[Westheim]

Raccoons (3-3) vs. Falcons (3-3) – April 14-16, 2036

The Raccoons had made it a habit of losing the season series against Charlotte, 4-5, which had occurred in six of the last eight seasons, including in 2035. In ’36 they were batting a pathetic .214 early on and hadn’t scored three runs per game, but on the other hand also weren’t allowing four runs per game. Given the ravaged status of the Raccoons’ offense with nothing else but waiver claims and rookies to burn as hole fillers, this series could quickly devolve into another set of snoozefests.

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (1-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Matt Moon (0-0, 4.50 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (0-0, 1.29 ERA) vs. Mike Barnett (1-0, 1.13 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (0-1, 1.50 ERA) vs. Joe Feltman (0-1, 2.25 ERA)

All right-handers in this series!

Game 1
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – CF Jon. Reyna – C Huichapa – 1B Zitzner – RF J. Aguilar – 2B J. Johnson – 3B Depp – LF L. Herrera – P Moon
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – CF M. Fernandez – C Wall – LF Hooge – 2B Stalker – RF Keller – 1B Maruyama – P Willes

While I still wondered what the **** had happened to make Ed Hooge bat fifth in the second week of the season, Jerry Aguilar and John Johnson hit back-to-back doubles to left and left-center off Willes to put the Falcons up 1-0. Ed Hooge then led off the bottom 2nd with a game-tying homer, so maybe that was the answer…? Tim Stalker then doubled and threatened to be left stranded by the dismal bottom of the order, but Colt Willes singled to left with two outs to give himself the lead before Berto dropped to 1-for-23 to end the inning. Oh well, he had been through ****ty Aprils before and then won the batting title. Totally unconcerned! Totally! (struggles to unscrew the next bottle of Capt’n Coma)

A leadoff walk to Dave Myers had him going on contact with Manny Fernandez batting in the bottom 3rd. The ball found the gap for extra bases and Myers scored easily to extend the lead to 3-1, but Fernandez was left in scoring position and the Falcons lobbed three singles off Willes in the fourth to score a run, with the actual RBI going to Matt Moon for his 2-out single that plated Johnson, so at least the hurlers were even, although thanks to Oscar Aguirre’s groundout the Raccoons remained up 3-2… well, at least until Jonathan Reyna’s leadoff jack in the fifth… That one tied the game. Aguilar doubled, Johnson singled with two outs to make it 4-3 Falcons.

Willes saw Berto and Fernandez reach the corners in the bottom 5th, but Kurt Wall hit into an inning-ending 5-4-3, and that was the last chance they got to take Willes off the hook while he was in he game. Johnson, a true pest, knocked him out with a 2-out double in the seventh. Mauricio Garavito secure a groundout from PH Ivan Pena to strand the insurance run, then was immediately pinch-hit for in the bottom 7th. Preston Pinkerton grounded out in his stead, and the Raccoons didn’t get on base until Dave Myers doubled with two outs. Manny Fernandez was the one hot bat in the lineup and upped his average to .440 with a resounding homer to left, his second of the season, and a score-flipper to boot!

Casey Moore then continued to sabotage the team every chance he got. After an initial pop out by Lorenzo Herrera, he did not retire another batter, allowing a single to PH Brian Hubbard, walking Oscar Aguirre, and then sucking up two runs on a wild pitch and a Reyna single. Ernesto Huichapa also singled, prompting a move to Prieto, who rung up Zitzner (batting .069!) before Aguilar flew out. Was there another comeback in the team? Surely not in the eighth, and the ninth pitted them against lefty Juan Vela, and the situation with Chiyosaku Maruyama had already deteriorated so badly in just 12 at-bats this season (netting him a .167 OPS) that the Raccoons hit for him even with the platoon advantage. Rich Vickers grounded out instead. Fowler hit for Prieto in the #9 hole and walked, and Vela then lost Berto in a full count, so the tying and winning runs were on base for Dave Myers, batting all of .190, but reaching base at almost twice that rate. Unfortunately, he poked, grounded a ball to Aguirre, and the Falcons turned two. 6-5 Falcons. M. Fernandez 3-4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Hooge 2-4, HR, RBI; Prieto 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – CF Jon. Reyna – 3B I. Pena – C Huichapa – 1B Zitzner – RF J. Aguilar – 2B J. Johnson – LF Jennings – P Barnett
POR: 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – 2B Vickers – LF Hooge – SS Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez

Not that we were the only ones knowing that Chiyosaku Maruyama was full o’ **** – with two outs and Vickers and Hooge in scoring position in the bottom 2nd, the Falcons didn’t bother with the intentional walk. Barnett put two strikes on him, then gave up a sure hopper to Aguirre for the third out. Yay, Chickoo, you made contact! YOUR MOTHER MUST BE SO PROUD.

