[Westheim]

(screams hysterically and incoherently)

Raccoons (80-75) vs. Titans (77-78) – September 24-27, 2035

Part one of finishing The Rally would be to hold the Titans at a distance in the final 4-game set between those two teams. They had scored the sixth-most runs in the Continental League despite the worst batting average, their pitchers had allowed the third-fewest runs, and the Critters were up 8-6 in the season series, a matchup they had won *once* in the last 13 years.

With a magic number of five, the earliest the Raccoons could mathematically clinch the division was Wednesday with three wins over the Titans and two Elks losses against the Loggers. That series also started on Monday; the damn Elks would have Thursday off.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (6-3, 2.53 ERA) vs. Adam Potter (15-8, 2.84 ERA)
Darren Brown (5-2, 2.84 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (2-11, 5.31 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-10, 3.98 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (11-10, 2.86 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-11, 4.58 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (6-6, 3.84 ERA)

Mario Gonzalez was the only southpaw we expected here. A lot of Titans staples were meanwhile missing in action: Rhett West (knee), Keith Spataro (hamstring), Moises Avila (abdomen) were all missing from the lineup, and starters Tony Chavez and Jeff Dykstra had been stowed away on the DL for a while by now.

The Titans offered a different spectacle instead: not one, but TWO relievers that both had the name Jesse Erickson. The 28-year-old lefty was a known quantity and getting whacked for a 5.96 ERA this year. The 25-year-old righty was a September call-up and had walked eight batters in as many innings for a 10.80 ERA. Yeah, oh well, bring on the clowns!

Speaking of clowns, Maud informed me that regrettably Nick Valdes couldn’t make the opener of the series. Suddenly appearing apocalyptic thunderstorms had delayed his departure from Yucatan peninsula in Mexico, where he had visited the construction site for an open-pit coal mine and the therefore necessary destruction of ancient burial grounds, the contents of which had been wholesale dumped into the sea. So, in short, he couldn’t make it for the Monday opener. – Aw, Maud, that’s too bad. – *Unconsolable.*

Game 1
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Barnes – CF Hayden – 2B D’Angelo – P Potter
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Wall – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Livingston

Livingston hadn’t won a game since about the President Jackson administration, and a 2-out walk to Willie Vega, a wild pitch, and a full-count RBI single allowed to Jay Elder sure weren’t helping his ambitions in that regard, as the Titans took a 1-0 lead in the first. It didn’t get any better with him afterwards, either. After a second inning in which Jim Young singled and was doubled off, the third began with Potter – after retiring six of six Critters – singling to center. He advanced on a wild pitch before Antonio Gil walked anyway. Todd Johnson singled to load the bases. Willie Vega popped out, but Elder hit another RBI single, and Young singled when down 0-2 in the count, driving in another two runs. Just before some random September call-up could replace Livingston, Chris Barnes hit into a double play, but the Raccoons were now down 4-0.

Stalker was the first brown-clad base runner, singling with one out in the bottom 3rd. Livingston couldn’t get the bunt down, which was so charming, then hit a double. Berto’s sac fly scored one, Fernandez’ 2-out single another one. Potter then hit Wallace in the arm, and while ol’ #5 wanted to stay in the game, he failed to close his paw in a way Dr. Chung would have appreciated and was removed for Jesus Maldonado. Justin Fowler looked at the medical drama from the batter’s box, angrily twitched his whiskers, then did unspeakable things to an Adam Potter fastball. The poor thing flew 427 feet – HOME RUN!! Coons up 5-4! Wall and Zitzner reached before Bob Zeltser flew out to left, making the first and third outs in the inning.

