[Westheim]

This week, I found out that there are in fact TWO Jose Menendezes in the league. They are both pitchers. They are both starters. They are both right-handed. They are both Dominican. They are both in the CL South!

NO WONDER I CAN’T KEEP UP ANYMORE!

Raccoons (20-24) @ Condors (21-23) – May 22-24, 2023

Both of these teams were seven games out in their respective divisions, and both were ranked at the bottom in either runs scored (Coons) or runs conceded (Condors). So, what happens after all when the irresistible force meets the immovable object? A game that lasts forever? The thought lets me shudder. The Raccoons had dropped the past two season series to the Condors, both being contested tightly and going 5-4 the Tijuana way.

Projected matchups:
Matt Huf (0-5, 5.01 ERA) vs. Jeff Little (1-3, 4.40 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (3-4, 3.71 ERA) vs. Jose Menendez (3-5, 3.03 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-4, 4.05 ERA) vs. Andrew Gudeman (2-5, 7.16 ERA)

We would get going against a left-handed rookie with control issues, then face two right-handed pitchers.

The Raccoons started with a roster move anyway, disabling Billy Brotman with his sore shoulder, which the Druid thought would take about three weeks of rest. Ryan Nielson would get moved to the bullpen, and we would call up another starter… “Tragic” Travis, after all.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Huf
TIJ: LF Hatley – 1B Gershkovich – RF Larios – CF Jamieson – 2B Boggs – C Carbajal – SS J. Estrada – 3B Umpierre – P Little

Cookie batted not even .240 anymore to begin this week, which was a sure sign that at least two riders of the apocalypse had already dashed past you, but opened the game with a double to right center. The Raccoons would land another three singles in the inning, Walter’s plating Cookie and then Shane Walter scored himself on Will Newman’s 2-out infield single to give Matt Huf a 2-0 lead he was surely going to do his darndest to blow. He continued to find himself in those situations no pitcher should ever find themselves in, like having two on, two out, and the opposing pitcher running a full count at the plate, as happened in the second inning of this game. Huf walked four in the first three innings and needed close to 70 pitches to get that far in the game. The bullpen was going to get up early *again*, and Huf was just one of those pitchers that were hurting their team even if they didn’t allow a bazillion runs. Five innings would eventually take him over 100 pitches, and he would not make a cameo even in the sixth.

But before we got there, it was Huf’s turn to bunt in the top of the fourth inning, following on Stalker and Tovias with a pair of 1-out singles. His bunt was thrown past Mike Gershkovich by the pitcher Little for a run-scoring, 2-base error, and another run scored on Cookie’s groundout. Spencer walked, but Walter popped out foul, stranding runners on the corners in a 4-0 game. That was still the score when Matt Huf left the game, although the consistently overburdened Raccoons bullpen was on the verge of tipping at least once. While Kevin Surginer had a calm sixth, David Kipple allowed a leadoff triple to Nick Hatley in the bottom of the seventh inning. Both Gershkovich and Omar Larios were called out on strikes generously, after which Kipple walked Matt Jamieson in a full count (the count to Gershkovich had already been full earlier). Robby Boggs hit a poor grounder for a quick third out at first base, keeping the Condors shut out in this game. Portland got some breathing room with a 2-run homer by Elias Tovias off Tim Colangelo, completely unexpected, in the top of the eighth inning, with Tim Stalker having been on base ahead of Tovias’ 1-out blast. The Raccoons then sent poor Joe Moore, really everything but a long man, in to pitch the last two innings. He was immediately stung as Jesus Carbajal and Rey Umpierre hit singles off him, and pinch-hitter Andy McNeal dropped a ball in the gap to score both of them. A timely K to Nick Hatley kept the game in the Coons’ favor, and Moore even made it through the ninth without us having to bother another reliever. 6-2 Raccoons. Tovias 2-4, HR, 2 RBI;

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Toner
TIJ: LF Hatley – SS B. Torres – RF Larios – C Sanford – 2B Boggs – 1B McNeal – CF Jo. Wilson – 3B Lawson – P Menendez

Toner not only walked Hatley to begin his day, but he also walked John Wilson in the bottom 2nd, allowed a 2-out single to David Lawson, and then threw a wild pitch before walking Menendez onto the open base to fill the bags. There was probably nothing left but to mercifully shoot him between the headlights, but all my guns were back home in America, and the Condors shat four runs onto him immediately thanks to Nick Hatley’s first-pitch, 2-run single, and then a 2-run double by Bobby Torres. There was absolutely nothing left but to mercifully shoot Toner between the headlights.

