[Westheim]

Raccoons (28-35) @ Buffaloes (29-34) – June 12-14, 2023

Neither team was going anywhere, as was abundantly clear at this point, with both the Coons and the Buffaloes being out by more than ten games just before the amateur draft, which would take place on Thursday. Fun facts abound here, with both teams wearing brown, and both teams being worst in their respective league in terms of runs scored with so-so pitching. We had met last season, with the Coons losing two of three after winning the two prior series against the Buffaloes.

Projected matchups:
Jesus Chavez (5-4, 4.31 ERA) vs. Nick Danieley (1-3, 4.53 ERA)
Jonathan Shook (0-0) vs. Juan Ortega (2-5, 5.78 ERA)
Chris McKendrick (0-1, 2.57 ERA) vs. Jose Lerma (7-6, 2.58 ERA)

Danieley, a 23-year-old right-hander, had been the #1 pick in last year’s amateur draft, and here he was in the Bigs already. He was going to make his ninth appearance (eighth start) after initially beginning the season in AAA. He was whiffing seven per nine innings, and walking four, and he had surrendered six home runs in only 47.2 innings, but the Riddler claimed the sky was the limit for him. Of the other two Topeka starters, Lerma will be a left-hander. Ortega is a 37-year-old righty in his 18th season, the first dozen of which he already spent with the Buffaloes before exploring the league a bit. He had led the league in losses once before at age 29, normally an age where you expect guys to be at their best.

Jonny Toner was at his best at 29. But Ortega at least made it past 32.

Game 1
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – P Chavez
TOP: 2B Hernandes – CF J. Gonzales – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – RF Jo. Wilson – 3B W. White – P Danieley

Juan Gonzales was hitting home runs roughly as often as Cookie Carmona, but he sure enough hit one off Jesus Chavez that counted for two in the third inning, collecting Marco Hernandes after his 2-out single. It was the fifth base hit in a slow-starting game, and the first that was not a single. The Coons had begun the game with a Cookie single, after which Stevenson had forced out Cookie with a grounder, and Shane Walter – the closest reasonable thing to hotness the Raccoons had available anymore – hit into a double play. Walter singled in the fourth inning… and then Nunley hit into a double play. Those two – like twins from the same rotten egg! The Raccoons continued to do their very best in an attempt to come back against the bloody rookie on the mound, with their efforts seeing Cookie Carmona to reach in the sixth inning… on catcher’s interference. But Cookie wasn’t going to draw Victor Ayala the same nose twice – when he took off to steal second base, Ayala threw him out, which conveniently also ended the inning, allowing me to hide my face in shame without missing anything.

Chavez made it to the seventh inning, which was such a great success. Once there and once John Wilson had hit a leadoff double, Chavez actually managed to nick a pitcher just trying to bunt, putting Danieley on base as well, and then succumbed to Marco Hernandes’ single up the middle. John Wilson scored, drawing a hopeless throw from Stevenson, and allowed the trailing runners to both reach scoring position. Billy Brotman relieved Chavez afterwards, but bravely managed to let both runners score on Gonzales’ single and then Chris Owen’s plenty deep sacrifice fly. The Buffaloes added a run on Adam Cowen in the eighth, while Danieley went into the ninth, facing the top of the order with 90 pitches on the odometer. Cookie grounded out to Hernandes. Stevenson flew out to Gonzales. And Shane Walter popped up a ball that flew negative seven feet and was caught by Wade White in foul territory. 6-0 Buffaloes.

So, well, Nick Danieley has his first career shutout. There is hope for him having a great career!

There is no hope anymore for anything in that lineup, and we are getting closer to last-resort solutions, which have something to do with **** getting drowned in a barrel.

Game 2
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 1B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Graves – SS Bullock – C Tovias – 2B Armetta – P Shook
TOP: 2B Hernandes – RF Jo. Wilson – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – CF M. Thompson – 3B W. White – P J. Ortega

The second inning saw the well-seasonsed Ortega lead off by hitting Matt Nunley, and when Zach Graves followed that up with a double to right, even the Coons were in business, although they only managed to score their runners on a Hernandes error and Tovias’ groundout. Shook surprised with three innings of 1-hit ball to begin his career, which was not expected, but then got the flutters and also strafed in the fourth, which was very much expected. After getting only that one hit in three innings, the Buffaloes got three in succession in the bottom 4th, and the bottom immediately fell out of Shook’s pants. Chris Owen’s double to left center, singles by Alfredo Quintana and Stephen Williams plated a run and put two men on base, but things only got really nasty once Shook threw a wild pitch to Ayala, which allowed Quintana to score when Ayala eventually grounded out to Armetta at second base. That tied the game; Shook walked Marc Thompson, recently acquired from the Pacifics by the Buffaloes, and Stevenson hustled hard to catch Wade White’s fly to center before it could do damage, ending the fourth in a 2-2 tie.

