[Westheim]

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

Playoffs! Maud made me wear my good suit and tie in Tijuana, although I had no doubt I would get both soaked in Tequila one way or another.

Before the actual games, however, the baseball gods had put the task of setting a playoff roster at all. Of the 34 players that had finished the regular season with Portland, several were not eligible to begin with. This included Nick Bates, John Hennessy, and Bob Thomson on the pitching side. Hennessy had been on the DL on August 31, yes, but he had been on the *minor league* DL and as such the ABL disallowed him to come onto the playoff roster except as a replacement in case of injury.

For batters, Scheffer, Triolo, Maldonado, and Salgado (who had been demoted in August) were all ineligible. This left the Raccoons with exactly 13 eligible position players, including all the regulars you’d expect plus Hooge, Pinkerton, and Marsingill, that forgettable triplet.

The real issue was on the pitching side. 14 pitchers remained eligible for 12 spots, including the following starters: Brown, Chavez, Livingston, Rendon, Sabre, and Willes; as well as the following relievers: Blair, Citriniti, Fernandez, Garavito, Gowan, Kulp, Prieto, and Wise; here we still managed to make easy cuts to get down to a dozen; now, the Condors had a sizable contingent of left-handed batters, but their key bats were right-handed with the exception of Justin Williams, who would play in the CLCS, and Willie Ojeda, who would not, having torn a quad in August. Foregoing a third southpaw seemed acceptable, given the off days in the series and the fact that that third southpaw would be Steve Gowan. The other strike candidate was Citriniti with eight walks in 8.2 innings. The Condors were on base all the time even without being walked automatically.

That left the small issue of which of the six starters would actually start games in the series. Colt Willes had already been anointed Game 1 starter before, and we struck to that. Of the other five, all had struggled at one point or another, and most even recently, like Rendon’s stinker of a final regular season start. Despite this, his overall consistency over the season was something that promised hope, and he was locked in for Game 2. And beyond that and for Brown, Sabre, Chavez, and Livingston (who still had not won a game in almost two months), the Raccoons made no commitments at this point and would play it entirely by fuzzy ear. Picking a Game 3 starter also involved semi-committing to him as Game 7 starter, and none of those four was in a position to claim that honor / responsibility…

2035 CONTINENTAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Portland Raccoons (84-78) @ Tijuana Condors (97-65)

The Condors had won the South on the final day of the season and looked like a sure bet against the Raccoons, but those records were deceptive. All our hope was in final-third performance; the Raccoons had won 38 of their last 54 games, but the Condors had actually posted a losing record of 26-28 over the same amount of games. They still had scored the most runs in the CL and had allowed the fewest and topped the Raccoons’ +66 run differential by exactly 100 runs. They weren’t a beast to be toyed with…!

On-base percentage and stealing bases was their mantra, but they had hit about as many dingers as the Coons, with disgusting revolting skunk weasel Shane Sanks (.269, 29 HR, 107 RBI) leading the team in that regard. With the demise of Ojeda, no .300 hitter survived on their roster, but they used the boa constrictor approach to batting rather than the Coons’ “poke ‘n pray” philosophy. They had the best rotation, the best pen, and the third-best offense. The Raccoons merely came third, eighth, and eighth, respectively, in those categories.

Doesn’t matter, boys! 38-16! 38-16! 38-16!

These teams had met twice in the CLCS before, with the Raccoons emerging victorious and on the way to a title both times. They beat the Condors in six in ’93 on the way to the rubber series with the Caps, and advanced in seven games in ’28 before meeting the Buffos and sweeping them under the rug. That had been a long time and many tears ago. Colt Willes was tasked with putting it right now.

Game 1 – Colt Willes (12-10, 3.46 ERA) vs. Juan Garcia (19-10, 2.87 ERA)

The Condors rolled up one of their two southpaws for the opener. The Raccoons would prefer to see righty starters, but this wasn’t about making a wish upon the stars. We chose an alternating-handedness approach for Game 1.

