[Westheim]

(stands in one of the storage rooms in the bowels of the ballpark in a sea of almost cubic cardboard boxes, 3 by 3 by 3 feet in size, and looks concerned into one of them) And they are all like that, Maud? – (Maud nods, wiping tears from her eyes)

Do you think we can salvage this somehow? – (Maud shakes her head, and wipes more tears from her eyes)

So, the team poster promotion was scheduled for this Friday? – (Maud nods, still wiping tears from her eyes)

And there was this mix-up with the printer, and they switched order numbers or something, Cristiano, you said, and now we have these calendars and our team posters are … where exactly? – (Cristiano shrugs while Maud keeps wiping tears away)

But they made 30,000 of these? – (Maud nods, wiping tears like it can save the situation)

Cristiano, see if you can arrange them to be shipped back. Or should be distribute them anyway? – (Cristiano shakes his head with a concerned expression)

(picks up one of the calendars and reveals the cover with a picture of a rising black stallion – as is very apparent from its physical characteristics – and the print “Hot Horse ’36!”) Maud, you want to keep one? – (Maud cries in terror and runs out of the storage room)

(drops calendar back on top of the stash) Ah what the ****. Cristiano, get rid of them somehow. Send them back. And tell Steve from Accounting not to wire them the money. I can’t … I can’t deal with this right now.

(leaves the storage room, leaving Cristiano Carmona behind amid the many, many boxes)

(Cristiano briefly looks at a few of the monthly pictures in the calendar)

(Cristiano looks around, listens for any noises, then quietly takes the backpack dangling from the back of his wheelchair and tries to cram the calendar into it with as little disturbance as possible)

Raccoons (17-13) vs. Rebels (10-20) – May 13-15, 2036

The Raccoons came home with a few scuff marks after being beaten up in Sacramento, then had a day off to lick their wounds. After that, another last-place team was on the schedule, this time the Richmond Rebels, who had won two of three from Portland the previous season. The Rebs ranked second from the bottom in both runs scored and runs allowed in the Federal League with an unhealthy -52 run differential, which amounted to giving up more than 1.7 runs more than they scored… PER GAME.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (1-1, 6.10 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (2-2, 4.75 ERA)
Colt Willes (4-0, 1.27 ERA) vs. Jamal Barrow (2-2, 4.79 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-2, 2.74 ERA) vs. Derrick Forbes (3-3, 7.96 ERA)

Forbes was the only southpaw they had to offer, and Nora with that ERA was actually the staff ace… Richmond was also already trading stuff away, sending MR Jeremy Bloedow (0-1, 1.29 ERA) to the Bayhawks for three minor leaguers and prospects on their way out west.

The Raccoons also made a roster move, designating Darren Brown (3-3, 4.78 ERA) for assignment and exposing him to waivers after his most recent string of meltdowns. He was 11-10 with a 3.75 ERA for his career, but with 4.5 BB/9 and that would doubtlessly never get better. He had also lived off defense to get his ERA that low; his career BABIP was a staggering .268! Right-hander Travis Sims, 23, a 10th round pick from 2031 (#242 overall) was promoted from AAA, where he had put up an 0.66 ERA in 13 games (13.2 IP), whiffing almost 12 batters per nine innings. He would not stick around, since we had to get another starter up at some point, but this was as good an opportunity as any to give him some innings.

Game 1
RIC: LF Foster – RF Montes – C M. Cook – 1B Sarro – 2B Freeman – 3B Sierra – CF Campisi – SS DeGroote – P Nora
POR: SS Ramos – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – 2B Vickers – CF Maldonado – 3B Triolo – 1B Maruyama – P Rendon

Maybe the Rebels were exactly what Rendon needed right now – he struck out four in the first two innings, and hit a single in the bottom 2nd, which Nora had begun with a walk to Vickers before allowing straight 1-out singles to the 7-8-9 batters; Chiyosaku Maruyama drove in the first run of the game, and Rendon’s single loaded the bases for Alberto Ramos, who grounded up the middle, where Nick DeGroote flubbed the ball for an error. One run scored and the bags remained full for Tony Morales, who hit an RBI single to center, the final Critters hit of the inning. Fernandez hit a sac fly to Ian Foster, 4-0, and Ed Hooge grounded out to short.