Unfortunately, no lead of any description would be save with Livingston, who sucked the brim off his hat. He walked Matt Hayden to begin the fourth, than allowed a bloop double do Brian D’Angelo (Maldonado’s misplay didn’t help). With lefty Mark Walker pinch-hitting for Potter, Livingston was whisked as well, got a pop from Walker, and conceded only the tying run on Gil’s groundout. With the inning over, it was a 5-5 bullpen game in the fourth… The scoring was over for the moment, though. Both the Titans and Raccoons got three innings out of a long man, three scoreless frames for Boston’s Danny Bronstein, and 8/9 of three scoreless frames for Bob Thomson before Willie Vega hit a 2-out, 2-run homer off him in the seventh. Todd Johnson hit another 2-piece off Dennis Citriniti in the ninth inning, extending the gap to 9-5, while the Raccoons pretty much never hit anything of anybody until Tim Zimmerman came apart in the bottom of the ninth, but even when Zeltser and Ramos were on the corners, the Coons were already down to their last out and the Titans sent Jermaine Campbell to restore order. He got a grounder from Fernandez, but Manny legged it out for an RBI infield single. Up came the tying run, but it was not a lefty power bat, but Malonado, 0-for-2, and with no homers in 70 at-bats. Matchups! Morales had been used earlier, but Ed Hooge was still on the bench and would bat from the left side, hopefully allowing Fowler to come up in any way. He went down on strikes. 9-6 Titans. M. Fernandez 3-5, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Morales (PH) 1-1;

Little consolation points here: Jimmy Wallace was better after the game, and no bones were broken, it was only a bruise. He would probably sit out Tuesday, but be back on Wednesday, we thought at least.

Secondly, Paul Metzler and Rafael Zacarias shut out the damn Elks on five hits in a 5-0 Loggers win, so while the Titans were now only two back, the Elks were still another half game further out.

Thirdly, the Raccoons added another lefty with John Hennessy, who had missed most of the season with shoulder inflammation and had already been banished to AAA before that. How much use he could be down the stretch was up in the stars…

Game 2
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – CF Walberg – 2B D’Angelo – P R. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – RF Maldonado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Brown

Portland seemed to get no relief as far as starters were concerned, though. Brown leaked two hits and two walks the first time through and barely got a charitable strike three call on Robby Gonzalez to strand three Titans in the top of the second. Maybe the offense could be a relief? Fowler homered to lead off the second – he just was on fire right now. Brown hit a single with one out in the third, as the rain began to fall. Berto walked, both advanced on a wild pitch, and Wall walked onto the open base eventually, presenting Fernandez with three on and one gone. As rain became harder, he hit a soaring pop in foul ground that Willie Vega made a long and sustained dash for, only to miss it by six inches. Fernandez got another shot, then completed a walk that pushed home Darren Brown to make it 2-0. Fowler came up with three on – but the game went into a rain delay before he could separate Gonzalez from his intestines.

When play resumed an hour later, Fowler chopped a grounder up the middle to Johnson, who fumbled it for a dismal error. Berto scored, and Fowler got his 110th RBI. Zitzner brought in a fourth run with a groundout, Maldonado was nailed, and Zeltser fouled out to strand three. That sent Darren Brown back out, who had already thrown 61 pitches before the endless delay and would be closely watched. Jay Elder’s leadoff single was all it took – Brown was yanked for Garavito. He gave the Coons five outs without allowing any run, and Dusty Kulp got four before getting bombed by Clay Walberg in the top 7th, cutting the lead to 4-1 (while still being out-hit 5-2). Prieto and Wise then each got three outs without interference, but the Raccoons still couldn’t get anywhere near another run. The ninth would see Ed Blair against the 5-6-7 batters. Elder hit a roller in front of home plate and was thrown out by Tony Morales (Wall had been hit for earlier). Jim Young whiffed. Walberg hit a grounder to short, where Matt Triolo had replaced Berto for defense, and was out by a mile. 4-1 Raccoons! Fowler 2-4, HR, RBI; Garavito 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, W (4-2);

Over in Elk City, Josh Weeks and Jaden Baldwin shut out the Loggers this time, 7-0, which only meant that everybody was back to where they were on Monday morning. Coons in first, 2 1/2 ahead of the damn Elks, and three ahead of the Titans, only with two fewer games to play, and that helped nobody but the Critters. While clinching on Wednesday was well off the table, clinching on Thursday was still theoretically possible by winning two more from Boston while the Loggers would win their rubber game from the dumb Elks.

Speaking of dumb things? Where *is* Nick Valdes?

Then we spent Wednesday waiting out the rain for a game that never took place. Thursday would see a double-header, but would crucially also bring knowledge of what the damn Elks had done on Wednesday. So we watched that game while having nothing else to do, me huddled between Slappy and Chad in the mascot costume, while Maud and Cristiano also joined in front of the TV. They drank cocktails, which we mocked endlessly while numbing ourselves with hard liquor. The Loggers, however, squeezed out a 3-2 win that left the Elks three games out with a magic number of two.

