[Westheim]

Raccoons (22-28) vs. Falcons (16-34) – May 29-31, 2023

Here were two teams in a spot of bother – the Raccoons with their consistent general ineptitude, and then the Falcons, who were more games under .500 than they were runs under .500 (-15). An unluckier team had never been seen in the league, and they could start to turn it around any second now – especially with the Portland Rancids hosting them at their place. They were already 2-1 against the Critters in ’23.

Projected matchups:
Jonathan Toner (3-5, 4.50 ERA) vs. Greg Gannon (3-3, 3.25 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.40 ERA) vs. Jim Bryant (2-3, 4.13 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Justin Fleming (2-5, 5.25 ERA)

Three right-handers from the Falcons, and the Raccoons would send what they hoped for would be a strong 1-2 punch, but what had brittled down entirely. Yes, Jonny was going to face career nothing Greg Gannon, but Jonny didn’t so much struggle with the opposition as the general laws of physics at this point.

Maybe change his arm angle? Hey, Jonny! Stop throwing the ball from between your legs – just as a try!

Game 1
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – LF McClenon – C T. Robinson – CF LeMoine – SS Tanaka – P Gannon
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Alfaro – P Toner

Jonny Toner had allowed 5+ earned runs for three straight starts, pitching a grand total of 11.1 innings in those shambles outings. He retired the first five batters in order, with one strikeout, before Tim Robinson singled to left, a clean issue of a base hit way past a diving Tim Stalker, but then Toner already issued four wide ones to Chris LeMoine again. Ryozo Tanaka fell down 0-2, battled off a few pitches, and then grounded out to Nunley, so the early innings were a bit of a mixed bag, but at least scoreless, a marked improvement. Holding the Falcons away through three, Toner drew a walk himself in the bottom 3rd, then stole second base, his first bag taken since ’21, and scored on Jarod Spencer’s 2-out single up the middle. There was only one more run in the game through five innings, with Cookie Carmona doubling home Stalker in the bottom 5th. Toner allowed one hit and two walks through five, whiffing four. The top of the sixth inning however started with three 3-ball counts to the 1-2-3 batters in the Falcons lineup. Matt Good struck out, but Ryan Czachor and Pat Fowlkes both managed to walk. Matt Owen hit into a double play, but Toner continued to get undone by terrible control. He was walking SIX batters per nine innings by now. At least the Coons saw the writing on the wall and tried to add runs. Walter walked in the bottom 6th and was doubled in by Elias Tovias, and Jonny held on through seven, getting around a Tim Robinson single in his final outing. Zach Graves batted for him in the bottom 7th, without great effect. Top 8th, Gannon(!) singled off David Kipple leading off, which was not a very good turnout for a rookie southpaw facing a southpaw pitcher with a 3-0 lead. Good grounded into a force before Vince D took over, allowing a 2-out single to Fowlkes before whiffing Owen. While Robinson hit another single off Brett Lillis in the ninth, the other three batters the Coons’ closer faced all struck out, putting this one in the W column. 3-0 Raccoons! Carmona 2-4, 2B, RBI; Toner 7.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 4 BB, 5 K, W (4-5);

Game 2
CHA: 2B Good – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – CF McClenon – SS Tanaka – C Roland – LF LeMoine – P J. Bryant
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – RF Graves – P Gutierrez

No score in the early innings, with the Raccoons seeing Cookie draw a leadoff walk in the first inning, following which he stole second base and was then stranded. The Falcons nipped Gutierrez for three hits, including a 2-out triple by Matt Good in the third, but couldn’t push a run across, either. Both teams got a 2-out double in the fifth inning. It was Bryant for the Falcons, but Stalker caught up with a grounder hit by Good to prevent that run from scoring, while the Raccoons actually got their first hit in the game on Zach Graves’ double to right off Bryant, who threw a wild pitch to move Graves to third base, where he was stranded when Gutierrez struck out anyway. Offense finally kicked in the following inning, and for all the wrong reasons with Ryan Czachor’s leadoff jack off Gutierrez burying itself in the leftfield stands, putting the Falcons up 1-0. Fowlkes singled to left right away, advanced on a wild pitch and was plated with a 2-out single hit by Tanaka later on, 2-0. Unfortunately, the Coons’ bats remained entirely dormant. Jarod Spencer drew a walk in the sixth, stole second base, and then was stranded just like Cookie and Graves had been, which was already ALL THE RUNNERS the Coons had managed in six innings against Jim Bryant. They finally got two base hits in the same inning in the seventh, with Stevenson scoring on Graves’ single, but Will Newman unhelpfully struck out to end the inning when he batted for Gutierrez with the tying run aboard. Cookie became that tying run in the bottom 8th, dropping a blooper in front of Travis Benson in rightfield. He advanced on Spencer’s groundout, then Walter’s groundout, and then Nunley grounded to Tanaka – but beat the throw to first! Infield single, Cookie scored, and the game was tied! A K to Tovias ended the inning, and Lillis drilled Joseph McClenon to begin the top of the ninth, but then labored his way around that go-ahead run on first base, preventing him from scoring.

