[Westheim]

Raccoons (50-74) vs. Crusaders (59-65) – August 23-25, 2032

A mere 18 games out, the Crusaders had long buried any hope on being relevant for the time being, although for them it hadn’t bloody quite happened in April. They sat eighth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed, with a +9 run differential that was nothing to write home about, but they were due a few wins, so I guess it was fitting they came here. They were looking for a season series win; last year somehow the Coons had nailed that one down, but New York was up 7-5 at the current time.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (6-9, 6.09 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (8-7, 3.05 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (7-12, 4.99 ERA) vs. Carlos Marron (4-4, 3.81 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-4, 3.73 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-11, 3.65 ERA)

One southpaw to contend with in this series, and that one would come on Wednesday. Not that it mattered, whether the guy threw with the left hand, the right hand, or by swinging a kangaroo with a ball wedged in its pouch – the Raccoons were playing .400 against anybody.

Game 1
NYC: SS Obando – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Elder – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P Rutkowski
POR: LF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – 2B Marsingill – C James – P Gurney

While usually the question was how in hell Jason Gurney could pitch like that and still have won six games on the season, this time we were left to wonder whether he might actually pull off a decent start. Well, he walked four the first two times through the order, but only allowed a lone single and no damage through four, which was also something that was true for his opponent Rutkowski, who was twirling a casual no-hitter at that point. But Gurney walked Zachary Ryder to begin the top of the fifth, the runner was bunted over by Rutkowski, and Guillermo Obando’s well-placed single allowed Ryder to come home. Obando moved to second on Wallace’s throw, stole third base in play in which Giovanni James once more pleaded no-contest, and then came in on Mario Hurtado’s grounder to Justin Marsingill, putting Portland in a 2-0 hole. Gurney would last six, allowing another leadoff walk to Tony Coca in his final inning, although Matt Dear doubled up Coca to help him through. That was all – merely 105 pitches for six innings of 2-hit ball. Something sounded off there, and it had been with Gurney all the ****ing year long.

Then it came – the Critters’ big chance! James had taken off the no-hitter with a 2-out single in the fifth, nothing came of which, but Pinkerton reached on a throwing error by Obando to begin the bottom 6th, and Tim Stalker was hit in the foot with a pitch. Wallace lined out to Hurtado, Perkins flew out to Chris Reardon, and Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, flew out to Firmino Cambra. Then came the seventh, Victor Anaya was washed forth from the pen, and the comedy shack opened. Zachary Ryder hit a double off Anaya with one out, which wasn’t that bad, but when Mike Rutkowski hit an RBI double through a diving (falling over?) Howden, I had to holler some obscenities. Rutkowski had merely entered the game batting 1-for-****ing-49. He would eventually score on a Hurtado single, 4-0. The Raccoons literally had no answer to that. They went down entirely feeble on three hits, two against Rutkowski in 8.1 innings, and one more against ex-Critter Billy Brotman that Marsingill dropped in. Nothing helped. 4-0 Crusaders. Stalker 1-2;

Ugh, another one of those “could have just as well stayed in bed” losses…!

Game 2
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P C. Marron
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – CF Hooge – C James – P del Rio

In a shocking development, the Coons SCORED A RUN. And it came IN THE FIRST. And they were actually THREE RUNS… and with Nate Hall thrown out at home plate to end the whole thing. Actually, the first two went down with no noise, but Jimmy Wallace doubled into the gap, Perkins dropped an RBI single far from human interference near the leftfield line, and another single by Travis Zitzner and a full-count walk to Hall loaded the bases for when Ed Hooge ticked a liner into the gap in right-center. Two scored, but Hall was thrown out by Reardon. Del Rio set out to blow the lead immediately, walking Dear and Reardon in the top 2nd, but Reardon was caught astray when Zachary Ryder lined out to Zitzner, ending the inning in a 3-U double play. Ignacio remained rather stuff- and toothless, the latter a horrendous accident with a bowl of cookies that a dentist of our choice would fix on Wednesday… the Critters had more chances to score, f.e. with Wallace’s next double his second time up. This one led off the bottom 3rd, Perkins walked, Zitzner hit squarely into a double play, and Hall grounded out to keep Wallace stranded. New York made the board in the fifth with a Cambra single to begin the frame, and then an RBI double by Ryder. Elder led off the sixth with a single to left, but was doubled up by the rather quick Hurtado, who stumbled out of the box, helping del Rio through six with a 3-1 lead on just over 90 pitches. And I sure tried to will the Coons to another insurance run, but – boy! – were they playing like glue. Bottom 6th, Nate Hall hit a leadoff single. Hooge struck out before Hall stole second base, with James eventually walked by Marron to achieve the same effect, just with less thrills. Two on, one out, del Rio couldn’t get the bunt down, then poked away at a 1-2 and grounding out to Hurtado, who looked at the lead-footed James eager for a double play, but then decided against it. Preston Pinkerton instead stranded the runners with a fly to Tony Coca.

