[Westheim]

I came to the ballpark reasonably early on Monday, but got beaten to the reserved parking lot by a white customized van, extended and it seemed with a raised roof, that was just about to open a sorta-door on the left side. It looked like a medieval castle lowering its drawbridge. While I tried to get my battered 1997 Grand Am Coupe to lock, which didn’t always work, singing emanated from the van and before long the first of four pairs of dwarves (with saggy pants and caps and all) carrying a white throne mounted on top of two long white rods down the inside of the lowered door, upon which sat Nick Valdes. He told them to stop halfway, pointed angrily at me, and demanded I follow the procession.

Say… (touches throne) …is this ebony? – (is slapped on the fingers) Oww!

Raccoons (13-24) vs. Indians (20-16) – May 18-20, 2032

Monday was off for both teams, so everybody could cart up their best pitching (snorts) for the Tuesday opener. The Indians were seventh in runs scored and runs allowed in the CL, with a -5 run differential. Their rotation was solid with a 3.76 ERA, but they had serious grief with their pen, which was the second-worst in the CL. They were also missing regular Alex Zanches on the DL, but otherwise were really healthy right now. This was the first meeting between these two teams in ’32. The Coons had won the season series last time around, 10-8.

Projected matchups:
Tom Shumway (2-5, 6.80 ERA) vs. John McInerney (3-3, 3.74 ERA)
Jason Gurney (2-2, 4.96 ERA) vs. Sal Bedoya (1-2, 3.22 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (2-2, 3.24 ERA) vs. Mitch Brothers (0-2, 6.65 ERA)

McInerney would be the only southpaw to see here. The rookie Brothers, a supplemental round pick by the damn Elks in 2027 and landing in Indianapolis in the Chris Sinkhorn trade in ’28, was employed as a swingman and had six appearances, three starts, to his name.

Game 1
IND: 2B Schneller – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – SS Herman – 3B E. Sosa – LF J. Correa – 1B Regan – P McInerney
POR: SS Ramos – LF Hall – 3B Perkins – RF Rodriguez – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – CF Braun – C James – P Shumway

Tom Scumbag was ready to get romped, allowing nothing but rockets in the first inning, resulting in a Juan Herrera double and a Mike Plunkett homer as well as a 2-0 deficit, while the Indians faced a Juan Herrera deficit when their primary backstop had pulled something on the bases. Edgar Paiz replaced him. Elias Sosa and Jon Correa hit singles in the second, Greg Regan hit another monstrous bomb, and it was 5-0 by the second. John Baron hit a shot to begin the third, 6-0, and that was as much of the Scumbag as we could stomach in this game. Juan Barzaga replaced him, allowed a single to Elias Sosa, who wound up on second base on a grounder, then scored when Barzaga fired Regan’s 2-out roller through Travis Zitzner’s legs, making it a 7-0 rout with the Critters yet having to get on base. At least Nick Valdes was foaming and demanding sweeping changes, right now! Ramos would lead off with a single in the fourth, Hall lined to left where Correa came reaching a-slide, touched the ball with the very edge of the glove, but couldn’t contain it, and Hall had a single. Justin Perkins’ RBI double, Wilson Rodriguez’ RBI single, and Zitzner’s groundout all moved a Critter across home plate, which would count as inspiring most of the time, but even then they were still behind by four runs… and it was five after the top 5th, Correa doubling home Nick Herman against Barzaga, who walked three and allowed as many hits in three innings, but that counted as genuine progress around these parts…

And yet, McInerney wouldn’t win the game, despite being spotted eight runs by his fellow Arrowheads. Giovanni James opened the bottom 5th with a single. Pinkerton came on to hit for Barzaga and walked. Berto dropped a double next to John Baron to plate James, 8-4, and Nate Hall planted a ball into leftfield to score a pair. That got the tying run to the plate, McInerney into the showers, and right-hander Tim Thweatt onto the mound. Perkins hit his first pitch for a single, putting them on the corners for the still-hot Rodriguez, who grounded to the left side. Sosa cut it off, looked to second, decided against it, then had to throw to first, and did so badly – everybody was safe on the error and Hall scored, 8-7. Here the Coons made the fatal mistake, hit for Zitzner with their other first baseman, and that sucker grounded into a double play. Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, had struck again. Also striking: Tim Stalker; his 2-out single scored Perkins, and that one tied the game anyway. The inning ended with Braun, like all innings did, and a grounder to short.

