[Westheim]

Raccoons (25-31) @ Titans (36-21) – June 5-8, 2023

The Raccoons were 1-3 (.250) against the Titans this season, which fantastically was considerably better than their 2-16 (.111) output in 2022. This was a bad time for playing the Titans nevertheless – as if there was a good time to play a .632 team – as they had not lost any of their last six games. They were second in runs scored, third in runs allowed, and the best team by record in the Continental League. They also came off a 19-9 May after a slow start in April. The Raccoons were warned.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.21 ERA) vs. Chris Klein (6-4, 3.02 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.13 ERA) vs. Alberto Molina (6-4, 3.26 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (4-4, 4.57 ERA) vs. Alan Farrell (4-3, 4.40 ERA)
Matt Huf (1-5, 5.11 ERA) vs. Julio San Pedro (5-5, 4.13 ERA)

This looked like right-handed pitchers exclusively. The Titans did have a few problems, though, missing two of their regular infielders, Jamie Wilson and Tony Casillas, on the disabled list, and Adrian Reichardt had a knee bruise that hampered him somewhat, so their lineup was a wee bit shallower than it could be.

For the Coons, this was the middle of a 20-day string without an off day, and they would probably want to work in a few off days for the regulars, given that nothing would matter anyway in this series, and maybe better days were ahead at the weekend, when they would face the Warriors.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – CF Stevenson – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Gutierrez
BOS: SS F. Reyes – CF Reichardt – RF Braun – LF Almanza – C Leonard – 1B J. Duran – 3B R. West – 2B Kane – P Klein

The Coons scoring first (or at all) in this series was probably going to surprise and stun even their diehard followers, but a walk to Stevenson in the second inning was followed by singles hit to center by Tony Delgado and Omar Alfaro, allowing Stevenson to score with the first counter in the game. The same part of the lineup brought trouble for Chris Klein again in the fourth inning, with Stevenson’s single being followed by Delgado’s double up the leftfield line. Omar Alfaro hit a ball to right, though not past Adam Braun. It was, however, deep enough to score Stevenson on the sac fly, moving the Coons up to 2-0. Both of these innings ended with Gutierrez, which was to be expected. What was not to be expected was Gutierrez sitting down the Titans in order with a single strikeout to Rhett West the first time through, but as you all know we are not allowed to have any nice things. The Titans cranked up the heat in the bottom 4th right away, landing consecutive doubles by Frank Reyes and Adrian Reichardt, before Gutierrez lost Braun to a walk, and then served up a 3-run blast to Chris Almanza that set the home team ahead, 4-2. Klein missed the shutdown inning afterwards, conceding a run as Cookie singled, stole, and scored on Nunley’s single in the top 5th, but another run easily was shaken out of Gutierrez by the Titans in the bottom of the inning. Gutierrez allowed a single to Klein, walked a pair, and Klein scored on Adam Braun’s sac fly, 5-3. Almanza struck out, and Gutierrez only faced him because nothing mattered to begin with, which ended the inning. Gutierrez allowed a leadoff single to the left-handed batting Keith Leonard in the bottom 6th, getting himself yanked. Joe Moore completed the inning without damage, and Daniel Bullock walked in his place to begin the top 7th. Cookie singled, but Bullock was then caught stealing, taking the tying run off the bags, and not even Cookie was brought in to score.

Surginer and Rehbock held the Titans at bay in the seventh and eighth innings, leading to Ron Thrasher facing Tim Stalker to start the top 9th with a 2-run lead. Tim Stalker legged out a leadoff single to pull up the tying run, although between Bullock (who had replaced Spencer in the field), Cookie, and the pitcher in the #2 hole, we had a combined zero home runs in not only this seasons, but a few seasons. Bullock had never gone deep (and him and Spencer combined for over 1,500 homerless at-bats), Cookie had not gone deep since ’20, making the “tying run” concept a bit theoretical, and so when Bullock cranked a Thrasher fastball to left, high, deep, and ****ING GONE!! … there were a few open mouths in the park. The game was tied, Thrasher was beaten off the mound by his manager, and Bullock did a few somersaults as he turned the bases, and unbuttoned his uniform to reveal the t-shirt he wore underneath which read ‘CRISTIANO EU TE AMO’.