Hooge was up to the task in the bottom 5th though, doubling home Manny Fernandez, who had singled and stolen a base, with a gapper in right-center. This re-established a 4-run lead after Rendon had given up a solo homer to Mitch Cook in the fourth inning. Hooge would go on to score on a Jesus Maldonado sac fly to stretch the score to 6-1. Rendon was toast after six innings, but not for pitching badly – he allowed only three hits and roughed up ten Rebels on strikes, but simply ran out of juice in his arm. He finished with a K to Dan Sarro on his 105th pitch and it had certainly been one job well done…! Sims made his major league debut right away in the seventh inning, facing the mid-to-bottom part of the order starting with Ben “Nine Fingers” Freeman, who was hitting .292 with two homers and doubled to left on a 1-2 pitch. Steve Sierra however struck out, and Sims also retired Cyril Campisi and DeGroote to get out of the inning. Garavito and Kulp would further get involved in the game; the Rebels never got further than second base against the Coons’ bullpen in any of the last three innings as the team coasted to an easy win. 6-1 Coons! Hooge 2-4, 2B, RBI; Triolo 2-4; Rendon 6.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 10 K, W (2-1) and 1-2;

Game 2
RIC: LF Foster – RF Montes – C M. Cook – 1B Sarro – 2B Freeman – 3B Sierra – CF Mntua – SS DeGroote – P Barrow
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – LF Hooge – CF Maldonado – 3B Marsingill – P Willes

Just when we felt reasonably okay with ourselves, the Rebels turned Colt Willes inside out in the first inning. Foster singled, Andy Montes doubled, Cook homered, and then it started at square one with a Dan Sarro single. DeGroote would drive in that runner with two outs in an inning from hell that almost doubled Willes’ ERA. They completed the deed in the third inning. Freeman homer, Sierra single, Telma Mntua homer, 7-2. In between the Critters had scratched out a few sad runs, but with Willes yanked after the second set of fireworks, the game and my mood were in the bin. As the Critters yanked the thoroughly murdered Colt Willes for Antonio Prieto, I plunked down on the couch, unscrewed a bottle of Capt’n Coma, and browsed through my magazine, Substance Abuse Monthly, while next to me Slappy kept watching the game on TV while making weird noises whenever more horrors befell the Raccoons.

Maldonado singled home Ed Hooge after the leftfielder’s leadoff triple in the bottom 4th, getting the score to 7-3, but Marsingill popped out, Prieto was used to bunt since we needed more outs from him, and while Berto legged out a single, this was the second inning of the game that ended with Tim Stalker flying out poorly to center to leave runners on the corners. Prieto stellarly pitched the Raccoons through the sixth inning, but David Fernandez encountered more trouble in the seventh inning, issuing a walk and a double (Andy Montes) before conceding a run on a Cook sac fly. Not that it mattered greatly – the offense had gone to bed very obviously.

Or hadn’t it? Matt Triolo was batting ninth after the pitcher had moved to the #8 spot earlier and drew a leadoff walk in the bottom 7th. He moved up on a groundout by Berto before Stalker walked, too. The runners pulled off a double steal, which appeared a bold strategy, before Tony Morales and Manny Fernandez both hit RBI singles. By this point the Confederates were scrambling for their relievers, with Maruyama representing the tying run at the plate. He grounded out, advancing the runners, and Ed Hooge got welted with a fastball, bringing up .194 hitter Jesus Maldonado with the bases loaded and two outs. The Rebs seemed content with this being Barrow’s final batter no matter what. And besides, the only lefty bat on the bench was Jason Keller… Maldonado batted, fell to 1-2, then crashed a double to center that scored two runs, reducing the score to 8-7! Right-hander Travis Green replaced Barrow, too late, and Rich Vickers batted for Casey Moore and ripped a double up the line! Two more runs scored! A score-flipper, the Coons had the lead!! Triolo was rung up, but the Raccoons had just unpacked a six-pack for a 9-8 lead! EXCITEMENT.