Robby Boggs’ throwing error helped the Coons to their first run in the third inning. Toner (single) and Cookie (single) were on the corners for Walter, who batted with two outs, but grounded to the keystone guard, but McNeal could not get to this feed off first base. That inning, too, threatened to spiral out of control. Nunley knocked an RBI single to right, and a walk to Stevenson loaded the bases. Oh if only that would not bring up Omar Alfaro, the .217 batter of futures never born. He hit the ball a bit, but nowhere near enough to threaten Hatley in leftfield, let alone the fence, and the Coons stranded three and remained behind by two, but not for long. Toner continued to be completely ****ed out of his mind, allowed two base hits and three walks in the bottom 3rd, and then was yanked by the Raccoons out of shear desperation. No bullpen at hand or not – but this had to stop. Adam Cowen struck out Bobby Torres with the bases loaded to turn away the Condors, who still led 6-2 after ripping Toner for five hits and six walks in 2.2 innings.

Cowen was again wrung out for three innings, allowing an additional run when Omar Larios took him deep in the fourth, but who was even counting anymore? Vince D had to spend it all to collect the last two-and-a-third pitching innings for the Raccoons. Not a long man and not employed as such, he allowed two more runs to score in the bottom 8th, one of those unearned thanks to the useless piece of **** Sam Armetta throwing away an easy grounder that could have kept the inning in check. But that was on management, obviously, for even allowing him to come into a 5-run deficit in a double switch. Kid’s gonna blow it – you knew it the whole time! Menendez, who had been in total control for most of the game, melted in the ninth inning, allowing five singles and three runs before being yanked with one out to collect. That one was ultimately picked up by Joel Davis, former Raccoon, striking out Josh Stevenson. 9-5 Condors. Spencer 2-5; Nunley 3-5, 2 RBI; Bullock (PH) 1-1; Armetta 1-1; Delgado (PH) 1-1, RBI;

Toner’s ERA is now the worst in the rotation (although Travis Garrett will give him a run for his money on the weekend for sure), and he is pitching less than 5 2/3 innings per start.

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Newman – C Delgado – SS Stalker – RF Graves – P Gutierrez
TIJ: RF Boggs – 1B Gershkovich – LF Larios – C Sanford – 2B B. Torres – 3B Umpierre – CF Hatley – SS J. Estrada – P Gudeman

The Raccoons needed Rico Gutierrez to go a fair distance to save them into their day off on Thursday, but thinking that thought was not true to the prescribed method of expecting the absolute worst imaginable and then to brace for the Critters to somehow make it through under that lowest of bars. The rubber game also took place without the raging recipe for success that was a .235 leadoff batter, and overall it was probably just best to, while still in Mexico, give myself in to the Prick’s henchmen and be silently disposed of in some godforsaken sierra… Also, while I was complaining, the Raccoons loaded the bases with singles by Spencer and Walter, then Nunley walking in the first inning. Will Newman batted with three on, one out, and drove a ball to left, long, longer – GRAAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!

And Gutierrez came out and walked not one, but two batters before even throwing two strikes! The Condors’ Pat Sanford luckily batted into a double play in the inning, or otherwise that 4-0 slam lead wouldn’t have stood up for very long. Actually, Gershkovich walks would give the Condors consecutive base runners, because Gutierrez retired eight straight in between giving the first baseman a freebie in the first and third innings. Gudeman also settled in and racked up strikeouts after being socked around early on, but then Newman came up with the bases loaded again in the fifth inning. This time, a throwing error by Rey Umpierre had put Spencer on second base. Walter had been walked intentionally, Nunley walked in a tight, full-count contest, and this time the Coons would not score anybody. Newman grounded to the mound for a force at home and the second out, and Delgado popped out to shallow right. Gutierrez was still up by four and technically pitching a no-hitter, although that went out of the window with Umpierre’s leadoff single in the bottom 5th. Hatley singled, Estrada doubled in both of them, then scored on a groundout and a wild pitch. With two outs, Gershkovich bellowed a harmless fastball over the leftfield fence to tie the game.

