[Westheim]

Raccoons (0-0) @ Canadiens (0-0) – April 4-6, 2017

This series started on Tuesday, with both teams having the actual Opening Day off. For the Raccoons, these would be the first three of 16 straight games to start their season. They had lost the season series to the Elks, 10-8, in 2016, and for two years straight.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (0-0) vs. Samuel McMullen (0-0)
Nick Brown (0-0) vs. Rod Taylor (0-0)
Hector Santos (0-0) vs. Jose Flores (0-0)

While the season will open with a real cake between the Pitchers of the Year from 2015 and 2016, handedness for starters would be opposite for all games in the series, the Coons facing southpaws in the first and last game.

Game 1
POR: CF Carmona – 3B Nunley – SS McKnight – LF DeWeese – C Denny – 1B Young – 2B Bergquist – RF Waggoner – P Toner
VAN: CF Cameron – LF E. Garcia – RF K. Evans – 1B Quebell – 3B Suda – C Little – SS Lawrence – 2B Palmer – P S. McMullen

As was to be expected, offense was non-existent in this season opener. The only guy with a hit the first time through the order would be Jonny Toner with a third-inning single that didn’t lead to anything. The Coons dropped like flies against Sam McMullen, who whiffed seven in four innings, while the Elks got a good chance in the bottom 4th after a leadoff walk to Enrique Garcia. Kurt Evans singled, getting them into the H column and sending Garcia to third base, but Evans was then caught stealing by Mike Denny, and Adrian Quebell – surprise! – popped out behind home plate. Toner struck out repurposed catcher “Quasimodo” Suda to end the inning. Don Cameron flew out to center to end the fifth, stranding Jaylin Lawrence and ex-Coon Michael Palmer on the corners. Both had reached on soft bloopers for singles. While it looked like McMullen could choke the Raccoons all day and didn’t allow any left-handed batter to reach through seven innings, Toner glitched here and there and was over 100 pitches by the seventh inning. Palmer hit a 2-out single to center, and then McMullen was his last batter anyway, grounded a 3-1 pitch to the second base bag, but too slow for McKnight to make any play. Toner was removed after 111 pitches with two on and two out, Kevin Beaver facing the top of the order, where switch-hitter Mario Rocha came out to negate the Coons any advantage. Rocha ran a full count before lining out to Nunley, leaving Toner with a no-decision.

It wouldn’t be until with two outs in the ninth that a left-handed batting Critter reached base when Nunley singled off Pedro Alvarado. McKnight duly struck out, however, and the Elks loaded the bases with singles by the right-handed Morgan Little and Palmer as well as a walk drawn by Rocha off Chris Mathis. Joe Cowan – another disgraced ex-Coon – batted with two outs and grounded out to short, sending the game into overtime, where there would be scoring right away in the top 10th. Juan Jimenez retired DeWeese and Denny to start the inning, but lost Danny Ochoa, hitting for Young, to a walk. Bergquist singled hard to center, and Waggoner managed to get a liner past the outfielders for an RBI double. Whooo, offense!! Offense remained that one run when Margolis grounded out to second, so Alex Ramirez had to better not allow any extra-base - … oh look, Quebell doubled. After going 0-for-4 that far, Quebell’s 1-out double put the Raccoons in the squeezer, and it got worse when Denny lost Ramirez’ 2-1 to Suda and allowed Quebell to move to third. Suda struck out, though, leaving it to Morgan Little to save the Elks, but he also struck out. 1-0 Critters! Bergquist 2-4; Toner 6.2 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 6 K and 1-2;

Geez, that’s gonna be a long year. Out-hit 9-5, they barely squeezed through. Maybe things get better against a right-handed starter. McMullen whiffed 10 in 8.1 innings.