Game 3
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Barnes – CF Hayden – 2B D’Angelo – P Willett
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – 3B Marsingill – 2B Vickers – P Sabre

Berto opened the first inning with a triple … then limped off with a leg issue. I fainted into Slappy’s lap and it took a few innings to revive me. By then it was the bottom of the third and the Coons were up 2-0; Matt Triolo had pinch-run and scored on Fernandez’ single, with Manny coming around on Zitzner’s 2-out single. Sabre meanwhile was on a 1-hitter with 5 K in the fourth inning when suddenly play was interrupted when the home plate umpire stepped out behind the dish and pointed skywards. Some nutjob was parachuting into the ballpark…! The intruder expertly landed in running fashion next to Manny Fernandez, removed his helmet, and it turned out it was Nick Valdes, who had somehow made it out of Yucatan. He pointed to the scoreboard and enthusiastically shook Manny’s hand before six policemen piled onto him, pepper-sprayed him, and put him in handcuffs before dragging him into the bowels of the ballpark.

“So, that happened” I said and shrugged, standing next to Cristiano at the big window overlooking the ballpark. I was also very surprised to not see Sabre implode instantly. Instead, Zitzner doubled and scored on a Marsingill single in the bottom 4th, growing the lead to 3-0. Sabre held out until the sixth to finally do something stupid, allowing a 2-out double to Todd Johnson, throwing a wild 0-2 pitch to Willie Vega, and then seeing Triolo misfire on the groundball Vega hit. The error allowed Johnson to score, 3-1. Marsingill then contained Elder’s grounder. The Raccoons’ chances improved tremendously when Willett was taken deep back-to-back by Wallace (20) and Fowler (25) in the bottom of the inning. Up 5-1, Sabre allowed a single to Young to lead off the seventh, but got a double play grounder from Matt Hayden. Sabre gave the Coons eight innings on 110 pitches, and the Critters tried their luck with John Hennessy in the ninth. Vega struck out. Elder walked, and when Young singled him to third, it was time to try something new. Chris Wise allowed a duck snort RBI single to Hayden, 5-2, but PH Ivan Vega, the tying run, flew out to right. Left-hander Brian D’Angelo was batting .210, but wasn’t hit for against Wise, and poked another RBI single on a 2-2 pitch, 5-3. Mark Walker pinch-hit in the #9 hole, flew to shallow center, but Fowler hustled in and caught the ball to close out the win…! 5-3 Critters! Ramos 1-1, 3B; Fowler 2-4, HR, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2B, RBI; Sabre 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (9-10);

(shakes Dr. Chung with great vigor) Dr. Chung! What is it! What is with Berto!? – Are you sure? – And he will not die? – And he will be able to play in the CLCS? – Oh, I love you, Dr. Chung! (smooches Dr. Chung on the cheek)

A mild calf strain would render Berto day-to-day for the next few days. Now, obviously we wouldn’t play him as long as it was not absolutely necessary. Since we could still clinch with a win in the second game of the double-header, he might not play at all in the final four games, where not going 0-4 was all we had to do anymore.

Game 4
BOS: 3B Gil – SS T. Johnson – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – CF Walberg – C Sanford – 2B D’Angelo – P M. Gonzalez
POR: RF Pinkerton – 2B Vickers – LF Maldonado – CF Fowler – 3B Zeltser – 1B Zitzner – SS Triolo – C Scheffer – P Chavez

That sending Bernie in had been a mistake dawned pretty quick on us. He walked Gil to start the game, with the run eventually scoring on a Willie Vega single, and while Justin Fowler kept being a mean swatter and collected Preston Pinkerton for a 2-run homer in the bottom 1st, Chavez stumbled from one coffee table into the next in a third inning that saw another walk and two singles to allow the Titans to tie the game. At least he stranded Johnson and Willie Vega on the corners with an athletic play on Jay Elder’s 2-out grounder… Mario Gonzalez fared less stellar with Zeltser (single) and Triolo (fielder’s choice that killed Zitzner) on the corners and two outs in the bottom 4th – he threw a wild pitch, giving Portland a 3-2 lead.

