[Westheim]

Two more weeks of this. Come on, you can do it. You can do it. Come on. Come forth from behind the couch. You can do it.

Just two more weeks.

Raccoons (66-83) vs. Aces (72-77) – September 19-21, 2022

Joining the Raccoons in the group of not-long-ago playoff teams that had gone absolutely nowhere except into the ditch in 2022 where the Aces, who sat ten games out in the South and in third place. While not technically eliminated, they had been erased from contention somewhere between Christmas and Opening Day and had festered in their own filth since then. While they did lead the CL in terms of runs scored, their pitching had been of the utmost ineptitude with very few exceptions to that rule, and they were in the bottom four in all categories between runs allowed and starters’ and bullpen ERA. The season series was level at three, with the Aces having prevailed in ’21, 6-3.

Projected matchups:
Bobby Guerrero (5-16, 4.41 ERA) vs. Chris Wickham (16-7, 2.87 ERA)
Ryan Nielson (6-7, 3.57 ERA) vs. Colin Peay (8-10, 5.03 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (7-4, 3.93 ERA) vs. Jason Clements (6-9, 3.38 ERA)

There was no helping Guerrero anymore – his soul was in hell. He faced the Aces’ lone strong starter, and also their only left-handed starter, in sophomore Chris Wickham. Jonny Toner would make his comeback, raised from the dead, on Wednesday.

Game 1
LVA: SS A. Medina – LF J. Baker – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – 1B A. Young – C T. Perez – 3B Navarro – 2B Ingraham – P Wickham
POR: 2B Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – P Guerrero

True to form, the Coons’ first inning looked like a team that had given up entirely and could only win by accident: Tim Stalker got nicked by Wickham to begin the bottom 1st, and Spencer immediately hit into a double play. Nunley walked after getting nothing to hit, but Rockwell got nothing to hit, tried anyway, and struck out, badly. Talking about accidents, the Coons had Stevenson on base in the second after hitting a single, and Bullock reached on Jose Navarro’s error at the hot corner. That brought up the .155 batter that was the Raccoons’ future, and he popped up gracefully over the infield for a donated second out. Guerrero went down on strikes, and how was he to blame?

Forsaken Bobby lined up four shutout innings while pitching to weak contact – the best way for him to survive was to get groundballs – while the rest of the team did absolutely zero of value. When Guerrero issued a walk to Adam Young at the top of the fifth inning, things looked bleak already, and when Tony Perez and Jose Navarro legged out consecutive infield singles to load the bases with nobody out, he knew he was doomed unless Zach Ingraham would hit one right into his pocket – and that actually happened. Guerrero started a 1-2-3 double play on the bouncer, and Wickham grounded out to Rockwell to end the inning. When Omar Alfaro led off the bottom of the inning with a single to center, the crowd – if you could call the seven people sprinkled over the park that much – burst into cheers. Guerrero bunted him to second base, Stalker popped out. Oh dear. Jarod Spencer’s grounder to left eluded Navarro for a single and Alfaro scored with the first run of the game. More cheers. Maybe jeers. Nobody knew at this point. The Coons would unwind Wickham with a nasty collection of 2-out base hits at this point, lining up five of those buggers before the inning ended: Nunley singled, Rockwell doubled off the wall in centerfield, where Armando Martinez collapsed against the fence after failing to make a catch, and scored two, Tovias hit an RBI double, and Stevenson singled before Bullock grounded out.

Dan Brown’s 2-run inside-the-park home run in the sixth inning clearly indicated to the Coons that nothing mattered and even if they led 4-0 in any game, they would never stop sucking. Well, not like the Aces didn’t have issues. A throwing error by Navarro in the bottom 6th put Stalker on second base with two outs. Jarod Spencer plated him with a single to left center, extending the lead to 5-2 again. Gil Rockwell bombed Wickham into removal from the game in the seventh inning, 6-2, and Zach Graves would get a pinch-hit, 2-out RBI double squeezed into the box score in the eighth, plating Omar Alfaro – who had TWO hits in ONE game!! – from second base. While this was going on, Bobby Guerrero was merrily chugging along and retiring Ace after Ace. With a sizeable lead and Guerrero nowhere near his pitch limit due to the Aces making quick, poor contact for the entire game, nobody bothered with the bullpen and Guerrero – after the Brown homer – retired the final ten batters in order, breaking an almost quarter-long losing spell when Zach Graves caught Young’s soft fly in shallow left for the final out. Guerrero, a 32-year-old veteran who had seen his share of struggling teams in his career, visibly fought his emotions when the win was in the books. 7-2 Coons. Spencer 2-4, 2 RBI; Graves (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; Rockwell 2-4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI; Stevenson 1-2, 2 BB; Alfaro 2-4; Guerrero 9.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (6-16);

Guerrero finished off the Aces – his team in 2021 – on just 98 pitches in this game. It was his 17th complete game and the second this season. His previous complete game lasted only five innings, a rain-shortened 3-2 loss to the Condors on July 25.

