[Westheim]

Raccoons (77-60) vs. Canadiens (48-88) – September 5-7, 2034

After an off day on Monday, all the things I didn’t need in town came to town. That was the dumb Elks in complete disarray on one hand, and Nick Valdes on the other. The Elks had lost 15+ games every month this year, with a personal best month of 12-16 in June, so they were sucking and sucking consistently at that. Their offense was in the bottom three in runs scored, and the very worst in slugging; the only thing they could do was stealing bases. They were tied for first in that category (Coons: 4th). They also had the worst team ERA and second-most runs allowed. They had a good defense, but not a defense that could undo the atrocious pitching they were burdened with. And yet, it was merely a 7-5 lead for the Critters in the season series…

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (8-6, 4.54 ERA) vs. Sean LaRue (3-2, 2.35 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (13-4, 2.46 ERA) vs. Raymond Pearce (0-1, 5.67 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-8, 3.69 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (3-17, 5.25 ERA)

There was a possibility for switcheroos here due to the common off day on Monday. LaRue was the only southpaw we were expecting. LaRue had been taken out of high school in ’31 and was barely 21, so that was the sort of pitcher they were feeding into the fire in Elktown now…

Yes, Nick, I also sure hope for a sweep. – Yes, our team is the one in the brown shirts.

Game 1
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – RF Pohl – SS B. Gonzales – P LaRue
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P Rendon

At least we got a good start to this one; Rendon got through the first inning without being turned inside out, and then Bob Zeltser’s homer and base hits by Salgado and Zitzner brought in a total of two runs in the bottom 1st… and Bob Zeltser now tied for second in homers on the team, but let’s not be sour about that right now… we can still be sour about that once Rendon inevitably has blown the lead. That didn’t happen – the dumb Elks only ever got one run off Rendon in the game, but then again he was also inefficient and lasted only six innings with many long counts, though also with nine strikeouts. The run only came in his final inning when he walked D.J. Robinson and conceded the run immediately on a double by the pest Dusty Mezzanotte, who was a .259 hitter with 8 homers that was doing most of his damage against the Raccoons. Rendon also singled home Tim Stalker with two outs in the bottom 4th, the only other run that had gotten on the board since the bottom 1st. Prieto pitched a quick seventh, but allowed a leadoff single to Bobby Gonzales in the eighth. Garavito came on to face PH Paz Rivera and whoever else the damn Elks wouldn’t bat for at the top of the lineup, but Rivera reached on an infield single. Robinson bunted the tying runs over, but Garavito rung up Mezzanotte, the despicable little pest. Will Korecky then batted for Jesse LeJeune, who was a well-known coonskinner, so I was mildly surprised. Nick Bates was sent to see Korecky, ran a full count, then put one perfectly on the corner that Korecky was still admiring when the ump had long punched him out. That closed the book on the top 8th and moved the game to the Coons, who continued to do nothing in their hopefully final inning. Ed Blair retired Toby Ross and Eric Morrow, then had Gabe Creech at two strikes before striking him in his ugly Elk bum. PH Tomas Caraballo singled, and suddenly they were on the corners. Another lefty pinch-hitter, Vince Cuomo, emerged, poked at the first pitch, right at Zitzner, and that ended the game, finally… 3-1 Coons. Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Rendon 6.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, W (9-6) and 1-2, RBI;

I know, Nick, they scored only three runs again. – But they won. – I don’t care whether you didn’t get to see fireworks! THEY WON!!

Wednesday would see Nora on regular rest and hopefully on the way to get stuck his 18th loss of the season. One of his wins there came in April against the Coons… He’s 1-1 in two starts against us this year.

Game 2
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – 1B Mezzanotte – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – CF Creech – SS B. Gonzales – P Nora
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Houston – 2B Sibley – C Thompson – P Chavez

Robinson started the game with a single to right and was caught stealing by THOMPSON, so there was a knock to everybody who doubted that angels and miracles existed… Portland then got another quick start, but at the cost of Bob Zeltser’s share in second place in the homer race. He did reach base, however, and scored on Wallace’s shot to right-center, his 12th of the season. Zelts made a bid for his 12th his next time up, but the ball hit the top of the fence in leftfield for a double in the bottom 3rd. It also allowed Berto to score from first base, 3-0. Fernandez singled, but was caught stealing, and Wallace grounded out to Mezzanotte, but with two outs Travis Zitzner hit a double to right that finally got Zeltser in, 4-0. Bobby Houston then grounded out to end the third inning.

