (0-0, 5.40 ERA)

Perry would be the only one of their three southpaws we would be getting. The other two, Jeff Little and Ethan Jordan, were also the only starters to have won a game for Tijuana. During their stay in Portland, the Condors would announce a 7-yr, $24.72M extension to Little.

And STILL … I felt no confidence. On Monday morning I grumbled that this would be another three days’ worth of butt sex. Cristiano Carmona sighed deeply, mumbled something like “oh, I wish…”, then looked up, and quickly rolled out of the room.

Joe Vanatti was still not ready to return to the lineup on Monday…

Game 1
TIJ: C Zarate – SS O. Camacho – 3B Sanks – 1B McGrath – 2B C. Miller – CF C. Murphy – RF Camps – LF Sung – P Griffin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Nunley – LF Jamieson – 2B Hereford – 1B Howden – RF Wallace – CF Catella – C Tovias – P Shumway

Danny Zarate hit a leadoff single to right, but the Condors ran into a strike-em-out-throw-em-out right away with Omar Camacho batting, and Shumway made it the first time through the lineup facing the minimum amount of batters, but whiffing only one. He also attempted to get the offense going with a 1-out single to right in the bottom 3rd. Ramos walked, Nunley poked an 0-2 pitch to right for a single, and the sacks were full for Matt Jamieson, who struck out, and Rich Hereford, who grounded out to Chris Miller. Shumway’s command was much better than in his first start and he walked nobody through five innings, but also only whiffed three. The game remained scoreless into the sixth, where Juan Camps led off with a single up the middle. Yeong-ha Sung flew out to left, and Nunley handled Griffin’s bunt in sub-par fashion, throwing a bouncer to first that Howden couldn’t handle. The error was on Nunley, though, and after a Zarate single, the loss seemed on Shumway, given that Camps came around to score the game’s maiden run. That one was unearned, but the two Shumway surrendered in the seventh were not; Kevin McGrath (last week’s Player of the Week), Chris Miller, and PH Ken Kramer strung together 1-out singles, and even after Shumway was yanked for Ricky Ohl, the Condors added two more singles for five in a row; Camps and Sung both hit an RBI single to extend the lead to 3-0. The Raccoons would attempt a comeback in the eighth, with Matt Jamieson and Rich Hereford hitting 2-out singles to left-center. When the Condors sent lefty Steve Gowan against Howden, the Critters countered with Tim Stalker as pinch-hitter… but he popped out over the infield. Jimmy Wallace hit a leadoff single against Erik David in the bottom 9th, but never got a paw off first base while Catella, Tovias, and Leal made the last three outs. 3-0 Condors. Hereford 2-4;

Game 2
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – SS O. Camacho – 3B Sanks – 1B McGrath – 2B C. Miller – C Zarate – LF Camps – CF Sung – P Villalobos
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – LF Hereford – RF Wallace – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Leal – P Martinez

Dave Martinez was, mildly put, all over the place in the middle game. He allowed no hits, but walked three batters the first time through, then the second time through got bombed for a 2-out solo jack by the disgusting skunk weasel, Shane Sanks. While the rest of the team didn’t openly radiate potential to score a run in this game, or this week, or at any point at all down the road, Martinez struck out the 5-6-7 batters in the following inning, and rung up seven Condors in total through five, which was unusual for him, to say the least, and also exploded his pitch count in rapid fashion. He was over 90 through five innings; at least the Critters took him off the hook in the bottom 5th. Leal dropped a leadoff single, was bunted over, reached third on a Ramos single, and scored on Stalker’s sac fly to tie the score at one. A Nunley single and a Sanks error (hah-hah!! Sucker!!... boy, I’ll pay for that…) loaded the bases, and Jimmy Wallace shoved a single past Chris Miller to plate a pair, giving Portland a 3-1 lead! Vanatti grounded out, putting Martinez back on the mound against the meat of the Condors’ lineup. He got through the sixth inning, getting around a 2-out single by Miller, and would be done after 109 pitches.

Chris Wise held up in the seventh, but Ricky Ohl very much didn’t in the eighth. The inning started with a gross throwing error by Nunley, who put Camacho on second base, but even after that Ricky Ohl was horrendous, walked the skunk weasel, and allowed two base hits and a sac fly to not only blow the lead, but to fall 4-3 behind. The Raccoons had nothing to respond to this bullpen meltdown. 4-3 Condors. Ramos 2-5; Wallace 2-4, 2 RBI; Jamieson (PH) 1-1; Martinez 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 7 K;

Game 3
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – SS O. Camacho – 3B Sanks – 1B McGrath – 2B C. Miller – C Zarate – LF Palbes – CF Sung – P Perry
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Hereford – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Tovias – P Hague

