[Westheim]

Raccoons (62-80) @ Indians (77-66) – September 12-15, 2022

The Raccoons hadn’t played well against the Indians in a number of years, and hadn’t played well against anybody, noticeably, in 2022, so this upcoming 4-game set was probably not going to end well, either. Coming off a 1-5 week, and stuck in a 2-7 month, the Coons would face the #2 team in terms of runs scored in the Continental League. The Indians had been held back by their pitching, which was average enough, but average wasn’t going to beat those steaming Titans, and in fact the Indians’ magic number was 1 coming into this series, so even if they swept the Critters, they were likely still doomed. The difference in runs scored was stark; the Coons, who ranked last in pushing their own runners across in all of the ABL, had scored 127 runs less than the Indians… The season series stood at 8-6 in Indy’s favor.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (8-7, 2.63 ERA) vs. Tom Shumway (13-11, 3.55 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (2-5, 4.63 ERA) vs. Mario Alva (7-10, 4.02 ERA)
Bobby Guerrero (5-15, 4.41 ERA) vs. Miguel Morales (5-4, 3.08 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (6-7, 3.49 ERA) vs. Alvin Smith (4-7, 4.16 ERA)

Starting with a left-hander, the Indians would then send up their three right-handed starters. We’d miss Tristan Broun (10-10, 3.48 ERA), their other southpaw.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – 2B Armetta – CF Santos – P Gutierrez
IND: LF Faulk – 3B J. Jackson – C J. White – RF C. Martinez – CF D. Morales – 1B Carbajal – 2B Rolland – SS Matias – P Shumway

With the unhelpful exception of Shumway, the Indians’ lineup was entirely right-handed, and Rico Gutierrez struggled from the start. A.J. Faulk hit a single to right center, and Justin Jackson scored him with a double past Frank Santos right away. Danny Morales plated the third baseman with a 2-out single to give the Indians a 2-0 lead in the first. Faulk would hit a leadoff jack in the bottom 3rd, negating the run the Raccoons had scrabbled together from their six base hits in the first three frames against Shumway; Tim Stalker had hit a leadoff double in the top of the third, and had been singled in by Spencer, who then got doubled up by Matt Nunley, because this was how things were going for us. Nunley would recover from that shame two innings later, singling home Spencer from second base to again inch the Coons to within a run of the Indians’ tally at 3-2. In between, Gil Rockwell had also found some shame to bath in; singling with two outs after the Nunley double play in the third inning, Rockwell immediately got picked off – Elias Tovias would lead off the fourth with a double later, and who knows what …

Gutierrez was lifted for a pinch-hitter, Ricardo Romero, in the seventh inning, to no good effect, and left the game still on a 3-2 hook. The only threat in the lineup came from the top two batters on this windy Monday, with Tim Stalker following up Romero’s flyout with a double up the rightfield line, giving the shortstop a 3-hit day. Spencer flew to center, sending Nick Coffman back, back, back, but to a place where he could catch the ball, ending the inning. After the seventh inning stretch, Will West was not beneath walking Shumway on four pitches to give the Arrowheads a 1-out runner. MacCarthy replaced him to face left-handed pinch-hitter Mike Rucker, conceding a single, and Cory Dew surrendered another single to PH Lowell Genge, and finally a run on Jamal White’s groundout, although you could build a case that West deserved to have that one on his ledger… The Critters would total 11 base hits in the game, yet still managed to lose listlessly in the end. 4-2 Indians. Stalker 3-5, 2 2B; Spencer 2-4, RBI; Armetta 2-4;

Well, that’s it – that’s 81 losses! No winning season this year. Boo!

Josh Stevenson started a rehab assignment by Tuesday, and we expected both him and Jonny Toner to join the team at the conclusion of the AAA season on Friday.