Bernie retired ten in a row after the Robinson single before LeJeune and Ross connected for 2-out hits in the fourth to score a run, but the Coons got that one back, unearned for not one, but two Elks errors, in the bottom of the inning. Thompson singled to left and gained second base when LeJeune overran the ball, Bernie reached on an error by Robinson entirely, and Berto hit a sac fly to left for that run. Top 5th, leadoff triple for Eric Morrow, and then Gabe Creech homered to left, 5-3. That was surely of concern, because Bernie had now given up a cycle’s worth of hits in five batters. It also didn’t bode well for his ERA title ambitions – he had been second in the CL behind Charlotte’s Matt Moon (who?). After coming unglued in the middle innings, Bernie was lifted for a pinch-hitter in the bottom 6th with Sibley (walk) and Thompson (single) aboard and one out, but he was on 100 pitches anyway, so there was nothing gained from letting him bunt. Billy Jennings hit into a fielder’s choice and Berto struck out, so ultimately there was nothing gained from NOT letting him bunt, either…

Despite Nick Valdes’ sharp protests that only the home team should be allowed to score runs, the damn Elks kept scrambling and tried to hoof our pitchers. Vic Anaya allowed a single to Creech, and Hennessy allowed a single to Paz Rivera in the seventh… but Manny Fernandez threw out Creech trying to go first-to-third on the latter base hit, ending the inning. The Coons in turn left Manny and Bad Luck Travis on base in the bottom of the seventh, but ex-Coon Matt Stonecipher walked Sibley in the bottom 8th. He advanced on Thompson’s groundout, then scored on a 2-out single by Berto, who was then caught stealing by Ross. Chris Wise got the ninth because we cockily assumed we’d need Ed Blair again the next day. He was not the focus in the ninth, though, because that was Maruyama; the Japanese first baseman had struck out before the Ramos single in the bottom 8th and had remained in the game for his better D, so he promptly dropped a Sibley feed to put Will Korecky on base with one out in the ninth. But Maruyama made it up to us before Chris Wise could get his 10th loss of the season: he lunged and shagged Eric Morrow’s liner, caught Korecky off base, and threw himself into his path to register the final out of the game in a violent collision. 6-3 Furballs! Zelster 2-4, 2 2B, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Thompson 3-4;

Nick Valdes nodded enthusiastically after the last game and said something that maybe he wouldn’t sell the team to Mr. Less-Ruth after all. My whiskers twitched, but then I calmed myself down. There were countless Mr. Less-Ruths in the world. It didn’t necessarily *have* to be Butch R. Less-Ruth, the feared owner of the local packing plant, within a mile’s radius of which you could hear the death screams of tortured kittens.

Certainly a coincidence, nothing else.

Almost certainly.

(gulp)

Game 3
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – CF Creech – LF LeJeune – C Ross – RF Korecky – 2B Morrow – 1B Caraballo – SS B. Gonzales – P D. Soto
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Sabre

We drew right-hander Danny Soto (1-4, 6.63 ERA) on Sunday, a 10th-year veteran that had pitched to a winning record once in his career, but then again had also spent half of it on the Loggers in the late 20s. He was spotted a 1-0 lead in the top 1st, courtesy of Robinson’s leadoff triple and Creech’s sac fly. Creech also singled home Soto in the top 3rd, in which the pitcher hit a leadoff double a half-inning after successfully handling three consecutive comebackers… LeJeune doubled over Wallace’s head (big deal…) and Ross hit another sac fly to deepen the hole to 3-0. I saw Valdes looking for Less-Ruth’s number in his phone, so we needed offense fast… Thompson drew a leadoff walk and scored on a Zeltser single in the bottom 3rd to get something, anything on the board, but Sabre also allowed another triple to Gonzales in the fourth as his season kept slowly blowing up… The Coons had no patience with Soto who would walk everything with legs (31 BB in 38 IP before the game!), and sometimes would even walk guys without… - hey, Cristiano! – We’ll try to get Soto to talk to you after the game!

