[Westheim]

As December started, there was still the chance for the Raccoons to chase after LF/RF Gil Rockwell and his 362 career home runs. Don’t underestimate his power; before Hugo Mendoza kicked him off the home run throne this year, Rockwell had led the Continental League in long shots *seven consecutive times*. He was not exactly a gem defensively, but could be worked into leftfield. Cookie stays in right, and Zach Graves can stick to AAA meal money.

Except … Rockwell is looking for more money than DeWeese made (and is still making out of somebody else’s checkbook), and he dropped his batting average by 57 points in three years, from .294 to .237. Despite 36 home runs – the first time he failed to hit 40 since 2012 – he only slugged .448 and OPS’ed .781. For size comparison, Danny Margolis slugged .435 and had an OPS of .770 in 2020.

Yes, hello? Is this Gil Rockwell’s agent? – Yeah, I’m calling becau-

I’D BE MAD. I am mad. But not that mad. The Raccoons are still threatened to have “Tragic” Garrett in the rotation; they need the money elsewhere. I am pretty sure that Zach Graves has as good a chance to bat for a 1.014 OPS over a full season than Margolis has to have an OPS of .770 once more in his life, but it’s not worth the effort to stuff the giant, giant hole the departure of R.J. ********, who has been burned in effigy at least twice by relieved fans in front of the ballpark since the trade with Oklahoma, left in our hearts with all the money we got left. I could just as well exchange the budget space into pennies and dump it into a landfill.

Graves’ scouting report doesn’t exactly scream ALL STAR in your face, but neither does Ronnie McKnight’s, and for what it is worth, Ronnie has 854 career hits by now. And has been an All Star! And a Rookie of the Year, goddamnit. That was in 2015, the second consecutive Raccoons infielder (after Matt Nunley) to win the award, and also the most recent Critter.

Who else has won Rookie of the Year trophies in the brown dress? Well of course the remarkable Jong-hoo Umberger (2008), the long-forgotten Eddie Torrez (2003) – but honestly, who from 2003 hasn’t been forgotten yet; name ONE other player on that roster that is not Brownie, without peeking! – and lastly the pretty much unforgettable Vern Kinnear (1992), although the most prominent picture on his entry in that online encyclopedia thingsie shows that all too well known picture, taken from behind home plate, of him as he stomps first base with the right fist in the air and a yellow #16 on a blue shirt to walk off the Titans in the tenth inning of Game 7 of the 2001 World Series.

Before the winter meetings, the Raccoons’ rotation still read Toner – Santos – Abe – Guerrero – Garrett. I kept looking at Garrett’s scouting report and kept telling myself that he should be a lot better, but somehow I had lost all confidence in the kid. You know, it surely wouldn’t hurt to look at the free agent market in this regard.

Depending on whether you wanted to burn your first round pick in 2021 (in the Critters’ case this would be the #20 selection), there was either nothing available or everything available. The least-gruesome option among non-type A free agents was probably Michael Foreman, a more or less unremarkable pitcher, except that he would have denied Jonny Toner his first triple crown a few years back if he had pitched just nine more innings and maintained his 2.17 ERA. But it turns out that this was Foreman’s far-and-away best season, and he has never even been remotely close to an ERA like that before or after. A Logger for most of his career, this right-hander had a 36-59 record, and while being a *Logger* was often reason for having a 36-59 record, and Foreman had never pitched for a team that had won more than 82 games, you couldn’t excuse Bob Joly from amassing a 16-39 record on the woeful turn-of-the-millennium Raccoons. True, the 2000-ish Raccoons couldn’t find their butthole in bright daylight without professional guidance, but Bob Joly was still an abysmal pitcher that didn’t improve much in his post-Portland days and finished his career with a 4.52 ERA. Foreman’s career ERA was a 3.98, and he had split 2020 more or less evenly between the Crusaders and Buffaloes, pitching to a 4.74 ERA with both individually. True, he had suffered from outright desolate defense especially with the Buffaloes, but there are limits as to what a 4 BB/9 and 6.5 K/9 rate can do for you to begin with – which are also more or less his career numbers.

There wasn’t much to find for our purposes (which asked for someone better than Garrett worth the money) behind Foreman, so let’s look at the type A free agents. I was not much into finesse pitchers these days, and wanted no part of Brian Benjamin, who had never broken 5 K/9 in any season in his career. He had won 19 games for the Crusaders with a 3.36 ERA, but just one year earlier had ended up 7-18 with a 5.72 ERA. The difference was in the sorry-ass defense the Crusaders had fielded one year ago. While the overall product had not improved for them in 2020, their defense had, and thus a finesse groundballer who would never strike out anybody would obviously draw the biggest advantage from much better defense. The Raccoons’ defense around the infield was probably at the “very good” level overall, but I still couldn’t look past his 106 K in 244 innings last year.

