[Westheim]

Raccoons (0-0) vs. Canadiens (0-0) – April 4-5, 2023

You knew the Elks were in mortal trouble the moment they rolled up Bobby Guerrero, an 18-game loser with the ’22 Coons, as their Opening Day hurler. At the same time we knew that we were unlikely to finish last in the North unless our entire team would be wiped out in a ballpark collapse… The Raccoons had beaten the Elks in the last two seasons, both times taking 10 out of the 18 games played.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (0-0) vs. Bobby Guerrero (0-0)
Rico Gutierrez (0-0) vs. Randy Jenkins (0-0)

That is two right-handers, and we know at least one of them very well.

Game 1
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – 1B M. Rivera – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – CF Coca – RF Houghtaling – 2B Crosby – P B. Guerrero
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner

Toner struck out the first two batters in the game and had a perfect first, while the Raccoons scored a run in the bottom of the first inning, but no RBI would be doled out. Cookie drew a leadoff walk and reached third base on Jarod Spencer’s single, then scored when Shane Walter banged a bouncer into a double play started by Adrian Crosby. Toner wouldn’t hold on to the lead for long, drilling Ryan Holliman to get the second inning going, and allowing a single to John Calfee. Now the Elks scored their man from third base with a productive out, Tony Coca hitting a sac fly to Alfaro in right. Bottom 2nd, the bases were loaded after Alfaro’s leadoff walk, Stevenson getting nicked, and Tim Stalker singling through between Crosby and Mike Rivera. No outs for Elias Tovias – no pressure, kiddo! The rookie catcher raked a double to right to score two, and Toner dumped an RBI single into center as Guerrero wasn’t exactly fooling anybody. Cookie popped out, but Spencer hit an RBI single, by then running the score to 5-1, and one more run scored on Walter’s single to left. Nunley also singled, loading the bases, but Alfaro and Stevenson struck out to keep the score at 6-1 over a gasping Guerrero.

What should be a coaster at this point became an utter nightmare instead. Toner came out for the third and walked Jonathan Morales and Rivera in full counts. Alex Torres struck out, but Holliman walked on five pitches, and Calfee walked on four. That pushed in a run. Coca popped out to Spencer and Jeremy Houghtaling struck out, but Toner was not on some 70 pitches, six strikeouts, and five walks. Toner wouldn’t make it past the fifth inning, whiffing 11 on 111 pitches in what was then a 7-3 game. Omar Alfaro had knocked an RBI single in the bottom 4th, while Toner had conceded an unearned run in the fifth after a Nunley throwing error. Kevin Surginer made his major league debut after Toner’s final curtain. He retired his first two batters, Crosby and reliever Vic Mercado, but then hit Morales and was singled on by Rivera. Time to bring in a more experienced reliever … Joe Moore, that grizzled 25-year-old veteran. Torres grounded to third, Nunley made a strong bare-hand play and the Elks were denied to close the 4-run gap, which would only widen in the later innings. While the Coons’ pen was wonky and far from flawless, but would concede only one run charged to Moore, but actually plated by Francisquo Bocanegra with a wild pitch, the Elks would allow runs in the sixth, seventh, and eighth, driven in one by one by – in order – Walter, Alfaro, Cookie, and Stalker, and they could have scored more if Stalker had not been doubled off the base paths on Tovias’ lineout to Crosby in the bottom of the eighth. 11-4 Coons! Spencer 4-5, RBI; Walter 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro 4-5, 2 RBI; Newman (PH) 1-1, 2B; Stalker 2-5, RBI; Tovias 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI; Armetta (PH) 1-2, 3B; Cowen 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 3 K;

That tasted good! 19 hits were rapped out by the Critters, but the real question is how bad the Elks are actually. Are they triple-digit losses bad? Their pitching was surely not up to the task here…

Game 2
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – RF Houghtaling – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – SS Calfee – CF Coca – 1B Onelas – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

Again the Coons burst out early against the opposing pitcher, with Jenkins getting shaken for four hits and three runs in the opening inning. Cookie, Walter, Alfaro, and Stevenson all hit singles, but were also aggressive on the base paths. Walter scored from second on Alfaro’s 2-out single and drew a throw that allowed Alfaro to get to second, from whence he scored on Stevenson’s grounder into leftfield. Rico Gutierrez was perfect the first time through the order and whiffed four, but Jonathan Morales reached base on a drag bunt to lead off the fourth inning. While Morales advanced on consecutive groundouts, we were more concerned about Gutierrez suddenly dropping to 3-ball counts to all three batters. Holliman flew out to Alfaro on the first pitch, though, stranding the runner and ending the inning. Tony Coca got on base with a walk in the fifth, but there was still no actual danger.