The Coons got an undeserved chance in the bottom 5th when Caraballo fumbled Thompson’s grounder to put him on base, then tried to throw him out on Sabre’s bunt, and that didn’t work either. The Coons got two free runners with one out, but couldn’t get any of Ramos or Zeltser to land a base knock afterwards, stranding the free runners. Fernandez opened the sixth with a single – only the Coons’ second base hit in the game… – but was forced out by Wallace, and while Billy Jennings walked with two outs, Maruyama fanned to throw another chance away. Instead Sabre gave up another run on a Creech double and Ross single in the seventh before being yanked…

Down 4-1, the team looked deader than just merely dead during the seventh inning stretch and I tried to get Slappy or Cristiano to sneak away Valdes’ phone so he couldn’t make an unwise phone call. Soto then walked Thompson to begin the bottom 7th. Sibley hit for Nick Bates and singled, and Ramos hit a liner over the head of Robinson that made it reasonably far down the line for an RBI double, 4-2, nobody out, tying runs in scoring position. Soto lost Zeltser on balls, loading the bases, and the damn Elks were taken by surprise by the sudden turn of events and had yet to get a reliever up (not that they were promising actual relief…). Fernandez grounded out to Caraballo to score a run, and Wallace also grounded out to first, but with Caraballo hustling in and Berto scurrying back to third base – he was the tying run, and now it was two outs. Stalker lifted an 0-1 pitch to shallow right, with Korecky sprinting for it, sliding – and he missed it, narrowly, the ball bouncing into his chin instead. Two runs scored on the score-flipping single! A passed ball advanced the runner before between Soto and Stonecipher the damn Elks walked the bags full.. .and then Stonecipher walked Thompson with the bags full already, pushing home the fifth run of the inning. Sibley got to bat again, got ahead 3-1, then was nailed, which was fine by me at this point. Berto then flew out, ending the 6-run rally with the team now ahead 7-4. De la Cruz and David Fernandez split the eighth, and Ed Blair retired the opposition in order in the ninth to complete the sweep then. 7-4 Critters! Thompson 0-1, 3 BB, RBI; Sibley (PH) 1-1, RBI;

We were grossly out-hit in this game, 11-5, but then again Nick Valdes shook my paw enthusiastically and thanked me for getting to see such good baseball where the home team won, so I swallowed my pride, put up my best fake smile, and made sure he got in the car to the heliport.

The Titans won two of three against the Loggers in the meantime, narrowing the gap to 4 1/2 games.

Raccoons (80-60) @ Crusaders (60-80) – September 8-10, 2034

Here was another matchup that so far hadn’t worked out at all for the Raccoons, who were up only 8-7 in the season series. These were their last games with the seventh-placed offense and pitching in the league. True, true, the overall package was probably not that of a .429 team. The Crusaders had only a -40 run differential (Coons: +84), and they were a whopping six games under their expected record (Coons: +1).

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (11-8, 3.96 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (11-4, 2.72 ERA)
Darren Brown (1-0, 2.61 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (8-15, 5.57 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (12-7, 4.32 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (7-11, 4.38 ERA)

Only righty starters in this series!

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P del Rio
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 1B Monge – C F. Garcia – 3B S. Williams – CF Malo – P Cervantes

Del Rio’s ERA hit four in the bottom of the third inning after a walk to Caleb Malo, Jose Balado’s triple, and Randy Schuler’s sac fly got home two runs for the Crusaders. They were the first runs in the game, with the Critters having scattered three hits as inefficiently as possible against Cervantes so far. The Balado triple was the only base hit del Rio allowed in the first five innings, while the Critters scratched and clawed and barely scored a run in the fifth after Jennings’ 1-out triple and an aggressive move to home plate on del Rio’s groundout after that. Jennings was safe and the Coons were on the board, then tied the game on Bob Zeltser’s leadoff jack in the sixth! Out of the blue, del Rio was then singled to death in the bottom 6th. Balado singled, Schuler singled, Mario Hurtado hit into a fielder’s choice, and both Barend Kok and Danny Monge hit RBI singles, and all of that to the right side. Del Rio was yanked for Wise, who rung up Fernando Garcia and Stephen Williams to stop the bleed, but once again we were down by two.

