[Westheim]

Cherish this update - it's been epic for this league. Big things happened these two weeks. A few things shattered to dust. You will see.

Raccoons (17-25) @ Bayhawks (31-14) – May 23-25, 2000

Basically, we went down to the Bay to get stomped. The Bayhawks combined solid offense (5th with 192 runs) with a tough-as-nails pitching staff, which ranked 2nd in the league, and we would have to tackle without an undiagnosed Neil Reece.

Projected matchups:
Ralph Ford (2-3, 3.58 ERA) vs. Ricardo Sanchez (5-4, 4.04 ERA)
Scott Wade (2-4, 4.73 ERA) vs. Henry Selph (6-1, 2.43 ERA)
Randy Farley (4-2, 3.21 ERA) vs. Tony Hamlyn (5-3, 3.33 ERA)

Game 1
POR: SS Guerin – LF Richardson – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – C Mata – 2B Ingall – 1B Michel – CF Newton – P Ford
SFB: RF Javier – C G. Ortíz – 1B D. Carroll – SS B. Hall – LF Walls – CF Marquez – 2B V. Martinez – 3B T. Smith – P R. Sanchez

The stomping began with Ford, who had struggles in the first and was then physically worked into the dirt of the mound in the second inning, where he allowed four runs, and issued three straight walks at one point. That was basically enough to win for the Bayhawks, but they weren’t satisfied, ignored the white flags raised from the visitors’ dugout, and weren’t finished and done until they had shredded Dan Nordahl for three runs as well and managed to Daniel Richardson getting hurt on a head-long play. 7-1 Bayhawks. Guerin 2-4, 2B;

Richardson came up with a banged up elbow, which was sore and swollen the following morning. He was listed as day-to-day, but wasn’t exactly fit for battle. That complicated the Neil Reece situation with two outfielders sitting on the roster, hurt. No news were available on him, either.

Game 2
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – C Mata – 1B Michel – CF Newton – LF Parker – P Wade
SFB: RF Javier – 2B H. Ramirez – 1B D. Carroll – LF W. Jackson – 3B B. Hall – CF Marquez – C G. Ortíz – SS J. Gomez – P Selph

Top 2nd, Michel doubled, Newton tripled, 1-0 Coons, no outs, yet nobody could be found who was bothered to bring Newton home. Wade allowed no hits through three before Ramirez hit a double in the fourth, but the Bayhawks didn’t score. Yet. Top 5th, Ingall got on in front of Brady, who doubled, putting two runs in scoring position with no outs for what sorry ashes remained from the offbeat heart of the lineup. The Bayhawks didn’t bite, walking Gonzalez to load them up for the young and the restless. Young players and a restless manager. Mata pulled a Parker and popped out, and Michel sent a perfect double play grounder to Jorge Gomez, who failed to turn it. That was the only run the Coons got, 2-0. Wade started to lose the white marbles with red string around them in the bottom of the inning, issuing walks to Gomez and Selph before Guerin bailed him out once more. When the end game, it game with force: five consecutive 2-out hits in the sixth inning, plating four runs, until Selph made the last out. That was Wade’s game. It didn’t even take four minutes, no time to warm up anybody. The Raccoons loaded the bags in the top 7th through dumb luck that another double play ball was misfielded with an error on Hector Ramirez, and while Michel failed, Newton’s line drive eluded Paco Javier to empty the bags with two out. Wade didn’t come back out, battered as he was. Diaz came out, put two on, and Brady’s defense helped stave off the Bayhawks before Daniel Miller could cough up the runs. With two on and two out in the top 8th, Gonzalez gladly accepted a walk so as not to be responsible for anything bad, and when Mata came up, he was fanned by Johnny Smith. That left Meeks with on cushion the in the bottom 8th, the Bayhawks tied the game, and that run came right back to the Coons in a top 9th with two walks and 2-out RBI single by Guerin. Closer Ryosei Kato then appeared to get Ingall and give his team a chance in the bottom of the inning against the weakly Donis, but the Birds managed only a single by Dave Carroll. 6-5 Raccoons. Ingall 2-4, 2 BB; Brady 2-4, BB, 2B; Newton 2-4, BB, 2B, 4 RBI;

Jose Rivera came off the DL for the Thursday game, sending Bob Joly … to AAA. Yes, really.