The Coons had fallen asleep at the wheel after the 3-run first inning, but there was a gasper in the bottom 5th. Cookie and Spencer were on base with two outs when Matt Nunley dished a drive to deep right. Fans were already on their feet when the crosswind got hold of the ball and dropped it into Houghtaling’s glove on the warning track – no 3-run homer, inning over. Houghtaling got one out though, hitting a homer to left in the sixth inning, and also cashed in Morales, who had reached on an infield single again, and the tying run would be in scoring position after John Calfee’s leadoff double in the seventh inning. Gutierrez still remained in the game, getting Coca to fly out to Cookie, then gutted out at-bats against Bobby Rickard and Adrian Crosby, whiffing both to get out of the inning with the 3-2 lead intact. Gutierrez was hit for in the bottom 7th, but the Coons went down in order without achieving a welcome insurance run. Morales hit a double off Vince Devereaux in his Coons debut in the top 8th, but again the Elks would run into strikeouts and strand their man in scoring position, this time at third base, and Brett Lillis struck out the side in the ninth inning, whiffing Holliman, Calfee, and Coca in order to end the game. 3-2 Critters. Carmona 2-4; Nunley 2-4; Stalker 2-3; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 7 K, W (1-0);

Two games into the season, and the three unused starting pitchers aside, the only players that have yet to make their first appearance of the year are Billy Brotman and Tony Delgado.

Raccoons (2-0) vs. Knights (1-2) – April 7-9, 2023

The Raccoons had squeezed out a 5-4 season series win over the Knights in 2022, but we weren’t quite sure how we’d match up with them this year. They had been scorched for 20 runs in the first games of the season, mainly on their bullpen, but numbers like that were usually not very trustworthy. However, their pen consisted mostly of no-names … like ours! There were still some longtime Coon schrecks in that lineup however, like f.e. Ruben Luna, who came in batting .385.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (0-0) vs. Jonathan Ryan (0-0)
Ryan Nielson (0-0) vs. Dave Butler (0-0)
Matt Huf (0-0) vs. Leon Hernandez (0-1, 7.04 ERA)

Right, left, right from both teams in this series. Also, the Knights have one home run and one stolen base for the season, beating out the Coons with zero in either category.

But hey, at least Omar Alfaro comes in sharing the RBI lead with Shane Walter and I can still claim that I know what I’m doing on the first weekend of the season!

Game 1
ATL: RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – 1B Herlihy – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – 3B Farias – CF Folk – P Ryan
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

Tim Stalker was thrown out at home plate by Johnny Stuckey to end the second inning, Stalker trying to score from first base on Tovias’ double to right center. This was the very best scoring chance for either team in the early innings, with both teams getting only two hits apiece in the first three frames. The Knights would be in business soon against Chavez though, as the Cuban right-hander walked Ruben Luna and Marty Reyes to begin the fourth inning, with Devin Hibbard’s single to center loading the bases for the bottom of the order. Emilio Farias brought in the first run of the game, but it cost the Knights two outs when he banged a ball sharply right at Stalker, who had no trouble turning a 6-4-3. Brody Folk flew out to center to strand Reyes at third base. While that only amounted to a 1-0 lead for Atlanta, they tore Chavez in half in the following inning. Stuckey homered to get to 2-0, and Chavez clumsily continued to concede base runners, allowing singles up the middle to Tony Jimenez and Trent Herlihy, then threw a wild pitch and hung a 3-0 ball in Luna’s sweet zone, conceding two runs on the sharp double into the rightfield corner. That was it for Chavez, who had gotten thoroughly rocked, and was now replaced by Surginer, who whiffed Reyes and Hibbard to get out of the inning.