The inning soon got even more heat, because while the Titans were certainly not bemused by Bullock’s antics and I was scratching my earlobe wondering what it all meant, the game was still in progress. Cookie singled to right off R.J. Lloyd, following which Rehbock bunted him to second base. The Titans could play that game, too, walking Shane Walter intentionally to give Matt Nunley the chance for a double play. Nunley swung and missed once, then already felt himself clearly changed short on the called strike two. When he took another low pitch and was called out on strikes, he exploded in the home plate umpire’s face and promptly got thumbed. Nunley still scored a personal victory, clawing the umpire’s crusty nut bar from his pocket before making for the perceived safety of the tunnel. Sam Armetta would replace him in the field, batting cleanup (joy!), while the inning remained a-cooking with Stevenson legging out an infield single on Rhett West, loading the bases with two outs for Delgado, who regrettably grounded out to Reyes to strand a full set. Rehbock held on to the game in the bottom 9th, retiring the side in order, but Lloyd struck out the bottom of the Coons’ lineup in the top 10th before Adam Braun walked off the Titans on a dreamy offering by Adam Cowen with two outs in the bottom 10th. 6-5 Titans. Carmona 3-5; Nunley 2-5, RBI; Stevenson 2-4, BB; Delgado 2-5, 2B; Bullock (PH) 1-2, BB, HR, 2 RBI; Rehbock 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 0 K;

Mike Rehbock returned to AAA after this game after 3.2 scoreless innings as the banished Francisquo Bocanegra’s replacement, with Billy Brotman coming off the disabled list.

Matt Nunley got no suspension for his ejectable behavior, unofficial word being that the umpire’s wife was making him eat the detestable crusty nut bars, and he was glad that this one was stolen.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Tovias – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – P Garrett
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B R. West – SS Stephens – P A. Molina

Both pitchers walked a pair in the second inning, and neither allowed a run, not even Travis Garrett, who had prefaced the walks to Willie Ramos and Jonathan Stephens with Adam Braun’s leadoff double. He struck out West, Molina, and Reichardt, so things could still go either way for him. Nah, we’re still talking about “Tragic” Travis here. He allowed a leadoff walk to Leonard in the bottom 3rd, then conceded a single to Trent Herlihy at 3-1. Kane singled hard to right, Will Newman fired home to try and kill off the catcher, but something in his arm appeared to tear on the throw because the ball hardly made it to the infield and Newman sunk to his knees and furled up into a ball. The run scored, and Zach Graves replaced Newman in the game. The Titans got a second run in the inning on Ramos’ groundout, otherwise stranding Kane on third base. Both pitchers struck out six in the first five innings, but Garrett walked two more than Molina, and also allowed two more runs than Molina, who kept the Critters shut out through five. But there was Graves providing an unexpected offensive spark. He had doubled in the fourth inning, the only mild threat to Molina the second time through the order, but then hit a triple with Nunley aboard and two outs in the sixth to chase home the first Portland run, cutting the gap to 2-1. With the tying run 90 feet away, Tovias struck out, though. Garrett issued a leadoff walk (his fifth free pass in the game) to Ramos in the bottom 6th, but Ramos was caught stealing.

While Garrett was done after six, he was spared the loss, thanks to Cookie boldly taking a base in the top of the eighth. It was his tenth steal of the season, and when Shane Walter hit a ball into the shallow end of the left-center gap, Cookie raced for home. Walter tried to distract Chris Almanza by going to second base, which worked. Cookie scored with the tying run, while Almanza took the likely out at second base on Walter. Molina walked Nunley to put the go-ahead run aboard with two outs, with Graves singling to right, placing him a homer shy of the cycle as Newman’s replacement. Tovias for once didn’t fail, ripped a single to left off Molina’s replacement, Javy Salomon, and allowed Nunley to score, turning this into a late 3-2 Coons lead. Those Coons however had to piece their bottom 8th together with spare parts. Joe Moore issued a leadoff walk to Braun, then yielded for David Kipple, but the Titans didn’t like the smell of this. Frank Reyes, a right-hander, batted for the left-handed hitter Ramos, but both him and West grounded out, which moved Braun to third base, but there he remained on Stephens’ groundout to Spencer. Top 9th, Tim Stalker opened with a triple into the rightfield corner against Salomon. Alfaro batted for Kipple, was walked intentionally, and while Almanza caught Cookie’s fly into the left-center gap, he couldn’t get Stalker at home, who scored on the sac fly, 4-2. Spencer’s infield single on Stephens’ missing the ball on the first grab seemed to break Salomon for good, as he walked Walter to fill the bases, and then Nunley to move a run across. Brent Beene threw only one pitch after replacing Salomon, and did not allow the home run that would complete Graves’ cycle. Instead, Graves knocked the ball into a double play, leaving the Coons up by three, which was as many batters as Brett Lillis faced in the bottom of the ninth inning. 5-2 Coons. Spencer 3-5; Nunley 1-2, 3 BB, RBI; Graves 3-4, 3B, 2B, RBI;