Still no news from Reece. It’s got to be terrible and I hadn’t slept much since Sunday. It’s been half a week, and we still don’t know what’s wrong. It’s gotta be terrible, oh no, they’re gonna amputate his legs, or worse …! (hides under the bed sheets, screaming)

Game 3
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – LF Gonzalez – 1B Michel – 3B Andresen – CF Newton – C Fifield – P Farley
SFB: RF Javier – 2B H. Ramirez – 1B D. Carroll – LF W. Jackson – 3B B. Hall – C G. Ortíz – CF Cavazos – SS T. Smith – P Hamlyn

The Bayhawks took a lead in the first inning, and extended it to 2-0 in the third on a passed ball to be blamed on Gary Fifield, although Farley’s pitching was imprecise and left much to be desired. Farley however had a hand in the Raccoons first threat against Tony Hamlyn cruising home in two hours, when he hit a 1-out single through Bob Hall. Guerin hit a double through the same spot, although Hall was still standing there, and the tying runs were in scoring position with one out. Marvin Ingall put the first ball into play, a poor grounder, that hopped to the mound, then struck the mound, bounced OVER Hamlyn’s glove, and by the time Hector Ramirez changed directions it was too late – all hands were safe, including Farley, who had scored after a mad dash. Brady tied the score with another single, but that was it for the fifth. The tie didn’t live though: Ramiro Cavazos’ sac fly in the sixth put Farley on the hook again, and out of the game, since he was leading off the seventh. Parker made an out in his spot, Michel was left on third base the next inning, and Dan Nordahl had all life beaten out of him with three hard hits in the bottom 8th, and although we sent Donis, all runs scored. 7-3 Bayhawks. Guerin 2-5, 2B; Ingall 3-5, 2B, RBI; Brady 3-5, 2B, 2 RBI;

It took a long time for those doctors to locate the pain in Neil Reece’s leg. It didn’t come from the leg, it came from the groin. Once anybody had actually bothered to touch Neil’s soft parts, they found out he had a severe groin muscle strain and would be out until the All Star break.

**** life.

“Gotta stay focused. Gotta stay positive” – that’s what Neil said. While he was consoling me, cowering in the darkest corner of the office, weeping unconsoleably.

Of course he was DL’ed. Jason Kent was called up and added to the 40-man roster again to take his spot, because I was still remembering Taramillo failing, and Kent was batting over .300 at least in AAA.

Raccoons (18-27) vs. Condors (25-22) – May 26-28, 2000

The Condors were remarkably average. Vince thought they were worse than their talent level and they were due a breakout in the last four months of the season.

Projected matchups:
Miguel Lopez (2-5, 5.95 ERA) vs. Jose Maldonado (4-4, 4.06 ERA)
Jose Rivera (1-4, 5.19 ERA) vs. Bastyao Caixinha (4-5, 3.07 ERA)
Ralph Ford (2-4, 3.81 ERA) vs. Woody Roberts (5-3, 4.80 ERA)

The last game on Sunday could well be the Big Day. Woody Roberts had tied Juan Correa and Craig Hansen for the career record of 272 wins a week earlier, and would be trying to claim the lead all for himself on Sunday.