Del Rio got through seven somehow, and maybe we could still get an insurance run. Stalker led off the bottom 7th by getting on base, bringing up Jimmy Wallace, who was unretired in this game… and spanked into a double play. Perkins walked, and Zitzner found the gap with two outs, with Matt Nunley’s replacement running like no tomorrow and faster than Nunley could have ever run to score all the way from first base on the double, 4-1! Hennessy and Stone then shared the eighth, in this case meaning Hennessy allowed a single to PH Joe Payne, the only batter he faced, while Stone plated that runner with two groundouts and a 1-2 wild pitch to Hurtado, who ended up whiffing after the fact. Oh, this team! The bottom 8th was uneventful, bringing on Chris Wise for the ninth. Coca was up first, grounded out on the first pitch, and the game ended with K’s to Dear and Cambra. 4-2 Coons! Wallace 3-4, 2 2B; Perkins 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Hooge 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (8-12);

No, Matt, I wasn’t slighting you. You had a few stolen bases, too, didn’t you? Like, eight? In 20 years? – Now tell me more about the newest model of BBQ grill you have here.

Game 3
NYC: SS Obando – 1B Elder – 2B M. Hurtado – CF Coca – C Dear – LF Cambra – RF Reardon – 3B Ryder – P Benavides
POR: CF Pinkerton – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P Chavez

While the Coons did get the leadoff man on in the first and second innings, then hit into double plays twice, Bernie allowed no hits through three innings, only to get *torched* in the fourth. Hurtado doubled, Coca tripled, Dear walked, Cambra grounded out for the second out to get another run in, and there was another walk and another RBI single before the inning finally ended with a 3-0 score and a K to Benavides. When the Coons’ offense finally got going, it required a Hurtado error to put Wilson Rodriguez on base with one out in the fifth. Marsingill hit an infield single, Ross whiffed badly, but Chavez poked a 2-out single over the second base bag for an RBI single – unearned of course. Pinkerton swiftly flew out to Reardon, ending the threat with the tying runs aboard.

In a briskly-paced game, Chavez lasted seven innings on six hits and five strikeouts, and had already received the obligatory pat on the bum when the Coons tumbled into another rally attempt in the bottom 7th. Rodriguez dropped a 1-out single to center, Marsingill singled through a diving Obando, and Ross coaxed a walk that didn’t move his .184 clip, but also kept the blunderbuss in the cupboard. Benavides was still in there, so we sent a pinch-hitter that would come from the right side in Nate Hall, the switch-hitter. He hit the absolute worst floater to shallow right, clearly dropping in, and giving Marsingill at second a heck of a headstart. Reardon took forever to reach the ball, which at some point made a curve into foul territory, and the ****ty bloop single tied the game at three. Pinkerton grounded out, Stalker walked onto the open base in a full count, and that left three on, two outs to Justin Perkins, who hit the next ****ty bloop that also fell in front of Reardon, but this time it was close, and only the go-ahead run, carried by Ross, came across home plate. Benavides was retained to face Wallace, the only lefty bat anywhere in the Coons’ order, but lost him to a walk, then soon lost his spot on the mound, down 5-3. Zitzner flew out to left to end the inning. Hall remained in the game, replacing Wallace for D, with Anaya pitching from the #4 hole in the eighth, and retiring the side in order. Never mind the deep flies knocked by Coca and Dear, both ending with Rodriguez on the warning track. Come the ninth, Wise almost repeated his success from Tuesday, but after a groundout and a strikeout, Ryder put another ball in play to deep left… but not past Hall. 5-3 Critters. Marsingill 2-3; Hooge (PH) 1-1; Hall (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

That was the final home game of the month and the Coons would now hit that old road again for a quick 2-town trip and their last road trip not involving crossing the Mississippi this year.

Raccoons (52-75) @ Thunder (61-65) – August 27-29, 2032

After an off day on Thursday, the Coons were in Oklahoma to meet with the Thunder, with the season series tied at three. This was the team with the most runs scored in the Continental League, so our notoriously horrendous pitching was in acute danger yet again, but they had also given up plenty, fifth-most in the league, and their run differential was only +28, which was still a lot for a sub-.500 team.