Only Aguirre reached the first time through for the Falcons, and he was caught stealing, but they got Aguirre (who was forced by Reyna) and Ivan Pena on base with two infield singles in the fourth. Huichapa hit a deep fly out to Fernandez in right, allowing Reyna to third base, but Zitzner was frighteningly useless, too, and grounded out to Rich Vickers to strand a pair. The Raccoons had also left two abord in the bottom 3rd, Myers and Fernandez reaching before Morales and Fowler had their non-fatal flies caught rather easily by outfielders, and in the fourth Ed Hooge found a single, then was doubled up by Tim Stalker… It wasn’t the prettiest brand of baseball, that was for sure… Bottom 5th, Myers and Fernandez were on board again, this time with two gone, and maybe Tony Morales could not falter and instead – no, he struck out.

It took a ****ing leadoff triple by Justin Fowler to get the Raccoons on the ****ing scoreboard in the bottom of the sixth. And even then the Falcons pulled all kinds of trick moves, walking Hooge intentionally after Vickers hit a comebacker that kept the runner pinned, hoping for the double play. Unfortunately for them, Stalker hit a fly to center that was just deep enough for Fowler to beat Reyna’s respectable arm and score the maiden run in the game. Maruyama of course grounded out ****tily.

At this point, Bernie was on four hits and six strikeouts and looked okay, but dread the long ball…! He got the 4-5-6 batters all to two strikes in the seventh; two fanned, but Zitzner singled; however John Johnson had run out of hits in his bat and grounded out easily. Bernie batted for himself in the bottom 7th, flying out to Aguilar, then struck out ex-Coon Billy Jennings and Barnett in the eighth before walking Aguirre in a full count. Reyna was his last batter on pitch count AND the fact that the lefty batter Pena was up after that. He could count as far on his ten claws too, put it all into three more strikes, and would retire from the game with eight shutout innings and 11 strikeouts! The Raccoons did zero in the bottom 8th, so the 1-0 lead went to Chris Wise, who would face the meat of the lineup, gave up a bloop single to Pena to right, and a dying quail to Huichapa that fell into center, and the Falcons were on the corners with no outs. Oh goody goodness! Zitzner struck out for a major surprise, but the Coons couldn’t turn two on Aguilar’s well-placed grounder after that and only got the force at second base, so there went Bernie’s W. A groundout ended the inning, sending Mike Barnett back out for the ninth against the bottom of the order. Stalker, Wall, and Keller grounded out in order, sending the game to extras, where PH Mike Sawyer doubled to lead off the 10th against Yeom Soung. Aguirre got the RBI single, and the Raccoons had to show some magic against Vela in the bottom of the inning to make up a 2-1 deficit. Myers walked. Fernandez flew out. Morales walked, moving the tying run to second base. Fowler struck out. Batting fifth was Berto after an earlier PH assignment, so here was a .077 batter for some good luck. He singled to center, actually, but the ball bounced into Reyna’s mitten right away and there was no way to responsibly send Myers around third base. Preston Pinkerton batted for Hooge for a platoon advantage with three on and two outs – he was also the last guy off the bench, so from now on relievers would bat for themselves, although, then again, this would mean the Coons didn’t lose immediately. Pinkerton grounded out to third base and the Raccoons lost immediately. 2-1 Falcons. Hooge 2-3, BB; Chavez 8.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 11 K and 1-3;

(draws the blinds, sits back down, and puts the wicker waste paper basket over his head)

If I can’t see them, they can’t see me neither!

