[Westheim]

Raccoons (72-77) @ Condors (60-89) – September 18-20, 2006

If the Raccoons wanted to make one final dash for a winning record (better than .750 ball required…), they would better start by soiling the Condors, something they had done so far this year, taking five out of the six contests between the clubs. They had lost seven in a row, and ranked in the bottom four in both runs scored and runs allowed, and we would gladly miss their ace and strikeout king Kelvin Yates (13-14, 3.28 ERA) in the series.

Projected matchups:
Tim Webster (5-5, 4.04 ERA) vs. Jorge Silva (8-19, 4.08 ERA)
Nick Brown (10-4, 2.65 ERA) vs. Román Escobedo (7-13, 5.06 ERA)
Ralph Ford (14-11, 3.49 ERA) vs. Ron Carter (3-5, 5.25 ERA)

Southpaw in the middle for them, and we don’t even get a look at their worst guy in this series…

Game 1
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Flores – LF Pruitt – 1B Quebell – RF Mays – C Bowen – 3B Sharp – CF Crespo – P Webster
TIJ: SS B. Nichols – RF Ward – 2B J. Diaz – CF R. Perez – C P. Estrada – LF J. Alvarez – 3B R. Harris – 1B T. Mullins – P J. Silva

While Vic Flores continued his recent power surge with a first inning solo shot, Tim Webster managed to soil the effort in record time. The first five Condors all hit the ball really hard, resulting in a single, three doubles, and three runs in the bottom 1st. Webster, the colossal ****head, would be hit for in the third inning when his spot came up with the bags full and two outs. Clyde Brady struck out. The next time the pitcher’s spot was up, Daniel Sharp had hit a 2-out RBI double in the sixth to get the Coons back to one run out. Fernandez hit for Salazar with two men on – and grounded out to second. None of this was all that relevant. When Sergio Vega appeared in the bottom 6th, he gave up a leadoff jack to Jesus Alvarez, then walked the next two batters. While Law Rockburn cleaned up that mess, another one was created by Rémy Lucas in the seventh, and it just wasn’t going to stop. 7-3 Condors. Esquivel (PH) 1-1; Pruitt 2-5, RBI; Quebell 2-4, 2B; Sharp 3-4, 2 2B, RBI; Salazar 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K; Rockburn 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
POR: 3B V. Flores – 2B Nomura – CF Fernandez – LF Brady – C A. Ramirez – 1B Quebell – SS R. Miller – RF Lugo – P Brown
TIJ: 3B R. Harris – SS Ybarra – 2B J. Diaz – CF R. Perez – C P. Estrada – LF J. Alvarez – RF J. Thomas – 1B B. Boyle – P Escobedo

Early on this seemed to be a game where nothing would go Brownie’s way – ever. Through five innings, the Condors made sound contact exactly twice, both times resulting in RBI doubles to deep left. He struck out six, while the team’s offensive success was more on the limited side. That changed in the sixth inning, which Nomura led off with a double off the wall in right, and then Fernandez tripled to center. Clyde Brady tied the score at two with an RBI single to left, but sooner or later there was Quebell, and there was a double play. And just when everything seemed right again, Brown inexplicably and unexpectedly blew up completely in the sixth inning. He drilled Juan Diaz, walked Ramón Perez, gave up two singles and a wild pitch – and three runs scored. This one came out of nowhere. Quebell would also kill the Coons’ last chance to score, representing the tying run with two out in the eighth before Domingo Moreno got stomped for two runs on a Bruce Boyle homer in the bottom of the inning. 7-2 Condors. Nomura 3-4, 2 2B; Brady 2-3, BB, RBI;

Law Rockburn pitched in this game as well and walked a batter. His previous three walks allowed came on July 26, June 17, and May 29.

Ryan Miller intentionally didn’t play on Monday to make his debut against the left-hander. Not that it helped anybody. He had a very soft single, and three poor outs.

Before melting down / falling asleep / stopping to give a damn, Nick Brown reached 1,109 strikeouts, so he should reach 1,111 in his next start. Unless he is then still molten / asleep / not giving a damn.

This game also marked our official, mathematical elimination from the playoffs. Morally we had been eliminated on Opening Day.

Game 3
POR: 2B Nomura – CF Fernandez – LF Crespo – 1B Quebell – RF Mays – 3B Sharp – SS R. Miller – C Wood – P Ford
TIJ: SS B. Nichols – RF Ward – 2B J. Diaz – CF R. Perez – C P. Estrada – LF J. Alvarez – 3B R. Harris – 1B B. Román – P Carter

The Condors took a lead in the first inning, 1-0, just like in every game of the series. The Raccoons would rally briefly with a run and leaving two stranded in both the third and fourth innings, before Ford gave the lead up as soon as possible with a leadoff homer in the bottom 4th, Juan Diaz’ 18th on the season (no Raccoon had more than a dozen by the way). The Raccoons would take another lead on Bobo Mays’ sac fly in the top 7th before Ford created a terrible mess that Marcos Bruno couldn’t clean up in the bottom of the inning and the Condors retied the score right away, but the Raccoons plated one of their own again in the top 8th when they got to Kilian Carrier with two outs. Brady singled and Nomura doubled him in. Ed Bryan held on to the lead in the eighth – the wonders! – before Angel Casas was tasked with protection in the ninth. Johnny Crum homered off him. Juan Diaz homered off him. 6-4 Condors. Nomura 2-5, 2B, RBI; Crespo 2-5; Mays 2-3, BB, RBI; Brady (PH) 1-1;

Raccoons (72-80) @ Titans (79-73) – September 22-24, 2006

Titans: 9th on offense, 2nd on defense. Another meaningless series on our way to oblivion. Never mind, don’t be disturbed, we’re just passin’ through here.