The Titans tied the score in the sixth off a still unconvincing Chavez. Ivan Vega and Elder hit singles to get to the corners, and Walberg’s 1-out grounder to Vickers was only good for one out. Bottom 6th, Fowler led off with a single, was doubled off, and then the 6-7-8 batters filled the bags with a double, an infield single, and a walk. Chavez was over 90 pitches anyway and was easily hit for. Kurt Wall grabbed a stick – and struck out. The Raccoons tried again in the seventh against Wyatt Hamill. Vickers hit a 1-out double, and then kicked it into high gear when Maldonado singled to center. Clay Walberg’s throw to home was late, and the Coons had a 4-3 lead in the seventh inning! Maldonado also made it to second base on the throw. The Raccoons saw Fowler walked intentionally (who could play Boston for that?), then Salgado bat for Zeltser… and lining a double into the leftfield corner. One run scored, 5-3, and Zitzner was walked intentionally to get Triolo to the plate. He struck out, and the Coons, looking for the knockout, sent Jimmy Wallace to bat for Phillip Scheffer. Wallace struck Hamill’s first pitch to right-center, it fell, and two more runs scored with two outs…! Tim Stalker then grounded out against the left-handed Jesse Erickson. Up 7-3, there were six outs between the Coons and their first playoffs in seven years. Dusty Kulp was the first reliever tasked with holding the Titans. He retired Johnson and the Vegas without issues in the eighth. Nick Bates got the ninth. Jay Elder struck out, but Bates walked Walberg…… and Pat Sanford, too. Garavito was brought on against the left-handed D’Angelo, who singled to center. That filled the bags and made Mark Walker appear as the tying run. He hit a fly to center, Fowler was on that one, and while Walberg scored that was solely Nick Bates’ problem. We were only in real trouble once Garavito took a run onto his ledger. Antonio Gil was the next Titan up. He lifted the 0-1 to center. Fowler coming on … and he made the catch! Raccoons Ballpark burst into a sea of excited screaming!! 7-4 Raccoons!! Pinkerton 2-5; Vickers 2-5, 2 2B; Fowler 2-3, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Salgado (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Zitzner 1-2, 2 BB, 2B; Wallace (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI;

With the final out made, Steve from Accounting and Maud and me and Cristiano were all jumping up and down and screaming our lungs out while Slappy sat on the couch and grinned. Playoffs! Playoffs!! Playoffs!!

For the first time in seven years, the Raccoons are in the playoffs!!

The other two divisions were still open. Bayhawks Condors were tied in the South, while the Capitals were 3 1/2 ahead of the Miners – there was a makeup game in play there.

Cristiano, did you just jump out of your wheelchair and …? – No? – But I thought you… – Huh. I must have confused you with Slappy then. Weird. You two look nothing alike.

Raccoons (83-76) vs. Canadiens (79-80) – September 28-30, 2035

Hah-haaah!! Dumb Elks! Stupid Elks! ****ing Elks!! Haaah-haaaaaah!! … Thankfully I was so good at concealing my glee over their early elimination. We now had nothing to worry about except more stupid injuries, which was also why we would give all the key personnel as much rest as possible. Fowler f.e. right away wasn’t in the lineup on Friday. The Elks were eighth in runs scored, fourth in runs allowed, and none of it mattered anymore. They were up 9-6 in the season series. I don’t even cared.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (15-7, 3.06 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (4-3, 3.22 ERA)
Bob Thomson (0-1, 3.68 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (11-12, 3.75 ERA)
Josh Livingston (6-3, 2.83 ERA) vs. Joe West (9-12, 3.67 ERA)

Handedness would match in each game, with Bob Thomson getting a spot start to move Colt Willes to Game 1 of the LCS for sure. Rendon could pitch Game 2 by going on Friday. The rest of the playoff rotation was up in the air at this point.

Game 1
VAN: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – CF Outram – SS B. Gonzales – 3B D.J. Robinson – P Nora
POR: 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – CF Hooge – RF Salgado – SS Triolo – P Rendon

While the Coons scored three in a busy bottom 2nd in which Morales, Hooge, and Triolo loaded the bases before Zeltser and Vickers plated two and one with 2-out singles, respectively, Gilberto Rendon was positively wicked in this game. While the damn Elks could hardly hit him, he also had trouble with the strike zone, and surrendered a run in the third inning after walking three Elks. Jesse LeJeune hit a sac fly to get them on the board. And Rendon wouldn’t get the win – he was so outrageously wild that he needed over 100 pitches just to reach the fifth inning and get one out from Tomas Caraballo’s pop, and that was after a leadoff single by LeJeune. Six hits, four walks, five strikeouts and lots of shaking heads. The Raccoons went back to Nick Bates, who allowed an RBI single to Josh Stephenson, had second base stolen off him, threw a wild pitch, and walked Bobby Gonzales before being yanked for Hennessy, who got a grounder from D.J. Robinson to end the inning, somehow with the Coons still up 3-2.

