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The Islandian Times
Wednesday, October 15, 2002
Around the Town in the IPA
ELNORA ALL-STARS
Owner/GM: George Costanza
Manager: Zoggy White
Elnora, population 101,000, is a port city at the edge of the Great Plains on the east coast of Ruthlandia near the Valerian Ocean. It is one of the earliest settlements in the Islands. Elnora is the site of grain processing plants, vast wheat fields and shipping docks.
It was the home of the first amateur teams formed by companies and commercial enterprises in the 1920s. Players were given jobs by the companies and then given ample time off to practice their skills and to play games to publicize the companies' wares, services and products to the baseball fans of Ruthlandia.
The Elnora All-Stars are owned by a wealthy eccentric by the name of George Costanza. He made a fortune in reality television with a show "about nothing". Costanza jumped at the chance to get a franchise in the Islandian Pro Alliance and immediately began signing up all of the amateur all-stars and named his team the All-Stars. But IPA commissioner, John Banson, refused to approve the contracts. Costanza had to go through the league draft to get his players.
Elnora plays in the Ruthlandian Union and is in the North Division.
The Elnora All-Stars play at State Fair Park, which is the site of the Ruthlandian State Fair each year. It is the largest midway and carnival in the Islands. State Fair Park is famous for serving great soups, made by the famous Elaine Benes Soup Company. Costanza imported a renowned and sometimes difficult chef from Argentina to manage his concessions. In addition to traditional baseball foods, wonderful soups like mulligatawny, lima bean, turkey chili, crab bisque, cold cucumber, corn and crab chowder are served up at the ballpark. A word of warning, don't ask for bread. The Chef demands that all customers in his restaurant follow his meticulous (and seemingly arbitrary) soup-ordering instructions to the letter, lest they be refused service by his insistent avowal, "No soup for you!"
Costanza did go out and get a great manager for the All-Stars. He hired one of the most successful industrial league manager in Ruthlandian baseball history, Zoggy White. He was only a semi-mediocre outfielder, but really made his mark as a manager. In reference to his success as a player versus his success as a manager, White once said, "Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it." His style of play, which was nicknamed "Whiteyball," concentrates on pitching, speed, and defense to win games rather than home runs. White's baseball philosophy also includes a preference for patient hitters with high on-base percentages.
State Fair Park (1971)
Capacity: 12,500
Dimensions:
Left Field Line - 335
Left Field - 370
Left Center - 399
Center Field - 415
Right Center - 399
Right Field - 370
Right Field Line - 335
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