Projected matchups:
Rhett Carpenter (1-0, 7.20 ERA) vs. Bryce Hildred (9-15, 4.07 ERA)
Kenichi Watanabe (8-16, 4.01 ERA) vs. Paul Kirkland (12-12, 4.39 ERA)
Tim Webster (5-6, 4.17 ERA) vs. Jorge Chapa (17-7, 2.73 ERA)

We could also face Jason O’Halloran (14-10, 3.50 ERA) on Sunday. Both him and Chapa pitched on Tuesday after their Monday game was rained out. But does it really matter whom we fall victim to?

Game 1
POR: 2B Nomura – 3B Flores – 1B Pruitt – LF Brady – RF Mays – SS R. Miller – CF Fernandez – C A. Ramirez – P Carpenter
BOS: 2B D. Silva – 3B M. Austin – LF Brulhart – RF G. Munoz – SS Hutchinson – CF Garrison – C Rosa – 1B H. Ramirez – P Hildred

The Raccoons took a 1-0 lead in the second inning after Bobo Mays tripled and then scored on a wild one from Hildred. That was nothing compared to the bottom of the inning, which started with Rhett Carpenter being **** and offering presents before being conquered and enslaved to the tune of five runs. Four of those were even unearned after a Vic Flores error in the middle of the inning, but there was not all that much blame to lay on Flores. Carpenter also threw a wild pitch in addition to serving up double after double. The Inepticoons had a brief chance in the fourth with two on and Brady driving a ball to deep left. It missed the wall, but failed to miss Jim Brulhart’s glove. Bottom 5th, Kaz Kichida fooled around long enough to load the bases, then also threw a wild pitch. Rudy Garrison hit a home run off Rémy Lucas in the seventh. In eight innings, the Raccoons got five hits off ex-Raccoon Bryce Hildred. 7-1 Titans. Cash 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K;

Game 2
POR: 2B Nomura – SS Flores – RF Mays – LF Brady – 1B Quebell – C Bowen – CF Fernandez – 3B Ingram – P Watanabe
BOS: 2B D. Silva – 3B M. Austin – LF Brulhart – RF G. Munoz – SS Hutchinson – CF Garrison – C Rosa – 1B Heffer – P Kirkland

The crappy Coons broke out for three runs in the first inning, avoiding trailing after the first for the first time this week. From the point where Kirkland struck out Ingram to end the inning with two men still on base until he drilled Vic Flores in the fifth, nobody got on for the team, but Watanabe had at least not conceded much at all against the Titans and the score was still 3-0. Well, it LOOKED like he had everything under control, but the Titans’ lineup was composed of coonskinners, and it’s always the guy you like least anyway. Like the bum Rosa and the snobbish pitcher Kirkland. Both hit RBI doubles off Watanabe in the seventh to bring the score back to 3-2 and knocked him from the game. Ed Bryan retired PH Luis Arroyo to end the inning, but at this point the Raccoons had not made it on base under their own power since the first inning…

Death knows many ways to kill you. There are quick deaths, there are slow deaths, painful deaths, and the best deaths of all, the outrageously stupid death. Like train surfing, Raccoons defensive innings always had a tendency to end in the goriest manner. The Raccoons used four pitchers in the bottom 8th. Ed Bryan retired Mark Austin. Law Rockburn retired Jim Brulhart. Domingo Moreno walked Gonzalo Munoz. There! That cocky 17-year old just had his foot slip off the subway! Marcos Bruno came in to get things sorted out, but first Dave Hutchinson singled. Uh-oh, that legs dangling off pretty badly, and is that a tunnel there in the distance? Rudy Garrison grounded to short where Vic Flores bobbled it once, bobbled it twice, and everybody was safe. Your little screams won’t help you now, you young fool, and that IS a tunnel. Up came Freddy Rosa. Only bad things could happen now. Rosa was down two strikes when he thumped a ball into the ground ten feet in front of home plate. Bruno came in, Bowen came out.

SPLATTER!!

