[Westheim]

Raccoons (69-55) vs. Titans (75-49) – August 22-24, 2034

As gleefully laid out on Sunday, the Raccoons, despite being down 4-8 in the season series, thought themselves to have an advantage in this very, very last shot at getting back into a race – the Raccoons, as day broke on Tuesday morning, had played two games in the last three days. The Titans had played four, including a vicious 13-3 rout of the Falcons in a makeup game in Boston on Monday, where they had flown from Elk City. Of course they were still allowing the fewest runs in the CL and we had yet to crack them any meaningful amount. The only hope was for more 3-2 wins than 2-1 losses in this series, facing the CL’s eighth-best offense.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (10-6, 3.58 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (6-7, 3.88 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (10-7, 3.67 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (6-7, 3.70 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-6, 4.18 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (10-7, 2.73 ERA)

Their compressed schedule also meant Boston had to send somebody on short rest in the middle game, either the right-hander Gonzalez or the left-hander Chavez. Righty Potter was starting the series on ample rest anyway.

Game 1
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – RF M. Walker – 1B E. Gonzalez – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Sabre

And yet, Antonio Gil walked, stole second, and scored on Willie Vega’s single right in the first inning. Not so tuckered out after all, huh? Me and my big mouth were shown the door about as fast as Sabre was, who was crawling through innings anyway and who had a pitch count exploding faster than my blood alcohol concentration. After Bob Zeltser made up the first-inning run with a solo homer, two inning of pyrrhic warfare followed, very much including a bottom of the third inning in which the Raccoons loaded the bases only to have Manny Fernandez fly out to strand them all without scoring. In the top 4th, Willie Vega drew a leadoff walk and advanced on two groundouts before Rhett West’s single put Boston up 2-1. Mark Walker was hit, Edgar Gonzalez hit Sabre with another RBI single, and they added two more on Keith Spataro’s 2-run homer in the fifth. A Jennings homer in between all the melting and downing meant we still had a 3-run game and a team with a living offense still capable of breathing oxygen without face masks would have had a chance to make another run for it. But this was the Raccoons. When Ramos and Zeltser reached base to begin the bottom 7th, thus bringing up the tying run, Stalker popped out and Wallace hit into a double play. When Fernandez singled and Jennings got nailed in the eighth, Hawkins made the final out regardless. And then Jermaine Campbell drove the dagger in with an 11-pitch bottom of the ninth, sitting down the 1-2-3 Critters in order. 5-2 Titans. Zeltser 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Jennings 1-2, BB, HR, RBI;

Ssseriously… (holds on to the bottle for support while barely being able to hold his head up as it tries to sink into the comfortable warmth of his inside elbow) Sersissiisssly. **** hope. **** her. Jusss.. **** her all the way. She’s a whore. And she’s goddasisssssrr. Sister. A Sister. And her name is – hcks! – her name is … MORE LOS-SIN- (falls off the chair with a thud)

Game 2
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – 1B E. Gonzalez – P T. Chavez
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 3B Hawkins – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P del Rio

Even leadoff singles by Ramos and Salgado, which saw Ramos scurry to third base outright and Salgado steal second when nobody watched him with Tim Stalker still at the plate could only get the Critters so far. Stalker lined out to Antonio Gil, Wallace popped out to left and barely deep enough to get Ramos home, and Zitzner’s groundout stranded Hugo Salgado altogether. Of course this was another game of agony; Tom Hawkins was thrown out at home plate, starting from second base on del Rio’s 2-out single in the bottom 2nd, and in the top 3rd del Rio began with a 3-0 count on Chavez before the southpaw popped out. Gil however reached on an error by Bad Luck Travis… If no runs, del Rio at least incurred plenty of pointless mileage, but it was yet to get worse. Top 4th, he nailed Willie Vega to open the inning. Spataro hit an RBI double into the left corner immediately, the ****ing coonskinner, and West would whack one the other way for another RBI double, and that one on an 0-2 pitch. Stalker botched a soft line by Edgar Gonzalez for an error, putting them on the corners with one out for the opposing pitcher, which smelled like a knockout I the making, but when Chavez flew out to left, JIMMY WALLACE threw out Rhett West at home plate to end the inning. Wallace!! The “Look Ma! No hands- oh bloody ****ing **** (scurries after the ball)” guy!

