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Old 04-04-2014, 11:49 PM   #4120
Eugene Church
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THE ISLANDIAN TIMES
Sunday, April 2, 2045

IPA PRESEASON PICKS
The 45th IPA season is about to commence tomorrow all across the Islands and prognosticators have diligently perused the team rosters, analyzed all the vital statistics and come up with their predictions for the new year. The Islandian Times has collected all the data, put it in their computers and come up with a consensus of all the sportswriters and broadcasters in the country.

VALMARA HEAVY FAVORITE IN RU NORTH
In the Ruthlandian North Division defending champ Valmara is expected to handily win the pennant over the second place Glasco Athletics and the third place Ranford Bulls... Valmara is going for its third flag in a row... the Vipers' pitching staff is excellent and ready to go again... Valmara's offense should get the job done, too... Glasco has great pitching, but not a lot of scoring... the A's will be the division runner-up... Ranford has enough offense, but not enough pitching.

The rest of the division will finish well out of the running... Taranto fourth, Kilkenny fifth, Far Mountain will slump to sixth this season, LaGrange will come in next-to-last and Ancona will end up in the cellar.

CLAXTON DIAMONDS TOP PICK IN RU SOUTH
Crystal Lake has won the Ruthlandian South the last two seasons, but the experts are saying the Claxton Diamonds will edge them out this year... St. John, Waleska and Belair Beach could also be in the pennant mix... Grand City, San Dimas and Valka will be distant also-rans.

Crystal Lake has much-better firepower than the others, but comes up a little short on the mound, compared to the other contenders.

RATTLERS IN RUNAWAY IN RU EAST
The oddsmakers are predicting a runaway in the Ruthlandian East... Sugar Valley's home-run power is far superior to anyone else in the division and their pitching is adequate... last year's champ Wynnamac will have a battle on its hands for second place with Beechwood, Cold Creek and Elnora... the W'Macs just don't have much offense, but they do still have solid pitching... third place Beechwood and fourth place Cold Creek are in the same boat as the Sundowners, but don't quite equal them on the hill... fifth place Elnora has a little bit of both, fairly good offense and fairly good pitching.

Eastshore, Belle Plaine and Marston will come in sixth, seventh and last... the Elegants have good pitching, but are the worst-scoring club in the division... the Musketeers and the Nine have mediocre bats and fair pitching.

SNAPPERS AND ROOSTERS DUEL IN RU WEST
Last year's winner Rocky Rapids could win its second straight Ruthlandian West Division crown... they are improved over last year, but so are the Middlefield Roosters... these are the top clubs in the race this year and they could rival Valmara as the best in the Ruthlandian Union... the Snappers have the best bats in the division with good HR power and good pitching... the Roosters will counter with much better mound work and HR power... the Stoner Stars get the nod for third place over Volusia... both teams have very capable pitching corps, but could use more offense... the Stars are powerless, but the Vigilantes can go deep.

The second-division clubs will be Sligo in fifth place, Forest City sixth, Colfax seventh and Fort Benton in the basement.

HELLCATS FAVORED OVER HAWKS IN TU NORTH
10 of the last 11 years the powerhouse North Hills Hawks have prevailed in the Tycobbian North race, but this year the prognosticators are picking the Hartsdale Hellcats... it will be close... but the Hellcats are slightly better in scoring runs and just a tad better on the hill than the Hawks... give the Hawks the edge in HR power... third place Blue Lake could sneak into the hunt... the Blue Sox score well and pitch well, but not quite up to the level of the two top contenders... the Luxora Zorros will wind up in the fourth spot in the standings... the Z's lack offense, but have good pitching.

The Oxford Red Caps, White River Rascals and Fairfax Frogs will tussle for the fifth spot, while Mahaska will have last place all to themselves.

4-TEAM TANGO IN TU SOUTH
The Tycobbian South is arguably the toughest division in the IPA, along with the Tycobbian North... the reigning Pro Cup titlist Southport Sun Sox really have their hands full with three other fine teams, the Cape Coral Hurricanes, Summerland Sunsets and San Alejo Montaneros... according to the pros, the 'Canes' high-scoring machine will win out in a very close struggle with the second place Sunsets, third place Monties and fourth place Sun Sox.

Summerland can't hit a lick, but they have a magnificent mound staff... San Alejo can handle the bats well and they have fine pitching corps... Southport's problem is its free agents... none of last year's starting rotation has signed yet... their loss could be fatal... the Sun Sox's line-up is still intact, but the pitching replacements for the hold-out hurlers are woeful.

Ginza is a solid club and will finish fifth, but could sneak into the first division... the rest of the teams in the TU South will dogfight for sixth place... Turon can score, but is pathetic in pitching... Arroyo Grande is just a mediocre club again this year... and Colchester has very few redeeming qualities.

RB RED SOX CHOICE TO WIN AGAIN IN TU EAST
According to the crystal ballers Red Bluff will take its second consecutive Tycobbian East Division title in a four-team tussle... the Red Sox possess a dynamite attack and better-than-average pitching... this should be enough to beat back the second place High Mesa Cowboys, who have good pitching, but suffer on the scoreboard... third place will go to the Hillsboro Blazers... they have pretty good pitchers, but are atrocious at the plate, but do sport some power... Tucknarra will be in fourth place... the Blue Jays have impressive pitching, but are short on runs.

The Midway Wolves and South Fork Stallions will fight it out for the fifth spot in the TU East standings... both of them have a shot at third or fourth place... Ozarka and East Point are out of the running this year.

TERRIBLE TU WEST IS WIDE-OPEN THIS YEAR
If the forecasters are right this will be quite a year in the Tycobbian West... anyone of the eight clubs could end up with the pennant... however, none of them are expected to finish above the .500 mark... this is the worst division in the IPA... Bay St. Clair is the favorite, but the Bucs are a lackluster team with a poor offense, decent pitching and a little power... defending champ Kenwood is starting the season without its great slugger and catcher Corky DiNozzo, who hasn't been resigned... neither has 20-game winner Rusty Bradford been signed... even without them the Wildcats have a credible chance at the pennant... they still have Tommy Carter (26-8/2.47) and Clyde Myers (18-19/3.27)... the third-place choice is the Chicopee Braves, who has fairly decent pitching, but is horrendous in the batter's box... Arlon gets the call for fourth place, but in reality any of the clubs could finish first to last this year... they are just a bunch of mediocrity.

Rolling Hills, Denton City, La Claire and Bayview are predicted to end up in the second division... all of them are just plain bad teams.
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