Bottom 5th, the Raccoons had the bases loaded with one out. Zeltser doubled, Vickers flew out to center, Wallace was walked intentionally and Zitzner was drilled. Morales’ sac fly was all we got, and as one mess chased another Hennessy filled the bags with two singles and a 2-out walk to Caraballo in the sixth. Prieto faced Stephenson and escaped on a groundout to short. The Raccoons limped into the ninth inning with Dennis Citriniti, only to collapse spectacularlywhen Caraballo and Stephenson ripped doubles off the right-hander to begin the inning. That shortened the score to 4-3 and put the tying run on second base. The Raccoons called on Garavito, who did absolutely zero to contain the surge, allowing no fewer than four line drive for base hits to not only blow the lead, but give the Elks a 7-4 lead in a 5-run outburst. Not all was lost though – the damn Elks still played like a team that may or may not crack .500. The Coons go a leadoff walk with Pinkerton in the bottom 9th, hitting in the #8 hole. Maldonado forced him out, Stalker flew out, but Vickers singled. Wallace was the tying run, but walked without ever getting a good pitch to hit from Elks lefty Jordan Calderon. Zitzner was up with three on and two outs and as the winning run. He grounded out pathetically. 7-4 Canadiens. Zeltser 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Vickers 3-5, RBI; Morales 2-3, RBI;

Hey, at least nobody was injured!

Game 2
VAN: CF Outram – RF Korecky – 3B Stephenson – C Clemente – LF LeJeune – 2B D.J. Robinson – 1B Meza – SS B. Gonzales – P Corcoran
POR: RF Pinkerton – 3B Marsingill – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF Maldonado – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – SS Triolo – P Thomson

Single, nailed batter, walk – the bags were full before Thomson ever got an out. Timóteo Clemente hit an RBI single, LeJeune hit into a run-scoring fielder’s choice, then was caught stealing, and Robinson struck out to keep it 2-0. It didn’t get any better for Thomson, either. Luis Meza led off with an infield single in the second, stole the next base ahead, and scored when Corcoran singled past Tim Stalker, 3-0. Jerry Outram singled, but Korecky hit into a double play to end the inning. And just when you thought it would be another long bullpen game, Thomson suddenly got his **** together. Only one Elk reached in the third, and then he started to click them off… or at least get grounders into the defense instead of liners over them. Before long, he had pitched seven superficially and averaged decent innings, but was still trailing, because the Coons drew nothing but blanks with their thinned-out lineup against Corcoran, who faced the minimum the first time through, and the second time through allowed an RBI double to Kurt Wall, scoring Pinkerton, but that was largely *it* through six. Maldonado then dropped a leadoff single in the bottom 7th, reached second base on a wild pitch, then scored on Stalker’s single. Stalker was swiftly doubled up by Triolo to end the inning, still 3-2 behind.

Which was about when Nick Valdes stepped through the door, having posted $500 of bail for his pitch invasion, which would get him sued by the district DA. He showed us his fingers, the tips of which were all still black from when they took his fingerprints. So while Thomson gave up hits to Korecky and Clemente in the eighth that inefficient relief by Chris Wise would transform into two more runs, Maud was busy wiping Valdes’ paws with a cloth. Bottom 8th, Valdes was by now able to dig into the peanuts with one paw clean, Pinkerton tripled and Corcoran walked both Wall and Fowler with two outs. Hooge and Salgado were sent to pinch-run with Maldonado at the plate, but he grounded out to Gonzales… The left-handed blight Steve Gowan was taken apart for three runs in the ninth, and the good thing was that we didn’t care. The damn, dumb Elks could win a thousand to zilch and they wouldn’t catch us anymore…! 8-2 Canadiens. Pinkerton 2-4, 3B; Wall 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Maldonado 2-4;

The Capitals won 4-2 over the Miners to clinch the FL East on this day. The Bayhawks and Condors were still tied in the CL South. All three other divisions were led by a 96-win team at this point.