Game 2
POR: CF Carmona – 3B Nunley – SS McKnight – LF DeWeese – 1B Young – 2B Walter – RF Waggoner – C Denny – P Brown
VAN: LF Cameron – 1B Quebell – 3B Suda – RF K. Evans – C Little – SS Lawrence – 2B Palmer – CF Cowan – P Ro. Taylor

The last time in this tiny town, Brown had thrown a no-no and made the clowns frown; but there wouldn’t be a repeat of that. While the Coons took a 1-0 lead in the first when Nunley doubled and scored on DeWeese’s single, and Brownie sat down the first eight Elks, he allowed a 2-out single to Taylor in the bottom 3rd and then two hard hits by Cameron, a single to right, and Quebell, a double to right center, which allowed the Elks to tie the contest. Suda actually hit another rocket to left, but DeWeese got paws on that one. Just when we thought Brownie might get torn up for a season-opening loss, the pendulum swung back the other way, and the top 5th saw a leadoff single by Waggoner. Brown also singled with one out, but was forced by Cookie, who had a real lackluster start to his 2017 campaign and so far slashed zero. Nunley singled up the leftfield line, plating Waggoner with the go-ahead run, and when McKnight hit one into the gap in right center, Cookie scored, but Nunley was thrown out at home, giving Brown a 3-1 lead.

The bottom 6th saw Quebell hit a leadoff double to right, but then get picked off second base when he couldn’t fathom how McKnight had caught Suda’s liner and beat him in the scramble back to the plate. While the Coons stranded Waggoner on third base in the seventh inning, they got another excellent chance to put some air in between the two sides of the score in the top of the eighth. Nunley led off with a single, and McKnight doubled again. This time, with no outs, Nunley was held to let the middle of the order work the magic against the right-handed Taylor, who was still in the game. The Critters burned him in the worst way (for Taylor at least…) when he ran a full count against DeWeese, who ended up popping to shallow left center – and three Elks shooed another off. The ball dropped, the mess out there was great, and two runs scored while DeWeese trotted into second base, 5-1. Taylor didn’t retire another batter and was charged with one more run, while Dustin Burke eventually relieved him. Burke’s first pitch was blasted to right by Waggoner, but Evans caught it right at the wall, and the Raccoons eventually left the bases loaded in the 6-1 game, with Brown being hit for with Danny Ochoa, who walked with two outs to fill the diamond before Cookie flew out. Thrasher and Chun nursed the game to completion with no more than one Elk on base at any one time. 6-1 Brownies! Nunley 3-5, BB, 2B, RBI; McKnight 2-5, 2 2B, RBI; DeWeese 2-5, 3 RBI; Brown 7.0 IP, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, W (1-0) and 1-3;

Brownie, wheee!!

Game 3
POR: CF Carmona – 3B Nunley – 1B Young – LF DeWeese – C Denny – SS Petracek – 2B Bergquist – RF Waggoner – P Santos
VAN: CF Cameron – SS Lawrence – RF K. Evans – 1B Quebell – 3B Suda – C Little – LF Cowan – 2B Palmer – P J. Flores

In a bit of a messy game, the Coons would score first, a single run in the fourth inning, Nunley coming home on a DeWeese sac fly. An inning earlier, Joe Cowan had hit an infield single, but had also hurt himself in the process and had been replaced by Mario Rocha, who the next time up hit a homer off Santos to tie the game. Top 6th, Cookie ended an 0-for-11 string of not getting the ball to fall in to start the season with a single to center. He couldn’t get a jump as Nunley ran a full count, then popped behind home plate. Little dropped the ball for an error, giving Nunley another shot, which ended up being a shot to short that bounced once and was a perfect double play. So yeah, **** Lady Luck!

The Elks would have Don Cameron on second base in the bottom 6th after DeWeese dropped his soft line for a 2-base error, but when Lawrence singled to right, Waggoner threw out Cameron at home plate to make the error kindly go away. Little hit into another double play in the bottom 7th, giving him a DP in every game in the series. Top 8th, Santos would have been hit for if either of Bergquist or Waggoner would have made it on base, which didn’t happen. With two outs, Hector singled, bringing up Cookie, who made the next one stick, belching the Coons’ first homer of the season to left center, which wasn’t exactly shallow at about 390’. Santos didn’t look like he had to try too hard to get the Elks sat down and despite the rather slim 3-1 lead he went into the ninth against a shieldwall of left-handers. Cameron and Lawrence were easy pickings, but Evans singled and he lost Quebell to a walk to put the tying runs on base with two outs. Ramirez was called to face Suda, who was a lovely 0-for-12 so far, though it’d take only one swipe here. Ramirez didn’t give him one to swipe, though; Suda struck out, and the Coons opened the season with a sweep in hostile territory! 3-1 Furballs! Carmona 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-4; Santos 8.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (1-0) and 1-3;

Not only did Suda (40 years old now) go 0-for-13, he also struck out five times and never walked or took one for the team.