The lead ALMOST got away in the eighth with Yeom Soung on the mound, but not for him or DeGroote’s 1-out single, but for Tim Stalker bungling Cyril Campisi’s double play grounder. Fortunately he got another chance rolled over by Ian Foster after that and this time turned the 4-6-3 to end the inning. Tony Morales homered for an insurance run in the bottom 8th, and maybe we’d need it. PH Danny Figueroa clonkered a leadoff double off the fence in right against Chris Wise in the ninth… Cook popped out, Sarro flew out easily, but Wise then lost “Nine Fingers” on four balls. Steve Sierra had the tying runs on base and hit a sharp fly to right… but Manny Fernandez displayed hustle qualities, caught up with the missile, and contained it to end the ballgame. 10-8 Furballs!!! Hooge 2-3, 3B; Maldonado 3-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Vickers (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Prieto 3.2 IP, 0 H; 0 R, 0 BB, 6 K;

(sits there stunned, mouth agape, while Slappy grins and keeps drinking)

Casey Moore got the rally win for eight pitches and one out logged; unfortunately Prieto pitched too early to have a shot of what he would have deserved.

Game 3
RIC: LF Foster – RF Montes – C M. Cook – 1B Sarro – 2B Freeman – 3B Sierra – CF Campisi – SS DeGroote – P Forbes
POR: SS Ramos – RF Pinkerton – 2B Vickers – LF M. Fernandez – CF Maldonado – 1B Maruyama – C Wall – 3B Marsingill – P Chavez

The bats seemed now empty, because the Coons did zero harm to the big-boned (in terms of ERA) Forbes in the early going of the Thursday game. The Rebs in fact scored first off a solid Bernie Chavez, who allowed two hits to Cook and Freeman in the top 4th, and that was already too much; “Nine Fingers”’ 2-out single drove in the catcher to make it 1-0 Rebs. The Raccoons didn’t cobble something meaningful together until there were two outs in the bottom 5th and Kurt Wall doubled. Marsingill was walked with intent, but Bernie dropped a single into rightfield to load up the bags for Ramos, who didn’t get much chance to empty them before a curveball bounced away from Mitch Cook for a passed ball. As one catcher vacated the vicinity of home plate, another came barreling down from third base to score and tie the game at one. Berto then went on to strike out.

The next two innings again saw no offensive action except for Wall flying out to left where Andy Montes made a headlong catch before being carried off on a stretcher. Danny Figueroa replaced him. Bernie opened the eighth on 86 pitches and seven strikeouts, facing the pinch-hitting Mntua (I’m told to pronounce an A where there isn’t one, which is just weird…), walking him in a full count .Forbes was retained for a successful bunt, bringing up the switch-hitter Foster. Bernie claimed competence to get out of the situation at hand, but Mntua stole third base and chaos broke out when he made another dash while Foster dropped a bunt and raced to first base. Neither Chavez nor Wall made play anywhere, and the Rebels took the 2-1 lead on the suicide squeeze, with Foster even safe at first base. He went on to steal second after Figueroa popped out, but was stranded there.

Forbes retired Stalker, Hooge, and Berto in order in the eighth and seemed nigh invincible by now. David Fernandez and Travis Sims combined for a 1-2-3 ninth, allowing the Coons another shot at closer Jimmy Lohrey, whose ERA was merely 6.75 coming into the game. Tony Morales hit for Pinkerton against the right-hander and singled to left, but we were hesitant with a pinch-runner, since Jason Keller was the last guy left on the bench. Vickers grounded to left for what looked like trouble, but ended up a Steve Sierra error, putting the tying run at second base and winning run on first. Lohrey then walked Manny Fernandez to fill the bags for Maldonado, batting .200 with 7 RBI in 35 attempts. His OBP was actually .194 – and right HERE a walk would be godly! Can you give us a walk, Jesus, pretty please? Nope – he fell all over the first pitch he saw, grounded to second base, Mntua fired home to kill off Morales, and the bags remained loaded with the Coons behind 2-1 and Maruyama batting… and striking out. It was left to Kurt Wall, who got a 2-1 pitch, flew to center, and Foster had no issues with that one. 2-1 Rebels. Morales (PH) 1-1; Chavez 8.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, L (2-3) and 1-2;

(looks like six weeks of rain)

While I was all over the idea of sending Maldonado back to AAA for punishment (and Maruyama back to Japan), it wasn’t like the Coons had many reinforcement to pick from anymore, and the next team was already knocking on the door… and oh, no, it’s those guys…

Raccoons (19-14) vs. Canadiens (16-19) – May 16-18, 2036

Average in runs scored, but with a leaky pitching staff and in fact the worst rotation in the CL (4.71 ERA), the stinkin’ Elks rumbled into the ballpark. We had swept them in three games in Elktown earlier this season and hoped to repeat the treat, but home series against Vancouver had a notable history in going completely off the rails… I think if somebody did the work and went back and compiled the home records for both teams in games against each other, he might well find out that both teams were under .500 at home against the other. (looks firmly at Cristiano) … (looks even firmer at Cristiano) … (begins to stare at Cristiano) … You’re not doing it, are you? – No.