Bryant went nine without attaining a decision, with the Raccoons turning to Ryan Nielson for what they considered to be long relief, although in fact, it was rather short relief, or precisely no relief. Nielson faced six batters, and retired none of them. Starting with Tim Robinson in the #9 hole and through McClenon, everybody singled off him, except for Czachor, who hit a 3-run homer. Nielson was yanked and immediately put on the bus, with Kevin Surginer inheriting the bases loaded and nobody out – and he actually kept them loaded while collecting pops from Tanaka and Tyler Gray, then whiffing LeMoine. Still, the damage was done on the Czachor homer, and the Coons would not even reach base against Gregg Bell in the bottom 10th. 5-2 Falcons. Graves 2-4, 2B, RBI; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K;

To nobody’s surprise, Ryan Nielson (2-6, 6.40 ERA) face-planted into the waiver wire INSTANTLY after the curtain fell on this game. Billy Brotman was still a week away from returning from the DL, so we called up left-hander Mike Rehbock, who was a former second-round pick, but had been busing up and down between Ham Lake and St. Petersburg for FIVE years at this point. He was one of those prickling 26-year-old rookies that you hoped dearly wouldn’t haunt you in your nightmares for years and years and years.

You know, the Nick Lester type.

Game 3
CHA: CF LeMoine – 3B Czachor – 1B Fowlkes – RF M. Owen – LF McClenon – 2B Read – C Roland – SS Tanaka – P Fleming
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Garrett

Although they only managed two groundouts after Spencer’s single and Walter’s double, the Raccoons still took a 1-0 lead in the first inning on the Nunley grounder to Howard Read. Omar Alfaro nearly hit a line drive homer the following inning, but had to settle for a double off the rightfield wall before getting stranded when Stalker and Garrett grounded out after him. The Falcons would soon turn the table on Garrett, who retired the first seven batters he faced, but conceded a single to Ryozo Tanaka in the third inning. Fleming bunted over the runner before Chris LeMoine whacked his seventh homer of the season, spinning this one the Falcons’ way, 2-1. Garrett walked Czachor, then allowed singles to Fowlkes and Owen to concede another run in the same inning before .171 McClenon thankfully struck out. Nunley hit another run-scoring groundout in the bottom of the inning, again scoring Spencer, but this was not advancing the Coons’ cause in the grander scheme of things.

There was a bit of a rain delay in the fifth inning, and Garrett’s start was over after six, in which he whiffed seven without allowing any more runs, or even base hits. The Raccoons squeezed Fleming out of the game in the bottom 6th as well, with Delgado landing a 2-out walk on the tiring pitcher. Joel Trotter replaced him, a rookie right-hander with 23 K in 17.2 innings, so chances were slim for Alfaro, but Omar kept whacking the ball and drove one into the gap in right center for a score-knotting RBI triple! The Falcons walked Stalker intentionally, although they should have seen the pinch-hitter coming. Heck, Garrett wasn’t even in the on-deck circle! Zach Graves batted, but flew out to LeMoine in routine fashion for everybody involved, keeping the score tied at three.

In the top of the seventh, Adam Cowen put Cory Roland on base with a single, and when Travis Benson batted for Trotter in the #9 hole, Mike Rehbock was called upon to make his major league debut against the southpaw, who was batting .301 with four homers. Rehbock got a grounder to Spencer for the third out of the inning, the only batter he faced in his debut. Vince D did the eighth, and David Kipple did the ninth, both holding the Falcons away. Cookie’s leadoff single in the bottom 7th had not led to a run due to Shane Walter’s double play, but Cookie was at the plate in the bottom 9th against left-hander Tim Dunkin. Tim Stalker was the winning run at second base, having reached on a walk and being bunted over by Kipple. Cookie hit a hard single to right, and actually too hard. Stalker had to be stopped at third base because Matt Owen had the ball and was ready for murder. Spencer grounded out to Czachor, which advanced Cookie with the unscorable run to second base, while Shane Walter stepped in. He grounded up the middle, Tanaka dove, missed it, and Stalker scampered home to secure the walkoff! 4-3 Coons. Carmona 2-5; Spencer 2-5; Walter 3-5, RBI; Alfaro 2-3, BB, 3B, 2B, RBI;