First-inning hero Newman chopped a ball into an inning-ending double play by the seventh inning, then batting after Walter and Nunley had just hit singles off Rafael Cuenca to pose something like a threat. Gutierrez was still going for the Raccoons in the bottom 7th mainly because the bullpen contained a nominal number of bodies, but some of them were cold to the touch, and partly also because nothing really mattered anymore in the Raccoons’ kaleidoscope of horrors that was continuously revolving, ceaselessly sending forth revolting scenes anew. Of course, this could also not end well under any circumstance. David Lawson was batting for Juan Estrada and sent an 0-2 fastball caroming all over the leftfield seats, the leadoff jack breaking a 4-4 tie. Andy McNeal singled in the #9 hole, and Gutierrez was reluctantly pulled after all after attaining the loss he deserved. Except, maybe… Cookie batted in the Coons’ #9 hole against Joel Davis to begin the ninth inning. A single to right made him the tying run aboard, and he stole second base to move into scoring position for the top of the order, where Stevenson struck out, and Tovias batted for Spencer, but grounded out to Torres. Cookie moved to third base, but it was of course for nought. Shane Walter grounded out to Lawson at short, sinking the Coons for good. 5-4 Condors. Nunley 2-2, 2 BB; Carmona 1-1;

Raccoons (21-26) @ Aces (30-18) – May 26-28, 2023

The Aces had just swept the Elks and had a 5-game winning streak going, so they were in a good position to finish off another Northwest team right away. They also led the Continental League in runs scored, while being sixth in runs allowed. Their offense, however, was so good, that they had a +79 run differential in May, and they were actually scoring in excess 5.7 runs per game! Somehow, they were 1-2 agains the Coons this year, but these things were likely to change. I should better update check my will. – Yup, everything I own goes to Honeypaws, just like I intend it to!

Projected matchups:
Travis Garrett (0-0) vs. Jason Clements (6-2, 5.25 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-2, 3.66 ERA) vs. Colin Peay (4-4, 4.18 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 4.47 ERA) vs. Miguel Morales (5-3, 2.93 ERA)

We would see three right-handed starters from the Aces, who had no injuries, and led the league in batting average (.283), on-base percentage (.359), and even stolen bases. There was just no way for the Raccoons to not go completely under.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – SS Bullock – RF Alfaro – P Garrett
LVA: 3B Navarro – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – LF J. Baker – 2B Moroyoqui – P Clements

Jose Navarro, the first batter for “Tragic” Travis to face in the majors in ’23, got plunked, but somehow the Aces didn’t spiral Navarro’s misfortune into a 5-run first just yet. Even the second inning, which saw Andres Medina walk on four pitches, and also bore witness to Garrett balking Medina to third base while in a 3-0 count on Josh Baker with one out … nah, just let that one sink in for a while. Baker eventually walked, and Jesus Moroyoqui hit into a double play to let Garrett escape again without collecting his rightful punishment. The Aces would strand pairs in the next two innings as well, and never scored, thanks to Dan Brown popping out to Spencer with two aboard in the third inning, and Cookie hustling in to catch Clements’ hissing liner with runners on the corners in the bottom 4th. Meanwhile the Raccoons took their at-bats in orderly fashion and harmed no person, nor creature with their neat behavior, but somehow managed to put Daniel Bullock and Omar Alfaro onto the corners with nobody out in the fifth inning. Both hit singles to the shallow outfield, but first away Garrett struck out in a full count, bringing up Cookie with one out. Cookie sent a fly to center, where Armando Martinez had no trouble catching ball. Bullock tagged and went home as he thought he’d score, but Martinez didn’t think so. Casimiro Schoeppen received the ball a split second before being bowled over by Bullock – but held on, the runner was called out, and the inning was over.

Garrett held up in oddball fashion and the game remained scoreless through six. The Raccoons would get Tovias on base with a single in the seventh inning, and with two outs, Alfaro walked. The Coons couldn’t bother to pinch-hit for Garrett, especially with extra innings on the horizon (yes, this early!), so Garrett was sent to bat, took strike one, strike two, then knocked the 0-2 pitch into the gap in left-center. Baker couldn’t get it, Martinez failed to cut it off, and the ball bounced all the way to a nook in the outfield wall. Both runners scored easily, and Garrett had a stand-up triple …! Cookie hit a bouncer up the middle for an RBI single, stole second, and then scored on Spencer’s single to right center, which gave the Raccoons a 4-0 lead and the Aces fans a case of severe headaches. But Travis wouldn’t be tragic if he didn’t find a way to **** things up. He issued 2-out walks to both Corey Curro and Navarro in the bottom 7th, and was removed for Kipple to face the left-handed Adam Young, a much-reviled ex-Coon. Y’know, Young has never had a clutch hit in his ****ing life, but I’m not cocky enough to send “Tragic” Travis against him after he’s already walked five. Instead, the Coons sent David Kipple and his 6.75 career ERA – but in case that baseball thing of his wouldn’t work out, he had already promised his mother to plant a tree in Israel and attend torah school there, which was what it was all about, having a backup plan! To be frank, the Raccoons had no backup plans anymore, it was Kipple or doom right here, and Young hit a ball mighty hard, but Cookie made the catch running back towards the track – inning over.