Jimmy Wallace became the first Critter to 10 RBI this season with a 2-out, 2-run single in the bottom of the third inning, but the actual hero of the inning was… well, there were several. Chris Miller was not it; he fumbled a grounder to put Tovias on base to begin the inning while the game was still scoreless. Ed Hague, who had yet to explode, bunted the runner over, Ramos flew out, and Stalker got nailed for a nice welt, but stayed in the game. Rich Hereford singled to left to load the bases – Tovias was not going to score from second on most singles. This brought up Matt Jamieson with the bases loaded and he fired a ball into the gap for a 2-out, 2-run double! Combined with Wallace’s heroics, which actually got him to 11 RBI, the Critters had a 4-0 lead after three innings. …and then all the family pictures fell off the wall again. Hague served up a solo shot to Camacho in the top 4th, which, y’know, HAPPENS, never mind it was a real blast by a light-hitting shortstop, and then allowed Sanks on with a single, Miller with another single, the skunk weasel went to third, Joe Vanatti threw away the ball, and the runner scored, with Miller to second. Zarate hit a soft 2-out single to put runners on the corners, and Juan Palbes hit a liner to left that somehow found Jamieson’s mitten rather than that of an ugly kid in the 19th row out there, leaving Portland up 4-2…

Amazingly, after this inning that tasted about as well as the soles on some old pair of shoes, maybe one that Nunley has worn since he was a rookie, the bleeding stopped; the offense did nothing, either, but Hague handed the game right to Josh Boles after pitching into the eighth, but not out of it. It was okay though for Boles to inherit a 2-run lead with a guy on first (Camacho) and two outs – he hadn’t exactly overworked himself in the first week, throwing a grand total of one inning and blowing a save. He struck out the skunk weasel to end the eighth inning. The Raccoons would put Nunley and Tovias on base in the bottom 8th, but didn’t score. Top 9th, Miller hit a 1-out single, then was forced out on Camps’ grounder. Jorge Zamora pinch-hit for the left-handed Palbes to gain leverage with two outs, walked in a full count, and the switch-hitter Ken Kramer batted for Sung, but got rung up. 4-2 Coons. Jamieson 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-4, 2 RBI; Nunley (PH) 1-1; Hague 7.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 4 BB, 2 K, W (1-0);

Oh well at least we didn’t get swept. This team has yet to drop under .500!

Oh ****, the Titans are coming…

Raccoons (5-4) vs. Titans (7-2) – April 18-20, 2031

The Titans led the North with the most runs scored in the CL as well as the third-fewest runs allowed. They already had a +22 run differential. Their rotation had a 2.41 ERA that the Raccoons had to dent. This didn’t look good…. Last year, the Titans had won 11 of 18 games from the Critters.

Projected matchups:
Mark Roberts (1-1, 4.61 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (0-1, 7.20 ERA)
Tom Shumway (1-1, 1.42 ERA) vs. Eric Williams (0-0, 2.81 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (0-1, 7.36 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (1-0, 2.87 ERA)

Two southpaws to start this series, and I must say, all those left-handed starters don’t really gel well with our lineup… barring any changes, we will have seen as many righties as lefties at the end of the week.

We had discussed a full skip of Rico Gutierrez, who had gone right after Roberts the last time around, but decided against it; it was only the second week of the season, there would be more opportunity to humiliate the poor sod.

Game 1
BOS: LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – 1B Uliasz – RF Braun – 2B R. West – C Lessman – CF Reichardt – 3B Perkins – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Hereford – LF Jamieson – 3B Nunley – CF Vanatti – C Tovias – 1B Baldwin – P Roberts

Both teams had a player nailed early (David Lessman in the second, Tim Stalker even earlier), and had somebody else on, too, but didn’t proceed very smartly. Case in point, Matt Nunley drew a leadoff walk in the second, trotted to first, handed off his batting armor and gloves, pulled a pastrami sandwich from his back pocket, and was going to dive into the delicious snack when a slice of pickle dropped out of the side. Nunley squeaked, reached for the pickle in the dirt, stepped off the bags, and casually had the glove with the ball slapped on his back by Justin Uliasz for a pickoff. Nunley protested and showed the pickle to the umpire, who was not impressed and sent him to the dugout. Nobody scored through two innings.

