[Westheim]

Brian Simmons signed with the Bayhawks just before Christmas, and the place by the Bay would be a way better park to pitch in for him. While Luke “Duke Smack” Black had been the type of player to get OUT of the Baybirds’ park to amount to anything, Simmons might actually turn into a decent pitcher in a park where it was incredibly hard to surrender 30 dingers in. Then again, some people liked a good challenge.

Which is bring us back to this rotten roster on which the designated starting rightfielder for 2023 had ended the previous season in a bone-dry 8-for-80 wringer with zero home runs. Those Loggers and Elks and Crusaders were shivering already …

The Coons waived and DFA’ed Dwayne Metts after signing Francisquo Bocanegra because the 40-man roster was full. Full of what was the actual question here, but for the moment we had no idea who between our ten-or-so potential starting pitchers would dud out first, so it was best to keep all of them around.

I also found out the hard way during December that we had indeed nobody left that was in the least way attractive to potential trade partners. Not even Jonny Toner, with his recent health issues, and not Cookie Carmona, who was still considered overpaid and not worth the hassle. The only player that attracted any kind of interest was Mike Grigsby, who had batted not even .240 between AA and AAA last year and while not being as averse to walking as Jarod Spencer was, still managed to glide into the winter with a combined .277 OBP. Neither did he have Matt Nunley’s defense at the hot corner, and the longer I was thinking about it the more I wondered why I was holding on to his 21-year-old carcass so direly.

The newest trade offer in question arrived three days before Christmas, with the Capitals kindly offering a swap of Gil Rockwell for former Critter Shane Walter – assuming they could also get Grigsby.

At first glance this was something to think about. Walter’s D at first was no worse than Rockwell’s and while he had no power to speak of, he had actually produced a higher OPS than Rockwell in ’22. Their salaries were almost equal… there was a hair in the soup though. While Rockwell’s deal was going to be over after the 2023 season, Walter was going to make big bucks through 2026, $2.68M this year, $2.48M the next two, and $2.08M in ’26, which would be his age 36 season – and all were guaranteed. It was one of those R.J. DeWeese type of deals – except this time we knew beforehand there’d be no happy zone. Rockwell was the last actual home run hitter on the Raccoons even though his output in 2022 had sucked, and although I still hold out hope for Omar Alfaro to… Well, without Rockwell, the most powerful hitter on the team is going to be Matt Nunley. When have we ever called Matt a home run hitter?

Truth be told, the Rock of Warwick, Rhode Island, hit .238/.297/.409 in ’22, which tied or went well below his career-worsts in all categories. Rockwell was a sub-100 OPS+ batter for the first time in a full season. There was no reason to believe he would not be well below 100 OPS+ again this year. Walter had actually put up his best OPS+ (124) in years with a .335/.376/.427 season – but there were another $7M attached to this deal AND Mike Grigsby.

Oh well, I’ll just write an email to their GM Ramón Munóz that we can’t do that. It’s not going to work out with Grigsby, who some think might maybe be some kind of prospect.

(hits ‘send’ just as Cristiano Carmona rolls in, balancing a tray with two plates with a couple of sandwiches and two plastic bottles of waters on his numb legs)

Ah, my favorite paid intern is here. Did you fix the arm that broke off the Kisho Saito bobblehead in our collection when Chad panicked and ran into the display while wearing the costume yesterday? – Excellent! What are the plates for? – But I already had lunch today. – Well, I had a coffee with sixteen sugar, and a handful of pills. – No idea what they were for. – What do you mean we should have lunch outside, and you insist? – My health is fine. – Okay, I’ll come. (I just can’t say No to the little bugger!)

Yet just as I got up, the mail program thing tooted and Munóz had already answered. The mail was just two words.

“**** Grigsby.”

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December 19 – The Gold Sox sign 36-year-old ex-PIT RF/LF Mike Bednarski (.285, 184 HR, 901 RBI) to a 3-yr, $5.88M contract.
December 21 – Another addition for Denver, as they pick up 40-year-old former Blue Sock 1B Alberto Rodriguez (.292, 185 HR, 1,409 RBI) for one year and $1.5M. This will be the 2006 FL Rookie of the Year’s sixth major league team – all in the Federal League.
December 22 – Former Falcon, 35-year-old RF/LF Ryan Feldmann (.257, 217 HR, 956 RBI) signs a 2-yr, $2.8M contract with the Miners.
December 23 – The Raccoons trade 38-year-old 1B Gil Rockwell (.263, 412 HR, 1,249 RBI) to the Capitals for 33-year-old INF Shane Walter (.308, 41 HR, 517 RBI), who already played for Portland from 2016 through 2019.
December 26 – The Gold Sox sign ex-SFB SP Joao Joo (107-91, 3.62 ERA) for 4-yr, $6.4M. The 34-year-old left-hander has lost 11 games for four consecutive seasons.
December 30 – The Raccoons acquire 24-year-old MR Vince Devereaux (9-9, 4.10 ERA, 2 SV) from the Pacifics in exchange for 27-year-old lefty swingman Ricky Martinez (2-10, 4.67 ERA).
December 30 – The Cyclones sign ex-VAN SP Matt Rosenthal (44-51, 4.44 ERA) for 3-yr, $6.38M.
December 31 – The Aces pick up former Rebel C Casimiro Schoeppen (.262, 67 HR, 537 RBI), signing the 33-year-old backstop to a 4-yr, $10.56M deal.

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We traded a borderline starting pitcher that got lit up last year and turned him into a totally fine potential setup reliever in the Devereaux trade, which makes the bullpen a bit better for sure, but we’re all here for the other deal, right?