Raccoons (24-29) vs. Canadiens (16-35) – June 2-4, 2023

The Raccoons had yet to lose a game to the Elks in 2023, having taken all five of the previous contests. Vancouver was in a bit of trouble, not alone because they were scarcely outrunning the .300 mark, but there was also not that much hope on the horizon for them. They were in the bottom three in runs scored and runs allowed, they had the worst rotation, and they had a meager bullpen. They had neither defensive qualities, nor were they hitting their way out of it with power. They were in third place in stolen bases, which was about the only metric in which they were better than meh.

Oh well, how hard can it be to watch them day in, day out? At least they are scoring almost four runs per game! The Coons… not so much. The Coons score less than 3.4 runs per game…

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (4-3, 4.31 ERA) vs. Randy Jenkins (1-6, 4.71 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 4.73 ERA) vs. Tim Sloan (2-7, 5.77 ERA)
Jonathan Toner (4-5, 4.00 ERA) vs. Kevin Woodworth (2-6, 4.75 ERA)

Three more right-handers here; and we’re missing the fourth one probably, ex-Coon Bobby Guerrero (2-6, 5.01 ERA). But they also had an off day, so they could move things around a bit and even bring in their southpaw, Bobby Thompson (3-2, 2.80 ERA).

The Elks also had three regulars on the DL in John Calfee, Jeremy Houghtaling, and Ryan Holliman, although the latter was likely to come off any day now. They could sure his .255/.373/.423 bat and his six homers, which easily led their team (and would easily lead the Coons, too).

Game 1
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – 1B M. Rivera – LF A. Torres – CF Coca – C Tanzillo – RF Briscoe – 2B Crosby – P R. Jenkins
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Chavez

Chavez from the start made that innately useless impression once more. The Elks scored a run in the first inning, which began with Jonathan Morales – whose hitting streak had ended earlier this week – hitting a ball up the middle for a single. Another single and a walk loaded the bases, and Tony Coca’s sac fly set the Elks 1-0 ahead. The bottom of the inning saw Cookie’s 99th career triple – 24th all time – and him scoring on Walter’s groundout, which was all the offense the rest of the crew was able to muster. Chavez bled for three in the second inning, allowing singles to Cory Briscoe and Adrian Crosby right away, a 2-run triple to Morales, and then an RBI single to Hiroaki Ryu. An understandably scared Chavez singled home a run in the bottom 2nd, and with two outs, after Jenkins, who was missing often and grossly, had walked Stevenson and Bullock. Still in a 4-2 game, Stevenson would draw another leadoff walk in the bottom 4th, but this time got forced out by Tovias. Alfaro walked as well, giving Jenkins four walks and no strikeouts, and Bullock singled to center, loading them up for Chavez with one out, and Jenkins AGAIN couldn’t retire him. Chavez cracked another RBI single, with Briscoe’s murder arm keeping Alfaro decent at third base. Unfortunately, both Cookie and Spencer popped up, failing the team badly as the Coons remained behind, 4-3.

Also badly failing, at least at pitching: Chavez. Briscoe and Crosby continued to tear him up especially bad, singling both in the sixth inning. A bunt advanced the runners, and Morales hit a sac fly to Stevenson to add a run in the 5-3 game as of then. The Coons failed to topple Jenkins, who was removed after five dismal innings, and also wouldn’t get to Emmanuel Castaneda in the sixth when Bullock reached base, but was doubled off on Chavez’ horrendous bunt, which was about as close as the Raccoons came to overturning the Elks in the later innings. Moore, Rehbock, and Cowen all pitched scoreless relief, but to no avail. The Coons managed only one more base hit, and exactly zero threats. 5-3 Canadiens. Stevenson 1-2, 2 BB; Bullock 1-2, 2 BB;

Game 2
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – 1B M. Rivera – CF Coca – RF Briscoe – 2B Crosby – P T. Sloan
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – RF Newman – C Tovias – CF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 3B Bullock – P Huf