Bobby had five complete games in ’21, and six complete games with the 2019 Coons, for whom he also pitched two shutouts. He has three shutouts in his career – all with the Furballs.

Game 2
LVA: LF Serrano – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – C T. Perez – SS A. Medina – 3B Iannuzzi – 2B Ingraham – P Peay
POR: 2B Spencer – 1B Greenwald – 3B Nunley – C Rice – SS Stalker – LF Graves – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – P Nielson

Dan Brown remained dangerous, batting barely above .220 or not. He doubled home Armando Martinez in the first inning, giving the Aces’ Peay a 1-0 lead, and in the third inning came up with Martinez on base and two outs again. This time he singled to left, but before Nielson could unravel, Brown got himself caught stealing to end the inning. Peay was retiring the first ten Raccoons before issuing a full-count walk to Russ Greenwald. Nunley swiftly hit a 1-out double, and the Coons were in business, flipping the score to 2-1 in their favor on Rice’s run-scoring groundout and Tim Stalker’s RBI double to right before Graves flew out to Brown.

Top 5th, the Aces had just hit a pair of 1-out singles via Peay and Danny Serrano when Adam Young ran a 3-1 count with Nielson. Always the fool you wanted to shoot in the face with your blunderbuss, Young popped out, much to the dismay of his manager. YEAH, BOB – BEEN THERE, SEEN THAT!! Martinez would foul out to end the inning, maintaining the Coons’ flimsy 2-1 lead for the moment. For the moment, because it was going to get bigger in a second. The Coons flushed Peay down the toilet in the bottom 5th, unfolding another big inning that started innocently enough on Josh Stevenson’s leadoff single and him stealing second base. Omar Alfaro’s hard RBI single to right center was the first sign of the apocalypse for the Aces. If ALFARO can get a ball to fall in when it counts, you better check whether your will is up to date. After Nielson bunted, the top of the order churned out three straight base hits. Rice flew out, but Stalker hit an RBI single to run the score to 6-1 and knock Peay from the game. Arturo Lopez replaced the starting pitcher, and nicked Graves with his first pitch, loading the bases for Stevenson, who popped out on the first pitch.

In contrast to Guerrero the day before, Nielson lasted only six-plus innings and departed with runners on the corners in the seventh inning. Cory Dew inherited the no-outs situation, and got PH Allen Retzer to fly out to Graves in shallow left, with Matt Iannuzzi holding at third base. Danny Serrano hit an RBI single, but that brought up Young, who cluelessly popped out over the infield once more. Martinez struck out, keeping the Critters ahead by four. Cowen and Sugano would collect the remaining outs in the eighth and ninth innings without spilling a base runner. 6-2 Coons. Nunley 2-4, 2B; Stalker 2-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI;

Game 3
LVA: 3B J. Navarro – LF J. Baker – CF A. Martinez – 1B A. Young – SS Iannuzzi – RF Curro – C Murry – 2B Moroyoqui – P Clements
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Rice – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – LF Perakis – P Toner

In a confusing first inning, Jonny Toner in his return spilled two base runners, but the Aces got themselves out with Josh Baker’s double play grounder and Armando Martinez being caught stealing by Rice, while in contrast in the bottom of the first the Coons took a 1-0 lead when Nunley hit into a double play with runners on the corners. Tim Stalker crossed home plate, and had only made it to third base because he DID steal the base he was aiming for earlier. It was his 15th bag of the season, third on the team.