Game 2
POR: 2B Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – C Rice – 1B Greenwald – RF Graves – SS Bullock – CF Romero – P Chavez
IND: CF D. Morales – 3B J. Jackson – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – 1B M. Rucker – C J. White – 2B Rolland – SS Correia – P Alva

The Critters would load the bases – in unearned fashion – in the first inning, but neither Greenwald (K) nor Graves (4-3) would manage to get a run across. A Spencer single, Nunley taking advantage of a Rucker error, and Rice walking had filled the bases for Portland. The bases were loaded again in similarly odd circumstances in the second inning; Romero knocked a 1-out double, and then Chavez got knocked with a 2-2 pitch. Stalker floated a ball to center, where Danny Morales dropped it to put three on for Spencer. Jarod hit a soft pop to shallow left at 0-2, with Lowell Genge and Josh Correia converging, but neither got their in time. The ball dropped for an RBI single, but Nunley then hit into a double play… The Indians also left the bases loaded in the bottom 2nd, with Alva flying out to Graves in rightfield. Mike Rucker and Jaylen Rolland had both singled, and the Coons had walked Correia intentionally to get the pitcher up with two outs.

Lots of ineptitude so far, but at least the Coons were on top, 1-0. For the moment. Moments pass, which is their nature, and Lowell Genge’s RBI double in the bottom 3rd levelled the score at one. He plated Morales, who had drawn a 4-pitch walk, and had taken second base on Jesus Chavez’ balk. I hid my face in my hands at this point. The Coons reclaimed the lead in the fourth inning, though. Bullock dropped a leadoff single in front of the rushing Cesar Martinez, then scored when Morales was very confused on a Romero fly and let it escape for a triple. Amazingly, the Coons failed to score Romero from third base with nobody out; Chavez grounded out, Stalker was walked intentionally (gasp!!!) only to be caught stealing (facepalm!!), and Spencer grounded out to Jaylen Rolland.

Top 5th, again Alva wobbled the bases full, and this time with nobody out. Nunley singled, Rice doubled, and Greenwald drew a walk. This put the total speed potential on the bases at zero, so we needed a good, fat, deep hit from Zach Graves. And he struck out… [mad laughter] When a run scored, it did so on Mario Alva’s wild pitch to Bullock, who ended up walking to restock the bases. Romero hit a sac fly, pushing the score to 4-1, before Chavez singled with two down. Oh sure, the ****ing pitcher gets it done! Actually, he didn’t, because Russ Greenwald was too slow to score from second base on a home run. Stalker struck out, stranding another three runners. A Cesar Martinez triple would allow the Indians to claim back a run in the sixth, and Chavez wasn’t heard from afterwards. Billy Brotman pitched in the bottom 7th, putting the tying runs on the corners with two outs. Noah Bricker got Martinez to fly out to end the inning. Bricker also did the eighth, spilling a walk, and Lillis was in for the ninth, also spilling a walk, putting Jesus Carbajal on base with one out. Morales then flew out to center, and Justin Jackson flew to right. Plenty deep right. Back, Zach, go back, GO THE **** BACK!! At the fence, Graves made the catch to end the game. 4-2 Coons. Spencer 3-5, RBI; Rice 2-4, BB, 2B; Romero 2-3, BB, 3B, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 6.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, W (3-5) and 1-2;

Whee! It is STILL not an official losing season!

The Indians, however, were eliminated with this loss. The Titans claimed their ninth division title and their first since 2005.

Game 3
POR: 2B Spencer – 1B Greenwald – 3B Nunley – C Rice – LF Graves – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – CF Romero – P Guerrero
IND: CF D. Morales – 2B Rolland – LF Genge – RF C. Martinez – C J. White – 3B Georges – 1B Gilmor – SS Matias – P M. Morales

Early signs were that Bobby Guerrero’s losing streak would continue – forever – with the Indians knocking him around for four base hits and two runs right in the first inning. The first three batters all drove the ball hard, with Danny Morales hitting a single, and Lowell Genge an RBI double, with things getting gradually worse from there, although the Indians would then not score again until the fourth, raising the score to 3-0 with a Nick GIlmor triple and Raul Matias’ sharp RBI single to center. Cesar Martinez was thrown out at home by Graves on Jamal White’s 2-out double in the bottom of the fifth inning, sparing Guerrero yet another run. At that point, Miguel Morales was still nursing a 1-hit shutout (spilling a Danny Rice double along the way) and didn’t look like much could faze him in this game.