Game 3
CHA: SS O. Aguirre – CF Jon. Reyna – 3B I. Pena – C Huichapa – 1B Zitzner – RF J. Aguilar – 2B J. Johnson – LF L. Herrera – P Feltman
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – RF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Morales – LF Hooge – 2B Vickers – 1B Marsingill – P Sabre

The Raccoons had three singles and a run, driven in by Tony Morales, in the first inning, then a walk and three singles for two runs in the second inning. What a rush of offense! Berto and Myers got the RBI’s in the latter inning, and for both of them it was the first of the season. Now we only had to give one to Fowler! He grounded out to strand the two runners in scoring position. While Sabre retired the Falcons in order the first time through, Feltman kept getting socked with singles. While Morales grounded out to begin the bottom 3rd, Hooge doubled, they were on the corners with a Vickers single, and Justin Marsingill hit an RBI single past Zitzner, 4-0. Sabre then managed to bunt into a double play, but maybe it was better if he concentrated on his pitchcraft now.

He promptly walked Aguirre to begin the fourth and allowed a single to Reyna, and RBI single to Huichapa, and then a sac fly to Zitzner. Aguilar singled with two outs, prompting a mound visit to inquire whether Sabre was out of his ****ing mind. He claimed he wasn’t, but then gave up another screaming RBI single to Johnson, cutting the lead to 4-3. Herrera grounded out, but there was just nobody on this team to trust… By the fifth, Aguirre singled, Reyna homered, it was 5-4 Falcons, and Sabre was out of the game soon after…

Then the April weather got involved and a gray and dreary sky opened up for a 45-minute delay in the bottom of the fifth that knocked out Feltman with Hooge and Vickers already in scoring position after getting hits #11 and 12 for the Raccoons. With one out, the Falcons walked Marsingill intentionally to set up a double play. Abramo Archibugi, southpaw, would then face the pinch-hitting Tim Stalker, who struck out, and Ramos, who… struck out. Bottom 6th. Myers opened with a double. Fernandez singled, runners to the corners, and the RBI-less Fowler … struck out. HERE WE GO. Morales popped out, so only one out to go against Ed Hooge, who … singled! Tied ballgame, and Vickers’ single scored Fernandez from second base to give Portland a 6-5 lead …!? It had taken only SIXTEEN hits to get there…!! Archibugi walked Marsingill, which brought up another pinch-hitter in Kurt Wall, who … struck out. Three more stranded.

The Raccoons then got four outs from Prieto and two from David Fernandez in their quest to maybe win a game for once, which got them through eight with their pitching. Tony Morales’ leadoff single off Sean Rhinehart in the bottom 8th was their 17th hit, but was counting even worth it? Hooge flew out. Vickers whiffed. Keller batted for Marsingill to counter the right-hander, but struck out… well at least Maruyama could play defense now since nobody had asked him to bat so far… This time, Chris Wise faced the 6-7-8 batters. He walked Aguilar. He walked Johnson. Lorenzo Herrera hit a game-tying single. Hubbard in the #9 hole bunted badly getting the lead runner out at third base. Wise walked Aguirre to fill the bases, then was taken out of the ballgame and behind the shed. Yeom Soung inherited three on, one out, and .417 batter Jonathan Reyna at the plate. First pitch, vicious line drive – right at Vickers!! And he held on! The runners held stations, so no chance to get a cheesy double play, but we had two outs now. Mike Sawyer, one of the devils that spoiled Tuesday’s effort, would pinch-hit for the left-handed Pena. Another pitch, another vicious liner – right at Vickers!! AND HE HELD ON!!! While that staved off the loss for the moment, the Raccoons still had to bat, dreadfully having Maruyama lead off in the #9 hole (the pitcher was at #8 now after a wise move before Chris Wise came in to **** everything up AGAIN). Alex Aguilar, a right-hander of no particular pedigree, walked Maruyama (!), walked Berto, and gave up a single to Myers. The bags were full for all .441 of Manny Fernandez with nobody out… and he popped out on the infield. Fowler flew out to Reyna in shallow center, and there was no way Maruyama would score on that one – he wasn’t even done with his preparatory gymnastics for his victory stomp on home plate yet! Morales flew out to left. Extra innings, but they’d had to play them without me watching, because I was trying to sneak Maud’s scissors to stab the blades into my ****ing eyeballs…