Cookie hit a leadoff double in the fifth – only his fifth extra-base hit this year!? – with the Buffaloes getting Stevenson to strike out and then putting Walter on intentionally. Yes, Nunley found another double play, but at least of a non-trivial variety. He grounded out to Owen, who tapped first base right away, then murdered off the slow Walter on his waltz to second base in a 3-6 two-for-one. Well, at least we were finding interesting angles to sucking – it was the least we could do for our fans: Brenda, Bob, and that weird guy with the glasses that would eat his popcorn with a spoon.

If we could only find a way to lose in regulation rather than in 14 once more. Ah, let’s just keep Shook pitching for a while longer. While not delivering an outright heinous debut, Shook seemed to have it with the nerves. While allowing a leadoff single to Thompson in the bottom 7th was unfortunate, there were certainly ways to make it worse. Wade White bunted the go-ahead run into scoring position, and then Shook outrageously lost the opposing pitcher to a walk, which was a bit like Danieley getting nicked by Chavez the day before. Shook followed that up with another nervous wild pitch – see a pattern developing there – and Hernandes drove in the go-ahead run with a single up the middle. Owen would drive in another run with a 2-out single, which still left two men on base, and when Kipple replaced Shook, he drilled the pinch-hitter Kyle Burns. Moore would get out of the inning. Ortega gave the Coons a leadoff walk to Stevenson and a balk in the eighth inning, which was nowhere near enough to score a run, and Stevenson was in fact left at second base. One inning further, Daniel Bullock hit a leadoff double off closer Mike Baker, bringing up the nominal tying run once more. The Coons emptied their bench, with Alfaro striking out, but Will Newman drew a walk. A wild pitch moved the tying runs into scoring position with one out, but Tony Delgado popped out to short, leaving things to Cookie, who also kinda didn’t get **** done and struck out. 4-2 Buffaloes.

Also consoling: Jonathan Shook walked three in his 6.2 debut innings and struck out none.

Boy, we’re doomed.

Game 3
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – C Delgado – 1B Cardona – SS Stalker – P McKendrick
TOP: 2B M. Hernandes – CF J. Gonzales – 1B C. Owen – LF Quintana – SS S. Williams – C Ayala – RF M. Thompson – 3B Burns – P Lerma

McKendrick’s second start saw him shut out the Buffaloes for the first time through the order, though there were asterisks to that, given that almost every batter hit the ball hard off him. Even Lerma lined out to Stalker, and they had three base hits, just lacking the necessary inches to create a big inning. The Coons didn’t get a hit until Shane Walter singled up the middle with one out in the fourth, although Kyle Burns getting undressed by a Nunley liner for a double sure helped to create a genuine scoring opportunity, although Will Newman walking evoked a pretty clear picture of a double play grounder waiting to be chipped to short by Delgado. Fantastic Tony needed only one pitch to achieve the feat, ending the inning in the process.

The Buffaloes scored on doubles smoked by Quintana and Ayala in the bottom of the fourth inning, taking a 1-0 lead that saw itself seriously challenged on paper in the top 5th. Cardona and Stalker knocked singles to begin the inning and were bunted into scoring position by the human launchpad, McKendrick. Cookie grounded a 1-2 pitch to short, Williams to first for the out, and the ****ing rookie at third base blindingly failed to go at all. If not for Stevenson’s drop single into shallow right center that actually scored both runners, I don’t think Cardona would have lived to see the sun rise another day. The Stevenson single flipped the score, and was the only tally the Coons amounted to in the inning, with Walter grounding out to Hernandes. Although maybe there would still be another chance to blast Cardona’s ****ing stupid head off, and it came in the sixth inning.