After five, the game was even at two. Wall and Reichardt dropped in leadoff singles, after which del Rio could barely get a bunt down. Berto hit an RBI single, but Salgado lined out to West (who held on…) and Stalker grounded out to short to strand the go-ahead run on third base. Del Rio trundled on, issued leadoff walks in the seventh and eighth, and was knocked out when Spataro singled with one gone in the top 8th. Two on, David Fernandez got a double play grounder from Jim Young to keep scores even. With one out in the bottom half of the eighth, the Coons had Berto and Stalker on the corners after a pair of singles. Jimmy Wallace had to get this ****ing run in! HE HAD TO! And then Chavez fell to 3-0, which was good on one hand, and Zitzner up as the second and third out on the other paw. Come the 3-0 pitch, Wallace ripped away, I screamed, the park made a gasping noise, the fly to deep center was caught, but Moises Avila had no chance against Berto, so the go-ahead run DID come in. Job … well done, … eh? Zitzner singled yet Hawkins grounded out, leaving Ed Blair with no cushion. But at least he faced the bottom of the order, so what could possibly go wrong? Rhett West struck out, PH Mark Walker grounded out to Hawkins, PH Bobby Beam… singled. And then Avila walked on four pitches. The count on Gil ran full… 3-2 breaking pitch, runners in motion, swung on and missed – ballgame!! 3-2 Blighters! Ramos 3-4, RBI; del Rio 7.1 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K and 1-2;

David Fernandez got the win, his 10th decision of the season. Oh well. Chris Wise has 15 decisions, most of them yuck. None of our starters has more than 18, and Rendon actually has fewer decisions than our disgraced closer, who had his annual save total matched by Ed Blair in this game – both had 17 now. Fernandez had three.

That left a rubber game between Robby Gonzalez and Pat Okrasinski, who had been alternating yay and meh starts for over a month and was technically due a good one… Win, and we can think about the magic number going forward. Lose, and nothing matters anymore.

Game 3
BOS: CF M. Avila – 3B Gil – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – SS Spataro – C J. Young – 2B R. West – 1B E. Gonzalez – P R. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski

Four hits, two runs, one on Antonio Gil’s double without making even their first out, and the Titans appeared fat in business right out of the gates. To anybody’s surprise the Raccoons found three straight hits from Zeltser, Stalker, and Wallace to get one run on the board, but when Jimmy Wallace was stupidly picked off first base and Zitzner flew out to deep center, that killed the inning. The question that was more pressing was about Okrasinski and whether the Titans would leave enough of him for me to pick every single hair out of his fat bum individually after the game. He walked Edgar Gonzalez and Antonio Gil in the second, both without throwing a strike, and also a wild pitch, and somehow the Titans didn’t eviscerate him for it. Spataro and West spanked hits in the third and were left on the corners, but there was no talking it up – Okrasinski was utter dog ****… and needed *68* pitches through THREE innings. The fourth inning was his last; he walked Gonzalez leading off, on four pitches to boot, threw a wild pitch, and somehow the Titans couldn’t get their pitcher in from third base. Not that Garavito was much better in the following inning. Leadoff single, wild pitch, 1-out single by Jim Young, and then somehow Zeltser got a pop and Edgar Gonzalez grounded out to Stalker, and another pair was left on the corners…

The Critters were still seeking their first base knock since the Wallace single in the bottom 1st… Jennings came up with it in the bottom 5th, a 1-out single… and then Adrian Reichardt came up with a double play grounder. I came up with a case of The Screams, so much so that Slappy bolted and went to clean something. And then Hennessy finally was the idiot who blew the game wide open, allowing Avila and Gil on base in the sixth, the two pulled off a double steal, and Ivan Vega singled them in, putting Boston up 4-1. In the seventh Jim Young hit a leadoff single to center, Manny Fernandez had the ball go through the wickets for an error, and when Hennessy got to two outs with Young at third base, he plated him with a wild pitch rather than taking it out on Avila. A token chance developed on Gonzalez’ way out in the eighth. He walked Sibley and Ramos to begin the inning, then was lifted for a procession of relievers that retired the next three Critters without trouble. 5-1 Titans. Wallace 2-4, RBI; Jennings 1-2, BB;

Raccoons (70-57) vs. Aces (54-73) – August 25-27, 2034

Neither team had any hope left. The Aces were fifth in runs scored and the absolute worst team in giving up runs. The Raccoons had a 4-2 edge in the season series. AND NOTHING ELSE.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.64 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (0-1, 4.67 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (12-4, 2.45 ERA) vs. John Jackson (8-10, 4.23 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-7, 3.75 ERA) vs. Peter Gill (8-10, 4.54 ERA)

Gill was the sole lefty available and also laboring on a sore oblique, so was ultimately questionable for Sunday. Next up would be Chris Crowell (5-11, 5.04 ERA), but if we were to be entirely honest, the Coons wouldn’t score more than two token runs against either of them, anyway… Three maybe if the wind was whipping dirt in the shortstop’s eyes.