What I didn’t see because I was fighting Maud in her room was Yeom Soung retiring the Falcons in order before Hooge led off the bottom 10th with a bloop single, then stole second base by accident when Vickers flailed on a hit-and-run. Pinkerton dropped a 2-2 single with one out, putting runners on the corners, and that meant that Maruyama was back at it… He grounded up the middle, there was a nanosecond of hesitation in John Johnson on whether to go home with the ball or try for two – then he went home … but it was too late to beat Ed Hooge, and the Raccoons walked off on a walkoff fielder’s choice by MARUYAMA. 7-6 Blighters. Myers 4-6, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-6; Morales 3-6, 2 RBI; Hooge 3-6, 2B; Vickers 4-6, RBI; Marsingill 1-1, 3 BB, RBI; Pinkerton (PH) 1-1; Soung 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, W (1-1);

It only took them 20 hits to win!

Raccoons (4-5) @ Titans (5-4) – April 18-20, 2036

The Titans were half a game behind the first-place Elks, with the Coons fourth in the North. Last year, beating them 11 out of 18 games was the key to the division. This year, even the Raccoons’ shadows were on crutches, so I had no hope for this first road series of the season, even though the Titans had been swept by the Bayhawks earlier in the week. We have always found ways to lose in Boston, and we will continue to do so; it’s our brand. They were fourth in runs scored, seventh in runs allowed, and were blessed with good health.

Projected matchups:
Darren Brown (0-1, 2.70 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (1-1, 2.25 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (0-0, 5.56 ERA) vs. Tony Chavez (2-0, 3.38 ERA)
Colt Willes (1-0, 2.30 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (1-1, 4.91 ERA)

Of these three, only Willett was right-handed.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Morales – RF Keller – 2B Stalker – 1B Maruyama – P Brown
BOS: RF M. Avila – SS Gil – 1B Regan – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B Beam – CF Hayden – P Willett

Darren Brown had one of those typical Darren Brown starts and got saddled for three runs right in the first frame. After an initial out from Moises Avila he filled the bags with a single and two walks, plated Antonio Gil with a wild pitch, allowed two more runs on a Jim Young single, and somehow was saved by D on Bobby Beam’s hard grounder before it could get even worse than that. Brown ran multiple 3-run counts after that, but didn’t walk anybody until after Greg Regan and Keith Spataro reached the corners with singles in the bottom 3rd and he plated Regan with a gruesome wild pitch, then completed a walk to Jim Young. Beam grounded out, keeping the score at a merciful 4-1, with the Coons’ run having come on a Tony Morales homer. Matt Hayden however hit a leadoff double in the fourth, scored on a bunt and a grounder, and down 5-1 the Coons had enough of Brown and yanked him. Garavito replaced him, got out of the inning, but conceded a run on three singles in the fifth, negating the run Manny Fernandez had driven in to briefly make it 5-2 in the top 5th…

At that point we considered the game to be very much in the bin and that it was all about using as few arms as possible from then on, but the seventh inning began with a Maruyama double (!!) off Willett, and then Vickers and Berto hit singles. This scored a run, 6-3, and brought the tying run to the dish with nobody out. Dave Myers’ sac fly got home a run, but didn’t greatly help in keeping the line moving, but Fernandez legged out an infield single. That brought up Fowler, batting .114 with no RBI. His BABIP was actually negative, Cristiano Carmona had calculated, so he was DUE a 3-run homer. He struck out. Morales struck out. Everything was terrible. Nobody scored through eight anymore, so the Raccoons arrived with the top of the order awaiting Jermaine Campbell, who had been roughed up for an 8.44 ERA early on. Quite a surprise, Ramos, Myers, and Fernandez went down in order… 6-4 Titans. Myers 2-4, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, 3B, RBI; Maruyama 2-4, 2B; Moore 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – C Wall – CF Fowler – 2B Stalker – LF Hooge – RF Pinkerton – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon
BOS: RF M. Avila – SS Gil – 1B Regan – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B Beam – CF Reichardt – P T. Chavez