The medical report was not given to be personally by the Druid, but slipped through the space beneath the door into my hotel room, which is how I knew that Jonny Toner was going to go onto the trash pile. The Druid is a clever man. He put Newman’s injury report on top, with no structural damage, bla-blah, and that he would be out of action only for a few days. Toner’s page was the second in the envelope.

Elbow ligament damage.

A year on the shelf.

The Coons turned to the pair of pitchers they had received in the Hugo Mendoza deal 11 months earlier. Jonathan Shook and Chris McKendrick were both in the AAA rotation, but Shook was struggling with hard hits and a high ERA. The nod went to the 24-year-old right-hander McKendrick, who had a mix of about two-and-two-thirds pitches. 94mph heater, dazzling knuckle curve, and a changeup that he could only throw to make hitters uncomfortable if they feared for their beautiful faces.

Ah, what does even matter anymore. Bring up another flaw-beset rookie!

Game 3
POR: CF Stevenson – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Graves – C Tovias – RF Alfaro – SS Bullock – P Chavez
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B R. West – SS Stephens – P Farrell

Singles by Alfaro and Bullock to start the third inning put runners on the corners, but that was not enough to score a run for the Coons, with Chavez striking out, Stevenson popping out to second base, and Spencer lining out to the shortstop Stephens, who was also the only batter to hit a ball hard off Chavez the first time through the order, but flew out to Stevenson, overall rendering the game scoreless through three. Offense remained hard to come by for the Coons, who amounted to just three hits in five innings, and while Chavez maintained a shutout for a bit, his pitching was disorderly, too, with frequent 3-ball counts, although the Titans didn’t draw a walk until the fifth inning, Braun to lead off. Willie Ramos grounded into a force, but then Rhett West took advantage of a gopher ball by Chavez and belted it over the fence in leftfield. It was the first tally in the game, and also the first career homer for the 23-year-old rookie West, who joined Daniel Bullock as first-timers in this series.

But the Coons had the tying runs in scoring position with nobody out in the sixth; Stevenson drew a leadoff walk from Farrell, and then Spencer doubled to leftfield, bringing up three left-handers in the middle of the order against Farrell. The very first of them got the job done as Shane Walter lined over Trent Herlihy into rightfield for a 2-run double, and Herlihy would look even worse on Graves’ grounder past him for a 1-out single, giving the Coons a 3-2 lead when Walter scored from third base, where he had advanced to on Nunley’s grounder. Tovias’ double play grounder ended the inning, but unlike Farrell, Chavez kept his ponies together after being spotted a lead, navigating around Keith Leonard’s 1-out double to hold the Titans off in the bottom of the sixth inning. As a pleasant surprise, Chavez would complete eight innings without allowing another runner, which lined up with Brett Lillis to face the three left-handed batters in the 2-3-4 spots, except that the Titans would find a right-hander to hit for every single one of them. Almanza and Jose Duran made easy outs to short, but Eric McPherson wrestled a 2-out walk, bringing up Braun, who hit the first pitch to right, but not in a way that would challenge Omar Alfaro, whose catch ended the game. 3-2 Furballs! Walter 3-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Alfaro 2-4; Chavez 8.0 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, W (5-4);

Game 4
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – 3B Bullock – SS Stalker – 2B Armetta – P Huf
BOS: CF Reichardt – C Leonard – 1B Herlihy – 2B Kane – RF Braun – LF W. Ramos – 3B F. Reyes – SS Stephens – P San Pedro