Projected matchups:
Dave Martinez (0-1, 3.09 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (9-4, 4.33 ERA)
Travis Coffee (1-7, 6.27 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (5-3, 2.44 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (8-12, 4.81 ERA) vs. Zach Warner (8-10, 3.04 ERA)

That would be right, left, right, but the Thunder also had Thursday off and could make a change. Next in line was another southpaw, Joe Robinson (4-3, 5.71 ERA), a rookie swingman from North Dakota with 22 appearances and 6 starts this year after a cup of coffee (not: Coffee) in ’31. Two regulars were on the DL in Drew Olszewski and Luis Sagredo, although the second of the two outfielders could come back any day now.

The Coons made a rotation adjustment, moving del Rio ahead of Gurney. Ignacio would start on regular rest, while we had seen enough of Gurney anyway…

Game 1
POR: 2B Pinkerton – SS Stalker – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Zitzner – LF Hall – CF Hooge – C James – P Martinez
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P M. Morrison

The horror took mere minutes to start in the bottom 1st. Martinez nailed Danny Cruz, (their) catcher Mike Burgess reached on (our) catcher’s interference, Martinez, the dunce, balked them over into scoring position, and conceded a run on a stupid grounder before Wallace speared Alex Serrato’s fly to end the inning with one run across. And the Thunder were the best offensive team, but the gross incompetence consolidated into Dave Martinez – very obviously deserted by Odilon! – was just too much to take. In the bottom 2nd he walked Tony Fuentes and Antonio Felicame, nailed Lorenzo Celaya, and allowed a 2-out, 2-run single to Cruz, which was actually the first base hit in the game and put the Thunder up 3-0 before Burgess fouled out. Bottom 3rd, Tom Dunlap nailed to get underway, a quick walk to Serrato, and a 2-out walk to Felicame. Morrison grounded out to strand them all, but GOD****INGDAMNIT, MARTINEZ, QUIT YOUR ****!!!

He didn’t. The Thunder had two hits in the fourth, couldn’t knock him out, but started the fifth with a Steve Cutler double to right, an RBI single by Fuentes, and Felicame reached on another walk. Martinez handled Morrison’s bunt, then was put in a sack and airmailed to Cochabamba, Bolivia. David Fernandez inherited a 4-0 game, two in scoring position and one out, struck out Celaya and Cruz, and the inning was over. With that drama over, people realized that the Thunder’s Morrison was actually 2-hitting the Coons through six, which was just blending in so well with their recent offensive heroics… single runs would fall out of Garavito in the seventh and Stone in the eighth, but who was even counting anymore? The Coons only ever got three hits off Morrison, who however ran out of breath before finishing the game. The Critters put them on the corners against Enriquez Guzman in the ninth, a Wallace double and Perkins single, with Tim Colangelo replacing Guzman on grounds of apparent injury. Zitzner hit for Howden against the southpaw and got a run across in the most unhelpful way imaginable, hitting into a 3-6-3 double play. 6-1 Thunder. Perkins 2-4; Hall 2-3, BB;

There was no southpaw in the middle game, with Warner moved up from Sunday, so we also could at most face one left-hander in the series.

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – LF Hall – RF Wallace – 3B Perkins – 1B Howden – CF Hooge – C James – 2B Baldwin – P Coffee
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P Warner

(calls after the service employee) Excuse me, Sir? – Sir! – Sir, there is a dead rodent floating in my coffee. – What do you mean you found that appropriate for me??

Coffee walked Celaya and Cruz in the first, nailed Fuentes in the second, walked Cruz again in the third, and somehow got out of every one of those situations unharmed. Stuff was not involved – he rung up nobody while doling out free bases. The Critters had a pair of hits through three innings, but couldn’t turn that into any runs, either… What was even more bewildering than Portland not scoring was that Oklahoma City was not hitting. It took them 17 plate appearances to get a ball to fall in; Felicame did the honors with a single to right with one out in the bottom 5th, but he wouldn’t get across either. Warner bunted him to second, but Celaya grounded out to Chris Baldwin, and that was the inning.