The Titans had Jim Young thrown out at home plate on Tony Chavez’ 2-out single in the bottom 2nd, and the Raccoons got a leadoff double from Maruyama (!!) in the third and never moved him another 90 or let alone 180 feet. Everybody struggled, nobody was happy. In the top 4th, the Raccoons got Stalker and Pinkerton on with base hits, then saw Chavez throw four clumsy balls to Maruyama. That filled the bags with two down and Rendon up, which was so helpful, but Rendon actually hit a ball over Bobby Beam for a base hit and two runs scored on the play! Berto then popped out, stranding runners on the corners… The 2-0 lead the went where all leads in Boston went, with Keith Spataro taking it away. Willie Vega drew a leadoff walk, Spataro ripped an RBI triple, then scored on a Young single to immediately tear Rendon a new one. The Coons scored a run on three singles in the top 5th? Rendon would just come apart again! Actually, there was a 2-out walk in a full count to Vega, and then Spataro reached on a Wall error, AND Rendon was exhausted on 103 pitches, AND Jim Young was a left-hander salivating to tear him up – Rendon was yanked after 4.2 messy innings with six hits, three walks, and at best a no-decision. Garavito got a grounder to Stalker, the toss to first was dropped by Maruyama, and the second straight error loaded the bases for Bobby Beam, who hit a screaming liner to right for a 2-run single, flipping the score. Longtime Titan and briefly ex-Coon Adrian Reichardt grounded out to end another dismal inning.

When Maruyama (!) and Myers hit extra base knocks in the sixth to tie the game, the Titans came back with another 2-spot, THREE extra-base hits beaten out of Garavito’s limp corpse by Avila, Gil, and Greg Regan. The inning after that, Prieto loaded the bases with three random Titans, and when David Fernandez came on with three on and two outs, his first pitch was wild to get a run home. And THEN he walked Gil. Somehow Regan grounded out. It hurt just from watching it, and the Titans would score for the fifth straight inning in the bottom 8th with Young homering off Fernandez to make it 8-4. The Raccoons went in order in the ninth against Wyatt Hamill… 8-4 Titans. Myers 2-4, BB, 3B, RBI; Stalker 3-4; Maruyama 3-3, BB, 2 2B;

Last place was achieved with this particularly gruesome loss, and I had no doubts that more would follow swiftly.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Fowler – C Wall – 2B Vickers – RF Pinkerton – 1B Maruyama – P Willes
BOS: RF M. Avila – SS Gil – 1B Regan – LF W. Vega – 2B Spataro – C J. Young – 3B Beam – CF Hayden – P M. Gonzalez

Justin Fowler and Kurt Wall, who looked like the result of a horrible transporter accident on an early-90s sci-fi show at this point, opened the top 2nd with a single and … well, by not falling down after Bobby Beam threw away a grounder, sending them both into scoring position with nobody out. Vickers popped out, Pinkerton flew out to center, and Fowler was thrown out at home plate by Hayden… When Maruyama opened the third with a single (!), Willes bunted into a 1-6-3 double play, and the fourth saw a leadoff double by Myers, a pop by Fernandez, then two walks issued to the wrongly reassembled team carriers of last year, loading the bags for Vickers, who flew out to Hayden just deep enough to get Myers home for an actual ****ing run. Pinkerton grounded out pathetically…

Top 5th, another leadoff single for Maruyama with the Titans’ defense porous up the middle while their offense had managed only one base hit against Willes so far. This time the Coons’ hurler managed to bunt the runner to second base without a major disaster, and Berto’ singled to right-center for an RBI single, 2-0 …! Hayden attempted to get Maruyama at home, but only allowed Berto to skirt into second base on the effort, not that that gave the Coons an extra run – Myers and Manny made tame outs to strand Ramos. Bottom 5th, the madness began. Willes allowed a single to Young, a double to Beam, and they were in scoring position as the tying runs with nobody out. Hayden fanned, Gonzalez WALKED (…!!), Avila whiffed, and then Gil shot a grounder at Vickers for the third out! Holy – would the Raccoons finally win a ballgame?? They sure got another two runs in the top 6th on straight 2-out hits by Vickers (double), Pinkerton (RBI single) and Maruyama (RBI double (!!!))!