Matt Huf threw 29 pitches in the first inning without allowing a run or a hit. He walked the bases full though, and I was going through our back catalogue in AAA to see whether we had any Damani Knight types left to fill his spot. He offered a leadoff walk to Reyes in the bottom 2nd, but that run was also stranded on third base. His shenanigans took place with the Coons in position to take the series thanks to a first-inning run that had scored on a Walter double, San Pedro balking him to third, and then an extremely soft RBI single by Delgado. The Titans flipped the score in the bottom 4th, rocking four singles off Huf for two runs, including Ramos and Reyes both singling to begin the inning. Huf walked Kane to begin the bottom 5th, with Ramos singling him home following Braun’s groundout. Reyes grounded out, and an intentional walk was offered to Stephens, before Huf walked San Pedro on four pitches with two outs in the inning. That was it – Huf’s booking on the flight back home was cancelled and he was sent to Florida instead. Vince D got Reichardt to ground out to strand three runners in the 3-1 game, but that was nothing that mattered anymore for the starter in shambles, seven walks (six of those inept) in 4.2 innings once again.

Billy Brotman continued to the walk parade, offering FOUR walks in the bottom 6th, including three to left-handed batters. One run was walked in already in the inning when Brotman was yanked angrily. Reyes lined out to Armetta against Surginer, who then walked Stephens for the fifth free pass in the inning, and the second run. San Pedro made the third out, with the Coons now tallying 12 walks issued in a 5-1 game, getting close to some nasty all-time highs. The last two innings (and there was no reason to assume we’d have to cover more with our pitchers) were going to be Adam Cowen’s, who was explained in no uncertain terms that nobody would come to get him. Get six outs or get smothered by lightning. Trent Herlihy banged him with a 2-out homer in the bottom 7th, but he didn’t walk Braun until after that, and Braun was stranded on third base after stealing a base and advancing on Delgado’s throwing error. The two runs driven in by Cookie in the eighth and Will Newman’s pinch-hit sac fly in the ninth were certainly of academical interest, but did nothing to create much excitement in the late innings overall. 7-4 Titans. Walter 2-4, 2B; Delgado 2-4, 2B, RBI; Stalker 2-3;

49 walks in 61 innings was a wee bit much, and the string had run out for Huf, who was demoted to St. Petersburg indeed. The other half of the Mendoza trade, Jonathan Shook, would accompany McKendrick in short order in the majors…

Raccoons (27-33) vs. Warriors (20-38) – June 9-11, 2023

Here was the third thoroughly rancid team the Coons would play inside a 2-week span, and things hadn’t gone that great against the Elks and Falcons last week (3-3). The Warriors had the worst batting average in the Federal League, but still scored the ninth-most runs. They also had the worst bullpen, the fourth-worst rotation, and were allowing the second-most runs. They also had a number of injuries, f.e. they had just lost RF/CF John Staebell for the season with a torn back muscle, and while he had only batted a powerless version of .298, their lineup was thinner than usual. The Raccoons had swept the Warriors in the last two meetings between the teams in 2019 and 2020, and hadn’t lost a series with them since 2015.

Projected matchups:
Chris McKendrick (0-0) vs. John Rucker (2-5, 5.68 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (3-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. Evan Greenfield (2-7, 6.56 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.41 ERA) vs. Cody Zimmerman (4-4, 3.68 ERA)

Southpaws were going to bookend this series for the Warriors.

Game 1
SFW: CF P. Cisneros – 3B Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – SS Price – C J. Ramirez – 2B Burfoot – P J. Rucker
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – CF Stevenson – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – SS Stalker – C Tovias – 1B Armetta – P McKendrick