His chances could be worse…

Game 1
TIJ: 2B B. Boyle – SS J. Barrón – RF Wales – CF Dunphy – 1B O’Morrissey – 3B Gorden – C Washington – LF Aguilar – P J. Maldonado
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – C Mata – 1B Michel – LF Parker – CF Newton – P Lopez

Miguel Lopez pitched a decent game, maybe for the first time this season. The Condors took some time to get to him, although Ben O’Morrissey eventually touched Lopez in the naughty spot, plating a run in the fourth. The Condors added a run in the fifth, in which Cesar Gonzalez failed to dig out a bunt by Maldonado, which contributed to the run. Lopez became stuck in the eighth, with two Condors getting on base. Meeks entered, struck out O’Morrissey and managed to extricate himself when Parker threw out Dale Wales at home on a Rory Gorden single to left. Bad news: Lopez still lost. The wholly inept Raccoons failed to get anything delivered against Maldonado, who coasted through eight innings on just three singles, before John Hatt took over for the ninth. The Raccoons had runners on the corners with Gonzalez batting, which pretty much rendered the point moot. Gonzalez’ lazy pop scored Guerin from third, but we would have needed a proper base hit, and didn’t get it, as usual. 2-1 Condors. Guerin 2-4; Lopez 7.1 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 3 K, L (2-6);

Game 2
TIJ: 2B B. Boyle – SS J. Barrón – LF Wales – CF A. Lopez – 1B O’Morrissey – RF Sanders – 3B De Jesus – C Washington – P Caixinha
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – 1B Michel – C Mata – CF Newton – LF Kent – P Rivera

Rivera’s first start off the DL saw him offer only token resistance to the Condors’ bats. Alfredo De Jesus went deep in the second, giving Tijuana a 2-0 lead. The Raccoons scrambled to get anything done, but managed a run on two doubles in the bottom 2nd, and tied the game on a slap single by Marvin Ingall in the fifth. Rivera was somehow still pitching despite making no efforts to make the ball miss the bats. This changed quickly in the sixth, with the Condors rapping out three hits in quick succession, renewing their lead and knocking Rivera out of the game. Juan Diaz escaped runners on the corners with a sharp grounder off Sanders’ bat into the teeth of the infield that ended the inning. The Coons, now down 3-2, failed to capitalize on a huge throwing error by De Jesus that put leadoff man Gonzalez on second in the bottom 6th, and flip to the top 7th, it was GONZALEZ with a throwing error putting DE JESUS on second to start the inning. Fabulously, the Condors failed to score as well. Fairchild pitched two scoreless and we went to the bottom 9th. Richardson batted for Mata, but made a poor out. Parker then hit for Newton and – oh wonder – hit a high fly to right that just fit over the railing – tied game! We couldn’t get another run home, though, and the game went to extra innings. Blanco pitched a scoreless tenth and Ingall led off the bottom of the inning with a single to center. Hatt struck out Brady and Gonzalez and got Michel to roll out to his feet. The Raccoons left a man on in the 11th, the bases loaded in the 12th, and Daniel Miller’s second inning, the top 13th, also became his last, as Dale Wales and Mauro Granados wound him up with ringing doubles that plated a total of three runs. In the most bitter twists of irony, Miller even had to bat in the bottom 13th with the bench expended in their entirety, and hit a ****ing RBI single. 6-4 Condors. Michel 2-6, 2B; Parker (PH) 2-3, HR, 2B, RBI; Kent 3-5; Fairchild 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; Blanco 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

More extra innings, resulting in more losses, bring more fun. Not.

Game 3
TIJ: 2B B. Boyle – SS J. Barrón – RF Wales – 1B O’Morrissey – LF Gorden – 3B De Jesus – C Washington – CF Aguilar – P Roberts
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – C Mata – 1B Michel – LF Parker – CF Newton – P Ford