Now, McKendrick had already blown his lead thanks to allowing a single to Quintana, and then an RBI double to Williams, who reached third base when the Coons lost the ball on the infield after Newman threw it back in. Go-ahead runner on third, no outs, McKendrick got Ayala to pop out to Walter, which was great for his chances to get out of their somehow, and then even got Thompson to pop up. This one went Cardona’s way, barely fair at the line, and Cardona walked over and casually reached out with the glove, holding onto his sunglasses with the other paw, and the ball dropped next to his glove. Thompson was safe, Quintana scored, and I went absolutely ballistic in the visiting GM’s suite and threw a chair into the wall to the next suite over, which had been built on the cheap. The chair pierced it, then remained stuck, as stuck as the Raccoons, who were now trailing 3-2. Burns hit into a double play, ending the inning, and Bullock batted for the ****head Cardona to lead off the seventh, grounding out. Bottom 8th, Ayala tripled off Vince D, who also walked Thompson, but then struck out the next two batters, pinch-hitters Dave Pimentel and Jon Gilbert, to escape unharmed. That still gave a nominal chance for a comeback in the top 9th, trailing by one run only. The leadoff man, Newman, went on base with a single off Baker, and then Delgado popped out, Alfaro grounded out, and Stalker struck out. 3-2 Buffaloes. Walter 2-4;

I vaguely remember spending the entire bus ride to the airport yelling right into Cardona’s ear that if he wouldn’t use his second hand anyway, I could just as well severe that arm at the shoulder and shove it up his ****ING BIG BROWN ***!!!

He was unimpressed, maybe due to him never taking the ear plugs to his music phone thing out of his ears.

Raccoons (28-38) vs. Loggers (37-28) – June 16-18, 2023

Third in the North and four games out, the Loggers had some business to conduct on the Raccoons over the weekend, or was it surgery? Their mix didn’t seem like a winning one, scoring only an average number of runs and ranking only third in runs allowed, with a rather meager – for this time of year – run differential of +24. They had also gone through embarrassment once already against Portland this season, dropping three of four games in our first meeting of the season.

Projected matchups:
Rico Gutierrez (4-5, 4.37 ERA) vs. Ian Prevost (7-4, 2.63 ERA)
Travis Garrett (1-0, 2.10 ERA) vs. Max Shepherd (5-6, 3.52 ERA)
Jesus Chavez (5-5, 4.54 ERA) vs. TBD

Two righties and a mystery man. The Loggers played a double header last Sunday against Sacramento, which also engaged John Key (0-1, 7.15 ERA). They also placed Michael Foreman (9-1, 2.17 ERA) on the DL with mild shoulder inflammation and have patched with swingman Alex Hichez (1-1, 4.43 ERA) since. Those are all right-handed pitchers; the only guy we probably definitely won’t see in this series is southpaw Chris Sinkhorn (5-5, 3.50 ERA).

Game 1
MIL: SS Tadlock – 2B Stewart – CF Coleman – RF Gore – C Wool – 3B A. Velez – LF Berntson – 1B A. Esquivel – P Prevost
POR: LF Carmona – CF Stevenson – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – RF Newman – 1B Cardona – C Tovias – SS Stalker – P Gutierrez

Gutierrez had a certain deer-in-the-headlights expression before the game even began, had his first pitch ticked into leftfield by Ron Tadlock, and Tyler Stewart singled to right before long. The Loggers would eventually be held to one run in the inning on Brad Gore’s groundout, but one run was plenty against these rotten Critters, who saw Cookie Carmona fly out on a 3-0 pitch to begin the bottom 1st, but before I could regret signing that extension with him before the season he already ended himself up on the DL, spraining his thumb on a dive for Jon Berntson’s liner in the second inning. Zach Graves replaced him in the field, and hey, why not bat Daniel Bullock leadoff for a while?

For now Graves was in the #1 hole, and hit a leadoff single in the bottom 3rd to put the tying run aboard. The Coons soon had more cooking, with Stevenson singling, and Tyler Stewart making his second error of the game to allow Shane Walter on, too. Nunley had three on with no outs, flopped an 0-0 pitch to shallow right, where Gore tried to snack it out of the air, but missed it grossly and had it bounce through his legs as he tumbled. Two runs scored on the third error in as many innings for the Loggers. Newman’s sac fly lengthened the score to 3-1, after which Cardona grounded out to right. Tovias walked in a full count, but Stalker grounded to short with runners on the corners and two down. Tadlock bungled that one, too, the third error in the inning, and allowed Nunley to score. Prevost escaped the hellish mess with a K to Gutierrez. The Coons had scored four in the inning, all unearned.