Game 1
LVA: LF Salto – C Horner – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – SS McNatt – CF Jorgensen – P Klages
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – P Rendon

The Raccoons scored their daily allotment right in the first inning with Zeltser reaching on a single and being tripled home by Fernandez, who in turn came around on a Wallace double, and Jimmy Wallace was dutifully stranded after that. They went up 3-0 in the second because the wind whipped dirt into the shortstop’s AND the second baseman’s eyes – Jeff McNatt botched Rendon’s grounder, Berto reached on a Mario Briones error, and Zeltser landed an RBI knock for an unearned run. In between, Rendon had already loaded the bases with a hit and two walks, including a 4-pitch free pass to ****ing Jamie Klages, so things were still rather volatile in here. To drive that point home, Evan Martin hit his 15th long ball of the season in the top 3rd, a solo shot that kept me grumpy.

Five innings of ****ty tossing was all that Rendon had in him, and while the Aces only ever got that one run off him, he managed to whiff off over 100 pitches for six hits and two walks, which didn’t even sound that outlandishly high… No, he had been just plain old ****. The Titans would have sent him home in the third inning at the latest… At least he did last five – Klages didn’t make it that far, giving up a bushel of walks and even more runs in the bottom 5th. Zeltser walked and scored on Fernandez’ second triple of the game. Wallace walked and moved up on a groundout. Sibley walked, and Reichardt walked with the bags full. Scheffer doubled home two, and Hawkins had a sac fly hitting for Rendon, facing right-hander Jeremy Wallis. Ramos grounded out, concluding a 5-run fifth, and that was more or less the ballgame. Zitzner singled home Fernandez against Wallis in the bottom 6th, and that would be the final run of the game as the Raccoons started to channel energy for the after-game pig roast (the blood was needed in the tummy region, not the paws!), and the Aces just couldn’t hurt the Critters’ pen. 9-1 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2 3B, 2 RBI; Wallace 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Scheffer 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Prieto 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; D. Fernandez 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Portland did however use three shortstops in the game. Tom Hawkins pinch-hit late and stayed in the game for Ramos to get Berto off his hindpaws, but only for an inning; Hawkins left with elbow pain that turned out to be inflammation and was sent to the DL afterwards. Tim Stalker finished out the contest at short. Justin Marsingill was brought back as reward for good behavior.

Then there was on game on Saturday on accounts of ill weather. A double-header was scheduled for Sunday instead.

Game 2
LVA: LF Salto – C Horner – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – SS Schneider – CF Jorgensen – P J. Jackson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Bottom 1st, the Critters started with a walk, two singles, and a hit batter before Zitzner struck out, Fernandez popped out, and finally Kurt Wall found space between Evan Martin and Steve Jorgensen for a 2-run double. Jennings grounded out, ending the inning up 3-0. The next two innings were identical; the Aces got a leadoff single and stranded the runner, and the Coons got two men on and hit into a double play. But when Jesse Stedham drew a leadoff walk in the fourth, Victor Escamilla and Brian Schneider hit singles and the Aces scored their first run of the game. Nobody really reached base from there through six, and then Chavez was of course broken up in the seventh. Escamilla hit a leadoff double, Bernie whiffed a pair, but succumbed to a pinch-hit RBI double by Tony Salinas in the #9 hole and Salto’s RBI single up the middle. That tied the game at three then, because as usual the stupid home team had considered a 3-spot the good lord’s work being done and over with… GODDAMNIT!!

Jimmy Wallace was the first Raccoon to appear in scoring position since the bottom 3rd when he hit a leadoff double off Natanael Abrao in the EIGHTH. To anybody’s amazement, Zitzner singled, putting the go-ahead run on third base with nobody out. After one of Manny Fernandez’ heroic pop-ups, Kurt Wall zinged a ball past Brian Schneider for an RBI single and the Raccoons indeed took another lead…! Of course, that was all they got. Jennings and Reichardt grounded out, and Ed Blair was on his own again. Drilling Brian Schneider turned out not to be enough to blow this game, at least not against the Aces, who otherwise made three calm outs. 4-3 Raccoons. Zitzner 2-4; Wall 3-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 7 K and 1-2;

Game 3
LVA: LF Salto – SS Schneider – 3B Stedham – RF E. Martin – 2B Briones – 1B Escamilla – C T. Salinas – CF Jorgensen – P Gill
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – 3B Marsingill – P Sabre

The game began with four straight balls to Graciano Salto, then a Schneider grounder that remained stuck in Berto’s glove for an error. Stedham struck out, Salto was axed trying to nip third base, and Evan Martin grounded out to Stalker. Ho-hum? While the Coons played dumb once more and did little to nothing, and when they did something hit into a double play like Zitzner in the fourth and Scheffer before that in the second, at least Scheffer had two axed runners to his name by the fourth inning, having cut down Martin in the top 4th. Sabre continued to throw a gazillion pitches while treading water all the time. He needed 38 pitches for seven outs once through the order, then another 35 for eight outs the second time through (and remember that this was all caught-stealing-enhanced). At least the Aces were not on the board with anything but one measly base hit… Sabre *did* hit a double in the bottom 5th that came with two outs and also chased Scheffer to third base after his battery mate had drawn a walk. Up came Berto; some teams had preferred to walk him with first base open, but the Aces had the platoon edge here with him up rather than Salgado, so didn’t put him on intentionally – Berto shrugged and took his base by force, and his base was third base on a 2-out, 2-run triple! Salgado hit an RBI single to give Sabre a 3-0 lead. Stalker also singled, but Wallace flew out to Salto.