This was Woody Roberts’ second attempt at setting a new career wins mark – he had left his first attempt on Tuesday in a tied game (the Condors lost eventually). He certainly started on the wrong end of things, as Clyde Brady took him deep for an early 1-0 Coons lead. The Condors seemed to make this a temporary incursion at first, with O’Morrissey singling and Gorden doubling to start the top 2nd. De Jesus lined into a double play turned spectacularly by Ingall, however, and O’Morrissey was starved at third. Roberts then crumbled badly in the third. Ford singled to right, Guerin singled to left, and Ingall walked – bases loaded, no outs. Clyde Brady up, he lined to right. Wales made a strong play while on the run and – no!! Ford had made for home, was almost there, and had to scramble back, but was OUT by a MILE. Gonzalez then professionally grounded out to end the inning. That was it for offense. Ford and Roberts settled into shutdown mode for the next innings, with only one single (off Ford) through the sixth, after which the teams had combined for a total of five hits in the game. Nothing happened in the seventh. When the end then came, it came suddenly, and with a characteristic booming sound – that of a no-doubt home run. With Rusty Washington on first base, Gonzalo Aguilar clubbed a massive 2-run shot to left that flipped the score and put Roberts on top. The Raccoons had their bullpen (specifically Diaz and Nordahl) incinerated for three runs in the ninth, while an unfazed Roberts completed a 3-hitter, struck out a useless Cesar Gonzalez to end the game, and claimed history. 5-1 Condors. Ford 8.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, L (2-5) and 1-2;

Meanwhile, we are still waiting on that 1,900th franchise win.

Raccoons (18-30) vs. Aces (17-32) – May 29-31, 2000

Let’s have another go at a similarly fatally futile team for once! With the fourth-most terrible team in baseball hosting the most terrible one, all bets were gonna be off! Posting league-worst marks in both runs scored AND runs allowed, the Aces were certainly beatable – even for the Uttercoons!

Projected matchups:
Scott Wade (2-4, 4.87 ERA) vs. Rafael Barbosa (3-5, 5.18 ERA)
Randy Farley (4-3, 3.19 ERA) vs. Alfredo Rios (1-2, 1.30 ERA)
Miguel Lopez (2-6, 5.44 ERA) vs. Carlos Guillén (2-7, 6.22 ERA)

Gotta watch that Guillén guy, though. He no-hit us 15 years ago. And 38-year olds are having their way with the Uttercoons recently.

Game 1
LVA: LF L. Jenkins – C De La Parra – 1B J. Vargas – CF McCormick – 3B Combes – 2B J. Ramirez – SS Bradley – RF Wills – P Barbosa
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 1B Michel – C Mata – CF Newton – LF Parker – 3B Caddock – P Wade

The Aces left the bags full without scoring in the first inning, but cooked Wade pretty good in the second, with back-to-back homers by John Bradley and Gary Wills, and three runs in total. Wade lingered on into the sixth inning, in which he put two on with one out and was removed for Fairchild to cover any length of the remaining game. Any length came out to one third of an inning. Emperor Constantine XI stood at his bedroom window, watching calmly as the Ottomans had breached the walls of Byzantium, and his empire-in-name was collapsing into itself. Fairchild allowed three hits, and then with the bases loaded walked three, and for good measure also drilled Bradley. Further highlights included Cesar Gonzalez pinch-hitting against George Moore in the eighth with the bases loaded and one out, and striking out on a ball in the dirt. 10-2 Aces. Michel 2-5; Mata 2-4, 2B, RBI; Newton 2-3, 2 2B; Parker 1-2, 2 BB, RBI; Blanco 2.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

Game 2
LVA: RF Ghiberti – C De La Parra – 1B J. Vargas – CF McCormick – 2B J. Ramirez – 3B Combes – LF Wills – SS Bradley – P A. Rios
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 1B Michel – 3B Gonzalez – CF Newton – LF Richardson – C Fifield – P Farley

The junction at which the Raccoons fortunes departed for the terminal disaster in this game would be destined to be Gary Fifield’s errant throw into the outfield when Bernard Combes made for second base in the top 2nd. While Farley struck out Bradley at the same moment, the errant throw allowed Juan Ramirez to score, and Farley was so aggravated that Rios was able to puncture him further with a 2-out RBI double. While Guerin tied the game with his first homer of the season in the third, Farley brought in the go-ahead run in form of Richardson with a groundout in the fourth, and Brady homered in the fifth, Farley also exhausted himself remedying other people’s errors and was washed up after six innings, leaving with a 4-2 lead after having struck out eight. After Meeks and Miller each pitched scoreless innings and each fanned a pair, Donis came out and soon had two runners on base. We were on the verge of going down once again, when pinch-hitter Luis Paredes hit a grounder to Guerin for a relieving double play. 4-2 Coons. Gonzalez 2-3, BB; Farley 6.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, W (5-3) and 1-2, RBI;

Turned out though that this was the end for .150 batter Gary Fifield. He was demoted officially the following morning, and we called up 35-year old veteran Freddy Jackson to provide actual, competent backup to Julio Mata. Jackson had 1,090 career hits, mostly for the Miners and Condors.