Bruno got there first, but home plate was unguarded, and now he had to turn for first base, and didn’t get anything on the throw to Quebell, and … yes, yes, Freddy Rosa was safe, Dave Heffer singled up the middle, and that train surfing idiot got smeared all over the countryside. 5-3 Titans. Watanabe 6.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 2 K;

Game 3
POR: 3B Flores – 2B Nomura – CF Fernandez – RF Brady – 1B Sharp – LF Pruitt – SS R. Miller – C A. Ramirez – P Webster
BOS: 3B M. Austin – 2B Heffer – SS Hutchinson – LF Brulhart – RF G. Munoz – C Rosa – CF Walls – 1B Metting – P O’Halloran

Nothing bad happened to Tim Webster the first time through the opposing order, which was a nice change, until Mark Austin hit a 2-out homer in the bottom of the third to put the Titans up 1-0. The balls started to fly more and more off Webster’s bat, but miraculously none of them left the yard and the defense made a number of strong plays to keep the blighter in the game. Meanwhile Jason O’Halloran pitched a wonderful game, completely silencing the Raccoons through seven innings. But he never got that add-on run. Instead, he got Crespo, who hit for Webster in the eighth, on base. Flores then singled, sending Crespo to third, from where he scored on Nomura’s sac fly, albeit just barely, to tie the score. What an outburst of offense! Nomura would also bring in the second run for the Coons on the day, a 2-out bloop single off Manuel Martinez in the tenth that scored Antonio Ramirez, who had previously been safe at second on Claudio Salazar’s ****ty bunt that was fielded even ****tier by Freddy Rosa. Quebell singled home Salazar when he hit in place of Fernandez, which gave Angel Casas a 3-1 lead in the bottom 10th and Clyde Brady manning centerfield, where his range was promptly tested by Luis Lopez. Brady made the catch, Casas struck out Toby Frazier, and while the pest Daniel Silva and his lifetime 1.100/1.350/6.275 slash line against Portland found a way on base, Hutchinson grounded out to end the game. 3-1 Inepticoons. Quebell (PH) 1-1, RBI; Sharp 2-4, 2B;

With one out in the seventh, Clyde Brady was on third base for Pruitt. Both Matt Pruitt and Ryan Miller grounded out overly poorly and Brady was left on base.

If that’s all the future we’ve got, we should all start rooting for the Elks to spare our sanity.

In other news

September 18 – The 31-game hitting streak of Dallas’ Hector Garcia (.332, 11 HR, 93 RBI) dies a horrible death at the hands of the Cyclones, who also win the game 9-8 and with that also spoil the Stars’ ambition to clinch the FL West for another day.
September 19 – Despite a 4-2 loss to the Cyclones, the Stars clinch the FL West on the Gold Sox’ 8-2 loss to the Blue Sox.
September 21 – MIL SP Martin Garcia (12-7, 2.60 ERA) claims his 250th career win in a 6-4 win over the Bayhawks in which he goes eight innings and allows three runs, striking out four. Since he was the first overall pick in the 1990 draft, Garcia has merely racked up 3,165 strikeouts, 10 All Star nominations, and five Pitcher of the Year awards (1996, 1998-2001), and led the league in wins three times, in strikeouts five times, in ERA four times, in WHIP three times. He pitched for 29 or more quality starts in a season four times. To call him an all time great would be an understatement. Only 34 years old, he has a fantastic chance to reach 300 career wins. He is already sixth in career wins, and Woody Roberts’ career mark of 279 W seems only a blink away. (There is Oklahoma’s Aaron Anderson to overcome, though; he has 269 wins, but is two years older).
September 24 – WAS LF Raúl Vázquez (.306, 12 HR, 66 RBI) has manufactured a 20-game hitting streak after landing one base hit in the Capitals’ 6-5 win over the Cyclones.

Complaints and stuff

Who was the Coons’ first pick in 1990? Daniel Miller. Not a poor choice, but not quite Martin Garcia.

Most consecutive losing seasons in ABL history (* active):
17 – Milwaukee Loggers (1977-1993)
13 – Atlanta Knights (1991-2003)
11 – Boston Titans (1978-1988)
10 – Portland Raccoons (1997-2006) *
10 – Sacramento Scorpions (1983-1992)
9 – Las Vegas Aces (1998-2006) *
8 – Los Angeles Pacifics (1999-2006) *
8 – Vancouver Canadiens (1994-2001)
7 – New York Crusaders (1990-1996)
7 – Topeka Buffaloes (1991-1997)
7 – Washington Capitals (1980-1986)
6 – Indianapolis Indians (1997-2002)
6 – New York Crusaders (1999-2004)
6 – Portland Raccoons (1977-1982)
6 – Salem Wolves (1993-1998)
6 – San Francisco Bayhawks (1983-1988)
6 – Sioux Falls Warriors (1987-1992)

Christian Greenman hit his 18th homer of the season the day the Stars clinched. 17 of those came for the Stars in just about 2.5 times as many AB as on the Raccoons. He slugged .652 for the Stars. That was merely a 140% increase from his Raccoons SLG.

****ing ***hole.

Remind me to shed more light on that Greenman trade and the following moves that it caused. It’s the story of the year in Dallas, but just another footnote on a back-end chapter of the sad daily soap of Portland. I would write it up now, but I’m reduced to tears already.