The Elks hooved Hof for five in the first inning, and it really had a bit of everything. A pop single here, an uninspired walk there, then another single up the middle by Alex Torres, scoring the first run. Huf loaded them up with a walk to Coca, then balked in the second run. Cory Briscoe’s power blast to centerfield scored three, and then Huf found the balls to issue ANOTHER WALK to Adrian Crosby. Sloan flew out to right, then got battered almost as bad as Huf in the bottom of the first inning. Cookie and Spencer led off with hard singles, and Walter doubled them in with a drive to center. Two outs later Omar Alfaro legged out an infield single to get Walter home and the Coons back into a 5-3 game. Neither pitcher seemed likely to make it far into the game at this point, and Huf allowed singles to Hiroaki Ryu and Alex Torres in the top 2nd, after which the pitching coach strolled out and told him in no unclear terms that there was a bus waiting for him outside, door open, to take him to the airport if the buck wouldn’t stop right here and now. A pop by Holliman and a K to Mike Rivera ended the inning, and the Elks only managed one more runner off Huf through five innings. However, the Coons were locked down similarly by Sloan after his rough first, except for a solo home run by Shane Walter in the third, which cut the gap to 5-4.

Huf’s day ended with a leadoff walk to Briscoe in the sixth. Rehbock couldn’t get through the bottom of the order, but a double play would kill the Elks off in the inning before they could do damage. Sloan did not appear for the sixth inning at all, being replaced by left-hander Greg Becker, who had somehow ended up in the pen. But did it matter whom the Raccoons stepped up against? They did not get back on base until the eighth inning, with Cookie hitting a leadoff single against J.R. Hreha, a right-hander with serious control problems and no stuff to speak of, a good choice for the eighth inning and a 1-run lead. Jarod Spencer doubling to the base of the wall in leftfield placed the tying and go-ahead runs in scoring position for the middle of the order, and Walter singled to left center. Cookie scored, and so did Spencer … well, he tried at least, but was thrown out by Torres. Newman singled, advancing the go-ahead run into scoring position, and then Tovias lined up the rightfield line, past Dave O’Rourke, and the Coons moved ahead on the RBI double! The Elks walked Alfaro intentionally, but allowed a sac fly to Stalker, and then an RBI single to Bullock. It didn’t occur to them to remove the sucker Hreha until four runs were across on six hits. Dan Moon then retired pinch-hitter Tony Delgado to end the inning, finally. Brett Lillis tried to nail a 3-run save in the ninth, but instead nailed Morales leading off, then walked Ryu and surrendered a single to Torres. Ryan Holliman’s run-scoring infield single we’d blame on Spencer, but **** was raining down and another heartbreak seemed inevitable until suddenly Lillis remembered that LESS runs were better, struck out Man-su Kim and Tony Coca, and got O’Rourke on an easy grounder. 8-6 Coons. Carmona 2-4; Spencer 2-4, 2B; Walter 3-4, HR, 2B, 4 RBI;

These two teams deserve their misery… I just can’t decide whether Huf deserves demotion or being chained to a pipe in the cellars, naked, to be beaten with wet towels for an entire night.

Game 3
VAN: 3B Jon. Morales – SS Ryu – LF A. Torres – C Holliman – 1B M. Rivera – CF Coca – RF Luckett – 2B Crosby – P Woodworth
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – P Toner

Toner already struggled in the first, and got rocked by the second. Tony Coca hit a leadoff double, and Toner slipped a walk to Elijah Luckett, who was batting a mighty .150. Jonathan Morales’ 2-out double plated them both, and Morales scored on Ryu’s hard single to center, putting the Elks 3-0 ahead. It would only get worse after that; six days after somehow holding on to a shutout through seven innings, Toner went nowhere near the seventh… except in turns of runs. Morales banged a 2-run homer in the fourth, collecting Crosby, whom Toner had nailed with a 2-2 pitch. Through four innings, both teams had the same amount of base hits, five, but the Coons hit into enough double plays so that nothing would matter. Adam Cowen took over for Toner when he left with an apparent injury in the fifth inning, and bunted into a double play to kill the bottom 5th after singles by Stalker and Armetta. The Raccoons wasted a Walter double in the sixth, then needed three more base hits, bringing their total to 11, to score their first run in the game in the seventh inning, with Armetta driving in Stalker, who had doubled. The biggest crowd in a while, almost 23,000 people, seriously wondered why they were even still bothering with this team of out-of-their-depth misfits. Bottom 8th, Walter hit a leadoff double off Woodworth, who had no trouble going deep into this game. That run would also score, although only with the help of a passed ball… Bottom 9th, down 5-2 against Pablo Sanchez, a 34-year-old career middle reliever except for that one year he managed to go 6-10 with 16 saves in 48 games (14 starts) for the ’15 Falcons. Armetta walked leading off, and then nothing happened anymore. Graves grounded out. Cookie flew out. Stevenson grounded out. 5-2 Canadiens. Walter 4-4, 2 2B; Stalker 2-4; Armetta 2-3, BB, RBI; Newman (PH) 1-1; Cowen 2.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