The Coons still had to make do with ****ty pitching, however, and sent Matt Stonecipher against the top of the order in the sixth. He walked Dan Schneller, which shocked nobody, but the Indians didn’t get to him. Paiz bunted successfully, but Plunkett and Baron struck out. Bottom 7th, Thweatt began with a walk to Perkins. Rodriguez singled. Howden hit another screamer – in this case meaning that his GM screamed at the prospect of another two red bobs lighting up on the scoreboard – but the Indians couldn’t turn it and Coons remained on the corners for Tim Stalker, who hit another RBI single, this time to go ahead! Southpaw Juan Melendrez replaced the battered Thweatt at this point, with the Coons sending Marsingill to hit for Hennessy in the dire hole vacated by Adam Braun earlier. Marsingill, batting all of .184, was one of those erasure candidates on the roster as we were looking at the bleak prospect of having to add yet more relievers. He hit a 2-2 pitch into the gap for a 2-run double, which got him back to .200, the Critters into double digits, and was also the point where the small Indians contingent that had traveled here and occupied a section where they could heckle rightfielder Wilson Rodriguez, finally shut up in an 11-8 Coons game. James walked, Wallace hit into a fielder’s choice, and Ramos grounded out to short, but we were now in a position to employ the good(?) end of the bullpen, which resulted in three hits and a run, plated by Edgar Paiz, off Jared Stone in the eighth. Come the ninth, come Chris Wise. He struck out Alberto Velez, longtime Logger, then walked Sosa. Here was another longtime Logger then, Brad Gore. Grounder to Stalker, to second, for first – ballgame! 11-9 Furballs! Ramos 2-5, 2B, RBI; Hall 2-5, 2 RBI; Perkins 3-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Rodriguez 2-5, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-4, 2 RBI; Marsingill (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Wallace (PH) 1-2;

(slaps Nick Valdes on the back) Hah?? How’s that for a win??

(Valdes glares)

What to do with Shumway though? Most bodies drifting in the Willamette are recovered and they usually find out who they are…

Interlude: waiver claim

On Wednesday, the Raccoons were awarded the contract of left-hander Steve Russell (2-0, 1.93 ERA), who had been waived by the Bayhawks. The 26-year-old Russell threw a 94mph fastball, curve and nifty slider and often kept stuff at ground level. His control was wonky. The Bayhawks had used him on and off for the last four years, always in relief, but he had been a starter in the minors. We’d try to work him into the fabric somehow.

To make room on the roster, Matt Stonecipher was waived and designated for assignment.

Raccoons (13-24) vs. Indians (20-16) – May 18-20, 2032

Game 2
IND: 2B Schneller – C Paiz – RF Plunkett – CF Baron – LF D. Brown – SS Herman – 3B E. Sosa – 1B J. Correa – P Bedoya
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hall – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Howden – 2B Stalker – C James – P Gurney