Chris McKendrick struck out Pedro Cisneros to start his major league career, but soon enough allowed three singles and a run in the very first inning. The Coons pulled the run back in the bottom of the inning thanks to a Spencer double and Stevenson single, after which nothing happened at all for two innings. The nearly sleep-inducing silence was broken by Dan Culpepper’s shot in the fourth inning that vanished into the leftfield stands and gave Sioux Falls a 2-1 lead. It was still not a bad debut that McKendrick pitched, it was just thoroughly successless thanks to the Raccoons doing next to nothing. They had two hits in the middle innings, both leading off frames. Stevenson hit a double in the fourth and was ignored. Cookie hit a single in the sixth and was ignored. Both starved on second base, while McKendrick did his very best to keep the Warriors in check. He threw just over 100 pitches in seven innings of 2-run ball, but still left in a hole, and that hole only got deeper in the eighth with Justin Quinn’s homer, #8 for him, or twice the Coons’ team lead of four by Matt Nunley, off Joe Moore extending the Warriors’ lead to 3-1. Well, boys, maybe get into that ruckus bullpen of theirs!? But they seemed to prefer Rucker to ruckus, and left him mostly unharmed for eight innings of 5-hit ball. Kipple struck out the side in the top of the ninth, which was the second-most encouraging thing we had seen in the game, next to McKendrick’s very nice debut, but the Coons only got Rucker removed when the time for closer Ken Gautney came, who at least had a 4.34 ERA and hardly more strikeouts than walks, facing the 2-3-4 batters. Maybe… OH GODDAMNIT SPENCER STOP GROUNDING OUT ON THE FIRST PITCH!!! AAAAHH!! (angrily shakes Honeypaws by the tail) But, the tying runs got on base. Alfaro batted for Stevenson and singled up the middle, and Nunley drew a walk, bringing up Zach Graves as potential winning run, batting for Newman against the right-hander. His grounder to Dave Burfoot got Nunley forced out at second base, runners remained on the corners for Stalker, but they remained there forever after he flew out to Quinn in right. 3-1 Warriors. Stevenson 2-3, 2B, RBI; Alfaro (PH) 1-1; McKendrick 7.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, L (0-1);

Game 2
SFW: CF P. Cisneros – SS Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – C M. Thompson – 3B K. Carter – 2B Burfoot – P Greenfield
POR: LF Carmona – 2B Spencer – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Alfaro – CF Stevenson – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Gutierrez

The Warriors scored two in the first inning, and even holding them to that little against Gutierrez required two sellout catches by Omar Alfaro in rightfield. A walk to Joe Ritner, singles by Jeff Wadley and Justin Quinn, and a throwing error by Stevenson conspired against the uninspired Gutierrez, who had by now ruined the entire decent impression he had made in ’22. Oh well, at least he could still wield a stick; improving his batting average to .087 with an RBI single in the bottom 2nd, he chased home Stalker, who had tripled, and tied the score at two. Shane Walter had doubled home Spencer in the first inning to cut into the Warriors’ lead. The Raccoons would take a lead in the inning, despite Cookie striking out for the second out. Spencer singled to left, allowing Elias Tovias to score from second base with the go-ahead run. Tovias had been nicked by Greenfield to get on base in the first place, but these runs would all count the same… Walter drove in another run with a single, 4-2, before Nunley was robbed on the warning track by Jeff Wadley to end the inning.

By the third inning, Gutierrez was in mortal danger of getting overrun. The Warriors had two on base (also thanks to another pleasant leadoff walk) when Stevenson stole an extra-base hit from Culpepper to help him through the inning. The same frame also saw Jarod Spencer tweak his shoulder and being replaced by Daniel Bullock, and Greenfield also didn’t make it through three innings, also leaving with an injury after getting Alfaro to fly out to left to begin the bottom 3rd. With carnage all around, and Justin Hemm not retiring any of the first three batters he faced after replacing the former Thunder Greenfield, the Coons looked poised to pile on. Stevenson walked, Stalker hit an infield single, and Tovias came up with an RBI single, 5-2, but Gutierrez and Cookie both flew out to Wadley in left.