Game 3
VAN: LF LeJeune – CF Outram – C Clemente – 1B Caraballo – RF Stephenson – 2B Morrow – 3B D.J. Robinson – SS E. Serrano – P J. West
POR: 3B Zeltser – 2B Vickers – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Morales – CF Maldonado – LF Hooge – SS Triolo – P Livingston

While we weren’t keen on ending the regular season by getting swept by the damn Elks, it didn’t matter. The #3 seed was two weeks’ worth of games away, and we had just had two injury scares against Boston. It wasn’t worth putting out the best suit. We had to make up numbers, but Fowler and Wallace and Berto weren’t in the lineup – the latter being declared healthy for Sunday by Dr. Chung. They might pinch-hit; they wouldn’t take the field though.

For something new, the Elks took the lead in the third on a passed ball charged to Tony Morales. Edgar Serrano and LeJeune had been on the corners against Livingston. Portland made up the run in the fourth; Zitzner doubled, Morales singled, and Maldonado hit into a 5-3 groundout that required Robinson to hustle for the ball with no chance at getting Zitzner at home plate. The good-for-nothing game trundled along for seven innings of decent ball by Livingston, who was pinch-hit for when Triolo drew a 1-out walk in the bottom 7th. Wallace hit into a double play. It was 1-1 through eight, with Hennessy’s **** being shoveled up by Prieto, and in the ninth Ed Blair got around a leadoff walk to Caraballo. Berto hit for Morales against Joe West to lead off the bottom of the ninth. He singled on the first pitch to the delight of the home crowd. Maldonado bunted him to second. Hooge was walked with intent, then forced out on Triolo’s grounder. Fowler batted for Blair with two outs and the winning run at third base. And he ACTUALLY got nailed on the first pitch. The home crowd now became unruly… and so did I. The Raccoons mascot, manned by Chad, was in the bottom rows next to the Elks’ dugout and organized a cup of beer from a fan, then tossed it with guile from the open side into the hostile dugout. On the very next pitch, Bob Zeltser dropped a single in front of Ryan Phillips, ending the damn, dumb, stupid, ****ing Elks’ season. 2-1 Furballs!! Zeltser 2-5, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4; Ramos (PH) 1-1; Livingston 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 3 K;

In other news

September 25 – DEN INF Orlando Nieblas (.272, 12 HR, 61 RBI) hits a home run for the only score in the Gold Sox’ 1-0 win over the Stars.
September 26 – SFW SP Mike Ibarra (16-9, 3.63 ERA) will miss nine months with a stretched elbow ligament.
September 27 – In the middle of a live pennant race, SFB SP Matt Huf (16-12, 3.47 ERA) will need surgery for a torn rotator cuff and is out for the season, but hopeful to come back by Opening Day.

Complaints and stuff

PLAYOFFS!!!!

GOD, it’s been a long time! – Maud. Do I have to do anything special for the playoffs? – Comb my hair? – And the stains on the shirt? – The sweatpants, too!?

Although all three of our prime offensive players got nicked in one way or another in the final week, all of them made it to the playoffs alive. There will be some haggling over who’s on the playoff roster and who’s not, and right now I have no idea who’s even going to start a game after Willes goes in the opener in Tijuana.

The Condors won the South on the final day of the season, beating the Knights 3-2 on a walkoff single by the skunk weasel (.269, 29 HR, 107 RBI) in the 12th inning, while the Bayhawks were squeezed out, 1-0, by the Thunder. I think we would have matched up better with the Bayhawks, but there is ultimately not that much difference there.

Also, they might have won 97 games, but the Condors won only 27 games in August and September. The Coons? 39!

Fun Fact: The Canadiens haven’t made the playoffs in 23 years, the fourth-longest drought in the league.

What is even more amazing is that the three teams with the longest playoff drought all play in the FL West. The Stars have not been shining for 27 seasons, the Wolves have gone hungry for 31 seasons, and the Gold Sox have found nothing but dumb stone for 32 years.

The Pacifics have won the West a dozen times since 2009, followed by the Scorpions’ eight crowns and seven for the Warriors. In terms of titles it’s six, one, and two-plus, respectively.