Game 3
LVA: CF Ghiberti – C De La Parra – 1B J. Vargas – 3B Combes – RF J. Ramirez – 2B Bradley – LF McCormick – SS Joseph – P Guillén
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – 1B Michel – C Mata – LF Richardson – CF Newton – P Lopez

Lopez and his dead arm tried their best against the Aces. A Combes sac fly gave them a lead in the top 3rd, while the Raccoons didn’t even get a man on base until Lopez singled in the bottom of the inning. The Raccoons then left the tying run on third base in Mata in the bottom 5th when both Lopez and Guerin struck out, and Lopez was instantly annihilated with three hard hits to start the top 6th. He left down 3-0 with Bradley on second base and one out, a situation in which Dan Nordahl managed to force Bradley home with a bases loaded walk to Antonio De La Parra. All the while the Raccoons were looking for a third hit in the contest. The only run they would eventually get out of one of those pesky 38-year olds didn’t award an RBI as Richardson bought it with some collateral damage in form of two outs in the seventh. The Aces then sent their sorry excuse for a closer, Charlie Deacon, for the ninth, and instantly the Raccoons were in the game with a walk to Brady and Gonzalez reaching on Deacon’s error, which brought up Michel as the tying run with no outs. Deacon walked him on four straight balls, and Mata was next in line. Don’t stir him, shake him!! Both Mata and Richardson only managed RBI groundouts, leaving fate in the .212 bat of Chris Parker, who hit for Newton and masterfully looked on as Deacon struck him out with fastballs down the middle. 4-3 Aces. Mata 2-4, 2B, RBI;

Violent frustration with his efforts – which led to three walks in this game – made Dan Nordahl and his ERA, which lingered just short of nine, the next victim of cleansing operations. He was demoted to AAA and replaced with Manuel Martinez. Nordahl was packaged with Jason Kent, who was sent down in exchange for Albert Martin, who had by now clubbed 11 homers in St. Pete and was considered warm enough to return. Michel would now be a pinch-hitter, while Gonzalez was declared auxiliary outfielder in addition to his titles of “makeshift third baseman” and “most useless bloke our budget can buy”.

Raccoons (19-32) @ Loggers (34-19) – June 2-4, 2000

The Loggers were rubbing their hands so hard, cackling with glee and eager to show us their second-ranked offense and fifth-ranked pitching staff (but carried by a lights-out bullpen), they had little black flocks all over their palms.

Projected matchups:
Jose Rivera (1-4, 5.17 ERA) vs. John Woodard (5-1, 4.52 ERA)
Ralph Ford (2-5, 3.62 ERA) vs. Roberto Herrera (6-4, 4.58 ERA)
Scott Wade (2-5, 5.31 ERA) vs. Juan Rodriguez (4-5, 6.42 ERA)

Nominally, this is manageable for the Raccoons. Well.

Game 1
POR: 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 1B Martin – 3B Gonzalez – LF Richardson – SS Guerin – C Mata – CF Newton – P Rivera
MIL: SS B. Hernandez – 3B R. Morales – RF C. Ramirez – LF Hiwalani – 1B J. Cruz – CF Fletcher – C M. Vela – 2B J. Perez – P Woodard