Alfaro looked bad on the catcher’s leadoff triple in the sixth inning, Mike Thompson huffing and puffing at third base, where it was not against his wishes that the next batter, Kevin Carter, didn’t make him run another inch when he struck out. Burfoot grounded out in front of Tovias, making it appear as if Gutierrez could stave off the near-certain run from scoring, at least until rookie Doug Bell pinch-hit for Hemm and snuck the first base hit of his career through between Bullock and Nunley for an RBI single, cutting the gap to 5-3. Gutierrez squeezed himself through seven innings on 111 pitches, then watched with concern as Vince D offered a leadoff walk to Culpepper in the eighth inning. Thompson lined out to Stalker at second base, with Culpepper caught on the run and easily doubled off first base. Carter struck out, advancing the game in almost neat fashion. The Coons got Stevenson on in the bottom 8th, but he was caught stealing, and the team remained shut out by the worst bullpen in all the lands, while Brett Lillis played games in the ninth. Walking Burfoot to begin the frame, he allowed a single to pinch-hitter and longtime Loggers extra Andrew Cooper, too, before Cisneros lined out to Stalker. Ritner popped out, and Jose Ramirez went down on strikes to keep this one in shape… 5-3 Coons. Spencer 2-2, RBI; Walter 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Stalker 2-4, 3B; Gutierrez 7.0 IP, 8 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W (4-5) and 1-3, RBI;

Shoulder tendinitis landed Jarod Spencer on the DL after the game, tearing another hole into an already thin lineup. He was batting .319 at the time of injury (though an unpolished, speckled .319 with no walks or power), and had led the team with 14 stolen bases.

The Raccoons would call up 1B Manuel Cardona from AAA and try him out as starter for a while. Cardona, 23, was batting .257 with six homers for the Alley Cats. He had batted .268 with 14 homers in 128 games last year. That also meant that Shane Walter would slide over to a more customary position for him, taking over the keystone from Spencer. The Dominican right-hander Cardona had been signed for $40,000 in the 2016 IFA period, 666% of the money the Coons spent on Daniel Bullock in the same year.

Game 3
SFW: C J. Ramirez – 3B Ritner – LF Wadley – RF Quinn – 1B Culpepper – SS Price – CF D. Bell – 2B Burfoot – P Zimmerman
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – C Tovias – P Garrett

“Tragic” Travis managed to undo a 1-0 lead in style after being spotted with it in the bottom 2nd, in which Matt Nunley hit a leadoff double and was just barely scored by Tim Stalker’s 2-out single past Burfoot. Garrett threw away Doug Bell’s grounder to begin the third inning, putting the tying run on second base, then allowed a line drive single to left to Burfoot. Bell turned third base, but found himself thrown out at home by Cookie Carmona. After Cody Zimmerman’s pop the inning looked like we could avoid major damage until Garrett served up a bean for Jose Ramirez to pepper over the fence in left, flipping the score after all. Garrett put the leadoff men on base the following inning, walking Wadley before Quinn knocked a single to right, but somehow the Warriors played themselves out of it without bowling over the hapless hurler. However, Garrett’s idiocy was limitless. After issuing a leadoff walk to Burfoot in the fifth, he wanted to make it all good by taking Zimmerman’s inevitable bunt for an out on that lead runner, leading him to retiring nobody at all. Despite Jose Ramirez’ vicious lineout to Newman in right, and Ritner striking himself out, Garrett still managed to squeeze in a run for the Warriors on Wadley’s single up the middle.

Cardona would get his first big league hit in the fifth inning, a leadoff single to right center. His time on base was but brief, with Tim Stalker grounding to Burfoot for a force at second base. Tovias fouled out, but amazingly Garrett singled past Zach Price into left, putting himself on as the tying run for a struggling Cookie Carmona, who was still batting around .260, but at least livened up his wretched existence atop a horrendous lineup with a bloop single to shallow center, far enough away from Doug Bell to allow Stalker to score from second base, cutting the Warriors’ lead in half, 3-2, before Stevenson tied the game with a double over Quinn’s head. A favorable bounce off the wall led the third base coach to throw the anchor on Cookie, who was already about to turn for home, then had to scramble to keep a claw on third base after a late slide. Walter flew out to center, stranding the go-ahead runs, but the Coons now put the pressure on Zimmerman. After a quick turnover in the top 6th, Nunley lead off with a double the following inning, and Zimmerman lost Newman to a walk, the first free pass he issued in the Sunday affair. A K to Cardona was also his first strikeout, and came at the worst time for the Critters, who also had Stalker go down on strikes before Tovias flew out to Jeff Wadley. Another leadoff double stranded – how were they even doing it!?