The only exciting bits of Coons offense saw the Aces do good in the following innings, with Corey Curro picking an Alfaro drive off the top of the fence in the second, and when Toner and Stalker were on base in the third inning, Navarro made a marvelous play on Jarod Spencer’s grounder for a 5-4 double play, removing the two lead runners, with Spencer eventually rotting on first base in disgrace. Toner struck out four in the bottom of the order the first time through the Aces’ lineup, but struck out nobody the second time through. The Aces stranded runners on third base in the fourth and fifth innings regardless. While Toner was closely watched, Navarro’s leadoff single in the sixth inning at least got the pen to stretch the paws, but Toner recovered with K’s to Josh Baker and Armando Martinez, and Adam Young’s fly to center was a piece of cake for Stevenson. Toner got two more outs in the seventh before bumping against 100 pitches, and considering that he was still not in shape and would not get into shape this year anymore, and would not HAVE to get in shape for anything, he was removed after Curro’s pop. MacCarthy got out of the inning against Vince Murry. In the bottom of the seventh the Coons continued an unnerving trend of hitting into a double play as soon as two men were aboard; Stevenson was to blame this time after leadoff singles by Rockwell and Rice. Alfaro flew out to left, stranding Rockwell on third base. The Critters’ 1-0 lead was in another pickle in the eighth inning, with Jesus Moroyoqui’s leadoff single off Joe Moore. The runner made it to third base on two productive outs, with a left-hander looming in Josh Baker. The Coons sent Billy Brotman, well knowing that he would not face Baker. Danny Serrano, a switch-hitter, came out to bat instead. Brotman walked him, and Bricker replaced him against Martinez, who was not hit for and grounded out to short, stranding the runners. Not even Brett Lillis and his leadoff walk to unheraled Allen Retzer could blow the game in the ninth – the Aces would never get their tying run off first base and thus got swept. 1-0 Critters. Stalker 1-2, 2 BB; Toner 6.2 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 3 BB, 6 K, W (8-4) and 1-2, 2B;

The sweep also eliminated the Aces from playoff contention.

Raccoons (69-83) vs. Crusaders (77-75) – September 23-25, 2022

Last in batting average, but at least not last in runs scored (cough), the Crusaders knew very well what their issues had been. They had the best rotation in the league and had surrendered the second-fewest runs, and just imagine what a great team you could build between select departments of the two teams the Coons played this week. Or what horrendous creatures from the abyss could roam the world if you combined the Crusaders’ offense and the Aces’ pitching… The Crusaders had already wrapped up the season series against the Raccoons, having won 10 of the 15 games played so far this season.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (3-6, 4.29 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (16-6, 2.73 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (8-9, 3.07 ERA) vs. Jeremy Waite (10-5, 2.85 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-5, 4.02 ERA) vs. Tim Dunn (9-10, 3.77 ERA)

Southpaw on Sunday from New York, and two strong right-handers in the meantime to keep us entertained.

This is not our final home series of the year, despite us tramping up to Elkland by Monday. It may however be well be the last chance for a home win this season, given that we will host the Titans on the final weekend.

Game 1
NYC: CF Loya – SS Hebberd – 2B S. Valdez – 1B Perkins – 3B Schmit – LF J. Williams – RF Skinner – C Asay – P Rutkowski
POR: SS Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Rice – CF Stevenson – RF Graves – 2B Armetta – P Huf

While Huf had a loooong first inning, walked two and whiffed three in mostly full counts, the Raccoons snipped three singles off Rutkowski to plate a 2-out run on Rice’s floater over Sergio Valdez in the bottom 1st. Huf would take 48 pitches to get through the lineup ONCE, issuing a leadoff walk to Rutkowski in the third inning, so the second round of pizza for the bullpen was cancelled and the long men got stretching early. After Ricky Loya and Bill Hebberd struck out, Valdez hit a double to left, and the Crusaders sent Rutkowski for home in a risky move. He got thrown out, Spencer to Stalker for a deadly relay.

Once the Crusaders started to make actual contact, Huf was doomed. They tagged him for four base hits and two runs in the fourth inning. This included an RBI single by Rutkowski with two outs for good measure, that one sending New York 2-1 ahead. The loss wouldn’t stick, though. Graves hit a double in the bottom 4th, Greenwald hit for Huf and managed to get the run home, and the score was level at two after four innings, with the Coons into their pen, which held the purple team scoreless for a while until the Crusaders piled up the runners in the seventh inning. Dew walked Loya with two outs, then made way for MacCarthy, who drilled PH Angel Diaz and allowed a single to Valdez. With another pinch-hitter in Blake Doering approaching, the Raccoons sent’ Noah Bricker. This out was important. Too bad that Bricker didn’t get it, instead serving up Doering’s first home run of the season, a grand slam that broke the score wide open in the Crusasders’ favor, 6-2. The Coons, who had already struggled against Rutkowski, who went seven innings, would not as much as twitch against Adonis Foster in the last two frames – their last 11 batters were retired in order. 6-2 Crusaders. Nunley 2-3, BB, 2B; Rice 2-2, BB, RBI; Brotman 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Game 2
NYC: CF Loya – C Travis – 2B S. Valdez – 3B Schmit – LF J. Williams – RF Abraham – 1B A. Diaz – SS Doering – P Waite
POR: 2B Stalker – LF Spencer – 3B Nunley – 1B Rockwell – C Tovias – SS Bullock – CF Santos – RF Alfaro – P Gutierrez