…or the third, although the Titans came pretty close; Willie Vega singled to center, Keith Spataro doubled to left, Vega was sent around from first, but thrown out at home by Jamieson. There actually wouldn’t be another base runner for any team until the sixth, when Roberts hit Uliasz with an 0-2 pitch, but that runner also didn’t move off first base. Not that Roberts was *amazing* … he was perfectly okay, but there were a few deep flies that sounded worrisome of the bats for sure… Roberts was also the Critters’ very next baserunner, hitting a leadoff single in the bottom 6th. Characteristically, Ramos walked with the pitcher on first base, so we couldn’t play his speed. Gonzalez, a fourth-year player that had produced three losing seasons with the Blue Sox, allowed a single to Stalker, and now the sacks were full with nobody out, and the heart of the order was coming up! Hereford grounded to Rhett West, who axed down Roberts at home plate. Jamieson popped out. Nunley grounded out to Gonzalez. (bangs fists on the desk) ALRIGHT! Time for the first drink of the season!!

And it got worse. First for the Titans, who lost David Lessman to injury when he jammed his hand into second base on a leadoff double in the seventh, then for the Coons, who bled two runs when Roberts allowed singles to Adrian Reichardt – always the death of us! – and Justin Perkins right after that, and Jonathan Fleischer allowed a 2-out single to Keith Spataro. The Raccoons looked dead initially, but Ramos reached base in the bottom 8th, scurried to steal second base, and was singled in by Tim Stalker to make up half of a 2-0 deficit. The bottom of the ninth saw Jermaine Campbell facing the Coons. Joe Vanatti hit a 1-out single to center off the right-hander. Howden batted for Tovias, flew out, and Allan batted for Baldwin, exchanging a right-handed .091 batter for a left-handed .091 batter with two outs in the ninth. Where was Wallace? Already entrenched in the #9 hole, and to bring him up, Allan had stop sucking. He didn’t, Uliasz corralling his grounder to end the game. 2-1 Titans. Stalker 2-4, RBI; Roberts 6.2 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, L (1-2) and 1-2;

(holds onto a bottle for support) Y’know… we had 40 runs scored last week… we are – hcks!! – we are on pace for … *twelve* this week…

Despite a sore hand, Lessman was back behind the plate on Saturday. That’s A MAN!! … Where are my men? Where are they??

Game 2
BOS: LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – 1B Uliasz – RF Braun – 2B R. West – C Lessman – CF Reichardt – 3B Perkins – P E. Williams
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Hereford – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – 1B Howden – C Tovias – CF Baldwin – P Shumway

Nobody landed a base hit until Tovias and Ramos went to the corners with a pair of singles in the third inning. Tim Stalker would hit a fly to deep left with two outs, but couldn’t get it past Willie Vega. The Titans didn’t get a base knock until the fifth, but then immediately had three on with nobody out in a scoreless game. Tom Shumway walked Adam Braun to begin the inning, Rhett West singled, and Lessman found another walk off Shumway. Up at the plate in time to open some veins was Adrian Reichardt, the persistent coonskinner, and without a doubt he laced a double to center to bring in two runs. The next three batters made outs; Perkins popped out, and Williams and Vega both grounded out to Howden. The Titans still got a run, because Shumway expertly mixed in a wild pitch to fall behind 3-0…

Jarod Howden got Portland on the board in the bottom 5th, hitting a leadoff jack off Williams, which was good for him, because I kept forgetting that he was there at all… Shumway however logged only one more out, Uliasz popping out after Spataro’s leadoff single in the sixth. Then Braun singled, sending Spataro to third, Rhett West singled to plate a run after fouling off no fewer than five 1-2 pitches, and Lessman hit an RBI double on 1-0. The Raccoons, down 5-1, gave up, and sent Eddie Krumm, who immediately allowed a 2-run double to Reichardt, closing Tom Scumbag’s line at 5.1 innings and 7 earned runs. It was 7-2 after six, with Hereford bringing in Ramos after a single and stolen base for The Excitement, but Eddie Krumm was the gift that kept on giving and was taken deep by Uliasz for a 2-piece in the top 7th, then put on Braun and West, too. Hennessy replaced him, walked Lessman, but Reichardt – his job done – hit into a double play to keep it slightly civil at 9-2. A run did fall out of Hennessy in the eighth, where he put two on, was replaced by Wise, and with two outs a pinch-hit single by Manny Ferrer loaded them up, and Braun loaded with them loaded to push home a tenth Boston run. Portland got two unearned runs in the bottom 8th, Stalker and Jamieson hitting doubles while Ramos and Wallace reached on errors. Jamieson drove in both runs; neither of them mattered. 10-4 Titans. Ramos 2-5;

We still have a positive run differential. Look… plus six!

Who is pitching on Sunday?