Rivera didn’t even hold up for one inning and got torched for three runs at a rapid pace. You had to give him kudos for driving in a pair with the bags full in the top 2nd after Luke Newton had failed, but – oh my. Rivera was knocked out in the fourth when Morales singled to push the score to 5-2, and that he didn’t lose the game was only credited to Woodard being almost as bad, and the Raccoons getting a break in the seventh. Down 6-3, Martin and Gonzalez reached to open the frame. As Bubba Cannon came out and retired Daniel Richardson, the runners moved up. Guerin then came through with a sharp single up the middle, both runners scored, and Fletcher threw home, enabling Guerin to go to second, from where Mata could score him with another single up into center. Tied at six, Newton walked, and then Freddy Jackson made his Raccoons debut as pinch-hitter for Daniel Miller, who had surrendered a run in the bottom 6th. Jackson struck out, however, and the Raccoons failed to take the lead. Meeks barely survived the bottom 7th, leaving a pair stranded, before the first two Raccoons in the eighth got on. Gonzalez followed, but of course failed and grounded to get Martin forced out. Runners on the corners with one out became bases loaded when Ricardo Medina plunked Richardson. Then Guerin hit into a double play. It looked like it wasn’t meant to be. The Raccoons weren’t meant to win. Ever again. In the top 10th then, Ingall was on third with one out. Martin hit a shy fly to center, and Ingall was in no mood to keep playing forever in vain hope for a run that would otherwise never be scored. Now was the time for men – for patriots! – to rise to the occasion, to take the banner and march on with pride, right into the smoke of cannons! He tagged and dashed, and narrowly avoided Fletcher’s grape shot – SAFE!! Donis came out for the bottom of the inning, and 0-17 Pedro Benitez pinch-hit for an infield single. The Loggers would however not get the ball out of the infield in this bottom 10th. The defense did its dirty work and helped a struggling Donis over the finish line. 7-6 Raccoons. Ingall 2-6, 2B; Martin 2-3, 2 BB, RBI; Richardson 3-5; Guerin 3-5, 3 RBI; Diaz 1.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K; Meeks 1.1 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

Next banishment. Jose Rivera and his 25c-per-bushel stuff were shipped out to St. Pete. Since he was out of options, this required designating the league ERA champion from TWO YEARS AGO for assignment. I couldn’t see other teams jumping onto his 5.77 ERA though.

We called up right-handed reliever Dan Epps for the rest of the weekend, because I wanted to get Bob Joly back up, but he was due to start Saturday, the day of our middle game in Milwaukee. Epps is a former fourth round pick by the Scorpions in 1994. He throws a dead straight fastball, so he’s little more than a stopgap solution for a few days.

Game 2
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – RF Brady – 3B Gonzalez – C Mata – LF Richardson – 1B Martin – CF Newton – P Ford
MIL: RF C. Ramirez – C M. Vela – LF Hiwalani – 1B J. Cruz – 3B R. Morales – CF Fletcher – SS J. Perez – 2B Baker – P Herrera

The Loggers took the lead in the first on a wild pitch by Ford, before a fielding error by Hiwalani had the Coons score two runs in the top 2nd. The joy was short-lived. Very short-lived. Ford started the bottom 2nd by drilling Morales. Fletcher singled, and he then walked Perez and Baker in succession to tie the game. While Herrera flew out, a run scored. Miguel Vela would eventually be a good host to Ralph, who was new in the league, and showed him around in the park – the left field bleachers, precisely. Not even two innings played, 6-2 Loggers. Ford was left in, loaded the bases once more in the third, and was then purged. Orlando Blanco threw a saving anchor as he got Herrera to line straight to Guerin who managed to convert for a double play. While the Loggers failed to strike against Blanco in the third or fourth, they pounded on Dan Epps, who in his debut was charged with two runs. The Loggers fans, long assured of a win, were hoping for their most sharpened battle axe, Bakile Hiwalani, to hit for a cycle, as he had doubled off Rivera, singled off Blanco, tripled off Epps, and led off the bottom 8th against Manuel Martinez – but had to settle for a line drive single to left. They nevertheless loaded the bags with no outs against Martinez, who was removed for Fairchild, who in turn waved all the runs in – and more. After a bases-loaded walk to Román Reyes Hiwalani had a good chance to come up again, as Fairchild was burning brightly. But Hiwalani came up with first base open. And no! Not you! NOT! YOU! As Fairchild issued four very wide ones, the home crowd got upset and started to litter the foul ground with debris, and at least two full cups of beer were hurled at Clyde Brady. After Cruz flew out to left to end the inning, the Raccoons went down in order in the top 9th in record time and then emptied the dugout in a hurry to barricade themselves in the clubhouse. 14-3 Loggers. Guerin 2-5, 2B; Brady 2-4, RBI; Martin 4-4, 2B; Blanco 1.2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K, IR 3-0;

I feel tired. And yet I can’t sleep anymore because of these Uttercoons.