Sabre struck out three batters in the sixth inning, but they weren’t exactly the first three batters he faced… in fact they were none of the first three batters, who all reached base. Salto walked on four pitches and Schneider and Stedham both had RBI base knocks… While Sabre was whisked to play with a rubber duckie in the bath instead, Nick Bates completed the throwing-away of the 3-0 lead when he served up a bomb to Jorgensen in the seventh… Portland responded with having the bases loaded with one out in the bottom 7th, with “Graveyard” Gill drilling Zeltser like he meant it before walking Berto and allowing a soft single to Salgado. Stalker promptly popped out, and Wallace ran a full count before ripping a ball down the rightfield line. Martin didn’t get there and couldn’t even cut it off. It was extra bases for Wallace, Zeltser scored, Ramos scored, Salgado scored, 6-3 Critters in the seventh! The following inning Berto drew a bases-loaded walk against Chris Pyles, and another run scored on a double play grounder for the final tally. 8-3 Raccoons. Ramos 1-3, 2 BB, 3B, 3 RBI; Salgado 2-5, RBI; Wallace 1-3, BB, 2B, 3 RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1;

In other news

August 23 – 44 players, 34 hits, 21 runs, and over six hours before the Bayhawks walk off 11-10 winners over the Thunder in a 17-inning marathon. Both teams use 22 players a side. SFB OF Ryan Cassell (.312, 7 HR, 55 RBI) has four hits, two walks, and drives in three runs.
August 26 – 23-year-old TOP OF/1B Miguel Reyna (.218, 6 HR, 39 RBI) has himself a game in the Buffaloes’ 17-3 whooping of the Pacifics. The Nicaraguan sophomore drives in seven runs from the cleanup spot, registering three hits, including a grand slam.
August 26 – The Crusaders beat the Knights, 7-6 in 10 innings, walking off I wicked fashion. With Stephen Williams at second and Mario Hurtado at first, and Fernando Garcia batting, ATL CL Marcus Goode (5-2, 3.50 ERA, 24 SV), just into the game, throws wildly to second base in a misguided pickoff attempt, advancing the runners. When Garcia grounds to short, an error by ATL SS Keith Thomson (.291, 7 HR, 53 RBI) allows Williams to score and end the game.

Complaints and stuff

I don’t get it. The players on this team have such a good pouncing move when there’s a rack of ribs to be pounced on. But when the Titans come in without sleep or rest, they lie down and take it. That was the chance. Winning at least TWO would have meant a 4-game deficit going forward. Ugh…!

I know that I’ve seen *some teams*… but I’m not quite sure I have ever seen something like what’s been going on for a solid eight weeks. The little ****s have entirely refused to play for basically two months. Pitching is there most days. Hitting never is. They can’t be arsed. Maybe we should cut down on the racks of ribs every Wednesday and Saturday before the game then, because I can’t be arsed anymore either! (slams fist on desk)

The Raccoons signed a 2-yr, $1M extension with Mauricio Garavito this week. I don’t see why I would break up our left-handed relief trifecta, and we don’t really have much pushing up from the minors either, at least from the left side.

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have hit 65 home runs this year and still have a realistic chance at making it their worst home run year ever.

That’s for hitting home runs on one hand – where the low mark is 74, set in the 2006 season. But it might also be the year where we end up with the biggest difference between homers hit and homers served up.

For the first 20 years of their existence, the Critters always hit dingers, which is why this has always been considered a hitter’s park. We usually hit triple digits and as many as 153 in 1989 (still the record). There were a few seasons where the pitchers served up more than the hitter could drill, like 1987 (-18) and 1991 (-17). Only the late 90s brought really cruel numbers; a new record was set each time in 1997 (-30), 1999 (-43), and 2000 (-53). The latter mark was only broken in 2024, when the team hit 95 homers and gave up a franchise-record 156, a mild -61 difference. The four main starters alone – Roberts (30), Chavez (29), Delgadillo (17), Gutierrez (15) – gave up almost as many as the entire team hit… and then there was the entire supporting cast left, the Travis Garretts of the world…

Right now we’re at -40 but we’ve seen things already this year… we’re one bad weekend with the Crusaders away from getting near that mark. All five starters have already served up at least ten, and shockingly five of our relievers have been bombed at least five times, too…!