Guerrero lasted six, striking out Miguel Morales to strand Gilmor on third base in the sixth inning. It was not exactly a job well done with eight hits and a walk against him, but any semi-decent team would at least given him a chance to stave off defeat for once. The Coons didn’t bloody quite, striking out twice in the sixth, and made three more or less non-threatening outs in the seventh inning as well. Between Greenwald, Nunley, and Rice, only Nunley got the ball even out of the infield in the seventh, and those were three left-handers. The Critters actually would find a base runner in the eighth inning! Daniel Bullock grounded up to second base and Raul Matias couldn’t quite get a throw off in time after knocking the ball down in a dive, giving Bullock an infield single. Omar Alfaro – batting all of .165 at this point – smacked a ball at Jeremie Ventura at second base for an inning-ending double play. [crazed laughter] THE AGE OF OMAR IS HERE, everybody gather round for THE AGE OF OMAR!! While Moore and Cowen held the Indians at bay following Guerrero’s departure, the Raccoons couldn’t break (or even scratch… or sniff) Morales through eight innings. They faced Tony Lino in the ninth. The 5+ ERA closer had already saved Monday’s game, but drilled Romero to begin the ninth inning. When Tim Stalker batted for Adam Cowen, he hit another grounder to Ventura. The Indians by now took the double play to a form of art, with Ventura throwing to first, before A.J. Faulk fired to the shortstop Matias anyway to kill off a bumbling Romero. [giggles] Elias Tovias batted for Spencer as the last Coon alive, walked, Lino balked, and then Greenwald struck out anyway. 3-0 Indians.

Words don’t do this justice…

Game 4
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Tovias – RF Graves – 2B Armetta – CF Romero – P Nielson
IND: LF Faulk – 3B J. Jackson – RF C. Martinez – CF D. Morales – 1B Carbajal – 2B Rolland – C Calhoun – SS Correia – P A. Smith

Although the Raccoons scored two runs in the top of the third inning, admittedly aided by Alvin Smith’s wild pitch once Nielson and Stalker had singled, allowing the two runs to come in on consecutive groundouts, the Indians wouldn’t take long to sit on Ryan Nielson’s face. Nielson had issued two walks early on, but in the bottom 3rd was taken apart with base hits. The Indians knocked four of those between their first five batters in the inning, scoring the tying runs, and at that point Nielson confided to the trainer that it felt like someone had stuck a steak knife in his back. Thusly, a bullpen day was declared. Cory Dew replaced Nielson and prevented him from going on the hook, striking out Jaylen Rolland and Justin Calhoun to strand runners on the corners in a 2-2 game.

Since Logan Sloan had already pitched 73 innings this season, he was not sent out right away for long relief, although he hadn’t even yet appeared in this series. Will West got the ball, because losses didn’t matter at this point. West would walk the first batter he saw in the bottom of the fourth, Correia, and got pretty close to being tagged for a run, but the inning ended on Ricardo Romero’s flying catch of Justin Jackson’s drive in the right-center gap. Unfortunately, Romero couldn’t land it well and fell on his shoulder, and he became the second casualty of the game, having to be replaced by Frank Santos, who now somehow was the last centerfielder alive on the roster.

Will West somehow walked four batters in 2.1 innings without getting levelled, with Joe Moore digging him out of a hole in the sixth inning, at the end of which the score was still level at two. Tim Stalker was consecutive base runners for the Coons, but was stranded in both the fifth and seventh innings. Logan Sloan got into the game after all in the seventh inning, and pitched just long enough to apply for the loss. The inning started with Manobu Sugano K’ing PH Mike Rucker, after which Sloan replaced him and whiffed Martinez. Lowell Genge pinch-hit then to counter Sloan and doubled, after which Brotman came out for the next left-handed pinch-hitter, Nick Gilmor, who turned an 0-2 pitch into an RBI single to left, finally breaking the tie in the wrong team’s favor. Sloan was spared the loss, though, because Matt Nunley hit a leadoff triple in the eighth inning, and then scored on … Alvin Smith’s wild pitch.