Also, 3-0, the only team in the North to be so. Who’s in furst??

Raccoons (3-0) vs. Falcons (0-3) – April 7-9, 2017

The Falcons had been expunged by the Knights for eight runs per game to start the season, so maybe that was something for the Raccoons to get warm against. Both their rotation and their bullpen ranked last in the CL in the middle of the first week. We had wiped the floor with them last season, thrashering them 8-1.

Projected matchups:
Tadasu Abe (0-0) vs. Sean Balzer (0-0)
Bruce Morrison (0-0) vs. Alex Vallejo (0-0)
Jonathan Toner (0-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Bobby Guerrero (0-1, 12.79 ERA)

Also, regardless of how you twist them, they have only right-handed starters, which might give us an advantage. Despite sweeping the Elks, we only scored ten runs in that series, with DeWeese, Young, Denny, and Cookie all batting .167 or much worse, and the only regular batting more than .222 being Matt Nunley (6-for-12).

With 16 straight games before the next off day, this is a difficult start to the season for sure, and we will work to weave in two off days for all regulars along the way, with some likely to come during the weekend already.

Game 1
CHA: 2B Good – LF Huibregtse – C Holliman – CF Feldmann – RF Benson – SS P. Hall – 1B M. Salinas – 3B Pellot – P Balzer
POR: CF Carmona – 3B Nunley – SS McKnight – LF DeWeese – 1B Young – 2B Walter – RF Waggoner – C Margolis – P Abe

For two innings, the Raccoons failed to leave the infield against Balzer, who wore some fuzz on his chin in a vain attempt to look older than 16, and actually had barely made it to 22 so far. The Falcons had loads of these players… The Coons got a run off him in the third inning, which started with a walk to Waggoner, who stole the team’s first base of the season and eventually scored on Cookie’s single to left. That was the Coons’ only hit through four, but the Falcons wouldn’t get a hit until the fifth, though by then it was a solo homer by Ryan Feldmann that pulled them even with the Raccoons, 1-1. Cookie hit a double in the bottom 5th, but was left on third base, as the slow motion offense that we had learned to hate the last few years already made itself noticeable in ’17.

Abe got shredded in the sixth inning, though ****ed-up luck had something to do with it, too. Alfonso Pellot and Matt Good both reached on infield singles to put him in the worst spot. While Steve Huibregtse didn’t get the job done, Ryan Holliman did with a single to center, scoring Pellot for a 2-1 lead. Feldmann wasted Abe again with another homer, and this one counted for three. The pre-teen pitcher that the Falcons had put on a stool on the mound was suddenly up 5-1, but wouldn’t make it through the sixth unharmed, either. Already wild early, he loaded the bases with a Walter single in between two walks before Ochoa batted for Abe, but that came against reliever Victor Arevalo, a 23-year old Mexican righty who looked even younger than Balzer. Ochoa singled hard to right on the second pitch. One run scored, Walter went aggro around third base and drew a throw from Travis Benson … alas, Holliman completely missed it, was charged an error, and the inning was still going on with Cookie batting with the tying runs in scoring position. He grounded hard to first, but Manny Salinas managed to scoop it and end the inning. Unfortunately, this would be the Raccoons’ high water mark in the game. Mauro Ortega was next for the Falcons, and the southpaw collected five outs with ease from the top half of the order. Cookie would reach base with two outs in the ninth, but by then it was already too late. 5-3 Falcons. Carmona 3-5, 2B, RBI; Ochoa (PH) 1-1, 2 RBI; Beaver 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Game 2
CHA: 2B Good – LF Huibregtse – C Holliman – CF Feldmann – RF Benson – SS P. Hall – 1B M. Salinas – 3B Pellot – P Vallejo
POR: CF Carmona – 3B Nunley – SS McKnight – LF DeWeese – 1B Young – 2B Walter – C Denny – RF Ochoa – P Morrison