Garrett lasted seven, somehow, getting around a leadoff single in the top 7th while his turn at-bat was up to lead off the bottom of the inning, but the Coons’ Alfaro, Cookie, and Stevenson made three fast outs against Zimmerman, handing Garrett his third no-decision in four starts. Billy Brotman, who had walked the world his last time out, appeared in the eighth and stuck around for two innings. While he allowed two runners, the Warriors hit into two double plays to move him along. Bottom 9th, Zimmerman was still a thing after 102 pitches; Cardona grounded to left, Price knocked the ball down, but couldn’t play it in time. Daniel Bullock would pinch-run in this spot, with Stalker bunting him to second base. Tovias struck out, and Graves flew out to Kevin Carter in leftfield, sending the game to extras.

Top 10th, Joe Moore walked PH Chris Mendoza, but struck out two to get through the inning. The Raccoons would send the top of the order for the bottom 10th, facing Gautney. Cookie walked, and the entire park was up and chanting to make him go. He went while the coaching staff was still rolling dice to see whether Stevenson should bunt. Mike Thompson fired to second base, but the ball bounced in the dirt, hit Cookie in the bum, and then bounced into centerfield, allowing Cookie to scramble all the way to third base! The fans were already hugging and celebrating, and then the Raccoons left him stranded. While Slappy had hiccups on my brown couch, and Cristiano pressed his hands against the top-to-bottom windows that offered a full view of the ballpark’s innards in utter disbelief, Stevenson popped out, Walter got walked intentionally, Nunley popped out, and Newman… popped out. Cristiano’s paws were making more specks on the glass when Daniel Bullock hit a leadoff single in the bottom 11th, yet Bullock’s time on base was limited when Stalker couldn’t even get a bunt down anymore and at 0-2 smacked into a double play. Tovias singled to center, Sam Armetta (having entered in a double switch at Nunley’s expense) walked, and up came Cookie, batting a paltry .262. The people needed a hero, but Cookie wasn’t gonna be it, grounding out to Culpepper to end that inning, too. A single and two walks loaded the bases with Warriors in the top 12th, but Kipple struck out Carter to escape his own mess. Delgado hit in his place, in vain, in the bottom 12th, which emptied the Coons’ bench for good. The Warriors stranded an unearned runner, Bell, on third base against Surginer in the 13th, with Bell arriving there after a throwing error by Tovias. It was the last inning before their great collapse in the 14th. Chris Mendoza homered off Surginer, who followed that up by loading the bases on a hit and two walks. Vince D replaced him with two outs, but nicked Price with a 3-2 pitch that forced in another run, then succumbed too to the rookie Bell’s bases-clearing double to center. The 5-spot broke the Coons’ little necks, obviously, but they wouldn’t go out before teasing their fans once more. Tovias hit a leadoff single off Javy Vasquez in the bottom 14th, who then walked Armetta. Cookie flew out to shallow right, but Stevenson singled to load the bases, and Shane Walter lined into left to score two. The tying run appeared in the box… and it was Vince D! No bat was available anymore to replace him, and why **** around with a bunt. Swing away, young boy! Swing away and find your dreams at the foot of a rainbow! He grounded out to Joe Ritner, which had the same effect as a bunt in the end, and a K to Will Newman ended the game. 8-5 Warriors. Walter 2-6, BB, 2 RBI; Nunley 2-5, 2 2B; Cardona 2-4; Tovias 2-6; Armetta 0-0, 2 BB; Brotman 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 1 K; Moore 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

In bizarre news, this was not the only extra inning contest that ended with the road team scoring five and the home team answering with only two in the deciding frame on this day. The Cyclones and Thunder went 13 in Oklahoma, with the Cyclones winning 9-6 in the same fashion.

