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Old 02-17-2013, 02:41 PM   #46
Ciccarelli
Major Leagues
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 316
Don't think I've seen these ones yet.

Out-Of-Shape Doh Draws Ire of Manager

Boston Bombers third baseman John Doh brought some extra baggage with him to Spring Training this year. Unfortunately, it's not clothing.

Managers and players alike were shocked to see that Doh gained 20 pounds over the off-season; and nobody's mistaking it for muscle. "I'm not worried about it," one player said. "It's quite obvious that he's training for the many championships he will win in eating contests."

Others, like team skipper Bo Daley, are less than enthused. Daley was constantly yelling at a visibly out-of-shape Doh lagging behind during sprinting exercises and commented in disdain on his decreased mobility and range in the field. "You get paid to play a game," he told reporters. "How can someone get that lazy when no one's looking?"

Doh declined to comment on his offseason conditioning regimen.

CONDITIONS
"Work Ethic" must be "Low" or "Very Low"
Event occurs during the start of Spring Training

RESULTS
Significant decrease to speed ratings
Significant decrease to fielding ratings

__________________________________________________ _

Young Prospect Returns To School, Retires From Baseball

It was obvious to anyone following the Shawsville Crawdads that 20-year-old center fielder Gus Bradberry was struggling mightily to adapt to the professional level, but team officials were shocked when he met with them to announce his immediate retirement from the game. "It was a foolish decision [to sign out of high school]. I just saw the money that was being offered to me and got greedy," Bradberry stated during an interview on the matter.

In the interview, he not only pointed to his struggles on the field, but off it as well. "You get absolutely sick of the minor league lifestyle. The long bus rides to the middle of nowhere, the extremely cheap hotels, having to mow lawns on off days because you can't get by on what little bonus money you have left, missing your family and friends back home." If that wasn't enough of a reason for him, the former player lamented his situation in one sentence. "I lost my love for the game."

In the meantime, the young man is going to be doing what his parents have wanted him to do instead: Enroll in a local college. "I'm really looking forward to their business program," he said. "It's one of the best in the state and I can't wait to have a permanent place to go to for a change."

Team officials stated that while they are upset with the loss of a player, they respect his decision and wish him the best of luck in his future.

CONDITIONS
Player must be drafted out of high school
Player must be a marginal prospect/player strugging in minor leagues for several seasons

RESULTS
Retirement

__________________________________________________

Parker "Broadens Horizons", Gets Master's Degree

It has always been a dream of San Antonio Saints reliever Carl Parker to further his education after graduating from college. Today, he finally realized it by receiving his master's degree in economics during a local university's graduation ceremony.

"It took a lot of patience and discipline during the off-season to take classes and keep in shape at the same time, but it's finally paid off in this." Parker stated as he raised his diploma in the air. With his degree, he is one of the few in the major leagues that has ever earned an advanced degree as an active player.

For his thesis, Parker wrote about the importance of analyzing VORP, sabermetrics and advanced player development curves when appropriating a player's monetary value when he hits free agency. "It's something that's always bugged me about general managers," he said, "They throw all this money on players that have one good season without thinking how he'll play three, four years down the line. Then they are 'surprised' when he terribly under-performs and becomes dead-weight? It's like they don't use common sense."

Parker had no comment regarding whether or not he considered himself overpaid as a free agent signing.

CONDITIONS
Player must be drafted out of college

RESULTS
"Intelligence" increases
National and Local popularity slightly increases (?)

Last edited by Ciccarelli; 02-17-2013 at 02:51 PM.
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