POR: SS Ramos – C Wall – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Willes
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 2B Bensinger – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – 1B Zuazo – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – SS Bunyon – P J. Garcia

Berto singled on the first pitch of the series, but was stranded when nobody else could find a hole to dink a ball into. No other Critter reached base the first time through, with Garcia whiffing three, and the Condors took a 1-0 lead in the bottom 2nd. Shane Skunks turned an 0-2 pitch into a leadoff double, advanced on Alvin Zuazo’s deep fly, and then scored when none of three converging Critters could make a play on Juan Palbes poor 2-out roller, allowing the skunk weasel to hustle home on the infield single.

Berto singled again with two outs in the third, but Kurt Wall popped out to strand him this time. The Coons continued to do nothing in the fourth, the bottom of which saw Justin Williams lead off with a Wallace-sponsored single in shallow left, and Zuazo legged out a roller for another infield single. With writing getting ready to appear on the wall, Jose Flores hit a grounder to Tim Stalker for a 4-6-3 double play, ending the inning. The Raccoons still couldn’t get any non-Ramos player on base in the fifth, while Willes, who struck out six through four innings, allowed a 1-out single to Donovan Bunyon, who was bunted over by Garcia. Chris Murphy hit a looper into shallow right near the line, Fernandez had a long way to go and didn’t get there; with two outs, Bunyon scored easily, giving the Condors a 2-0 lead. Jason Bensinger then grounded out.

Bensinger knocked down Jimmy Wallace’s grounder, but couldn’t make a play from deep on the dirt, allowing Wallace to reach base with an infield single as he led off the seventh inning, becoming the first Critter other than Ramos to make it on base in this game in any way, shape or form, by base hit, walk, error, catcher’s interference, or divine intervention. He also never got off first base, as Williams caught a liner by Fowler, a fly by Fernandez, and Zitzner rolled out pathetically to Bunyon.

On to the eighth, where still 2-0 down the Raccoons again got their leadoff guy on base when Justin Marsingill batted for Zeltser and singled to center. The Condors stuck with Garcia, not having any real need to replace him, but Tim Stalker got hold of a baseball and stuck it into the rightfield corner for an RBI triple, and out of the blue the Raccoons had the tying run 90 feet away! Rich Vickers batted for Willes, but lined out, and for additional agony Berto popped out on the first pitch. Two outs, and Stalker still on third base. Kurt Wall ran a 2-2 count before grounding up the middle – and past Bunyon! Single, tied game! Wallace grounded out, and Mauricio Garavito retired Ken Kramer, Bensinger, and Williams in order in the bottom of the inning.

Ray Andrews struck out Fowler to begin the ninth, but couldn’t get to Manny Fernandez, who buried a ball in the gap for the Coons’ second triple in as many innings, representing the go-ahead run on third base. Unfortunately, this was with Travis “You’re Gonna Be Disappointed” Zitzner at the plate. The Condors still wanted no part of him – they brought Marsingill up with an intentional walk. The Coons could play that game, too – Tony Morales batted for Marsingill to counter the right-handed Andrews (with Preston Pinkerton available as third-string third baseman). He got doubled up on a grounder to Bensinger, and the Raccoons threw their golden chance away…

Then came the bottom of the ninth. Skunk weasel led off with a double over Wallace on Dusty Kulp’s 0-2. Zuazo walked, and Kulp was yanked for David Fernandez even with Flores being right-handed (but two lefty bats after that). Sanks advanced on a deep fly out, moving the winning run to third base. Andy Hughes pinch-hit in the #7 hole, but we stuck with Fernandez, who got him to 0-2 before the Condors got another hard knock in that count, a spanker to the left side, Pinkerton with the dive and grab, and a desperate throw to home plate, where Shane Skunks was – OUT!!! HAH!! Skunks!! Take your dumb face and GO HOME!! Winning run back to second base for Tijuana! …and then back to third base on a passed ball on the 2-1 to Bunyon. Oh dear! The count ran full before Bunyon hit a hard grounder to the right side. Zitzner couldn’t reach it, and Zuazo jogged home for the walkoff. 3-2 Condors. Ramos 2-4; Marsingill (PH) 1-1; Willes 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K;

Well, wasn’t that smothering? Can it get much worse in Game 2?