Instead, the Aces would devour Kevin Surginer in the eighth. Appearing to start the frame, Surginer allowed a double to Armando Martinez right away before Dan Brown grounded out to first, sending the runner to third. About at that point, things began to morph into pear shape. Andres Medina plated the run with a single, and then Schoeppen singled to right. Medina went to third, Omar Alfaro didn’t think so and killed him off with a laser beam. Undeterred, Surginer still allowed another single to Josh Baker, that one up the middle, and look, another runner trying to go first-to-third. Stevenson thought that he could anything that Alfaro could do, twice better, and fired hard to third, though unfortunately completely wildly. Nunley couldn’t come up with the throw, the runner scored, and Baker moved to second base. Brett Lillis was now called on for a 4-out save, because things were brewing here. Lillis ended the inning with a single pitch on which Moroyoqui popped out to Jarod Spencer, and the 4-2 lead would live to the ninth. Errol Spears, once there, hit a pinch-hit leadoff single, and Navarro came ****ing close to a game-tying homer, but Cookie made the catch at the fence. Ron Raynor struck out for the second out, but Martinez singled up the middle between Spencer and Stalker. Dan Brown was the winning run and was known for power, but his soft bouncer went right back to Lillis and ended the game. 4-2 Critters. Carmona 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Garrett 6.2 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 5 BB, 5 K, W (1-0) and 1-3, 3B, 2 RBI; Lillis 1.1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, SV (12);

At this point, the Coons were having a 9-15 month, which was rough, but at least not as rough as the Elks, who got spanked for ten by the Condors, sending them to ten straight losses and a 4-18 month. They were 12-34 overall at this junction.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – P Chavez
LVA: LF Serrano – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – 3B J. Navarro – 2B Moroyoqui – P Peay

Jesus Chavez led the team in wins, which didn’t mean much, and was booked for a run right in the first inning, and even before getting an out. Danny Serrano and Adam Young both hit doubles to right to begin their day at work, before the middle of the order failed to cash in Young from second base, ironically. No Critter had been aboard in the first, but Matt Nunley would hit leadoff singles in both the second and fourth innings. He was ignored the first time, and rolled up in Tovias’ double play the second time around, and in between, in the top 3rd, the Coons had put Cookie and Spencer on the corners with a line drive single and a soft bloop single, respectively, but Walter had grounded out. The Aces added a second run in the bottom of the fourth inning, Dan Brown and Casimiro Schoeppen ramming doubles off Chavez, who had allowed four hits in four innings – all of them doubles.

Portland had four singles after four innings, but they would tie the game with another four singles in the fifth inning against Peay. Alfaro was the first Critter to get on, lofting a 1-out single to shallow center. He was bunted over by Chavez, then scored on Cookie Carmona’s single to right center. Spencer dropped one in, and so did Walter, the latter scoring Cookie to level the tally on the scoreboard. Nunley struck out, stranding a pair. And what did Chavez do? Allow a leadoff single to the opposing pitcher in the bottom 5th, and then concede another single to Serrano, an RBI double to Martinez, and a 2-run double to Medina. He would be charged with a sixth run after his replacement had already arrived, with Schoeppen hitting yet another ****ing double off Adam Cowen, who walked Navarro before Stevenson risked his limbs and neck in a dive (on turf!) for Moroyoqui’s liner in the gap. The Aces scored four in the inning, taking a 6-2 lead.

Omar Alfaro singled home a run in the top of the sixth to deny Peay a shutdown inning, but it didn’t greatly matter. The Raccoons turned to Ryan Nielson in a quest for relief, which was promptly denied. Nielson sucked colossally even in relief, his natural domain (although that might indeed be a career as dog sitter, although technically that also involves throwing balls), and was blasted for four hits, a wild pitch, and three runs without even getting out of the bottom 6th, and the Aces reached double digits against Joe Moore in the seventh, and as a matter of fact, Moore’s ERA was now also closing in on double digits. 10-4 Aces. Carmona 2-5, RBI; Spencer 3-4, BB; Nunley 2-4, RBI; Tovias 2-4, 2B; Alfaro 2-4, RBI;

The Aces had a whopping eight doubles. It is hard to argue against eight doubles.