Top 6th, Coffee led off with a groundout, but hey, even having him bat in the sixth was some sort of success. Then the Coons quickly dished out a string of singles into open spaces, of which there were plenty in Oklahoma. Stalker got on, so did Hall, and Wallace finally got something on the board with an RBI single to right, 1-0. Perkins upped that one, getting a 1-1 hanger and depositing it in the leftfield stands for a 3-run dinger! Coffee didn’t allow anything in the bottom 6th and batted again in the seventh with two outs and nobody on, reaching on an error by the Gold Glover Fuentes. Stalker doubled to center, moving runners into scoring position with Hall turning a full count into a walk, bringing up Jimmy with the bags suddenly stacked. Warner got him where he wanted him, to two strikes, but couldn’t put him away, and Wallace cracked a single to shallow right-center, plating two more runs. “Graveyard” Gill replaced Warner and gave up a single to Perkins, but Hall was sent around third base and thrown out at the plate to end the inning with a 6-0 tally. Coffee, suddenly with cream on top, completed seven despite a 1-out walk to Steve Cutler, getting a double play grounder from his last man, Fuentes, on pitch #106. Fernandez and Bates would complete the game for him, with only the latter allowing another base hit for two base knocks total for the Thunder in this game, and wasn’t that sorta unexpected? 6-0 Raccoons. Stalker 3-5, 2B; Wallace 3-4, 3 RBI; Perkins 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Coffee 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 3 K, W (2-7);

Chris Baldwin hit a single in the ninth inning in his 20th at-bat of the season, and the first one that was not either at least one out or a grand slam.

Game 3
OCT: RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – LF Dunlap – 2B Serrato – CF Cutler – 3B T. Fuentes – SS Felicame – P C. Cooper
POR: 1B Zitzner – SS Stalker – 3B Perkins – LF Wallace – CF Hall – RF Rodriguez – 2B Marsingill – C Ross – P del Rio

Travis Zitzner, batting leadoff because with Berto on the DL everything was sad, opened the game with a jack, which was not something we were used to seeing after two decades of having zilch-power leadoff men, first Cookie, then Ramos. There would be more off Chris Cooper in the second. Wilson Rodriguez opened with a shy single to right before Marsingill and Ross hit back-to-back RBI doubles. Ignacio struck out, but Zitzner found the gap in right-center and hit a ball that took a weird bounce off the base of the wall and seemed to hover in mid-air for minutes before coming down again for Cutler – enough time for the sluggish Zitzner to reach third base for only his second career triple! Stalker walked, Cooper balked, 5-0, and the inning fizzled out after that, but here was to hope that del Rio would take the sizable lead and just run the heck with it, all the way to Vegas, where the Coons would drop in to begin the following week. That would be too easy though… Bottom 2nd, leadoff single by Alex Serrato, a 4-pitch walk to Cutler, RBI single Fuentes, 5-1, and no outs. Felicame hit into a fielder’s choice, putting runners on the corners, at least until he stole second off a dreaming Toby Ross. Cooper grounded out to Perkins, forcing the runners to hold, but Celaya singled to right, and oh boy, that was trouble. Cutler in to score, Felicame coming around, the throw – out at home plate! That one ended the inning before it could become a 5-3 game…! MURDER throw by Wilson Rodriguez!

While del Rio failed to get strike three and was instead nearly singled to death again in the third, the Coons soldiered on. Zitzner markedly hit a single off Marcus Ochoa in the fourth inning, which put him a double shy of the cycle with five innings to spare. His next chance came in the sixth, still against Ochoa, with two outs and del Rio – who had just bunted into a force at second – on first base. Liner to center, and in – but in front of Cutler, and there was no chance for a double, Zitzner had to hold at first base. Del Rio misread the play and hustled for third, but the Thunder had not watched him at all, so he got away with the blunder. Ochoa then gave up a run on Stalker’s RBI single, 6-2, before getting Perkins to ground out. And the Thunder were not out of this one, either – Dunlap and Serrato hit leadoff singles off del Rio, eight hits in total off the right-hander, in the bottom 6th, but were stranded by the lower parts of the order. The hit tally off del Rio would rise to ten, with Cruz and Burgess dropping 2-out singles in the seventh to finally knock him out. Hennessy inherited the runners and .323 batter Tom Dunlap at the plate, threw a wild pitch, then cocked up the runs on a single, 6-4. Yup, that’s him! Our All Star! Serrato struck out. Too little, too late.