Bedoya was another pitcher that remained perfect the first time through, while Jason Gurney had been in a jam in the first inning, allowing a single to Paiz and plunking Plunkett, but had bailed out on a John Baron double play. He was less lucky in the third, when Bedoya (…), Schneller, and Paiz reeled off straight 1-out singles to score a run, and then Plunkett smacked into the double play to end the frame. Indy tacked on a run in the fourth on a leadoff walk to Baron and a Nick Herman double. That was the end for Gurney on account of a 70-minute rain delay in the bottom 4th. Bedoya would keep pitching, picking it up just after a 1-out walk issued to Nate Hall before the weather had turned sour, but couldn’t fool anybody anymore. Perkins singled, Wallace hit an RBI double, Rodriguez plated a pair with a single that flipped the score, 3-2, and gave Wilson the team RBI lead (!). For whatever reason, the Indians walked Howden intentionally. Stalker walked unintentionally, somehow they still had no reliever ready, and Bedoya walked in a run on four straight balls to Giovanni James, 4-2. It took another bases-loaded walk to Adam Braun (yeah, we sure were tempting fate) in the #9 hole to get the pen involved. Ramos drew another bases-loaded walk, before Nate Hall swatted an RBI single to right off right-hander Matt Francis. Perkins raked a 2-run double – the last of *11* straight Raccoons to reach base. Wallace popped out, Rodriguez lined out to Sosa, and now the pen had to get 15 outs with a 9-2 lead while I kept grinning at Nick Valdes, who was watching the game from his throne, carried by the eight dwarves, inside my office, and Valdes glared back at me, then clicked his fingers to get one of the dwarves to kick me in the shin, which hurt, but not worse than the Indians had to be hurting…

Bottom 5th, Howden led off with a jack, 10-2, which was not uncommon for the unclutchiest Raccoons ever. With one out, James singled off Francis, Anaya bunted, because we needed long relief once more, Paiz took it to second, late, and the Coons had two on; three after Ramos walked. Francis nailed Hall to force in a run, Perkins flew out to Plunkett in right, but Anaya was not let go by the third base coach. Jimmy Wallace ran a full count with two outs before burying a ball in the gap. Anaya across, Ramos across, Hall across, 14-2! Anaya lasted two wonky but scoreless innings, while Portland added a run in the bottom 6th on a bases-loaded groundout by Ramos against Jose Fuentes, 15-2. Pinkerton hit for Anaya in that inning, and now the cocky Coons sent him back to the mound with his 18 ERA, which improved when he gave up only one run in the seventh, which saw him walk Jon Correa on four pitches, an Alberto Velez RBI single, another plunk into Plunkett, and yet somehow no annihilation. Tim Thweatt was annihilated with a 2-run homer by Howden, plating Wallace, in the bottom 7th. Pinkerton got the Coons five outs before walking a pair in the eighth and was replaced after 43 pitches, all awful, but somehow effective. Perkins doubled in a run off Dan McLin in the bottom 8th, Plunkett homered off David Fernandez in the ninth, none of it really mattered. 18-4 Raccoons!!! Perkins 3-6, 2 2B, 3 RBI; Wallace 3-6, 3 2B, 4 RBI; Howden 2-4, BB, 2 HR, 3 RBI; Braun (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; Zitzner 1-1;

My grin was very obnoxious.

Valdes’ wasn’t. He had to leave, though. The dwarves carried him back to the van, singing, after the game, so he could attend an event he was organizing in northern England on Thursday – the second annual Lancashire Papist Hunt.

Meanwhile the Indians traded for Boston’s Dustin Acor (.281, 3 HR, 24 RBI), parting with Todd Johnson (.200, 1 HR, 2 RBI) and a prospect.

Game 3
IND: 2B Schneller – C Paiz – 1B Regan – RF Plunkett – LF Quintana – CF Acor – 3B E. Sosa – SS A. Velez – P Brothers
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hall – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Howden – 2B Stalker – C James – P del Rio

For a change, the Critters scored first on Tim Stalker’s 2-out RBI single in the bottom of the second inning, although that came after more Howden annoyances with a double play after Wallace and Rodriguez had reached base to begin the frame. Ignacio suffered from ill control, walking Alfredo Quintana to begin the second, but getting out on Sosa’s double play. He also fell to 3-1 against Velez to begin the third, but the former Logger popped out. Bottom 4th, Howden again came up with the 4-5 hitters on base and this one out. Both had hit singles to right. Mitch Brothers had no recipe to actually fool anybody (he had only one strikeout in the game) and I wouldn’t advise Howden to hit into another double play because the arrangement with the first base platoon was not something I was very found of. Not that Zitzner was any better… Brothers took something off the 2-1 pitch, which allowed Howden to get a good long look before *unloading* into the leftfield stands for a 3-run homer, racing the score to 4-0 on his seventh bomb of the season, and the third in this series.

Indy pulled two back against del Rio, who failed to get the crucial strike three either here or there, and conceded the fifth-inning pair on a gap double by Elias Sosa (Wallace’s modest range didn’t help on that one), and Velez and Schneller RBI singles, the latter two both up the middle and with a good bunt in between. The Raccoons would have an answer in the bottom 6th. Perkins led off with a single, and then Jimmy Wallace bopped Brothers from the game with a 355-footer over the 342-foot marker in rightfield. Sosa hit another double off del Rio in the seventh, this time over the head of Hall, but Velez popped out this time around and the runner was stranded. Del Rio made it into the eighth inning where Schneller flew out to center before Paiz took him deep to left, narrowing the score to 6-3. With left-handed bats drawing up and del Rio on 93 pitches, we called it a day on the rookie. Garavito entered, got two outs on four pitches, the Coons got two men on against different relievers in the bottom 8th before Juan Melendrez was sent to match Giovanni James with two outs. We said no, sent Adam Braun to pinch-hit, but Braun struck out against the southpaw, which meant Chris Wise had a save opportunity in the ninth inning against the 5-6-7 batters. After Quintana’s groundout to first, Acor laced a double past Nate Hall (now in left with Wallace removed for D and Braun in center), Sosa singled him in, and that made PH Brad Gore the tying run. Wise would not be defeated by him! He nailed him instead, bringing Dan Brown up as pinch-hitter. The selectively used veteran .305 hitter grounded out, moving the tying runs into scoring position for Schneller (.285 with 3 HR) and two down. Wise continued to leak and take on water at the same time, with Schneller cracking the 1-1 pitch to leftfield. Sosa in to score, Gore sent around, Hall unleashing a throw to the plate, Wool throwing himself into the runner, and Gore would be – OUT!! 6-5 Furballs! Wallace 3-4, HR, 2 RBI; Rodriguez 3-4; Zitzner (PH) 1-1; del Rio 7.1 IP, 7 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-2);

At this point we had two .300 hitters and Berto was neither of them. A monthlong slump (.211/.294/.250 since April 30!) dumped him to .299. Instead, Wilson Rodriguez poked his nose over .300, but didn’t qualify for a lack of plate appearances. He was exactly 25 PA short of making it, and extending him with as many outs made him a mere .242 hitter. And yet, he ranked second on the team with 26 RBI and third with a .790 OPS (regardless of whether guys qualified or not).

Raccoons (16-24) vs. Thunder (17-24) – May 21-23, 2032

The Thunder had been swept in their midweek series, which brought these two teams so close together. They had the third-highest run total in the Continental League, but sat third from the bottom in runs allowed, which was still two spots better than the Critters (and eight spots in the former category…) This was our first meeting this year. Portland had taken the season series convincingly in ’31, taking seven of the nine games.

Projected matchups:
Steve Russell (2-0, 1.93 ERA) vs. Andy Jimenes (3-4, 3.88 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (2-4, 5.58 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (2-1, 3.99 ERA)
Tom Shumway (2-5, 7.71 ERA) vs. Paul Metzler (1-6, 4.86 ERA)

Only righties here; and those starters looked sort of decent enough, but the Thunder pen was covered in their own feces and swarms of flies. Their bullpen had an ERA of *6.86* coming in.

Get to that bullpen, boys!