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Delgado – SS Bullock – CF Alfaro – P Huf
LVA: LF Serrano – 1B A. Young – CF A. Martinez – RF D. Brown – SS A. Medina – C Schoeppen – 3B J. Navarro – 2B Moroyoqui – P M. Morales

Good news, Matt Huf struck out three batters in the first inning! Yes, they weren’t quite the 1-2-3 batters, and yes, the Aces put a few guys on base, and yes, they also did score, and oh, there was that throwing error by Tony Delgado on Danny Serrano’s stolen base attempt, after Serrano had drawn that leadoff walk … but, hey, the Aces scored only ONE run, and that is quite a decent average these days. For this team… The second inning was for turning it all around, with Bullock hitting a single and Omar Alfaro hitting a homer to right to put the Coons 2-1 ahead… at least until **** came crashing down all over Huf’s head yet again in the bottom 2nd. Casimiro Schoeppen hit a leadoff double, the Aces’ second double in the game after Martinez’ RBI double in the first, and soon enough scored on Navarro’s hard single to right. Navarro moved up on Newman’s throw home, keeping an Ace consistently parked at second base. The Aces would neglect plating six in the inning and in fact would not get out of the 2-2 tie, a feat in which Huf held no rightful share; Moroyoqui popped out, Navarro was caught stealing, and Morales scorched a ball at Nunley’s face that almost decapitated him to end the inning…

Base hits by Spencer and Nunley amounted to a 3-2 Coons lead in the top 3rd, but the 6’7’’ problem on the mound remained the same all the while. Huf cluelessly walked Young in the bottom of the same inning, and cocked up the tying run again on Dan Brown’s 2-out double into the right-center gap. Bottom 4th… leadoff single by Schoeppen, then a walk to Navarro. Moroyoqui was retired on a daredevil play by Alfaro in center, who was at least trying to make any kind of impression, and if it was an impression of his own body in the turf, so be it! Oh, the life of a .233 hitter with three homers to his name, and a 34-year-old salary dump reservist breathing down his neck! Huf was well on his way to not even be that much anymore (is Damani Knight still employed by anybody?), serving up the go-ahead RBI single to Miguel Morales with one out here, 4-3.

The cruel universe kept expanding for the Aces, too, with a Shane Walter gapper splitting the outfielders for a triple in the fifth, and their own pitcher then torpedoed their every best effort with a wild pitch, plating the tying run before Nunley and/or Newman could do anything stupid. Nunley actually singled, and Newman did him one better, doubling to center past the reach of Armando Martinez. That brought up Delgado with one out and runners in scoring position. On paper he was batting .304 with an .823 OPS, but nobody knew quite when all those hits should have been collected in his name. He lifted a ****ty fly to shallow left, no challenge for Danny Serrano, and no advance for the go-ahead run (Nunley) at third base. That brought up Daniel Bullock, who batted every bit like you would a $6,000 international free agent expect to – him and Spencer now combined for more than 1,500 career at-bats without a home run, and Bullock grounded out to Moroyoqui to end the inning. A double play on Medina dug Huf out of a jam in the bottom 5th, and he didn’t even deserve that rescue. Again he needed more than 100 pitches through five innings, and again he had been miserable.

And yet, we had yet to lose. Adam Cowen however brought us closer in the bottom 6th, walking Moroyoqui with two down, and then allowing a hard single up the middle to the ****ing opposing pitcher, Morales’ second hit in the game. Up came Danny Serrano, crashed a ball up the leftfield line, and well out of Cookie’s reach. The lead runner scored, 5-4, but Morales wouldn’t. Runners were in scoring position for Adam Young, which means that we don’t need to go to a left-handed pitcher, because Young wouldn’t be able to get a base hit in the clutch if you held a buzzing chainsaw to his private parts. Cowen struck him out, and everybody knew he would strike him out – including Young, the sucker.