The Critters scored first again, this time on a first-inning homer by McKnight that put them 1-0 ahead. That shot aside, the team was horrendous again at swinging the stick, and they had to consider themselves lucky that Morrison made a strong first impression, whiffing four in the first two innings and shutting the Falcons out in the early going. The Raccoons wouldn’t threaten again until the fifth inning when they had Walter and Ochoa on the corners with one out. Morrison whiffed, which was excusable, and Cookie lined right into Alex Vallejo’s mitten, which directly led me to gnawing on the edge of my desk, an outburst of frustration that wasn’t soothed by what happened next. Vallejo led off the sixth with his stick, with his left hand still swollen from taking that bullet from Cookie. He grounded to first, and Adam Young, whose fur wouldn’t give a good pair of gloves if we skinned him, bungled it. Morrison unglued rapidly, allowed straight singles to the 2-3-4 batters and the Falcons scored a pair of runs to take the lead. While this looked a lot like doom (I know that glow), the Coons weren’t quite dead yet, for Mike Denny whacked a homer off Vallejo in the bottom 7th to at least get them even again.

Vallejo was still going in the bottom 8th, while the Coons had replaced Morrison in the seventh, with Beaver and Reed holding the Falcons right where they were. William Waggoner hit for Jayden Reed to start the bottom 8th and singled to right center, then stole second base. Cookie also singled in the same general direction, and Waggoner scored handily to give the brown team the lead. Cookie was killed off at second base when Nunley missed the ball on a hit-and-run, then singled anyway, with Vallejo issuing walks to McKnight and DeWeese. Bases loaded, one out for Young, who hit one sharply to second base, where Dave Carter started the double play the Falcons were looking for. Alex Ramirez sent the Coons home winners regardless, pitching a perfect ninth while whiffing two. 3-2 Raccoons. Denny 2-3, HR, RBI; Morrison 6.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K;

Re: Young – there’s an actual, ****ing hole chewed into my desk! That- … That’s oak! That’s supposed to be unchewable! Maud did research on that!

Raaaah!!

Oh well. Since we were resting people twice anyway in this early run of games, Young would get rest on Sunday. As would DeWeese. They were batting .170 … if you were so kind to add their batting averages together.

Game 3
CHA: 2B Good – 1B M. Salinas – C Holliman – RF Feldmann – RF Benson – SS P. Hall – LF Monreal – 3B R. Martinez – P B. Guerrero
POR: CF Carmona – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – SS McKnight – C Denny – RF Waggoner – 1B Petracek – LF Johnson – P Toner

Yup, that was Ricardo Martinez, Nick Brown’s best friend of old, who got a starting assignment for the Falcons. He had already pinch-hit on Friday to no effect, and was 2-for-4 as a reserve so far. He didn’t even get a lukewarm reception from the crowd, who had long forgotten about this almost-decade-old flash in the pan. There was one guy in section 89 that clapped when he stepped in to start the top 3rd and grounded out.

The game was scoreless through three, after which Bobby Guerrero was never seen again. Johnny Watson replaced him after Guerrero had reported back stiffness to his trainer, and Watson was a southpaw, so the Coons wouldn’t necessarily have it easier now. While Toner was murdering the Falcons (but hit two batters in the middle innings), the Raccoons got a few guys on here and there and then consistently botched their chances. Brandon Johnson hit into a double play in the bottom 5th, and Cookie was left stranded on third base in the sixth. They were out-hitting the Falcons 7-1 after six, but the score was still zip, at least until Feldmann hit his third homer of the series, putting the Falcons up 1-0 in the top 7th. Benson singled, Troy Mugan doubled, 2-0 Falcons, and the Sunday afternoon home crowd was not amused, especially that morbidly obese guy up the first base line, who in 41° weather had taken off his sweater and shirt and while holding a cup of beer in each hand was chanting obscenities along with his seven still-clothed children.