The eighth brought Zitzner back to the plate, facing Colangelo with Ross (clean single) and Pinkerton (infield single) on base and nobody out. He landed ANOTHER hit… but again in front of an outfielder, this time Celaya, and was denied the cycle for the time being, but loaded the bags with no outs. Two runs would score – both on nailed hitters. Tim Stalker was drilled in the fat bum, and Nate Hall took one to the thigh, forcing in two runs while using the sticks yielded no success for the Critters, who nevertheless regained their slam-sized lead at 8-4 before Rodriguez whiffed to end the inning. That also meant another chance for Zitzner in the ninth if at least one Critter could get on base ahead of him. It was a “Graveyard” **** in the ninth and while Gill struck out Ed Hooge to begin the inning he then quickly allowed a double to Ross and a single to Pinkerton. Here came Zitzner, 5-for-5 with a homer, a triple, and three singles – but no luck, he grounded back to the mound, the ball bounced once before it hit a diving Gill in the foot, then rolled to a dead stop on the actual mound, Gill scrambling back, Serrato scrambling in, nobody made it in time, and two Coons advanced as Zitzner reached base safely for the sixth time – and on six hits! Ah, well, at least something!! … the bases were also loaded with one out for Stalker, who hit a sac fly, and that was all the actual outcome of the inning. Cruz and Dunlap doubles shook a run out of Anaya in the ninth, but we didn’t have to bother Chris Wise anymore… 9-5 Raccoons. Zitzner 6-6, HR, 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-5; Ross 3-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Pinkerton 2-2;

While Zitzner was 6-6, Perkins was 0-6, but, eh, who’s even counting at this point…

In other news

August 24 – Leadoff man SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.319, 11 HR, 54 RBI) ends a 16-inning affair with the Pacifics by hitting a 2-run walkoff homer against LAP MR Jorge Villegas jr. (1-2, 2.74 ERA, 2 SV). The final score sees the Wolves win, 6-4.
August 25 – SFW 2B/SS Mario Colon (.305, 14 HR, 64 RBI) could miss the rest of the season with a quad tear.
August 25 – DEN RF Vinny Chavira (.255, 8 HR, 66 RBI) ends a 16-inning marathon against the Stars in a 2-1 Gold Sox win, singling home Tyler Miles against DAL MR Matt Diduch (6-4, 4.50 ERA, 2 SV).
August 25 – The Knights beat the Falcons, 7-3, with each of their runs coming in a different inning. Only the third and fifth are not marked with a 1 in the line score.
August 27 – BOS 1B Justin Uliasz (.290, 25 HR, 98 RBI) goes unretired with four hits, including a grand slam, two walks, and 7 RBI in the Titans’ 15-0 slapdown of the Aces.

Complaints and stuff

With the Travis Zitzner game on Sunday, it’s the fifth time in the last six series that we won the last game of the set. Never mind the 3-9 record in the games preceding these…

September is almost here, but I can’t promise any goodies. We don’t really have anything better than what is toiling around on the roster right now. Darren Brown’s control is too awful for a callup at this point. Manny Fernandez tore up AA, but is only getting brought up to AAA right now and is probably not in the cards at this point, either.

The only thing that might be interesting is Danny Duenas, a switch-hitting second baseman that kinda came out of nowhere after signing for $15k in the July 2026 IFA period. He is 22 years old, average defense, but *really* fast hindpaws. He played at all three minors levels last season, hitting .337/.368/.477 in 22 games in St. Pete at the end of the year, which we chalked off to a small sample size, especially when compared to the .665 OPS he put up in Ham Lake in a much bigger sample size. This year he spent all year in AAA and has been batting .286/.355/.441 with 12 HR and 57 RBI, also 23 SB. At this point he can maybe be considered legit. We’ll have to see. Neither our scout, who has a name Maud has written on a note for me, and that note is somewhere in this office, nor OSA are very keen on Duenas, and he does not have to be put on the 40-man roster until next year to protect him, but maybe we should still give him a look…?

The team ERA which was well into the 5’s a few months ago has come down into the 4.70s now. Granted, that would still be the worst-ever team ERA in a single season for us, but it’s not in the ****ing fives anymore.

Fun Fact: The 6-hit game has become rare; in between Travis Zitzner and the most recent Raccoon to achieve the feat, Terry Kopp in 2025, only one other player did accomplish it.

That would be the damn Elk Danny Tessmann, and for once not even against us. He hit for six hits against the Crusaders in 2029. There have been only two additional 6-hit games in the last TEN years, SFW Justin Quinn in 2023 and CHA Barend Kok in 2024, for five total.

There was a time when the league would total five 6-hit games in consecutive Septembers; that occurred in 1995-1996 with SFW John Hensley, PIT Alfonso Rojas, SAC Jared O’Molony, SAC Martin Horn, and LVA Andres Manuel. Three did so against the Cyclones, and the two Scorpions did so in the same game, a 20-0 blowout.

Meanwhile, Terry Kopp’s 6-hit game remains the most recent edition for a player on the losing end…