I must admit, Shane Walter was not on my mind much at all this offseason and I didn’t think Rockwell would go anywhere at all. The Capitals rolled over me with their proposal to trade those two big earners much like Cristiano accidentally rolled over my foot entering the elevator.

Speaking of Cristiano – ever since he’s been here, Maud has been wearing her hair open. She never does that – it’s always in a bun. It’s been six or seven years since her last date with a living man, but I know that every 66 full moons she blossoms like some of those giant flowers that stand in full bloom only for a night or so.

I think I have to protect our intern here.

Meanwhile Shane Walter was reassigned #11 which he wore during his first stint with the Coons, and which had been Sam Armetta’s last year. There was not even a discussion in that matter. Armetta had it taken away, and that was IT. Also, Shane Walter was apparently not happy about the trade, posting (since deleted) on his Tweetbook how Christmas was ruined now.

Maybe the Raccoons were lucky for once – Walter was not *that* far away from full 10/5 rights to veto a trade.

Armetta could have it worse – he got Bricker’s #17 and he still figures to be a backup, while the last spot on the infield might be contested between Russ Greenwald and Daniel Bullock. However, since Spencer can slide to the outfield, we could go with an extra infielder at the expense of Zach Graves and his .583 OPS.

The Coons released two minor league outfielders after Christmas. This includes Kevin DeWald, a horrendous batter that was up in Portland a couple of times, and at 26 was clearly overmatched by AAA pitching, as well as 2020 third-rounder Joe Wells, who had some power, but was also striking more than once per three at-bats in Ham Lake, aged 23.

What else? Reigning Continental League Rookie of the Year Justin Jackson fell off a motorcycle he was *standing* on, while the bike was *moving* at speed. He suffered a concussion. The Indians are none too happy I hear. Jackson doesn’t know it yet, however, he’s still busy drooling all over his hospital bed.

Also, Bobby Guerrero suffered the ultimate disgrace, having to sign a $270k deal with the Elks. Jason Seeley, 36, keeps hanging on, somehow, inking for $278k with the Rebels.

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2023 HALL OF FAME VOTING RESULTS

A quarter of the 16-strong Hall of Fame ballot made it into baseball’s house of honor. Included is the third Japanese player that debuted with the Canadiens, but the first to actually go into the Hall of Fame with their insignia, and two Cyclones that were teammates for eight years from 2005 through 2012, winning the 2010 World Series over the Raccoons along the way.

CIN RF Will Bailey – 1st – 97.9 – INDUCTED
SFB CL Johnny Smith – 2nd – 85.7 – INDUCTED
VAN SP Juichi Fujita – 2nd – 77.6 – INDUCTED
CIN CL Ian Johnson – 1st – 76.4 – INDUCTED
CHA CL Luis Hernandez – 1st – 67.5
SFW CF Earl Clark – 1st – 64.1
TIJ SP Kelvin Yates – 4th – 30.8
??? SP Chris York – 5th – 29.1
MIL CF Jerry Fletcher – 6th – 22.4
DAL SP Paul Miller – 2nd – 13.1
LVA C Eduardo Durango – 1st – 7.6
SFB C Gabriel Ortíz – 4th – 4.2 – DROPPED
TOP CF Javier Gusman – 1st – 3.4 – DROPPED
WAS CF John Alexander – 2nd – 2.5 – DROPPED
POR SP Ralph Ford – 1st – 2.1 – DROPPED
??? LF Mohammed Blanc – 2nd – 2.1 – DROPPED

Inducted with the fourth-highest vote share in the post-Secret Ninja Committee era (for which no numbers are available) after Tony Hamlyn (99.6), Jeffery Brown (98.8), and Martin Garcia (98.7), Will Bailey was the Federal League Player of the Year five times during his career, all with Cincinnati and between 2001 and 2010. A regular slow starter who made only seven All Star Games, Bailey won a triple crown in 2009 and led the FL in slugging twice more. He batted over .300 with 20+ home runs regularly through his age 36 season, and was still competitive and combative with the Rebels in his final year at age 40.

Ian Johnson did not debut with the Cyclones like Bailey, but joined as a free agent prior to the 2005 season. He would take home the FL Reliever of the Year trophy in 2008, but would not lead the FL in saves until later in 2012 and 2013. Regularly shouldering a high workload for a closer, Johnson pitched more than 70 innings 12 times until his age 34 season after which his arm started to give out. He was less effective with the Bayhawks and Miners in his final seasons before retiring after 2017. Interestingly, he made more All Star teams than Bailey (8).

Debuting at 20 years old and pitching well only through his age 32 season, Juichi Fujita burnt out early and retired at 35, but by then had left his mark on the league. While he never won a Pitcher of the Year award, he led the CL in wins three times, and in innings four times, and despite the relative brevity of his career (under 3,000 innings and just over 2,000 K) he managed to win 207 games against 135 losses. The Canadiens got all of his good years; his last three seasons were spent with the Scorpions, but he never managed to pitch to a sub-5 ERA.

Joining Ryosei Kato as the only Bayhawks Hall of Famers – both closers – Johnny “Skinny” Smith made seven All Star teams and was a Reliever of the Year in either league in consecutive years, 2006 with the Bayhawks and 2007 downstate with the Pacifics. He never led the league in saves, topping 40 only twice, and wouldn’t be a regular closer after his age 34 season when he left the Scorpions for the Crusaders. He was a prolific strikeout pitcher, though, whiffing triple digits five times in his career and as far as 12 years apart, first doing it at the tender age of twenty.

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So – honestly; who thinks Brownie can get into the Hall next year? That strikeout total begins with a 3, just to be sure: