[Westheim]

There was no need to find a new scout. The Prick found one for me. Gabriel Martinez looked like he came out of a second-rate 70s movie, cast into the role of a stereotypical gangster, unshaven, crummy, his eyes were quite tiny and cold, but he was finely dressed. The only thing missing was a cigar butt wedged into one corner of the mouth. He arrived on November 4, went straight to my office and announced briefly in broken English that he was here now. He would require a room, a computer, a prepaid phone, and a table of my daily routine.

I wondered what that last one was for, but he would not give an answer.

Cookie’s family was still around (minus Cookie), with varying player and management personnel keeping them entertained while he was in the hospital getting his brain unscrambled. The day after Gabriel Martinez’ arrival I already heard him shouting outside on the hallway. When I opened the door I came just in time to see a tearful Cristiano shouting ‘Eres un diablo!’ before wheeling off in the other direction. I desired to know what was going on. Martinez wouldn’t say anything. He just handed me a Ron Richards baseball card, torn in half, then calmly walked to his own office.

This might become a long year…

The following day I was looking for the scouting reports I had asked Martinez to prepare of our own 40-man roster, but couldn’t find them anywhere. I went over to his room, where he was on the phone, but as soon as he saw me, he ended the call and placed the cell phone display down on the table. ‘You want?’, he asked. ‘The scouting reports!’ My patience with him was running thin already. ‘I gave you one yesterday’, Martinez snarled. ‘If you want more, bring the card collection of the crippled kid.’

Two days later I heard Maud shouting in the office next to mine. When I went over there, she was furious with Martinez who was installing a camera in the shelf right opposite her. ‘Is for security’, he said before leaving, his business unfinished.

A very long year. A very, very, very … long … year…

I miss Vince Guerra.

+++

When I wasn’t busy with medical maladies or charred corpses or pretentious pricks or wasn’t buying Cristiano a new pack of baseball cards from my own meal money, or drove him and his two brothers to the airport to fly back to Panama in the middle of November, where the little guy wouldn’t let go of my arm and thanked me another 28 times for bringing piped water (in two flavors, warm and cold!) to his village by paying Cookie lots of dollares, there was still some actual baseball business to conduct … and it was actually even less fun than anything else going on.

As the arbitration deadline approached, it became more and more clear that the Raccoons were completely dead in the water as far as 2017 was concerned. It was absolutely impossible to add any talent to the roster, which was clogged by overpaid ‘veterans’ that did little to improve the team’s performance. Foremost we shall mention that there would be nine players making seven figures in 2017, and about half of them were clearly ripping us every time they cashed one of those checks. These are the highest paid players with their 2017 salary and the total contract value remaining, including all options except for team options:

LF/RF R.J. DeWeese - $3.3M - $19.8M through 2022
INF Howard Jones - $2M - $4.4M through 2018
SP Hector Santos - $1.8M - $9M through 2021
SP Nick Brown - $1.8M
LF/RF Ron Richards - $1.7M - $6.8M through 2020
SP Tadasu Abe - $1.4M - $6.6M through 2020 – would be arbitration eligible afterwards
OF Ricardo Carmona – $1.1M - $12.9M through 2022
1B Adam Young - $1M - $3.8M through 2019
INF/OF Sandy Sambrano - $1M

Only three additional players make at least half a million, including Jonny Toner ($900k), Beaver ($700k), and Thrasher ($500k).

But what, for ****’s sake, does Howard Jones do up there? How does he get two million for batting .226!? Who signed this loser?? Is this what we got for Jason Seeley?? By the way, Seeley batted .285 with 13 homers for the Cyclones and would be a real upgrade over Ron Richards, #2 on the money sink list. Add Young and Sandy, and that’s a quarter of our budget that’s going to players that are underperforming in the fast lane.

I did some pulse feeling with other GM’s in the first week of November and Howard Jones was completely untradeable. We were stuck with him. Ron Richards was probably also untradeable on his own, but it might be possible to somehow sweeten the deal. I even tried to talk a few teams into R.J. DeWeese, mainly teams with money, a desire to win, and here foremost the Bayhawks and Knights, who were going to lose great corner outfielders to free agency that very month, with both Ron Alston and Justin Dally ranking really high up there on the free agent board, right behind Player of the Year Ray Gilbert.

(barfing sounds)

Nope, I’m fine. Just a bit too much stress… Well, even the Bayhawks and Knights thought that DeWeese’s contract wasn’t really worth it and they weren’t tempted to send any meaningful package for him. We’re not talking a “Dingus” Morales kinda deal for four prospects of varying amazingness, but more like one good prospect in return. They weren’t doing that. They weren’t even willing to deal a setup reliever.

I also shopped Juan Medina, got no offers, and after that retracted our arbitration offer. Last thing I needed was him being awarded another half a million that had yet to be printed. With Duarte, Johnson, Ochoa still bumbling around the premises, we had three cheaper options to achieve more or less the same thing (less in Ochoa’s case since he was not an option in center) Walt Canning would also not receive an offer. Jason Bergquist got a $240k offer the week before the hearings. He signed the day before the hearings. He was the last guy on the list, and so for the first time in ever the Raccoons didn’t even offer to go to arbitration at all.

Maybe this will be a quick offseason, because we can’t do anything. Maybe it will be an even quicker offseason for me because I think Martinez is plotting to kill me. I can see him writing stuff into a notebook whenever I pass by his room.