The Raccoons referred to Tony Delgado again as their slugger of choice in the seventh inning, which means nothing more than Nunley (single) and Newman (walk) were on base again with two outs for Delgado, who decidedly did not slug for any amount of bases, and rather feebly struck out. Josh Stevenson entered in a double switch in the bottom 7th and hit a 2-out double in the top 8th, presumable to tease the crowd a bit. “Bloody” Bricker entered to see after Cookie Carmona with the tying run in scoring position, and Cookie timidly grounded out to leave the tying run aboard. The tying run reappeared on base in the ninth against closer Harry Merwin. Spencer singled up the middle on an 0-2 pitch, tried to steal a base, couldn’t quite go, or make up his mind at least, and by the time he knew what he wanted, Shane Walter had already singled past Nick Thornley at first base and moved him to second base anyway. Matt Nunley was unretired in the game, ran a full count, and then knocked the ball to short for a double play. Hnnngggh-aaaarggghghh!!! Elias Tovias was the pinch-hitter for David Kipple in the #5 spot now, allowing him to bat from his left side against Merwin, who lost him in a full count, bringing up – NO THE **** NOT DELGADO!! Tim Stalker batted for him. Merwin never found the zone, lost him too, and the bases were loaded for … Daniel Bullock! (breaks into tears) Merwin ran yet another 3-ball count, but Bullock kept hacking and hacking… until he hacked himself out. 5-4 Aces. Spencer 3-5; Walter 2-5, 3B; Nunley 4-5, RBI; Alfaro 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Stevenson 1-1, 2B;

Next time I have $6k left in the IFA scramble, remind me to, rather than sign some .240/.302/.283 floozie to blow it on some broads instead.

In other news

May 22 – SFB 3B/SS Shane Sanks (.254, 2 HR, 13 RBI) has his wrist broken by a pitch offered by MIL MR Ivan Morales (1-1, 2.57 ERA, 2 SV). Sanks is expected to miss the rest of May and all of June with the injury.
May 23 – The hitting streak of LAP INF/LF John Hansen (.359, 2 HR, 19 RBI) extends to 25 games with an eighth-inning single in a 10-7 loss to the Cyclones.
May 23 – Scorpions and Capitals don’t score for 13 innings, before Sacramento breaks out four runs over a diminished Washington pitching staff. The Capitals fail to respond in the bottom of the 14th inning, taking a 4-0 loss.
May 24 – Another loss for the Pacifics against the Cyclones, 4-1, and this time LAP INF/LF John Hansen (.351, 2 HR, 19 RBI) also loses his hitting streak, which snaps at 25 games. He goes hitless in four attempts against Cincinnati.
May 24 – The Loggers out-hit the Bayhawks 15-6, but still manage to lose to them in 12 innings, 4-3.
May 26 – NYC INF Robby Soto (.162, 2 HR, 10 RBI) socks a game-opening home run off OCT SP Jose Menendez (5-4, 5.15 ERA) in Oklahoma City. It will remain the only run in the Crusaders’ 1-0 win.
May 27 – While the Canadiens end a 10-game losing streak with a 2-1 victory over the Condors, VAN 1B/3B Jonathan Morales (.319, 2 HR, 12 RBI) extends his hitting streak to 20 games with a first-inning home run off Luis Flores.
May 28 – The career of 39-year-old RIC SP Fernando Cruz (1-3, 5.81 ERA) might have reached a terminal station after the left-hander has suffered a broken elbow and is out for the season.

Complaints and stuff

(silently puts an old vinyl on a vintage 1920s hand-cranked gramophone and points at Cristiano Carmona to wind it up – after a couple of turns on the crank, the part of Johnny Logan’s 1987 hit Hold Me Now can be heard where he clamors “What do you say when words are not eno-ough?”)

If the Raccoon of the Week is Travis Garrett, you know what kind of week it was – and the overall record (2-4) does not always tell all about the events that transpired.

I swear that ****ing Garrett kid has a Bob Joly type of no-hitter in him.

And just like that we know that we won’t bother with an extension for Toner, who is a free agent after this season. It’s like Halley’s Comet crashed into his sun on his next perihelion, which would make it quite a one-of-a-kind perihelion, much like Toner was a one-of-a-kind pitcher, and the best of his generation. Remembering him in his brightest days makes watching him now all that much harder. His starts are PG-13 at this point. Saying that he’s a shadow of his former self would be way too kind to him. A shadow still has some distinct form. Toner by now had melted and shrunk into a disfigured, formless pile of NOTHING.

And the Raccoons had lots of those. (throws a Cookie bobblehead onto the pile of assorted other broken toys as well)

The Raccoons released Francisquo Bocanegra this week after nobody wanted to trade for him or claim him off waivers and he refused an assignment to St. Petersburg.

Also, did I mention before that all the players I traded for in the last two years are utter dog **** and should be fired straight into an active volcano?

Fun Fact:I was actually born during the latest appearance of Halley’s Comet in the inner solar system, like the great writer Mark Twain two apparitions earlier, and I also fully intend to one day leave this place again with the Comet, just like Twain did.

No, no clever puns today. Everything is just too sad.