The scuffling Raccoons were in their own bullpen early, but at least Surginer, Moore, and Brotman managed to hold the Knights at four until the offense finally showed a sign of life in the bottom of the seventh inning. Nunley and Stevenson hit singles, but Tim Stalker hit sharply into a double play to end the inning. So much for life. The Critters went through Cowen and Devereaux without allowing another run, but the offense remained entirely absent against a team that was not the Elks. Russ Greenwald hit a pinch-hit single to begin the bottom 9th against the still active Jonathan Ryan, but Walter flew out easily to right, and Nunley smacked a ball right at Hibbard for another double play, this one ending the game and giving Ryan a 6-hit shutout on 93 pitches. 4-0 Knights. Greenwald (PH) 1-1; Nunley 2-4;

Game 2
ATL: 3B F. Guzman – RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 2B Hibbard – 1B Avalos – CF Folk – P D. Butler
POR: LF Carmona – SS Stalker – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – 1B Greenwald – C Delgado – CF Santos – P Nielson

Brody Folk was a former Elks and a disgusting human being by that standard alone, but I sure as hell didn’t appreciate his 2-out triple in the second inning that drove home Devin Hibbard for the first run of the Saturday game. The Coons would try to answer in the bottom 2nd, and loaded the bases with no outs on straight singles by Nunley, Alfaro, and Greenwald. All three would score thanks to Tony Delgado’s RBI single, Santos’ run-scoring groundout, and after Nielson flew out to center, Cookie’s RBI single to leftfield, giving Nielson a 3-1 lead after two.

The Knights were on him immediately, putting Frank Guzman and Tony Jimenez on the corners with singles in the third inning, but Ruben Luna rocked a grounder at Shane Walter for a double play. Nielson remained shaky, then undid himself masterfully with an error that allowed Guzman to reach leading off the fifth. Hard hits by Stuckey and Jimenez scored a run and put the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position with nobody out. Ruben Luna knocked the first pitch he saw to right for an RBI single, and the go-ahead run scored on Tony Avalos’ sac fly later in the inning, but Avalos would miss Nunley’s 2-out bouncer in the bottom of the inning, allowing Cookie to score on what should have been the final out. Cookie had reached on a leadoff single and had taken an extra base when Marty Reyes had overrun the ball. Nielson wobbled through six, and the first pitch of the bullpen, Bocanegra’s, in the seventh was barfed over the fence by Ruben Luna to break the 4-4 tie. Bocanegra put two more on base, and with one out was relieved by Devereaux to face the right-hander Folk, however the Knights sent Trent Herlihy to pinch-hit, and he drummed the Coons with a 3-run homer.

The Raccoons attempted to swoop back into the game in the bottom 7th, with Cookie singling and stealing the team’s first base of the season, after which Shane Walter hit the crew’s first home run, a 2-piece to right center, cutting the gap to two runs, 8-6, but that was sure some temporary gain. In the eighth, Marty Reyes doubled in a run against Brotman, and the ninth inning saw Brett Lillis scorched for four hits and three runs before he had to be relieved by Joe Moore… and Moore allowed another run to score on Luna’s 2-out RBI single, and the Coons were comprehensively routed. 13-6 Knights. Carmona 3-5, RBI; Walter 2-5, HR, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-4, RBI; Alfaro 2-5; Delgado 3-4, 2B, RBI;

Tony Jimenez had five hits in the game, and the Knights had 19 as a whole – the same number the Coons put up against the Elks on Opening Day. Maybe we’re not likely to finish last, but we’re also not likely to finish fourth, either…

Game 3
ATL: RF Stuckey – SS T. Jimenez – 1B Herlihy – C Luna – LF M. Reyes – 3B Avalos – 2B Farias – CF Folk – P L. Hernandez
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – P Huf

Becoming unglued by the second inning, the Raccoons gave their fans an idea of what was ahead in the following 157 games of the season. After a scoreless first, Matt Huf issued walks to Marty Reyes and Tony Avalos before Emilio Farias hit an RBI single for the first counter on the scoreboard. Brody Folk grounded to Spencer for what should be the inning-ending double play, except that Stalker had Spencer’s feed glance off his glove for an error that loaded the bases instead. After Hernandez popped out, Cookie had to lay out to catch Stuckey’s drive to deep left, keeping the score at 1-0 in the middle of the second. Huf would merrily keep walking batters afterwards, issuing two walks in the fourth, first to Avalos, who was caught stealing, and then to Farias with two outs. Folk grounded out. The Knights actually only got that lone Farias single through five innings, but they were still leading, with the Coons not doing particularly much that could excite the home crowd. When Josh Stevenson hit a leadoff single in the bottom 5th and stole second base, the Raccoons would blatantly leave him right there with two pops and a strikeout.