In other news

May 29 – BOS INF Jamie Wilson (.204, 4 HR, 25 RBI) could miss most of the rest of the season with ruptured finger tendons.
May 29 – The Bayhawks beat the Canadiens, 7-2, and also end the 21-game hitting streak of Vancouver’s Jonathan Morales (.316, 2 HR, 13 RBI).
May 31 – Tijuana’s SP George Griffin (4-2, 4.02 ERA) nurses a no-hitter for 7 2/3 innings before falling to Ivan Flores’ (.290, 1 HR, 18 RBI) 2-run double, which also plates the only runs in the eventual 2-0 Crusaders win. A walk to D.J. Fullerton and a fielder’s choice on Robby Soto’s bunt gone awry placed the runners aboard.
June 1 – Season over: OCT SP Max Nelson (7-4, 3.75 ERA) has to undergo surgery to fix a torn labrum and will have to work towards a return for the 2024 season.
June 1 – WAS SS Tom McWhorter (.285, 5 HR, 26 RBI) will miss two weeks with an oblique strain.
June 2 – Cyclones and Miners play 14 scoreless innings until the Miners break through in the 15th, scoring two runs in the top half on three singles and an error. The Cyclones would not respond, losing 2-0.
June 2 – The Miners instead lose slugger LF/RF Bill Adams (.283, 11 HR, 34 RBI) to a hamstring strain. The 34-year-old will be out for the entire month.
June 2 – SFW 1B Xavier Garcia (.331, 3 HR, 15 RBI) will also miss up to a month with a hamstring strain.
June 2 – The Knights rock the Falcons with a 10-run eighth inning in a 12-1 rout that doesn’t become one until that monster inning.
June 3 – The Loggers add MR Tim Dunkin (1-1, 5.11 ERA) from the Falcons for two prospects.
June 3 – The Rebels acquire SP Diego Mendoza jr. (5-5, 5.45 ERA) from the Blue Sox, paying the price of two prospects. This includes #13 prospect SP Juan Muniz.
June 3 – The Buffaloes pick up 38-year-old MR Ernest Green (0-1, 6.75 ERA), who lost the 15-inning game one night earlier, from the Cyclones, as well as cash, in a trade for their LF/RF Jonathan Kinch (.182, 2 HR, 7 RBI).
June 4 – RF/CF John Wilson (.272, 1 HR, 9 RBI) is traded from the Condors to the Buffaloes in exchange for two prospects.
June 4 – DEN SS Andrew Showalter (.304, 4 HR, 23 RBI) is out until the All Star Game with a torn hamstring.
June 4 – BOS INF Tony Casillas (.292, 4 HR, 20 RBI) has his thumb broken by a pitch and will also miss about six weeks.

Complaints and stuff

Hamstrings, huh? No news meanwhile on Toner, but at this point better assume it’s very much fatal.

We closed the month of May with a raw 11-18 record, and 24-29 overall. At that point, 11 of those 24 wins had been by a single run.

Also troubling is the complaint by our bench coach that an unidentified player put a live skunk in his locker, and he was none too happy. Neither was the skunk. Well, Erik, I don’t know what to tell you, seriously. Why didn’t you arrest the player that smelled the worst, and gave him a good beating? That’s how we dealt with things in my days! Also, your last name is ****ing *Mango* - you should be used to incessant bullying at least since junior high!

Fun Fact: On June 1, 2006, Clyde Brady threw out Dave Wheaton at home plate to stop the Loggers from rallying back in the Coons’ face for good. Craig Bowen held on to the ball in a violent collision, Wheaton was out, and the game was over as a 6-5 Coons win.

The starter in that game was Nick Brown, whom I called out for a ****ty performance afterwards as he allowed four runs in 5.2 innings. Mind that he still had a 2.73 ERA and 0.92 WHIP after that game. The game itself was actually not so memorable despite mild Brady heroics. Nick Brown would make another 343 career starts after that and had yet to win a Pitcher of the Year award.

Not going to win any more Pitcher of the Year awards is probably Jonny Toner, who left Sunday’s game with an injury after getting run around the park by the Elks on a nose ring. After 282 career starts, 157 wins, and four POTY awards, he appears done.