Game 1
OCT: CF Olszewski – LF Dunlap – C Burgess – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Serrato – SS Ryu – RF Celaya – 3B T. Fuentes – P Jimenes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Howden – CF Braun – C Wool – 2B Marsingill – P Russell

Russell entered the game with a 1.93 ERA and left it with a 5.52 ERA and Andy Jimenes on first base and down 6-0 in the first inning, which was just how things are going around here. Drew Olszewski, Tom Dunlap, and Mike Burgess all hit singles to start the game. Danny Cruz fanned, Alex Serrato hit a single, Hiroaki Ryu got nailed, Lorenzo Celaya struck out, Tony Fuentes doubled in two, and Russell moved a run across with a wild pitch before Jimenes’ RBI single. Everything hit was hit hard and he was burned to the ground in precisely 15 minutes, and I wondered aloud whether the Bayhawks would take him back now.

Singles by Ramos and Perkins as well as a Rodriguez walk loaded the bases in the bottom 3rd with one out. A grounder to short unleashed by Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, spelled trouble, yet it did so for the Thunder when Serrato dropped Ryu’s feed and all paws were safe, with Portland getting their first run. Instead, ****ing Adam Braun hit into a double play… Oh **** it, Slappy, wake me up when it’s over … (fixes a mask attached to a plastic tube over mouth and nose and opens the valve on the cylinder labelled “CO” that the tube connects to) … and the dismal **** parade was far from over. The Raccoons got three innings for one run from John Hennessy, then sent Juan Barzaga, who logged six outs for as many runs, all in the sixth inning, and left with two on and two outs, battered and smashed, for Jared Stone, who went 3-2 on Danny Cruz before surrendering a bomb. At that time, if you were brave enough to count, it was 16-1 Thunder, after which Serrato reached base and had the audacity to steal second base. The Coons reacted by very intentionally having Stone drill Ryu. Celaya grounded out, but at least we got some bad blood going now. Come the seventh, Garavito allowed a single to Tony Fuentes, walked Dunlap, and gave up a 3-piece to Burgess. Rodriguez doubled home Perkins in the bottom of the inning, which was so cute it almost made me vomit. Anaya got slapped for a run in the eighth, but besides me there was nobody left to boo the suckers at that point… 20-2 Thunder. Perkins 2-5; Rodriguez 3-3, BB, 2B, RBI;

Responsible for 2.2 innings and 14 runs, Steve Russell (5.52 ERA) and Juan Barzaga (12.86 ERA) were waived and designated for assignment the same night (this was with Matt Stonecipher still on waivers…), and direly needed fresh pitching had to be called in. The Coons brought back Rabbitt and Fleischer, not that either one deserved it…

Game 2
OCT: CF Olszewski – LF Dunlap – C Burgess – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Serrato – SS Ryu – RF Sagredo – 3B T. Fuentes – P M. Morrison
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – C James – CF Braun – P Gutierrez

Saturday morning we were doing the sort of calculation that if Rico Gutierrez somehow lasted five and could allow no more than five runs, we might somehow be fine and actually show up on Sunday. Winning be damned – just get through nine somehow. Gutierrez got through the first unharmed, and Berto led off the bottom 1st with a triple to right, then was stranded on two pops and a strikeout. Travis Zitzner was less unfortunate with his leadoff double in the bottom 2nd. James singled him home, Braun dropped in a blooper, and while our grave of many millions struck out bunting, Ramos dropped in a 2-out RBI single anyway, then was thrown out at home plate on Perkins’ RBI double, that nevertheless put Portland up 3-0. Stalker doubled home Rodriguez to add another run in the bottom 3rd. That also meant that Gutierrez really had to get going now to blow this one up, since so far the Thunder had only two base hits. They got two more in the fourth inning, but Cruz and Sagredo were stranded when Tony Fuentes rolled over to short, and their fifth consisted mostly of pop outs over the infield, keeping Gutierrez on a 4-hitter with 63 pitches through five innings.