Raul Matias dropped Frank Santos’ sorry pop to begin the ninth inning. It put the go-ahead run on base for the Coons, who had Noah Bricker in the #9 hole and he popped up a bunt, decidedly not advancing the runner. The runner advanced on a wild pitch, while Stalker made a poor out. Spencer however lined a ball up the leftfield line for an RBI triple, and the Critters were now in business! Briefly. Nunley grounded out to first, sending the game to the bottom of the ninth and entering Brett Lillis. Matias came uncomfortably close to a leadoff jack, with Brian Perakis making a good catch on the warning track in leftfield, and Lillis walked Ryan Georges afterwards, but would retire the next two batters, C.J. Tanner and Nick Gilmor, without much fuss. 4-3 Coons. Stalker 3-4, BB; Romero 1-2;

We used nine pitchers in this game, with “Bloody” Bricker clinching his seventh win of the season. He still has a shot at the team lead – I’m just saying…

Ryan Nielson was not found to be seriously injured, and nobody had actually stuck a knife into him. Well, so far.

Raccoons (64-82) @ Condors (80-66) – September 16-18, 2022

The Condors were even with the Falcons in the South, the only two teams that still had a realistic shot at the playoffs, with the third-place Aces nine games out. Tijuana ranked 11th in runs scored in the Continental League, and the gap between them and the brown-clad runts of the litter had now grown to 32 runs. While there was absolutely no offense to be had from their lineup (which was also diminished right now with 1B Andy McNeal on the DL), their pitching was top 3 solid throughout, and everybody knew that the Falcons had their problems, so the playoffs were still well in reach for them, but even if they made it, they were likely to be eaten alive by the Titans in the CLCS. The Coons were running a 2-4 deficit against them in ’22 and were unlikely to turn this into a season series win.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (2-6, 4.33 ERA) vs. Rafael Cuenca (9-9, 3.70 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (8-8, 2.73 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (10-14, 3.81 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (3-5, 4.48 ERA) vs. Kevin Clayton (11-10, 3.74 ERA)

Three right-hander are on offer in this series.

The Coons made some roster changes. Ricardo Romero went to the DL, and Josh Stevenson was recalled from AAA even before the Alley Cats’ regular season finale. Romero was unlikely to return on the final weekend of the season.

Game 1
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Rice – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – LF Perakis – P Huf
TIJ: SS B. Rojas – RF Boggs – LF Larios – C Sanford – CF Jamieson – 1B J. Estrada – 2B B. Torres – 3B Feery – P Cuenca

Stalker doubled, Spencer walked, and Nunley and Rockwell drove in a runner each for a quick 2-spot on Cuenca. Turned out though that the Condors did not like being treated that way, and would swiftly retaliate. Bob Rojas, who had 44 stolen bases, led off the bottom 1st with a single, and Matt Huf would gradually melt. Omar Larios walked, Pat Sanford hit an RBI single, and the bases gradually filled until Juan Estrada’s 2-out, 2-run double to left gave the Condors a 3-2 lead. Bob Rojas would leave the game with an injury by the following inning, being replaced by Gabriel Sauceda, who hit a 1-out single in the bottom 2nd, but the Condors would not build on their lead.

Stalker doubled in the third, and with Matt Nunley singled to center with one out. Stalker was sent around, but thrown out at home plate by Matt Jamieson, which was too bad, since it ultimately cost the Coons the chance to take the lead in the inning. Nunley scored after back-to-back 2-out singles by Rockwell and Rice, after which Stevenson grounded to third base. Aaron Feery’s throw missed Sauceda at second base, and the error filled the bases for Alfaro, batting all of .160 by now and tied into a whacking 1-for-35 knot. There was obviously no better place for him to break out of it than right here and there, because baseball is weird that way. Alfaro knocked the 0-1 pitch to left center, Jamieson couldn’t get over, and the ball made it into the gap for a double that emptied the bases and gave the Critters a 6-3 lead! An intentional walk to Perakis and Huf grounding out ended the inning, but Feery would make another 2-out throwing error in the fourth inning, although then Rice grounded out to Juan Estrada to end the inning without any more damage occurred.