While the Coons tried to piece scoreless innings together with their pen, their offense remained meh until Tim Stalker’s fluke triple with two outs in the eighth. Jimmy Wallace singled him in, knocking out Cervantes. Jorge Farinas got a groundout from Fernandez, though, but Bates grinded his way through Monge, Garcia, and PH Johnny Lopez after Hennessy had served up a leadoff double to Kok in the bottom 8th. We entered the ninth trailing by one run, facing Mike Hugh (the rule 5 pick we returned…) and with the 6-7-8 batters up. Salgado batted for Kurt Wall – and that’s outta here! Homer to right, the game is tied!! Maybe score another one? Nope, Zitzner flew out, Jennings grounded out, and Vickers struck out. Ronnie Veraart hit a leadoff double to right against David Fernandez in the bottom 9th, but DF dug in and retired Ryan Hurley, Balado, and Josh Brown in order, stranding the runner on third base, and giving us extra innings.

Top 10th, Berto popped out, but Hugh allowed a single to Zeltser, who stole second in a hit-and-run in which Stalker flailed and missed. Wallace singled home Zelts with two outs, putting Portland ahead for the first time in the game…! Fernandez grounded out, and while the Coons did their usual defensive improvement in leftfield in close games, even Billy Jennings (moved from rightfield where Bobby Houston entered the game) couldn’t get Kok’s 1-out floater that dropped for a single. Ed Blair fanned Monge, then faced Jose Pulido, who scratched out a walk. Prehistoric third baseman Ryan Czachor was up, ra na full count, then hit a soft fly to shallow right. Stalker went out, Houston went in, and somehow Stalker made the catch without having his legs taken out by the sliding rookie. That’s the ballgame! 5-4 Raccoons! Zeltser 3-5, HR, RBI; Stalker 2-5, 3B; Wallace 3-5, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, HR, RBI; Jennings 2-4, 2B;

That’s a 6-game winning streak, believe it or not, and it has been built more on regular offensive input rather than sturdy pitching. That’s what seven runs per game does for you.

Keep it up, boys!

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – P D. Brown
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Monge – 3B Czachor – C F. Garcia – RF Saito – CF Malo – P Hicks

They… didn’t. Berto singled and stole his 46th base in the opening frame, but was ignored by those behind him. Then Darren Brown retired Balado and Schuler … and then walked the bases full. There was it again, The Suck. Always walking bases full. Even as Fernando Garcia gently flew out to centerfield, making the effort moot, I now had assurance that he’d never amount to anything. While the Crusaders got neither a hit nor a run in the early innings, Brown walked another pair in the bottom 3rd as if to make a point. Come the fourth, Bob Zeltser’s throwing error put Garcia on base, and Brown walked Hirofumi Saito and Caleb Malo to completely tether my nerves. That was seven free passes against nine outs. The Crusaders (finally?) scored on Joe Hicks’ 6-4-3 double play grounder, and Brown rung up Balado, but there was no way he could pitch himself back into my heart. Sometimes 36 innings were not enough to judge a player, but if he walked 25 batters in 36 innings, they were. Brown was a turd, and would always be a turd.

Despite having a no-hitter of sorts, Brown was yanked after 1-out walk to Hurtado in the bottom 5th. Prieto replaced him, gave up a double to Monge, but Monge was unaware and made for it when Ryan Czachor lined out to Berto afterwards. Berto casually strolled over to second base and tapped it, with Monge looking at Hurtado at third base, to end the inning. When Berto then walked leading off the sixth that gave him three of four on-base appearances for the Critters. It was one of those games… Zeltser popped out, Stalker hit into a double play. The game was decided in the bottom 7th. De la Cruz walked two, somehow thinking I wouldn’t give both Brown AND him concrete boots and throw them off the nearest bridge, and Garavito served up a pinch-hit 3-run homer to Barend Kok. Only after that did Zitzner hit a homer he could just as well have kept for himself in the eighth, and the team scrambled together another run on two base hits, but in turn Anaya allowed three hits and one run on Johnny Lopez’ pinch-hit single in the bottom 8th… Jorge Farinas retired the Raccoons in order in the ninth… 5-2 Crusaders. Ramos 2-3, BB; Thompson 1-1; Prieto 1.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

The Titans lost to Indy, keeping the gap at 4 1/2.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Jennings – RF Houston – C Thompson – 1B Maruyama – P Okrasinski
NYC: LF Balado – SS Schuler – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 1B Monge – 3B Czachor – C Hurley – CF Malo – P Holliday

Berto opened with an out, but then Holliday got caught between two train carriages for a bit. Zelts singled, Stalker doubled, and Wallace walked to fill the bases. Jennings hit a ball to left near the line for a 2-run single, but then Houston flew out to Balado and Thompson was robbed in center by Malo to end the inning. Bottom 1st, Balado walked on four pitches, but was caught stealing by Thompson (!) and Okrasinski got out of the inning. Maruyama popped out to begin the top 2nd, but that was it for Holliday, who left the game with some sort of discomfort. 27-year-old Dominican righty Carlos Olmeda would make his major league debut in this situation. He walked Ramos, nailed Zeltser, and then got Balado to track down a Stalker fly to get him the **** outta there. Okrasinski also needed major help, allowing a single to Monge and walking Hurley and PH Johnny Lopez in the #9 hole in the next half-inning. Zeltser made a great play to strand three on Balado’s sharp grounder.