Game 3
POR: SS Guerin – 2B Ingall – 1B Martin – RF Brady – C Mata – LF Richardson – CF Newton – 3B Andresen – P Wade
MIL: SS B. Hernandez – C M. Vela – RF C. Ramirez – LF Hiwalani – 1B J. Cruz – CF Fletcher – 3B J. Perez – 2B Baker – P J. Rodriguez

With increased police protection, both teams scored a run in the first, before Hiwalani singled home the go-ahead run in the third. Wade was looking more and more helpless, an impression that increased once a Guerin error cost another run in the fifth to bring the score to 3-1. In the top 6th, the Raccoons had two men on, but Newton lifted a soft fly to left – and Hiwalani made another error. That scored a run, moved two runners into scoring position, and the Loggers elected to walk Andresen to have Rodriguez, who had struck out eight Raccoons with his 6+ ERA stuff, face Wade or a pinch-hitter. Wade had already whiffed twice, but the bullpen couldn’t stand another prolonged struggle, and so Wade had to bat, and stunned and silenced the crowd with a single up the middle to take a 4-3 lead. Bubba Cannon entered and removed Guerin to end the inning. The lead lived zero innings, as Bartolo Hernandez’ 2-out, 2-run double put the score back right, 5-4 home team. The Racocons drew three 2-out walks in the top 7th, but Newton flew out and nobody scored. The rest of the game saw Richardson injure himself on a play, Miller surrender a run that was booked on Blanco, and the Raccoons being **** all around through eight. Then in the ninth, they faced Robbie Wills, who walked Martin and Brady, and a Baker error loaded them up with no outs. Parker and Newton scored single runs to tie the game. With two out and two on, Donis had to be hit for after pitching the eighth in a presumably lost cause. Cesar Gonzalez came out with a bat, even holding it the right way, ran a full count, and FOR ONCE hit a single that scored Mata. Guerin drove in another run to make it 8-6. The only arm remaining in the bullpen dangling from a decently warm body was Meeks’, so he was tasked with the bottom 9th. Although the repulsive Hiwalani hit him for a single, Meeks came through. 8-6 Raccoons. Guerin 2-5, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Ingall 2-6, 2B, RBI; Brady 0-1, 4 BB; Parker (PH) 1-1, RBI; Gonzalez (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Clyde Brady tied the franchise record with four walks in this game.

Daniel Richardson meanwhile tore ankle ligaments and will miss the rest of the month. GREAT! MORE!! MORE SWINGS RIGHT INTO THE NUTS!!!