+++

Clearing the arbitration estimates for Canning and Medina as well as a few other players that drew the minimum in 2016 but would only hold a minor league deal in 2017 allowed Steve from Accounting to present a clearer picture of our troubled state on November 14, the official free agency date. The Coons were in the soup by $1.9M, and had barely a quarter million cash since the Prick as usual had drawn everything not nailed down real hard to his Mexican accounts in October.

There was one team that couldn’t make offers fast enough after the free agency date and didn’t commit all its millions before I came calling. The Crusaders, of course, and their ****ing pile of coins. They were probably our saviors.

+++

November 16 – The Raccoons trade 31-yr old RF/LF Ron Richards (.254, 92 HR, 348 RBI) and 27-yr old SP/MR Francisquo Bocanegra (0-4, 5.47 ERA) to the Crusaders for 29-yr old MR Randy McMullen (3-2, 3.47 ERA) and 23-yr old AA MR Steve McConnell.
November 22 – The Bayhawks reunite with their 2015 closer, ex-OCT Micah Steele (48-57, 2.90 ERA, 265 SV). The 32-year old right-hander signs a 3-yr, $2.28M deal.
November 22 – 33-yr old ex-BOS LF/1B Matt Pruitt (.284, 68 HR, 477 RBI) inks a 2-yr, $1.17M contract with the Aces.
November 24 – The Canadiens acquire SP Kevin Clayton (35-49, 4.32 ERA) from the Blue Sox, parting with a second-rate prospect.
November 24 – The Condors ink ex-SAL/SFW SP Zach Hughes (55-51, 3.72 ERA) for $2.23M over two years.
November 25 – The first big name comes off the free agent board: 28-yr old ex-MIL/ATL LF/RF Justin Dally (.272, 108 HR, 452 RBI) signs a 7-yr, $23.3M pact with the Stars.
November 26 – Former Thunder SP Bob King (185-147, 3.50 ERA) joins up with the Crusaders for 2-yr, $5.28M. The 33-year old right-hander has CL North experience, having pitched for the Indians for nine seasons.
November 27 – Not idle in the North are the Canadiens, who sign ex-CIN CL Juan Jimenez (48-40, 2.78 ERA, 236 SV) to a 3-yr, $4.38M deal.
November 29 – In the first of two major corner outfield signings on this Tuesday, the Miners sweep up ex-DAL LF Victorino Sanchez (.354, 212 HR, 1,407 RBI). The 38-yr old had some health issues in the last years, but he is also the career hits leader with 3,732 base knocks, having passed Dale Wales during 2016. The Miners will reimburse him with $6.08M over two years for his troubles.
November 29 – The Thunder are determined to make 2016 look like an accident and sign LF/RF Ron Alston (.307, 460 HR, 1,536 RBI) to a 2-yr, $6.88M contract. The 37-year old Alston is merely the career home run leader and with his new deal in hand has a good shot at becoming the first ABL player to 500 home runs.
December 1 – Rule 5 Draft: 11 players are taken over three rounds, with the Thunder being the only team to pick more than one. The Raccoons are not affected.

+++

In a few moves on the fringes of the 40-man roster a few players were DFA’ed before the rule 5 draft, including Matt Stubbs, Pedro Torruellas, and Brock Hudman.

Let’s be honest here. The Richards trade to the Crusaders is a pure salary dump and nothing else. It was never intended to be anything else. Bocanegra luckily is of no use to us since we have a clutter of left-handers that we have to pick from for two (or three?) bullpen spots for 2017, and Bocanegra was not a front runner. McMullen is close to useless in a major league setting, and McConnell was a ninth-rounder five years ago and nobody will hear from him again.

Richards is happy to get out of here, I am happy for him to get out of here, Gabriel Martinez didn’t like him anyway, nor does he like me – and McMullen (who led all players involved in the deal in WAR in 2016…) will find a way to the dumpster on his own, I assume. Even better: it opens up a spot for a minimum player in the Ochoa/Duarte/Johnson group. A perfect deal! (We were still broken and $300k short, but at least we were a heck of a lot closer now)

Playing Duarte in center is a real thing to mull about. While I think Cookie will lose value if he plays in rightfield (he does not have a very good arm), maybe he will lose less limbs over there.

Howard Jones remains untradeable, though. How to proceed from here is interesting. It seems like DeWeese didn’t do enough to justify his $3.3M annual salary (while not shabby, .253/.346/.473 is not exactly first rate for sluggers) and we will not be able to get a good return. That leaves two expendable players that make seven figures, Young and Sambrano. While I like Sandy and the versatility he brings, his bat has not been the source of much joy, and he only hit for .242/.337/.301 in ’16, and he has been getting worse every year since coming over.

Sandy Sambrano OPS values by year (2011 with LVA):

2011: .775
2012: .732
2013: .712
2014: .703
2015: .664
2016: .637

That’s a trend you’d expect from someone about 37 years old now, but Sandy will turn 29 in March. Versatility and a great glove at most positions will not carry him indefinitely, and at this point he has no chance to sign an extension. He’s rather pretty high up on the trade list, because while we would lack a super utility guy that carries a full set of gloves, we’d get pretty far around the infield with Jones and Walter around (with only one of those starting on most days). We are currently wasting a spot on Jason Bergquist, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Adam Young is merely the colossal disappointment of the decade, and I have to find out how he did it, hitting between 25 and 27 homers a year in San Fran and then SEVEN – ****ING SEVEN – in his first season in Portland. His trade value has yet to be adjudged, but can’t be too high. He did the magic trick to make 200 points of OPS disappear between his age 26 and 27 seasons…

Do I have a hand, or what?