The Critters’ only chance at a 10-game winner allowed a leadoff double on an 0-2 pitch to Ricky Loya, then walked Jason Travis. A grounder to first by Sergio Valdez was thrown to second base by Rockwell for an out on the catcher, and then Andy Schmit grounded sharply to short for a double play. Rockwell would also give the Critters the lead in the bottom of the inning, plating Spencer from second base with a single to center. Jarod however had only made it there by getting hit, then a wild pitch… The Coons would score another run in like manner in the following inning. This time Waite – the ugliest creature ever born – almost crippled Frank Santos for life with a pitch neck-high, with Tim Stalker landing a 2-out RBI single, and Waite would go on to drill Gutierrez with a pitch in the fourth inning.

Statement time! After Blake Doering reached on a Nunley error to begin the top of the fifth, Gutierrez aimed unmistakably at Waite’s hideous face before unleashing a fastball that hit off his non-throwing shoulder as Waite was ducking. We were PRETTY close to a brawl now, with both teams barking at another from the dugouts and the field. Next, the 2-0 game saw the Crusaders load the bases when Gutierrez walked Loya, and there were no outs in the inning. Jason Travis’ double emptied the bases and put the Crusaders 3-2 ahead, even though he was left on base by the middle of the order. While Rockwell’s sac fly in the bottom of the inning cashed in Spencer to level the score again, the team would not be able to get the lead back before Gutierrez was removed after six innings and 107 pitches, and thus the dream of having any 10-game winner at all became impossible by standard means.

In the top of the seventh the Crusaders unraveled the rookie brigade in the Portland pen, with Kipple and Moore retiring precious little. Jason Travis drove in the go-ahead run. Sugano entered, the Crusaders threw right-handers at him, and another run scored, putting the Raccoons down 5-3. The Coons didn’t threaten until the bottom of the eighth and then they only had the tying runs aboard because Doering fumbled Rockwell’s double play grounder into an error. Nothing came of that. Steve Casey was in the game in the ninth, with Greenwald pinch-hitting for Adam Cowen in the #8 spot, whiffing. Graves and Stalker both hit hard drives to the deep outfield … and both ended up being caught by defenders. 5-3 Crusaders. Tovias 2-4;

The Crusaders changed pitchers for the Sunday game, but we still got a left-handed opponent in Dave Butler (10-5, 3.57 ERA).

Game 3
NYC: CF Loya – SS Hebberd – 2B S. Valdez – 1B Perkins – 3B Schmit – LF J. Williams – RF Peters – C Asay – P D. Butler
POR: SS Stalker – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – 1B Rockwell – C Tovias – 3B Bullock – RF Alfaro – LF Perakis – P Chavez

Following a first inning where Andy Schmit’s throwing error put Spencer on second base, but the Raccoons would fail to plate the sucker, the second inning featured Elias Tovias with a leadoff ho- dou- … what was it? Turns out, the ball that hit off the top of the fence was narrowly not a home run, but a double, and even then the Coons proved again that they could be mightily stubborn when it came to plating runners. Bullock grounded out to short, which didn’t advance the runner, and Alfaro grounded out as well, advancing the runner, but that left the Crusaders to pick between a .130 batter and a .125 batter with two outs, and the pitcher Chavez was not the worst one in that selection. They picked Perakis, and they picked wrong. Somehow the routine failure Perakis identified a 69 mph curveball as hittable and belched it 390 feet over the leftfield fence for his first career dinger. Chavez, now up 2-0, struck out. He faced the minimum the first time through the order, but even then Ricky Loya had hit a single, only to be doubled off by Hebberd. Loya had another base hit leading off the fourth, this one a triple into left center. Chavez struck out Hebberd, but the run scored on Sergio Valdez’ grounder to Spencer, leaving the Coons only up by a run, and that only for one more inning. Chavez spilled singles to Jake Williams and Jason Asay in the fifth inning, then faced Butler, who knocked a 2-0 pitch for an RBI double with two outs. Oh Jesus, really?