Jeff Little struck out six Critters in three innings of long relief for the Condors after Cuenca was batted for in the bottom of the fourth inning, while Huf, who had been tagged for four hits in the first inning, only allowed two more hits in the following six innings, getting through seven on 99 pitches and with the 6-3 lead still in shape. Bricker did the eighth, while ex-Coon Joel Davis pitched the eighth and ninth against the Raccoons, drilling Danny Rice in the process, but wasn’t really in danger in either inning. Lillis faced the 5-6-7 batters in the bottom of the ninth inning. Jamieson hit a leadoff single to right center, but was then doubled off on Estrada’s grounder to short. Bullock to Stalker to Armetta the coons went, and Rice retired Bobby Torres on a 2-3 play to end the game. 6-3 Raccoons. Stalker 3-5, 2B; Rockwell 2-5, RBI; Huf 7.0 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-6);

Jonny Toner pitched eight innings, struck out a dozen, yet still took the loss in the Alley Cats’ season finale. Doesn’t matter, bring him back. He’d get a few more starts in the majors before the year was over, although there was not much value to rebuild in the final two weeks…

Game 2
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – LF Perakis – P Gutierrez
TIJ: RF Boggs – LF Larios – C Sanford – CF Jamieson – 2B B. Torres – SS J. Estrada – 1B T. Delgado – 3B Umpierre – P Menendez

The Critters scored first in the Saturday game when Elias Tovias hit a solo homer in the second inning, and just like the day before, the pitcher on duty would not be able to hold on to the lead for even a single inning. Gutierrez’ struggles continued unabated, with the Condors putting Jamieson on with a leadoff single in the bottom 2nd, and Gutierrez went on to walk Bobby Torres, then delivered a wild pitch. The runs scored on consecutive groundouts by Estrada and Tony Delgado. The rush of 2-out singles by Stalker and Spencer in the third was mooted when Nunley popped out, but the Condors would put another pair on Gutierrez in the bottom of the fourth inning. Torres doubled, Estrada tripled, and since Gutierrez basically couldn’t whiff anybody, Delgado came up with another run-scoring groundout, running the score to 4-1.

Stalker and Spencer would revisit the bases in the sixth inning, although the former reached only on Rey Umpierre’s throwing error beginning the sixth inning. Spencer singled, putting them on the corners for the unassuming middle of the order. Nunley knocked an RBI single to left, cutting the gap to 4-2, before the next three batters rapidly struck out, struck out, and grounded back to the mound to strand the tying runs on first and second. There was no saving Gutierrez from his own follies anyway; Torres singled and Estrada doubled to lead off the bottom of the sixth inning, knocking the left-hander from the game after five-plus with eight hits conceded. His line would close at six runs for the day, with Tony Delgado hitting an RBI single this time around, and Estrada scored on the double play Umpierre hit into – all of this happened against Cory Dew.

Top 7th, Nunley batted with two outs, and with Stalker and Spencer on base AGAIN. The Coons had started the inning only with Sam Armetta drawing a 2-out walk in the #9 hole, but the 1-2 batters delivered a pair of singles to plate Armetta and bring Nunley up as the tying run. But Nunley’s muddled record in the game wouldn’t markedly improve in this situation, with him grounding out easily to Bobby Torres. This was the Coons’ final, abortive charge. The Condors would add a run on Estrada’s homer off Adam Cowen in the eighth inning, and won comfortably. 7-3 Condors. Spencer 3-5, RBI;

Torres and Estrada had three hits each, and Estrada and Delgado had three RBI each. Kinda easy to make out the part of the order where it all unraveled for Gutierrez and the pen.