Projected matchups:
Jared Ottinger (0-0) vs. Nick Danieley (3-3, 6.33 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (2-2, 3.76 ERA) vs. Josh Weeks (2-4, 3.40 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (2-1, 5.35 ERA) vs. Raymond Pearce (1-3, 6.07 ERA)

Weeks and Bryce Neal (4-2, 3.86 ERA) were the two southpaws in their rotation, and we could reasonably see both of them since the Elks were coming off an off day on Thursday and had room to jumble their staff.

The Raccoons DID make another roster move, though, sending Travis Sims back to AAA as planned and bringing up a starter for this very game (to keep him on his regular rhythm) with Sabre bumped to Saturday. 2033 first-rounder and right-handed pitcher Jared Ottinger was promoted with his 5.70 ERA in St. Pete for a spot start and would disappear just as quickly afterwards. His BABIP was .368, so maybe that had something to do with the ghastly ERA…

Game 1
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – C Clemente – CF Outram – 1B J. Lopez – RF Phillips – LF LeJeune – 2B Morrow – SS Cabral – P Danieley
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – 1B Maruyama – CF Maldonado – 3B Triolo – P Ottinger

Ottinger hit as many singles the first time through as he conceded to the Elks – one apiece. Neither team scored from their base knock, and in fact offense was rather slow indeed; after Ottinger singled, Berto spanked a grounder at Ramon Cabral for an inning-ending double play. The top 5th began with an infield single for Ryan Phillips, then a single past Ramos hti by Jesse LeJeune, that persistent pest of pests. The end seemed to be coming for Ottinger’s strong debut. Eric Morrow grounded out, advancing the runners, and Ramon Cabral flew to left, but after making two steps for home plate, Phillips shied back and retreated to his base. Danieley then went down on strikes, keeping the Elks off the board. In the bottom of the inning, a Hooge single, an intentional walk to Maldonado, and a 2-out walk drawn by Ottinger (!) loaded the bags, but Berto went down on strikes… The next inning, Morales and Hooge were left on the corners when Maruyama flew out easily to Phillips…

Ottinger pitched a 4-hit shutout through seven innings, but that would be all for him since a) he threw 101 pitches, b) his spot was up in the bottom 7th, and c) the Coons still had to get a ****ing run (although Ottinger was unretired in the game). Maldonado opened the inning with a single, was caught stealing, and that was it for Ottinger’s chance for a W. Soung, Kulp, and Garavito would all get two outs to complete a nine-inning shutout of the damn Elks, but the Raccoons still had to score at least one measly run off Danieley, who entered the bottom 9th looking untouchable. Hooge flew out. Maruyama whiffed. Maldonado singled to center, kept running, and was thrown out at second base by Pat Pohl, bringing about extra innings and a serious ass-whooping for a certain rookie after the game. He was in fact double-switched out after Garavito got an out from LeJeune in the 10th. Chris Wise entered the #7 spot while Preston Pinkerton went to the outfield, batting ninth. It was however the Elks that scored, and off Wise in the 11th. Timóteo Clemente, Johnny Lopez, and Jesse LeJeune all hit sharp singles off Wise, with the dismal, stinkin’ LeJeune driving home the run that broke the ice after some three hours and change. Morrow struck out, too little, too late. Rafael Urbano faced the Coons in the bottom 11th, starting with the #2 spot where Vickers batted for a luckless Stalker and struck out. Fernandez singled with two outs, bringing the winning run to the plate after all in Ed Hooge, who grounded out to Josh Keen to end the game. 1-0 Canadiens. Hooge 2-5; Maldonado 2-3, BB; Ottinger 7.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 6 K and 1-1, BB;

Agony.

Maldonado.

If you don’t behave, I’ll fill your life with agony. And your bed with bees. Or whatever.

The Raccoons returned Ottinger to AAA after the game and selected the contract of Tom Miller instead. The 26-year-old righty swingman had been taken in the ninth round of the 2031 draft (one round ahead of Travis Sims) and was posting a 5.47 ERA in AAA. In his case it wasn’t the defense, but 5.5 BB/9. He had however pitched to a 3.08 ERA while starting 28 times last seasons, then walking 2.9/9. I didn’t know what to believe, but in any case he was the third debutee of the week.

Game 2
TIJ: 2B Morrow – C Clemente – CF Outram – 1B J. Lopez – RF Phillips – 3B B. Gonzales – LF Korecky – SS Cabral – P Pearce
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Morales – CF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – 1B Maruyama – RF Keller – 3B Triolo – P Sabre

No, it wasn’t a coincidence that Jesus Maldonado sat on Saturday, even though giving at-bats to Jason Keller was about as smart as flushing them down the toilet. In any case, Ryan Phillips went yard off Sabre in the second inning for a 1-0 Elks lead, while the Raccoons got Hooge and Maruyama on to begin the bottom 2nd before the entirely dead bottom of the order flushed three at-bats for no greater good and the runners were stranded in scoring position. Lo and behold, though – when Maruyama hit a 1-out double in the bottom 4th, Jason Keller cracked a single past Johnny Lopez for the game-tying RBI! Maruyama drew a late throw, allowing Keller to second base, and he reached third base on a passed ball. Triolo then hit a single to center on the next pitch for a 2-1 lead – his first career RBI after ten years in professional ball, 40 at-bats, and at 27 years and 186 days of age. Then he was caught stealing. And THEN Sabre singled to left-center. Berto flew out to center.

The following innings saw two teams poking ineptly. The Coons had eight hits through six innings to the damn Elks’ two, but couldn’t build on their 2-1 lead, and Sabre wasn’t quite as rock steady as the hits total against him suggested. He walked two, whiffed three, and nailed one batter (Jerry Outram) through six frames. He did retire the 5-6-7 batters in the seventh, though, and the Coons had a prime chance for a tack-on run when Berto found the depths of center for a leadoff double in the bottom 7th. He did score… somehow… Stalker grounded out, sending him to third base, after which Morales was brushed by a pitch and sent to first. Fernandez popped up on the infield dirt, Bobby Gonzales dropped the ball on his own face before swiping it away, and everybody advanced a base on the shambles play, making it 3-1 when Ramos scored. Some clown even gave Fernandez an RBI on that one… Hooge and Maruyama then came through with pathetic outs, keeping it 3-1 with two Critters stranded. Sabre got through the eighth with a Josh Keen single and Clemente rolling into a double play – and remember that Wise had pitched for five outs and the losing run on Friday. The Raccoons might want to use somebody else entirely in the ninth, and in fact Yeom Soung warmed up, which wasn’t a stupid move given that the Elks’ middle of the order, which was up in the ninth, went left-switch-left. Outram grounded out, Lopez singled, and Pat Pohl, a righty, pinch-hit for Phillips, but struck out. Edgar Paiz was another right-handed bat, hitting for the also right-handed Gonzales. The Coons’ pitching coach checked Soung’s pulse, declared the weather to be great, and got the W on strikes in that final at-bat. 3-1 Critters. Maruyama 2-4, 2B; Sabre 8.0 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, W (3-2) and 1-3;

First career save for Yeom Soung! And if Wise continues like Friday, he might soon have competition for his job… AGAIN.

Game 3
VAN: 3B D.J. Robinson – C Clemente – CF Outram – RF Phillips – LF LeJeune – 2B Morrow – 1B Keen – SS Cabral – P Weeks
POR: SS Ramos – RF Pinkerton – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Vickers – LF Hooge – C Wall – 1B Maldonado – 3B Marsingill – P Rendon

After Tuesday’s stellar outing, Gilberto Rendon thought it was time for another beating and got it in the third, which Josh Weeks opened with a single to right. Clemente also singled, and Phillips hit a 3-piece with two outs, putting the Raccoons in a 3-0 hole that they were ill-equipped to climb out of. Maldonado hit a jack in the bottom 3rd to make up one run, but that was hardly enough to appease me after his multiple bone-headed moves earlier in the week.

The score was still 3-1 after the top of the sixth, with Rendon pinch-hit for to begin the bottom half of the frame. The Elks had only landed four base hits, but had of course left only one of them unused. The Coons through five had only one additional base knock, a Vickers single. Tim Stalker made it three hits in total with a single to right in Rendon’s spot. Berto lined out, Pinkerton grounded out, Fernandez struck out, and that was that for another sad inning.