Game 3
BOS: LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – 1B Uliasz – RF Braun – 2B R. West – C Lessman – CF Reichardt – 3B Perkins – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – LF Hereford – RF Wallace – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

Rico Gutierrez sucked anyway, but it sure didn’t help that Howden dropped a stupid simple pop by Spataro right in the first inning. Nothing bad happened in that inning, but COME ON, HOWDEN …!! TWO ****ING PAWS!! – Instead, Gutierrez got shredded in the second inning in the most stupid way possible. Adrian Reichardt hit a 1-out single, because, well… coonskinner. Perkins grounded out, but Adam Potter singled with two down, which was such a big no-no… and then Willie Vega buried a ball in the gap for a 2-run double. Rico nibbled on Spataro for a 2-2 count, then hung a forkball and Spataro brutalized it for a 2-run homer to dead center, 4-0.

Rico Gutierrez snuck through the next two innings somehow, then got at least some token support when Nunley reached base in the bottom 4th and Jimmy Wallace walloped a baseball over the fence in right for his team-leading fourth dinger of the season, cutting the gap to 4-2. Gutierrez then came to the plate with the tying runs aboard in the same inning; both Vanatti and Tovias had reached on errors by outfielders, and was not hit for even with two outs, because contrary to public belief our bullpen was not infinite. And while the Titans had that knack to make you instantly regret any and all life decision, small and big, and up to and including having been born in the first place, they did not turn Gutierrez inside out right in the following inning, but went down with only Braun reaching on a single. The Coons crept closer in the fifth, which Ramos led off with a double up the leftfield line, then was scored with two productive outs, Nunley getting the RBI on a sac fly to center.

Rico reached the seventh, allowed a leadoff single to Potter (…!), then at least got a pop out from Vega. That was his last batter, with only righties approaching now. He threw 101 pitches, most of them unimpressive. Chris Wise came on and conceded the run on Spataro and Braun singles, because why should we get good relief for once? It remained 5-3 into the bottom 9th, where the Coons would face Campbell again and cart up Wallace, the pitcher’s spot after Vanatti had been consumed by a double switch to get Wise to pitch in multiple innings, which didn’t happen, and then at least Howden. The lefties struck out against the righty pitcher, while Jamieson in between batted for Fleischer and lined out to Spataro on a 3-1 pitch. 5-3 Titans. Ramos 2-3, 2B;

In other news

April 15 – RIC OF/1B/2B Telma Mntua (.292, 0 HR, 3 RBI) is out for the season with a torn posterior cruciate ligament. The 21-year-old rookie from Brazil had been a pre-season favorite for Rookie of the Year honors in the Federal League.
April 18 – Knights SP Mario Rosas (3-0, 0.75 ERA) no-hits the Bayhawks in a 4-0 win for Atlanta. The 29-year-old southpaw allows three walks, but no base knocks in his triumph. This is the 60th no-hitter in ABL history and only the second for the Knights (Glenn Ryan, 1990)
April 20 – DEN CF/LF Abel Madsen (.408, 5 HR, 12 RBI) is going to miss a week with a mild hamstring strain.

Complaints and stuff

Alberto Ramos leads the majors in hitting and is second in steals (LAP Oscar Mendoza has nine), Jimmy Wallace is second in the CL with 13 RBI and ties for third in homers… and… and… boy, that’s it.

This was a very grim week, as can be guessed from our plunge into fifth place.

I feel like we will not wait until May to make some pitching changes. Probably bring back Nick Derks, and I don’t know what can be done about Rico Gutierrez besides calling Big Tony and arranging for an accident.

Next week: Elks, Falcons at home. After that, five of the next six series will be on the road.

Fun Fact: The last pitcher to no-hit the Bayhawks prior to Rosas on Friday was the Crusaders’ Jaylen “Midnight” Martin in April of 2017.

“Midnight” was CL Pitcher of the Year in 2014, which was his first full season in New York after a trade with the Condors. The Coons sure TRIED to get him, but couldn’t work out a trade at that time. His career overlapped considerably with both Brownie and Jonny Toner, and just like Brownie was a victim of pitching in the same league as f.e. Martin Garcia forever and never won, say, an ERA title (but did collect a Pitcher of the Year award), Martin was probably victimized by Jonny Toner, who burst onto the season right around ’14. That was Jonny’s first full season, and he immediately won an ERA title. Jonny would gobble up four POTY awards in the next six years, and by the time his star dimmed, Martin’s had already extinguished. He pitched to a mid-2 ERA most of the time up to his age 35 season in ’19, then posted a 4.79 mark in 2020 and was rendered unusable the following season, one of the fastest collapses the game had seen.

All in all, “Midnight” Martin won three rings, was an All Star six times, posted a 187-129 record with a 3.17 ERA and rung up 2,319 batters. He even made it to the Hall of Fame, mostly on the same “strong peak” argument that I expect will also win out for Toner, who had an even shorter *efficient* career. Martin was good for 11 seasons. Toner was good+ for nine, then was eaten up by injuries and hung on in odd roles for another half-decade after that.