Huf walked two more in the sixth, his final inning, leaving him with six walks and six strikeouts in a puzzling outing. Bottom 6th, Nunley walked with one out, then advanced on Newman’s groundout. Time to roll the dice. Russ Greenwald batted for Tim Stalker, solely to counter Hernandez, but struck out feebly. Surginer and Bocanegra stumbled through the seventh, in which the Knights stranded runners on the corners when Hibbard batted for Herlihy and struck out, and in the bottom 7th the Coons had their best chance yet. Tovias flew out to center, but Stevenson and Armetta hit singles. Stevenson went to third base, drew a poor throw, and Armetta advanced to second, taking the double play away as Cookie came to bat. We just needed somebody to come through now, and that WOULD be Cookie, who snapped a single to left, scored both runners, and flipped the score in our favor! COOKIIIIIEEEE!!! The park burst into cheers at once, and in my office I jumped up and down, Cristiano giddily popped a wheelie in his chair while squealing, and even Slappy, semi-comatose from booze, lifted his dirty green cap in acknowledgement. After Cookie was stranded, Bocanegra staved off Ruben Luna’s double in the eighth inning to keep the 2-1 lead in one piece, which went to Lillis in the ninth. Lillis had been strafed the previous day, and walked Guzman in the #9 spot with one out to create more tension, but Stuckey flew out to center, and Lillis ended the game with a K to Jimenez. 2-1 Furballs! Carmona 1-4, 2 RBI; Stevenson 2-3; Armetta 1-1;

In other news

April 3 – The Gold Sox rout the Stars on Opening Day, 13-1, while actually pushing runs across in only three innings, a 5-run second and 4-run fifths and eighths. C Matt Harry (.800, 1 HR, 4 RBI) and INF/LF/RF Rich Hereford (.400, 2 HR, 4 RBI) both drive in four runs, three of those coming on long balls for each of the two Gold Sox.
April 4 – Outfielder Nate Ellis (.600, 1 HR, 3 RBI) will be missing from the Wolves’ lineup for the next three weeks after suffering a strained back muscle in a game against the Pacifics.
April 5 – TOP 2B Marco Hernandes (.000, 0 HR, 0 RBI) will be out for three weeks with a strained hamstring.
April 6 – A broken thumb will cost LVA LF/RF Dan Brown (.154, 0 HR, 0 RBI) the rest of this month at the very least.
April 7 – The Capitals beat the Gold Sox, 1-0 in ten innings, on LF/CF Todd Sanborn (.500, 1 HR, 1 RBI) going deep as pinch-hitter.
April 9 – MIL CF/RF Ian Coleman (.440, 0 HR, 6 RBI) extends a hitting streak that originated in 2022 to 20 games with an impressive 4-hit day in the Loggers’ 10-5 win over the Aces.

Complaints and stuff

We drew six walks in the first five games of the season, which is alarming at the very least. Nobody drew more than one; Jarod Spencer drew none.

Okay, we took two from the Elks, but I am not sure whether the Elks are actually a professional team at this point. They got stuffed with more than twice the number of runs they scored themselves, and are in the bottom two in either category.

Fun Fact: The only Raccoon with more franchise at-bats without ever hitting a home run than Jarod Spencer, who has 739 AB without going deep? Nick Brown, who had to pitch for 18 years to beat out Spencer, but figures to lose the title by July or so.

Brown’s 1,122 homerless at-bats still reign supreme, but who’s after Spencer in the list? It takes a while to even complete the top five, because EVERYBODY hits a dinger once in a while. Well, there are two more starting pitchers in the top five, with Jason Turner (564 AB) tying for third, and Randy Farley (481 AB) in fifth. Tying Turner is recent demotee to AAA, Daniel Bullock.

Many people ask me how I feel like, feeding a dead duck. I don’t get the question.

Also, Cristiano reminds me that he wants to hear no bad word about Daniel Bullock and wants him to return to the majors soon so that he can finish his drawing of him.

By the way, Cristiano, you forgot to draw his uniform. Or any clothes at all.