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And a quote-based one for Eugene...
TEAMNAME's PLAYERNAME proved unstoppable today as he knocked X hits against the OPPONENT. The fans were nearly uncontrollable and the noise reached new deafening levels during PLAYERNAME's at-bats as they knew they were watching baseball hitting history unfold. In the clubhouse, crowded by reporters, PLAYERNAME remarked "I never realized that batting a little ball around could cause so much commotion. I now know how Lindbergh must have felt when he returned from St. Louis." When asked what the secret of hitting so well is, PLAYERNAME smiled and replied, "The key to hitting for high average is to relax, concentrate, and don't hit the fly ball to center field."
(Stan "The Man" Musial)
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