Game 2 – Gilberto Rendon (15-7, 3.08 ERA) vs. George Griffin (15-9, 2.54 ERA)

A right-hander! And also a must-pounce game for the Critters.

POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – P Rendon
TIJ: RF C. Murphy – 2B Bensinger – CF J. Williams – 3B Sanks – 1B Zuazo – C J. Flores – LF Palbes – SS Bunyon – P Griffin

Griffin of course had always struggled with low stamina and could be a guy that could get knocked out even with a lead. The Coons rung with him for 22 pitches in the first, starting with a Berto triple to right, and continuing with a walk drawn by Manny before Wallace hit into a run-scoring fielder’s choice. Griffin then struck out two. When Zitz ‘n Zelts opened the second with singles, Stalker hit into a double play and Rendon struck out, and nobody scored, and the Coons stranded Berto, who walked and stole second, and Fowler (another walk) in the third inning when Tony Morales grounded out.

While Rendon pitched neatly with the exception of a Zuazo double the first time through, the Raccoons kept finding embarrassing way to waste away chances. Zitzner hit a leadoff single in he fourth…! And Zeltser spanked right into a double play. Stalker then hit a 1-1 pitch plenty long… but foul… and then popped out to Williams in shallow center. In good news, the Coons had Griffin at 74 pitches through four innings, so he wouldn’t hang around forever and maybe they could find better luck against the pen… To begin the fifth, Rendon whiffed, but even that took Griffin six pitches. Berto walked in a full count, and then Fernandez legged out an infield single. Wallace looped a ball to shallow right-center, uncatchable, and Berto had a perfect read and easily scored on the play, 2-0! And then Fowler fanned and Morales grounded out, stranding two…

While Rendon looked good after scattering four runners in five innings, the Raccoons got rid of Griffin with another Zitzner leadoff single in the sixth. Zelser flew out, but Stalker singled off Jose Ornelas. Then Rendon struck out trying to bunt, which was not in the plan I had drawn up… Berto batted with two outs, but flew out to Williams anyway… The amount of base runners stranded and doubled up made me slightly queasy, but maybe it was the worm in the Tequila, and besides, Rendon pitched extremely efficiently (six shutout innings on 62 pitches!)… no, I couldn’t help but feel like the thick end was yet to come.

With the utmost pain and weird groaning noises the Raccoons scratched out a third run in the top 7th against Ornelas. Manny doubled, Wallace singled, Fowler kept piling up strikeouts, but Tony Morales placed a grounder where the Condors could only get one, not two, and Manny came home from third base. Travisty Zitzner then struck out. Bottom 7th, Juan Palbes reached base with a 2-out single… then was caught stealing by Morales. Rendon’s continuing shutout even excused him for bunting into a double play in the eighth inning. He retired Bunyon, Firmino Cambra, and Chris Murphy in order in the eighth, which he finished on 88 pitches.

The Raccoons stuck to their man in the bottom of the ninth, facing the 2-3-4 batters. Bensinger flew out to Fowler on the first pitch. Williams doubled to left… and, there was the pitching coach, and after a brief discussion the change was made. The Raccoons went to *Chris Wise* with the skunk weasel at the dish. He threw a wild 1-2 to advance Williams, who’s run didn’t count for much, but then Skunks turned the 1-2 into a full-count walk and suddenly the tying run was up. Zuazo struck out, however, bringing up an 0-for-7 Flores with two outs. He flew out to center. 3-0 Coons! M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-4, 2 RBI; Zitzner 3-4; Rendon 8.1 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K, W (1-0);

WIN!