In other news

June 6 – No-hitter!! SFB SP Denzel Durr (4-3, 2.93 ERA), in his 12th start for the Bayhawks, no-hits the Condors in a 1-0 game in Tijuana. The 31-year-old right-hander walks three and strikes out eight Condors, while Rafael Gomez (.295, 10 HR, 34 RBI) provides the lone score with a fifth-inning RBI single that scores Jaden Booker. Durr’s effort is the first ABL no-hitter since the last week of the 2020 season, and the first Bayhawks no-hitter in 17 years. They previously had no-hitters from Rafael Espinoza (1989), Chris O’Keefe (1991), Henry Selph (#2, 2001), and Tyler Sullivan (2006).
June 6 – Sacramento star Pablo Sanchez (.405, 6 HR, 35 RBI) collects three hits and drives in five as the Scorpions maul the Gold Sox in a 14-8 game, scoring five in the fourth and seven in the seventh. Sanchez’ hits include a home run and a double.
June 7 – CHA SP Kyle Anderson (5-6, 3.99 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout against the Thunder. The Falcons win 6-0.
June 7 – The Miners trade OF/1B Joe Carter (.317, 0 HR, 4 RBI) and cash to the Rebels for a pair of unranked prospects.
June 8 – The Wolves lose LF/RF Yasuhiro Kuramoto (.280, 9 HR, 31 RBI) for three weeks. The 28-year-old right-handed batsman has cracked a rib.
June 8 – WAS INF/LF/CF Dave Menth (.251, 7 HR, 20 RBI) will have to sit out three weeks with chronic back soreness.
June 11 – A herniated disc will cost NYC INF Sergio Valdez (.315, 3 HR, 21 RBI) a month’s worth of games.

Complaints and stuff

Carmona, Cardona … we’re only one step below the Double Yoshi fiasco from 2005. Which ties in with our 4-5 performance against the three worst teams by record in the league in the last two weeks. Ironically we split with the Titans, reinforcing my firm belief that the universe is chaotic-neutral, loves nobody, and once we mercifully die, nothing will have mattered.

Cristiano, stop kissing that silver cross around your neck. NO HIGHER BEING WILL HELP YOU!! – Now he wheeled out, crying. Some people just can’t stand the truth. Or sit the truth. Or what the ****…?

Chris Munroe also threw a shutout this week. You may or may not remember him for piling up a 9.98 ERA with the ’17 Coons before being exiled. He has been with the Cyclones for a few years now, filling odd roles. 30 years old, he’s 40-46 with a 4.30 ERA and one save in 186 games (102 starts).

Who will ever throw a shutout for the Coons again? Although our bigger concern should be how we ever plan to score more than 3.5 runs per game with this raggedy bunch. And the Spencer injury only makes things worse. Now you have either Bullock or Armetta playing every day! I like Bullock, but let’s be fair, he kills every lineup he’s cast into. Or, well, Cardona.

Speaking of negligible pitching however, the day where I outright blast Travis Garrett in the face with the blunderbuss is drawing closer, I can feel it being just around the corner! Problem is, after shedding 60% of our rotation in a matter of weeks, the Coons are already into the skinny bits of their “reserve”. Reese Kenny and Jason Butler are struggling badly in AAA, and even Juan Mendez and Trevor Taylor are allowing too many walks to have any hope for them.

The draft will be next week and I already started to clean house. Edwin Prieto, 30, was batting .083 in limited exposure in AAA and was canned right off the 40-man roster, and some minor adjustments were also made.

Fun Fact: The gap between Durr’s no-hitter and the previous one by OCT Bryan Hanson on October 3, 2020 is only the fourth-longest in league history. Three times pitchers took more than three full years for successive no-hitters, with the longest gap being 3 years, 7 months, and 17 days between the no-hitters of MIL Bill Warren and LAP Bob Haines in 1980 and 1984, respectively.

Even if the Raccoons are in the gutter, there is still one thing to console me: the Bayhawks got their fifth no-hitter this week, which is the second-highest total among the 24 franchises. The highest is the Coons, who had witnessed seven no-hitters, and any good fan I know can rattle them off flawlessly!

Juan Berrios – May 3, 1977 – 12-0 @ Loggers
Jason Turner – August 27, 1989 – 3-0 vs. Thunder
Manuel Movonda – June 2, 1998 – 2-1 vs. Condors (still the only pitcher to allow a run in a no-hitter)
Bob Joly – May 17, 2000 – 8-0 @ Crusaders
Jose Dominguez – June 5, 2007 – 3-0 vs. Crusaders
Nick Brown – September 9, 2016 – 1-0 @ Canadiens
Jonathan Toner – April 23, 2019 – 12-0 vs. Thunder

Which of course only serves to reinforce my long-held belief that the best times are over, and will never come back.

I miss Brownie.

I miss Brownie very badly.