Loya’s groundout kept the game tied at two, but the Coons were ill inclined to make much fuss to score more runs. They had only two base hits through five innings, and when Stalker singled in the sixth, he also was caught stealing by Asay pretty quickly. The Crusasers would get singles from Schmit and Chris Peters in the seventh inning, and Asay’s groundout again brought up Butler with two on and two outs. This time he flew out to centerfield. Bottom 7th, the Coons got Tovias (walk) and Bullock (single) on base. Alfaro flew out to center for the second out, leaving things to Perakis again, but the no-good rookie knocked another Butler curve into leftfield for an RBI single, reclaiming the lead for his team. As Matt Nunley stepped in the box to bat for Chavez with two outs, Dave Butler on the mound was visibly questioning all his life choices in the last 15 years. Nunley flew out to center, stranding a pair. Between Dew (walked Loya), Sugano (walked Angel Diaz), and Bricker (allowed an RBI single to Brian Skinner), the good bits in the bullpen managed to blow the lead right in the eighth inning, before Tim Stalker’s leadoff bomb off Butler in the bottom 8th put Bricker in line for his eighth win of the season, and he’d get it despite Brett Lillis drilling the leadoff batter in the ninth inning and Jason Asay’s deep drive to left that Perakis caught. 4-3 Blighters. Stalker 2-4, HR, RBI; Tovias 1-2, BB, 2B; Perakis 2-3, HR, 3 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K;

In other news

September 20 – Falcons and Indians play 17 innings before the Falcons score the first run in hours on Ryozo Tanaka’s (.238, 2 HR, 24 RBI) single in the top of the 17th inning. Charlotte’s Matt Good (.323, 11 HR, 81 RBI) goes a whopping 0-for-8, and his teammate Matt Owen (.281, 7 HR, 31 RBI) goes 0-for-7.
September 21 – WAS SS Tom McWhorter (.245, 21 HR, 96 RBI) is out for the year with a broken foot, and that with his team trying to hold on to a half-game lead.
September 22 – Elbow ligament damage is expected to cost RIC SP Todd Wood (7-7, 3.94 ERA) the entire 2023 season.
September 23 – More bad news for Federal League teams, as SAL SP Jesse Bowsher (12-13, 4.43 ERA) could miss all of 2023 with him having to undergo Tommy John surgery.
September 25 – It gets even worse for the Wolves, with SP Kyle Eilrich (8-3, 2.87 ERA) announcing his retirement following two months of rehab attempts and a failed surgery for a torn triceps suffered in July. The 27-year-old left-hander went 25-27 with a 3.37 ERA in his career, appearing in 121 games (81 starts) for the Condors and Wolves.

Complaints and stuff

If the Coons had lost on Sunday, they would have tied for their worst-ever season against the Crusaders since *1980*, but Tim Stalker’s shot stopped them at 6-12. Their single 5-13 against New York year since the days nobody even vaguely wants to remember occurred in 2013.

During the week I threw in a claim for IND SP Tom Shumway, who was on waivers for mysterious reasons. I don’t know why the Indians would want to trade a healthy 25-year old left-hander in September. Maybe that is my problem. Lack of imagination – that is what was holding back the Critters for the last few decades. Anyway, when we claimed him, the Indians removed him from conditional waivers, so we did not magically wind up with a turbo booster towards our rebuild.

I must say I *do* like Shumway’s profile. He would be a welcome addition to the roster. Not that it’s gonna happen in my lifetime… just sayin’.

Jonny T struck out six in his return, putting him even with Antonio Donis for 50th place all time. He made it back from the DL just in time before Ian Rutter could close back up to him. Toner and Rutter had moved up through the positions together two years ago before Jonny had gradually dumped the Scorpion behind.

Looking forward to 2023, we expect a harsh budget cut – it’s the Prick after all – and there might be value in resigning Bobby Guerrero. There would be even more value in wholesale shooting the rotten prospects I gobbled up the last 15 months and start from scratch.

The Scorpions locked up their division on Sunday, beating the direction competition from Denver, 11-7. Sacramento will be in the playoffs for the fourth straight season, and five of the last six. They are one of four teams tied for third place with three championships, trailing only the Crusaders (7) and Titans (4). One of the four teams that have never won a championship can still make the playoffs in the CL South, where the Condors trail the Falcons by three. The Miners and Buffaloes’ chances in the FL East are of very theoretical nature, but we said that about the Blue Sox as well a year ago.

Fun Fact: The 1980 Raccoons improved by 14 games compared to the previous year, but still managed to lose 93 games and finished last. Daniel Hall hit 57 extra-base hits with 20 home runs to lead the team with a .485 slugging percentage.

The funny thing is that no other qualifying player was even remotely near him. Pedro Sánz batted .288/.337/.406, and Stephano Bocci came up with a .282/.357/.389 line – those three were that team’s entire offense.

On THIS team I can’t even name three players that are not completely hopeless. The 1980 Raccoons scored 571 runs, which was good enough for last place even in a low-offense era. The 2022 Raccoons are not even on that mark yet, and their .249 team batting average is their worst in 17 years. And they still managed to drink away a top pick in the 2023 draft.

Maud, we gotta talk about promotional material for the 2023 season.

What do you mean you got nothing …!?

End times, end times.