In other news

May 22 – BOS OF/1B Dave Reid (.260, 2 HR, 19 RBI) has broken his elbow and figures to miss most of the remainder of the season.
May 24 – SFW INF/RF/CF Ramón Garza (.372, 3 HR, 19 RBI) will have to sit out for three weeks with a strained back muscle.
May 25 – SFW 1B/2B Dave Heffer (.325, 5 HR, 35 RBI) has two hits in a 3-1 loss to the Cyclones, connecting nevertheless for a 20-game hitting streak.
May 27 – SAL OF Jeff MacGruder (.310, 6 HR, 30 RBI) hits the DL with a broken finger and should be back by the All Star break.
May 27 – The Loggers announce a 2-yr, $2.2M extension signed with 37-year old closer Ricardo Medina, who was 371 career saves.
May 28 – The same day Woody Roberts in Portland became the first pitcher in ABL history to win a 273rd game, something else was done for the first time in the league: PIT LF/RF Jeffery Brown (.279, 0 HR, 9 RBI) hit safely for the 3,500th time with a third inning single off L.A.’s Rafael Zaragoza in the Miners’ 3-1 win. The 38-year old Brown, the 10th overall in the 1979 draft, and covered in accolades like the 1982 FL ROTY award, the 1988 and 1994 FL Hitter of the Year awards, three Gold Gloves, and eight All Star selections, is in his 20th season in the majors, 17 of which came with the Capitals, with whom he also won the World Series three times. Brown, a true iron man, has never missed more than 25 games in a season and continues to play every day in Pittsburgh. He is a true hero of the game of baseball!
May 29 – OCT OF Joey Humphrey (.367, 4 HR, 20 RBI) is out of the lineup with an oblique strain and could miss a month.
May 30 – Another day in the ABL, another record for the ages: Andres Ramirez (0-0, 2.59 ERA, 14 SV) sits down the Pacifics to protect a 3-2 Cyclones win, claiming his 700th career save in the process. The 40-year old Ramirez, taken 14th overall in the first round of the 1977 draft by the Warriors, has appeared in 1,507 games for seven different teams, amassing 1,786 strikeouts while pitching in relief for 24 years. Asked whether he wanted to challenge for 800, the Cuban southpaw laughed and wondered aloud how long team owners would want to pay for someone of his age when they could have younger guys pitching. Ramirez won three World Series in his career with the Warriors (1978), Wolves (1988), and Capitals (1997).
May 31 – The hitting streak of Dave Heffer (.327, 5 HR, 37 RBI) reaches 25 games. The 28-year old Warrior contributes one hit in a 5-3 loss of the Warriors to the Rebels.
June 2 – The Wolves get the better of Heffer, ending his hitting streak at 26 games. The Warriors lose 5-4, too.
June 2 – NYC Anibal Sandoval (7-3, 3.18 ERA) 3-hits the Indians as the Crusaders squeeze out a 1-0 win.

Complaints and stuff

While the team – lost in translation between egregiously incompetent pitching and infamously fruitless hitting – as a whole drifts dead in the water, we proudly announce that we have finalized a contract extension with Neil Reece, who will receive $5.2M over four years. Let’s hope he manages more than 58 AB a year until 2004… The deal includes a no-trade clause. (firmly hugs Reece) Till Death Do Us Part, Neil! TILL DEATH DO US PART! (Neil’s eyes are about to pop out) Oh. Neil. Watch that groin of yours.

I noticed how our pitching staff is composed in a majority of pitchers that I would have banished for excessive ERA values a few years ago. That was however, when we regularly had enough money to ship in quality replacements.

Also, Nuno Andresen again demanded more playing time. He told me after the middle game rout in Milwaukee, where the Raccoons had almost been skinned, flagellated, or worse, by the home crowd, but I think he wasn’t meaning playing in that hostile environment, old men love tranquility after all, but in general. Well, he shouldn’t be batting .208 as long as we can field a few .220 batters!

This repeated bitching about things! It pisses me off! Where I come from, there’s a term for that. Andresen is a Motzkuh! [motts-coo] There, I said it! Motzkuh! What it means? It’s a cow that keeps on mooing about the grass not being green enough, the fence not pretty enough, and the weather is too cold, and –

Oh well. Life sucks. (But so does death)

Odd stat #1: of our current pitchers, Daniel Miller is the most dangerous batter, hitting for an .834 OPS with five RBI in 31 AB, including three extra base hits. Can he possibly play a semi-compentent left field? The arm should be there…

Odd stat #2: of all the 306 players that have ever worn the brown shirt, only the following nine used all five vowels in their names: Raimundo Beato, Juan Berrios, Daniel Dumont, Conceicao Guerin, Mario Guerrero, Yoelbi Maurinha, Tetsu Osanai, Gabriel Rodriguez, Jesus Taramillo;

Aren’t English names just lame?
(Aren’t I just insane?)