Instead, Morrison was sent to bed in the bottom 5th. Perkins reached base to begin the inning, but was forced out by Wallace’s grounder to short. Rodriguez grounded out, moving up the runner, and the Thunder walked Zitzner intentionally for reasons only known to them. Stalker walked, filling them up for James, who ticked a 2-2 pitch into shallow center to plate two runs and extend the lead to 6-0. Mike Baker replaced Morrison, Braun flew out on an 0-2 pitch to keep as close to .150 as possible, and the inning ended. Gutierrez held up through six, then got jumped for three doubles and two runs in the seventh inning by Sagredo, Fuentes and Olszewski… all left-handed batters by the way, while a right-handed batter, Burgess, opened the eighth with a double off a right-handed pitcher, Fleischer. That run came around on productive outs, getting the Thunder into save range, but with Braun aboard and two outs in the bottom 8th Sagredo overran a Ramos single for a crucial extra base, and Justin Perkins pounced and singled in the runners to take the save off again. The Thunder sent a new pitcher to get that last out in the eighth, Leon Hernandez, a former starting pitcher. He walked Wallace, nicked Rodriguez, the Coons sent Howden to bat for Zitzner for the platoon edge, and Hernandez lost him in a full count. Stalker flew out to Sagredo. Rabbitt retired the bottom of the order without another implosion in the ninth, and the Critters levelled the series. 9-3 Coons. Ramos 3-5, 3B, RBI; Perkins 4-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Rodriguez 2-4; Howden (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI; James 2-4, 3 RBI; Braun 2-4; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 1 K, W (3-4);

Game 3
OCT: RF Sagredo – LF Dunlap – 1B D. Cruz – 2B Serrato – SS Ryu – CF Vanatti – C Asay – 3B T. Fuentes – P Metzler
POR: SS Ramos – CF Hall – LF Wallace – RF Rodriguez – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – C James – 3B Marsingill – P Shumway

There was no Plan B for if Shumway got routed in the early innings yet again. There wasn’t even a Plan A. With his contract and seniority, he had nowhere to go but continue to rot on the roster. The same that had been true for Gutierrez in the previous game was true here. Five innings and four or five runs we’d already see as progress…

Dunlap walked in the first and got doubled off. Serrato walked in the second and got doubled off. Joe Vanatti was already batting all of .095 and popped out to end the second. The Coons got Rodriguez on base to begin the bottom 2nd thanks to Ryu’s error, then loaded them up with a Stalker single and James walking with one out, only to have Marsingill and Shumway both strike out. Top 3rd, leadoff walk to Jason Asay. Fuentes singled, Metzler swung away … and singled… there was nothing but bloody murder left to deal with Tom ****ing Scumbag. Sagredo ran a full count and walked, forcing in the first run of the game, and there were still three on and no outs. Dunlap singled in a run on an 0-2 pitch. Danny Cruz doubled in two, on another 0-2 pitch, putting Shumway’s ****ing ERA over eight. Serrato lined out to shallow right, Ryu hit an RBI single, Vanatti walked, and Shumway was led off the mound and to the nearest dumpster. Victor Anaya got to pitch in another third inning, ran a 1-2 count on Asay, then gave up a slam.