Unfortunately Willes was about tuckered out after seven innings, having another tough one in the bottom 7th with Beam and Hayden hits before the inning ended on Avila’s 5-4-3 double play spanker. It left Willes with a 6-hit shutout, but on 99 pitches, and unlikely to finish to be polite. He began the bottom 8th facing Gil, but was removed after a leadoff single. A double switch inserted Yeom Soung and Tim Stalker into the game, and the southpaw rung up Regan before Vega hit into a double play. In the ninth, the Critters faced right-hander Blake Sciulli, whose most impressive weapon was a blazing red beard. Stalker hit a leadoff single, Berto walked, but Myers popped out and so did Fernandez. Should Justin Fowler even bat in an RBI situation anymore? He was 5-for-43 with sad eyes and made everybody with a Coons hat cry. But we were also still up by four with three outs to get, so why not piss this RISP at-bat away? He struck out. At least he caught Spataro’s liner to begin the ninth. Young singled off Soung, but Beam hit into a double play and the Coons escaped with a win. 4-0 Raccoons. Hooge (PH) 1-1; Maruyama 3-4, 2B, RBI; Stalker 1-1; Willes 7.0 IP, 7 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K, W (2-0); Soung 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

In other news

April 14 – NAS 3B/2B Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.310, 0 HR, 2 RBI) has one hit in the Blue Sox’ 9-8 loss to the Warriors, also extending a hitting streak that started in 2035 to 20 games.
April 14 – PIT 3B Omar Lastrade (.308, 0 HR, 3 RBI) will be out six weeks after having his arm broken by an errant pitch by LAP SP Andy Jimenes (1-1, 3.00 ERA). Adding injury to insult, Jimenes grinds out a 1-0 win with a combined 5-hitter with CL Chun-yeong Chah (0-0, 0.00 ERA; 1 SV).
April 16 – LVA SP Antonio Vega (0-1, 2.70 ERA) is out for the season. The sophomore right-hander will have Tommy John surgery for a torn UCL.
April 17 – The Loggers trade 1B Justin LeClerc (.333, 0 HR, 2 RBI) to the Wolves for C Francis Chavez (.200, 0 HR, 0 RBI).
April 18 – SFW SP Tony Galligher (1-1, 1.50 ERA) 3-hits the Pacifics with 8 strikeouts in a 6-0 shutout.
April 18 – Nashville’s Jim Allen (.310, 0 HR, 7 RBI) has his hitting streak stopped at 22 games with an oh-fer in a 6-5 win over the Miners.
April 18 – SFB INF Alex Castillo (.200, 0 HR, 3 RBI) will miss a month with a strained groin muscle.
April 19 – The hitting streak of CIN OF/1B Dick Oshiita (.378, 2 HR, 5 RBI) is alive and well. The 27-year-old has three hits in a 5-3 win over the Capitals to stretch the streak to 25 games.
April 19 – SFW 3B/2B Nick Rozenboom (.370, 3 HR, 10 RBI) has three hits and 5 RBI in the Warriors’ 17-8 slugfest with the Pacifics.

Complaints and stuff

Some BABIPs to rob everybody’s sleep. Berto is at .154; Fowler’s is .185; .143 for Wall; everybody else, even Chad and Maud, are over .300… I claim helplessness on accounts of divine intervention. Nothing we can do here but watch and be afraid.

The Cyclones offered to trade 34-year-old Barend Kok for Manny Fernandez. I found that rather insulting.

News from the injury front: in AAA, Josh Livingston has gone to the DL with an elbow strain and will be out two months. I don’t know whether there’s something wrong in the food. Maybe we should cut down on all the fudge they mix into their steak and fries bowls. – Hey, Stalker! What’s that green thing on top of your bowl? – Oh, right, the veggie. A single pea. – What do you mean, you’re not gonna eat it?? – Eat your ****ing pea or I will rip your stripes off!!

The mood in the clubhouse is … well, some things are better not talked about.

Fun Fact: 35 years ago today, Dallas’ Darrel Tracy had six base hits in a 10-9 loss to the Scorpions.

Tracy played in the majors from 1997 through 2008, but with gaps and often only for a handful of games. The 1999-2000 seasons were the only time he was a regular and batted .330 with 25 homers in ’99, but then quickly devolved into the true definition of a one hit wonder. He disappeared from the majors after just 70 games in ’02, batting .247 with 2 homers, and then made a starting lineup only twice more in his career, once each in 2004 and 2005 for the Cyclones. From 2003 through 2008 he appeared just 26 times in total.

Overall, he was the weirdest sort of .309 batter with 53 HR and 237 RBI, having just 419 base hits to his name.