Gutierrez put the lead in mortal danger right away, conceding consecutive singles to Brad Gore, Josh Wool, and Alberto Velez to load the bases with one out in the fourth. The pitching coach did some good yelling in his face, leading to strikeouts against Berntson and ancient veteran Antonio Esquivel to end the inning. Bottom 4th, Zach Graves hit a leadoff double to right, then got himself doubled off second base on Shane Walter’s fly to centerfield, which was a special kind of stupid, but fans had seen things already in the game. Things calmed down a bit after that, but the Loggers took a run off the Coons’ lead in the seventh inning thanks to a leadoff double by Berntson, who was maneuvered around to score. Gutierrez actually lasted into the eighth inning, allowing singles to Coleman and Wool, but wasn’t removed as he was facing left-handers here. He only came out with the tying runs in scoring position, two outs, and Berntson up. Vince D whiffed him to escape the inning. Brett Lillis allowed only one runner in the ninth before extinguishing the Loggers, who had nobody to blame but their own idiocy for this loss. 4-2 Blighters. Graves 2-3, 2B; Stevenson 2-3, BB; Gutierrez 7.2 IP, 11 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K, W (5-5) and 1-3;

Cookie was put on the DL with a brace on his wobbly thumb, leaving the Raccoons even more bereft than they already were. Since Spencer was already on the DL and couldn’t move to leftfield anymore like he had last year, the Critters were probably going to give Zach Graves more regular screen time. In the meantime, we called up Dwayne Metts for a lack of better ideas.

Game 2
MIL: SS Tadlock – 1B A. Esquivel – CF Coleman – RF Gore – 3B A. Velez – C Wool – LF Beckwith – 2B March – P Key
POR: CF Stevenson – 1B Cardona – 2B Walter – 3B Nunley – LF Graves – C Delgado – RF Alfaro – SS Stalker – P Garrett

The Critters got Stevenson on with a single and Cardona with a walk in the bottom of the first inning before the heart of the order collectively failed to hit a ball well enough to beat the (creaky) Loggers defense. While Garrett got around a leadoff walk to Alberto Velez in the second inning thanks to Nunley starting a double play, the Coons had the next injury in the bottom of the second when John Key drilled Tony Delgado in the elbow. Delgado had to come out, replaced by Tovias. At least Key’s punishment didn’t take long to come up – Omar Alfaro hit a ball outta rightfield for a 2-run homer, the first tally in the game, and the fourth home run for him this season, which – wow, wow, wow! – tied him with Nunley for the team lead!

The Loggers had runners on base constantly against Garrett, but stranded pairs twice before John Key hit a 1-out single in the top 5th. That was the thing that could undo empires – pitchers getting on base with nobody on previously. The Coons were decidedly less than an empire, except maybe the West Roman in 476 AD, and Garrett continued to be taken by the Goths, bit by bit. He walked Tadlock before Esquivel flew out. Ian Coleman’s RBI single got Milwaukee on the board, and a walk to Brad Gore didn’t help a lot. Bases loaded, two down, Velez flew softly to shallow left. Zach Graves rushed in and made a sliding - … yeah, what? Two Loggers scored, while the Raccoons vigorously protested that Graves had caught the ball. The umpire called it a trapped ball, though, which enraged Matt Nunley enough that he flung his cap at him, but missed. What did the replay say? No catch. Garrett, at the ugliest he had been since being called up for the umpteenth time, walked Josh Wool to restock the bags, but Myles Beckwith then grounded out to Walter, leaving the Loggers up by only one run, 3-2. They weren’t up for any length of time – Josh Stevenson’s leadoff jack in the bottom of the inning tied the game right away. Key went on to walk Cardona, then allowed singles up the middle to Walter and Nunley, which loaded the bases for the home team, now with nobody out. Graves’ liner to center fell for an RBI single, and Tovias hit a sac fly to deep center, 5-3, before Luis Calderon replaced Key and retired Alfaro and Stalker.