Ex-Titan Ozzie Pereira (18-9, 3.29 ERA in 2020) was a less extreme version of Benjamin, and still not up my alley, and former Rebel Cody Zimmerman (15-11, 3.55 ERA), a left-hander, was a bit of a human catapult at times. This would always get worse in Portland. How bad is the park for pitchers? Jonny Toner had a 1.94 ERA three years ago, and still surrendered 13 bombs. This year, Jonny had started 16 games in Portland, had allowed *less than four* base hits per game, and had still wound up conceding six dingers in Coon City.

Then you have Brad Smith, a 36-year old veteran whose skill is unquestioned. He spent his entire career in Los Angeles, and if he had been in the Continental League, Brownie and Jonny Toner would have a lot fewer accolades between them. Debuting at 19, Smith was 238-127 with a 3.07 ERA and 3,231 strikeouts, the latter putting him sixth overall in league history (dropping Brownie to ninth this year), and leading all active pitchers by a whole lot. He had led the FL in ERA four times, sprinkled throughout his career, and had led the FL in strikeouts also four times, all of those years coming at age 30 and later. Six-time Pitcher of the Year. You get the idea. So what does he give you now? Superficially, he had his worst year in a decade in 2019 with a 3.65 ERA and *over three walks per nine innings*. Yes, that qualifies as “worst” for some guys. He recovered in 2020, pitching to a 15-9 record and 3.20 ERA, and whiffing 187 in 230 innings. The last one was a red flag. It was his lowest K/9 (7.3) since 2006, and a dramatic drop from the 9.7 K/9 he had still piled up in 2019.

This was a type A free agent, the best guy on the market, and he was asking for around four million a year.

And I wasn’t gonna bite. The risk was too high, and he might turn into Bobby Guerrero before you can spell “Guerrero” correctly. I prefer my Guerreros to come at a $900k rate annually.

So, “Tragic” Garrett is in? That would be tragic. Maybe we can swing something at the winter meetings.

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December 2 – The Miners sign 35-year old ex-ATL SP Shaun Yoder (109-103, 4.24 ERA) to a 2-year contract worth $3.24M.
December 3 – The Bayhawks announce the addition of 36-year old 6-time FL Pitcher of the Year and lifetime Pacific Brad Smith (238-127, 3.07 ERA) on a 2-yr, $6.48M contract.
December 4 – $9.82M over five years wins former Canadiens outfielder Ezra Branch (.272, 154 HR, 668 RBI) for the Thunder.
December 4 – Veteran 3B/1B Antonio Esquivel (.304, 225 HR, 1,332 RBI) has seen a lot in a 17-year career and will see some more after signing a 2-yr, $6.08M contract with the Titans for his age 40 and 41 seasons. Esquivel batted .305 with 25 homers across the last two seasons with the Knights.
December 4 – The Raccoons sign 23-year old Cuban right-hander SP Jesus Chavez to a 4-yr, $3.6M contract.
December 6 – 30-year old RF/LF Saverio Piepoli (.249, 77 HR, 404 RBI) split 2020 between the Aces and Pacifics, and now signed a 5-yr, $12M contract with the Blue Sox.

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Chavez will make $600k in 2021, then $1M annually. This figures in that he may well start in AAA until we see what the kid has to offer. If he’s 7-1 with a 2.08 ERA in May, then heck, exchange him for Garrett, who will by then probably tragically be 2-6 with a 5.43 ERA in the majors, accounting for all of the Raccoons’ 3-game deficit in the North and taking the loss in another two games in which his team scored nine.

There is also a Hall of Fame ballot out. Look at Gerardo Rios. 1,999 career hits. That’s just sad. There’s a hard error chalked up to second baseman somewhere in 2003 that soiled a nice, round number. 1,999. Oh well, I got Neil Reece into the Hall on less hits than that. Ten less to be precise.

Nope, no Nick Brown yet, who will not appear on the ballot until 2023 for a 2024 induction. He will not even be the next Raccoon, because early indications are that Ralph Ford will be on the ballot one year earlier and has hinted at wanting to be inducted as a Raccoon if he would make it (he won’t). Ford spent 19 years in the major leagues, debuting with the 1999 Coons, and lost 17 or more games five times. His 202 career losses rank ninth in league history, although three pitchers with more losses have previously made it to the Hall of Fame, including Craig Hansen, Leland Lewis, and losses leader Bastyao Caixinha. Ford spent only five of his 19 seasons with a winning team, but also wound up with a 4.06 career ERA, hinting at the fact that he was no help to his teams most of the time. None of those winning teams were the Raccoons, who let Ford go as free agent after 2006, the last year of their 10-year stint in the losing desert.

Fun fact: Ford was acquired in 1997 as prospect during the firesale at the beginning of the losing decade, one of two players coming into the organization in exchange for Ben O’Morrissey, the old bitch. Nope, I still have not forgiven O-Mo. And I never will. But let’s see what Alzheimer’s can do.