Game 3
POR: 2B Stalker – 1B Greenwald – 3B Nunley – LF Graves – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Chavez
TIJ: RF Boggs – 1B Sauceda – LF Larios – C Sanford – CF Jamieson – SS J. Estrada – 2B J. Gonzales – 3B Feery – P Clayton

If there had ever been a white flag, it was Zach Graves (.228, 2 HR, 26 RBI) batting cleanup, but the Raccoons had run out of talent a long time ago. They could have scored a run in the third inning, in which Stalker hit a 1-out single, but got picked off before Russ Greenwald doubled and Kevin Clayton balked. The net result was Nunley striking out to strand Greenwald on third base and nobody scoring. In the newest sign of the apocalypse, Clayton hit a leadoff single in the bottom 3rd, and only an explosive dash and great catch by Omar Alfaro in rightfield on Robby Boggs’ mighty drive kept the Condors from scoring in the inning.

Between the two sides of a scoreless game through five innings, Clayton struck out eight over those five frames, while Chavez whiffed only a pair and was reliant on charitable donations from his defense. Bullock had already made a sprawling catch in the first inning, and Stevenson took a double away from Aaron Feery in the fifth. Clayton continued to dominate, striking out the left-handed 2-3-4 batters to reach 11 Kills for the day. An inning later, he was at 0-2 on Stevenson and aiming for the full dozen when he erroneously sent a fastball down the middle – Stevenson tatered it. The solo home run was the first countable thing on the scoreboard and sent the Condors reeling. Chavez got around a Juan Gonzales double in the bottom of the seventh and maintained a 5-hit shutout, whiffing three, through seven, expending only 78 pitches, but the tying run would be on again in the bottom 8th after Robby Boggs’ leadoff single. Sauceda grounded out, after which the Coons sent Sugano to see after Omar Larios – but the Condors would not let him face the left-handed batter. Tony Delgado was sent to pinch-hit, but grounded out. Boggs moved to third base. Bricker replaced Sugano then as the Furballs guessed correctly that the Condors would not send a left-hander for Pat Sanford, who with his 16 homers this year could still turn the score around in an instant, but Bricker struck him out. Jayden Reed retired the 4-5-6 batters in order in the ninth, leaving the 1-0 lead to Lillis, who would start off the ninth against Jamieson, who struck out. Bobby Torres pinch-hit for the left-handed Estrada, grounded out to Bullock, and Gonzales was down 1-2 when he popped a ball to the right side, Stalker taking it to squeeze out a game and series win. 1-0 Blighters. Stevenson 1-3, BB, HR, RBI; Chavez 7.1 IP, 6 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K, W (4-5);

In other news

September 12 – At 40 years old, NAS 1B Alberto Rodriguez (.298, 10 HR, 74 RBI) joins the 3,000 hits club at last, becoming its 13th member with two base knocks in a 6-5 win over the Miners. Rodriguez reaches the magical threshold with an eighth-inning single off PIT MR Ruben Ortega (7-3, 2.84 ERA) and goes on to score the go-ahead run in the inning (although the game will eventually last 12 innings). Rodriguez, who was the #8 pick in the 2003 draft, taken by the Wolves, spent his entire major league career of 17 years for five different Federal League teams, including the Wolves, Capitals, Rebels, Scorpions, and Blue Sox. He won rings with the 2017 Rebels and 2020 Scorpions, and was the 2017 FLCS MVP. Stunningly, the .293/.375/.435 batter with 184 HR and 1,400 RBI, who was the 2006 Rookie of the Year, and took home a Platinum Stick three times, was never an All Star!
September 12 – The Thunder maul the Bayhawks, 15-1. OCT 1B Cory Starmand (.333, 1 HR, 6 RBI) has two hits, two walks, and drives in four runs with a grand slam off Mike Homa.
September 14 – VAN INF/LF John Calfee (.263, 13 HR, 53 RBI) shines with six RBI in the Elks’ 17-2 thrashing of the Loggers. His barrage includes two home runs, while Canadiens rookie Dave O’Rourke (.412, 0 HR, 5 RBI) knocks out four hits, including two doubles, and gets 2 RBI in only his third time in the starting lineup.
September 14 – WAS 3B/SS Guillermo Obando (.239, 0 HR, 21 RBI) is done for the season with an elbow sprain.
September 15 – A home run and two doubles are included in the 5-hit package that WAS RF/LF Jason Stone (.296, 16 HR, 53 RBI) puts on the Cyclones in a 13-8 scorefest. Stone drives in only one run though, himself on the home run.