In a mess of a game, the Coons next got to see Canadian righty Paul Ditmars in his fifth major league assignment. He walked two in the top 3rd, but Maruyama stranded them with a soft line at Czachor. He’d then pop out to leave Houston and Thompson on the corners in the fifth, and in between Ramos had hit a double in the fourth and had been stranded again. Okrasinski somehow made it through five without getting some serious harm done to himself despite throwing over 90 mostly terrible pitches. He kept shutting the Crusaders out through the sixth, even though that required not one, but two diving catches my infielders, and was mercifully lifted after that, 104 innings of begging to be euthanized…

The drifting Raccoons got a third run in the top 8th, although it was … well, Houston hit a leadoff single off Keith Black, moved up on two groundouts, and after Sibley was nailed to put Critters on the corners, the first pitch to Berto went through Hurley’s wickets, allowing Houston to score on the passed ball. Berto walked, but Zeltser grounded out poorly to end the inning. Wise walked Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, pinch-hitting in the bottom 8th, but the Crusaders didn’t score; Hurtado popped out and Hennessy rung up Kok to end the inning. A sleepy looking Bill Herrmann kept the Coons at bay in the ninth, and when the bottom of the inning rolled around, Hennessy was still on it despite no lefty hitters to be seen anywhere. The Raccoons tried to stay off Ed Blair, who had already pitched a lot this week, and tried to get this done before Hennessy could spill three runs. He rung up Monge. Czachor ground out to third. Hurley grounded out to short. 3-0 Raccoons. Zitzner (PH) 1-1; Houston 2-5;

Holliday had a mild abdominal strain – he’ll live.

In other news

September 7 – NAS LF/RF Doug Stross (.312, 5 HR, 61 RBI) is out for the season with a strained hammy.
September 10 – WAS SP Michael Frank (14-10, 3.23 ERA) shuts out the Miners on three hits in a 7-0 Capitals win.

Complaints and stuff

Darren Brown is dead to me.

What else? Well, even when we gained some momentum we gained only two games on Boston, but we also play them again and haven’t won a series against them since roughly the Battle of Fallen Timbers, so it is divined that they will win the division forever from here on out. Maybe we can move to the Woodchuck League with teams from Oregon, Washington and Idaho… although I hear the Rexburg Mormons are pretty tough, too…

Second career save for John Hennessy on Sunday in what was his 200th ABL appearance. The fourth-year player has a 2.94 career ERA with 2.6 walks and 8.6 whiffs per nine innings. Not bad for a rule 5 pick we actually kept. For comparison, Mike Hugh, the rule 5 pick we didn’t keep, is also a fourth-year player on the Crusaders (although he made only three appearances in ’31), and has a 3.18 ERA, 3.5 walks per nine and 6.5 strikeouts per nine. Since Hugh is the designated closer for New York, he has piled up 53 saves, but I wouldn’t hold that against Hennessy.

Zitzner’s homer on Saturday tied us for our worst-ever mark in homers mashed, so at least we’re not gonna crawl under that pitiful 74 bombs from ’06.

The Tony Morales chapter is officially done for the year – the 21-year-old catcher of the future is out with an intercostal strain that will cost him the remainder of the season.

Has there ever been a more devastating epithet to a Raccoons prospect than “catcher of the future”? Let’s ask Elliott Thompson.

Fun Fact: Ten years ago today, the damn Elks’ John Calfee hit three home runs in their 5-4 win over the Raccoons.

That was the year where everybody did it, including another hoofed monster Alex Torres and the Condors’ Pat Sanford. The homers to these three players in these three games were surrendered by Mark Roberts (3), Jesus Chavez (2), Jimmy Lee (2), David Kipple (1), and Kevin Surginer (1).

Oh it’s okay… Mark Roberts might still make the Hall of Fame…