The tying runs were on in the bottom 7th against Mauro Ortega, who had allowed a single to Johnson and a walk to Toner with one out. Cookie flew out to center, two outs. Bergquist hit for a successless Shane Walter, with Ortega throwing a wild pitch to move up the runners, but Bergquist would use the 3-1 pitch to fly out to Feldmann as well. An angry Jonny Toner fanned five of six batters he saw in the eighth and ninth innings, but was still on the short end of a wet stick, with the Coons sending the 6-7-8 batters against Lawrence Rivers in the bottom 9th. Waggoner popped out against the right-hander, after which Young hit for Petracek, grounded to second, but Matt Good’s throw to first was everything but good and Young reached on the error. Johnson had hit into a double play earlier, and this time flew out to Feldmann. DeWeese batted for Toner, a poor grounder back to the pitcher, and a way too easy last out. 2-0 Falcons. Carmona 2-4; Nunley 3-4; Waggoner 2-4; Johnson 2-4; Toner 9.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 13 K, L (0-1) and 0-2, BB;

That looks like a lot of offense, but of course it wasn’t. That’s also all the hits they had. Nobody had exactly one hit for the Raccoons in this game.

In other news

April 3 – Blue Sox and Capitals slug it out on Opening Day, combining for five homers, 25 hits, and a 5-run inning for each side in a 12-9 win for the Capitals, clinched with Justin Bellows’ pinch-hit, walkoff, 3-run homer off Logan Sloan.
April 3 – The Pacifics almost get no-hit on Opening Day, amounting only to a John Gartner single in a 5-0 defeat to the Scorpions, who have three pitchers combine for the shutout.
April 4 – The Condors lose top prospect SP Andrew Gudeman (0-0, 0.00 ERA) for at least April. The 23-year old has been diagnosed with a sore shoulder.
April 7 – In a real rout, the Bayhawks crumble the Canadiens, 13-2, out-hitting them 17-5. The game is basically over after the first inning, in which the Hawks put up seven runs.
April 8 – One day later, the Canadiens beat the Bayhawks, 1-0, on Kurt Evans’ (.333, 1 HR, 1 RBI) solo home run.
April 9 – TOP SP Alberto Molina (1-1, 1.59 ERA) 1-hits the Wolves in a 5-0 shutout. The Wolves don’t get into the H column until Javier Gonzalez’ pinch-hit single with one out in the ninth inning.
April 9 – Veteran NAS 3B/1B Antonio Esquivel (.375, 1 HR, 3 RBI) has manufactured a 20-game hitting streak spanning two seasons with two hits in the Sox’ 6-5 defeat to the Pacifics.

Complaints and stuff

You like that offense? No? Well, we’ll have 25 more weeks of that this year. While they’re not last in any once category, they’re sure close in many, and they’re in the bottom half in all but walks and stolen bases. And this was not even an offense-rich first week in the CL; the league ERA was 3.67 this week, which if remaining there for the rest of the season would be a 30-year low.

Offense was low overall in the CL in ’16 as well, with the average ERA being 3.86, the lowest since 2005. Offense was up in the FL however, a 4.19 ERA meaning a 6-year high.

Tom McNeela made it to St. Pete unmolested; neither by the other 23 teams, nor by that brown-skinned, blonde, badly shaven trucker with pink high heels he had to tramp with because we were too cheap for a plane ticket. He hasn’t been getting away for five years, there’s no reason for him to get abducted now, not by aliens, and not by ‘Denise’, who was hauling a load of plastic flamingoes to Miami.

Wednesday, the Elks hit into four double plays, all in favor of Nick Brown, who also failed to retire Rod Taylor even once, and was lucky enough to have first base occupied with the likes of Suda and Little batting. Either one reminds me of the time I grew up, and the kids in our neighborhood were playing on the street all the time, playing ball and running around, and we all could have casually out-run Little, even this one boy, who we called ‘Stumpy’.

… (awkward silence) …

What I really want to say: Brownie got lucky, and his stuff was nowhere to be seen. He’ll have two starts next week, which will give a bigger sample size.