Complaints and stuff

Words don’t do this team justice anymore, which is why I hired an expressionist dancer to really get the message across. Francois, your turn!

(a male 20-something with a very French moustache, wearing flesh-colored skin-tights enters through the door and begins to dramatically waive with all four limbs while clamoring towards the sky; this performance continues for the rest of the Complaints section)

In terms of ex-Coons doing good things, I have two items this week, with the first of those being Shane Walter being named FL Player of the Week batting 12-for-23 with 1 HR and 4 RBI. He is a .334 batter overall for the Capitals, but has not been a regular starter and has only gobbled up 414 plate appearances this season, starting 82 games and coming on as replacement a whopping 53 times. Oh, well, it’s their decision – when they want to put a $2.68M top-of-the-line contact bat on the bench, I will not interfere… The second item will be in the Fun Fact section.

We are still not actually sure we can get anybody to 10 wins this season. With 13 games left and the Coons going to a 6-man rotation down the stretch with Jonny Toner back, it’s actually quite unlikely that we will have even a 10-game winner, because the only serious candidate is going to be Gutierrez with eight wins, and Rico has lost three straight and allowed plenty of runs recently…

Or maybe Bricker can win three more in relief, although at this point I am not sure that the team can win another three in total… so yeah, Rich Hood’s dismal record as worst-best starting pitcher with 10 wins is most likely to fall in this year from hell.

Omar Alfaro’s BABIP is now hovering just under the .200 mark – that is right, less than one in five of his batted balls find any kind of hole. Which is probably about the amount where you have to start wondering whether his soul’s previous incarnation made a living raping kittens, because this is an impressive amount of bad luck that can hardly be reasonably explained.

Down in the minors, the AA Panthers finished 79-61, three games out in their division, while A Beagles came up 22 games short in fifth place at 63-77. The AAA Alley Cats were the best minor league team again, winning their division with a 86-58 campaign, four games ahead of the Cumming Rainstorm, the Dallas Stars’ affiliate. They would now face the Newark Whitewings in the first round of the playoffs, just like the year before. The other subleague had different playoff teams this year, though; the Loganville Bombardiers (LAP) faced off against the Bakersfield Sirens (TOP).

Fun fact: Danny Margolis knocked a leadoff double for the Gold Sox on Friday, beating the Cyclones 2-1. Margolis’ career has reverted to being an unloved backup shortstop after his trade from the Raccoons, as the Gold Sox have only given him 159 at-bats this season.

Margolis was worth 7.1 WAR between 2020 and 2021, the only seasons in his 9-year career in which he was the primary catcher for his team(s), the Coons and Blue Sox. Well, yeah, he never showed even as much as glimpses of competence after six years of backing up various other catchers we employed, but I still would have hoped that the Gold Sox would give him more than a token amount of exposure to the elements.

He hasn’t even batted badly, .263/.325/.423, which is certainly better than what most Coons starters are delivering.

This is all very much Al Martin again. While his Coons stint was spent entirely in their previous Dark Ages, between 1999 and 2005, he usually delivered offense without having to be asked for very long. He hit 20+ homers four straight seasons, and 30+ in back-to-back seasons in 2002 and 2003. After somebody in the front office however got the wicked idea that Adrian Quebell was the first baseman of the future, Martin was let go, tingling from team to team – literally. After seven years in the brown shirt, he made nine stops over the next nine seasons, which included three stints with the Titans, who still only gave them 57 at-bats *combined*. After gobbling up 490+ at-bats every year with the Coons, he only logged 200 at-bats twice for the rest of his career, which was ruined by universal indifference, and he ended up with a .281/.340/.450 clip with 165 HR and 637 RBI on less than 4,200 at-bats.

This is almost as bad a sin as trading Dennis Fried for three games of Raúl Castillo.

(sighs)

Francois, you can stop dancing now.