Marsingill had a hit in the eighth, also leading nowhere. In between, Tom Miller had made his major league debut, retiring all four batters he faced, all in vain. David Fernandez had logged the last two outs in the eighth, then continued with not logging outs in the ninth. A single and two walks loaded the bases with one out, leading to him being replaced by Casey Moore, who walked without beating an eyelash and in order, PH Edgar Paiz, D.J. Robinson, and Timóteo Clemente, forcing in three runs before being yanked and stoned to death in a dark corner of the ballpark lot. Mauricio Garavito retired Outram and Phillips to end the inning, but at this point you could just as well go home, because after a 5-walk, 3-run inning nothing good would happen anymore. Bottom 9th, Morales hit for Pinkerton and drew a walk from J.J. Ringland. Fernandez grounded to short, where Bobby Gonzales botched the play for an error rather than a 6-4-3. Vickers flew out to right, after which Keller hit for Garavito, because this was the sort of player we had to turn to with everything on the line now. He grounded out before Kurt Wall actually ripped a 2-out, 2-run double to get Ringland out and Rafael Urbano in. Two pitches later, Maldonado flew out to right to end the game. 6-3 Canadiens. Stalker (PH) 1-1;

In other news

May 13 – SAC SP Tommy “Kitten” Kubik (2-1, 3.06 ERA) 2-hits the Falcons in a 4-0 Sacramento win, with the 23-year-old southpaw pitching a complete-game shutout in only his fifth major league start.
May 15 – The Titans beat the Warriors, 1-0, on only two base hits, and none of them is used in their second-inning run, which comes about on two walks, a wild pitch, and a sac fly hit by 3B/SS Chris McGee (.222, 0 HR, 4 RBI).
May 16 – Condors RF/LF/1B Willie Ojeda (.333, 8 HR, 28 RBI) pumps three homers and drives in five runs in the Condors’ 9-2 win over the Falcons. It’s the 61st 3-homer game in ABL history and the second time Ojeda does the deed, having previously hit three bombs against the Titans on July 31, 2033.
May 17 – DAL INF Jon Ramos (.327, 0 HR, 16 RBI) goes 5-for-5 with a double and walks in a run, with 3 RBI total, in the Stars’ 13-3 romp of the Warriors.

Complaints and stuff

Second consecutive 3-3 week while the Titans won out and created a visible gap in the standings. After the rally on Wednesday, which, don’t get me wrong, was great fun, the offense completely died. Four games, 38 innings, seven runs, and multiple chances to win at least two of the three they lost. MALDONADO.

The offense is meh, but that doesn’t surprise anybody with their eyes open. It’s too bad that even some of the regulars that are left are struggling. Ramos had a poor week. Stalker can’t hit a damn lick. Vickers slowed down. Maruyama is … why is he listed under regulars??

Doug Levis of the Baybirds leads the ABL with 11 homers. I’m not sure we have 11 homers combined on the roster anymore. – What is it, Cristiano? – 14? – Squee.

Maldonado isn’t the answer to any problem either. I considered bringing up Cory Cronk to man a corner instead, but he fell into his own terminal slump in AAA and there’s no point in bothering. But isn’t it funny that we have a dying team on accounts of no offense whatsoever, and then the three debutees this week were all pitchers? And all because Darren Brown is full of ****. He arrived safely in AAA by the way, thank goodness (ironic eyeroll)…

The ’35 Coons employed 43 players at one point or another. This year we’re already up to 33 and that is long, long before September shenanigans can kick in…

Next week, more homestand against the Loggers and Thunder. After that we’ll have a grueling 2-week road trip against everything nasty in the CL South and the Indians.

“Kitten” Kubik? No, Cristiano, I don’t want to know what his Gobble account tells you about how that nickname came about. – I imagine he’s drowning them in a barrel. – Close? Really? – *How* close??

Fun Fact: No player has ever hit three homers in a game twice for different teams.

To be fair, only four players have two 3-homer games. In addition to this week’s serial banger Willie Ojeda, these were SAL Nate Ellis (2021, 2023), NYC Martin Ortíz (2015, 2018), and LAP Stan Murphy (2011, 2012), who had his second 3-homer game against the Coons before joining them later on.

+++

Note: The Jared Ottinger start wasn’t planned. It was planned to promote Gene Tennis for his major league debut on Friday, and I imagined that I worked it out by “benching” him for an appropriate number of days. Turns out I can’t count to three correctly and the AI started him in AAA on Thursday. Well, maybe next week!