Garrett was done after six innings and 109 pitches, with the sixth inning seeing errors by both teams. Nunley made a throwing error on Tadlock’s 2-out grounder in the top 6th, but Garrett got through Esquivel. The bottom of the inning saw Tadlock commit the error to put Stevenson on second base, and Cardona landed his first big-league RBI with a single to right to cash in the oddball leadoff batter Stevenson. Walter hit into a double play after that, leaving the pen to defend a 3-run lead for three innings, although after David Kipple’s scoreless seventh the Coons added two more on Elias Tovias’ 2-piece off Calderon. The Loggers would also get another home run in, this one off Adam Cowen in the ninth inning, but Tadlock’s shot only counted for one and no save situation materialized anymore. 8-4 Furballs! Stevenson 2-4, BB, HR, RBI; Graves 2-4, RBI; Tovias 1-2, HR, 3 RBI;

It’s good that some things never change. Empires rise, teams fall into oblivion, but the Loggers will always remain laughable.

The Coons had to make a roster move. Tony Delgado would be out of action for a couple of days, and you can’t go with one catcher. Sam Armetta was demoted to make room for Isaiah Jones on the 25-man roster, while room on the 40-man roster was made by moving Jonny Toner to the 60-day DL.

We were ready to sweep the Loggers out of town, but the weather crossed up those plans. It rained the entirety of Sunday, washing away the game completely and forcing a postponement to September, where we’d make up the game in a double-header on September 11 in the middle of a 20-day string without an off day.

In other news

June 15 – LAP SS/2B Alex Mesa (.281, 10 HR, 30 RBI) has his sophomore season end unexpectedly after tearing a posterior cruciate ligament.
June 16 – The Condors rout the Thunder in a 15-3 game, and even score all their runs in the first four innings. TIJ C Pat Sanford (.243, 8 HR, 31 RBI) lands four base hits and drives in three runs.
June 17 – SAL RF/LF Nate Ellis (.308, 10 HR, 30 RBI) becomes the third player in ABL history with two 3-HR games to his name. Ellis socks three dingers in four attempts in the Wolves’ 7-6 victory over the Scorpions in Sacramento, driving in four runs. All home runs come off the Scorpions’ Sam McMullen (8-3, 2.79 ERA). Ellis joins Martin Ortíz and Stanley Murphy as the players to have gone deep thrice twice, and his two 3-HR games are the only ones in Wolves history. The feat taking place in Sacramento also makes it the ninth straight 3-HR effort by a visiting player. The last player to hit three home runs at home was Atlanta’s Jimmy Raupp in 2017.
June 17 – As the Blue Sox roll the Miners in a 14-0 mauling, Nashville’s 2B Ieyoshi Nomura (.326, 0 HR, 19 RBI) cracks out five base hits. He draws a walk in one of his six plate appearances and drives in one run.
June 17 – Denver MR Jonathan Snyder (5-1, 2.73 ERA) will miss up to three months with a hamstring strain.
June 17 – The Indians’ and Titans’ game remains scoreless in regulation. IND LF/RF Lowell Genge’s (.271, 8 HR, 25 RBI) RBI double off Boston’s Javy Salomon (3-2, 3.06 ERA) in the bottom of the 10th would be the only run in the Indians’ 1-0 walkoff win.
June 18 – The Crusaders and Titans make a trade in the middle of a division race. New York gets C Eric McPherson (.228, 1 HR, 10 RBI), while the Titans get 2B/SS Bill Hebberd (.311, 1 HR, 14 RBI) and a prospect.

Complaints and stuff

Watching this bizarre team is like listening to Joy Division for an entire day. Sooner or later, you go bananas.

Hugo Mendoza was involved in a brawl this week, receiving a 4-game suspension for taking a swing (with the bat) at New York’s Tim Dunn’s head. Unfortunately nobody managed to dent Mendoza’s nose, who at the time of the suspension was batting .317 with seven homers, so at least he hasn’t cranked it up significantly for Cincy…

Fun Fact: As indicated above, Jimmy Raupp’s effort of going deep three times on May 26, 2017 was the most recent such instance taking place on a player’s home turf. It took place – of course – against the Raccoons.

The real knocker is that he hit all three home runs and drove in seven exclusively against Chris Munroe, who cropped up again just last week on our radar when he pitched a shutout. Munroe was demoted after the game with an 0-3 record and 11.20 ERA, but would come up again later in the season. Raupp in turn was batting .218 with five homers even after the feat, so let’s just call it him hitting a lot in the lottery and move on.

Oh if only I could.