While I stared blankly into space after seeing the team cough up a second 9-spot in the same series, Rodriguez drove in Ramos in the bottom of the inning. Danny Cruz hit a solo jack off Anaya (like, did anyone care at this point?) in the fourth, and Zitzner drove in Wallace and Rodriguez in the fifth, making it 10-3, which was not particularly close and once again all we were concerned about anymore was somehow getting our fill of 27 outs. Anaya got eleven (or one more than the Scumbag) for two runs (or six less than the Scumbag). After that it was Rabbitt in back-to-back games, and Preston Pinkerton was also seen in the bullpen. Rabbitt, one of those absolutely atrocious roster fillers without skill or likable personality, AND a stupid name, gave up two hits, two wild pitches, and two runs in the seventh. Rabbitt gave up a leadoff single to Asay in the eighth, then was yanked for Fernandez, who struck out two before giving up a homer to Sagredo, at which point the scoreboard flashed and went dark with a some midsize sparkling going on behind it – a fitting reaction to what had gone about at the ballpark this week. And now? Counting on your hands didn’t really work for a lack of digits! But it was 14-3 when Preston Pinkerton came out to pitch garbage relief again in the truest sense of the word. Cruz leadoff single. Serrato walked. Ryu singled. Cruz scored on a wild pitch before Vanatti singled in Serrato, with Ryu thrown out at home plate. Vanatti reached second on the throw, then scored on a 2-base throwing error by Marsingill. Tony Fuentes ****ing STRUCK OUT against Pinkerton, and Celaya grounded out to Stalker. Pinkerton then got to bat in the bottom 9th, singled, and was doubled up by Ramos. 17-3 Thunder. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Wallace 2-4; Rodriguez 2-4, 2B, RBI; James 1-2, 2 BB;

In other news

May 21 – MIL SP Alfredo Casique (6-2, 3.41 ERA) 1-hits the Falcons in a 6-0 Milwaukee win. CHA SS Dave Coughenour (.290, 0 HR, 11 RBI) hits a seventh-inning single to break up the no-hitter.
May 21 – SAC 2B Mario Duenez (.313, 1 HR, 4 RBI) hits a walkoff slam off CIN MR Cory Dew (0-1, 27.00 ERA) to give the Scorpions a 13-9 walkoff win in 11 innings. Cincy had originally broken an 8-8 tie with one run in the top of the 11th, but gave away that and another four in the bottom of the frame.
May 23 – The Warriors’ C Mike Thompson (.323, 4 HR, 21 RBI) hits for a natural cycle in a 6-5 extra-inning win over the Miners. Thompson crowns his day with the game-winning home run off PIT CL Ricky Ohl (2-5, 5.87 ERA, 11 SV). This is the 82nd cycle in ABL history and the first natural cycle since Richmond’s Danny Flores achieved the feat in 2014.
May 23 – IND C Juan Herrera (.288, 4 HR, 11 RBI) was going to miss three months with a torn hamstring.

Complaints and stuff

Justin Perkins was the Player of the Week in the CL, batting .542 (13-for-24) with no dingers and 7 RBI! Well. That’s it for the good news.

To recap, this was a 6-game week in which the Critters and the opposition pooled together for the modest total 106 runs, or almost 18 runs per game. Of these, we actually allowed 57 runs, but some lost only two games. Now, nobody around here will agree with me that this is some absurd, perverted form of progress……

You know your offense has been drab for a substantial amount of time when even a 35-run outburst like we had against Indy this week doesn’t move your team further up the ladder than 11th, then with 167 runs (4.2 R/G). Right now? 10th with 181 runs. And, well, a -82 run differential.

Our transaction log is *wild*. We have already used 21 pitchers this season. The 2009 Coons used only 20 pitchers the entire season, and they had to deal with Cássio Boda (5-3, 4.35 ERA) as their biggest … you know, if Cássio Boda was our biggest problem right now, that would be swell. That was a pitching staff that was worth +20 WAR. Ours right now?

-0.1 WAR.

Well, what do we have just after the first quarter post? Wallace is .315 with three homers. .315 is fine. I would have hoped for more power. Wilson Rodriguez is now a .340 batter. I wonder where he will end up. He sure looks like a candidate for a broken knee in the near future.

Next week we will get roflstomped by the Knights and Condors.

Fun Fact: Raccoons catchers have a 12.5% success rate at stopping opposing base stealers.

That on top of everything else. And they are both equally ****. Wool is 2-for-15. James is 3-for-25. Their career success rates are well in the 30s.

My blood pressure, however… - Mena, are you done with the manometer thing there? – Oh, down into the 240s now? Great. Great.

Is anybody else slightly dizzy?