Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksono69
( A man with a long, black raggedy beard wearing a torn and twice fixed 15 Hall jersey stumbles and falls into the room.) He...Hello? I’ve been waiting so long (long pause).... so long. I’ve spent 2 months on a pilgrimage throughout time and space, revisiting every game, every offseason, and every moment. I would like to say.....(void opens and the man is whisked back to whatever place he came from.....)
(In all seriousness, thank you for this unbelievable thread. Just spent 2 months reading,starting from the beginning. Please continue)
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You, Sir, are deserving of a medal! Or at least a cookie. Unfortunately... (rummages through all the drawers in the desk) ... it seems like the players have eaten every single crumb in the building before leaving for the winter.
Well, Raccoons, what are ya gonna... (shrugs)
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The bells of All Sinners’ Church in downtown Portland rang feverishly on Sunday morning, November 19, when news broke that the Raccoons had struck a 5-player deal with the Bayhawks overnight that would doubtlessly rebuild the franchise in a hurry. Father Ted’s sermon during that Sunday’s sermon, which he delivered wearing a Raccoons cap and waving a small Raccoons flag, explained the trade in detail to the congregation and how Moses had wandered the desert for 40 years, but with the right amount of faith, the Raccoons would have reached their destination in just two years. Several older men in the attendance could be seen weeping before the congregation delivered a smashing triple Hallelujah!
Let’s dive into it, shall we?
The Raccoons will send three starting pitchers to San Francisco, including 24-yr-old Matt Huf (7-16, 4.36 ERA), 25-yr-old Jonathan Shook (1-4, 7.99 ERA), and 23-yr-old AAA Reese Kenny.
Now before you throw something, let me explain. The big loss in the pack is undoubtedly Huf, who has characteristics of Antonio Donis, including his habit of walking anything standing remotely close to the plate. He might eventually figure it out in the rotation, or maybe he can be that murderous reliever that I envisioned him as recently. It’s hard to say, really. His stuff is comparable to Ron Thrasher, who also had and has the same incidental control troubles.
Shook is a well-mannered young man that knows a thing or two about delivering a ball, but unfortunately he god torn up for that near-8 ERA in his cup of coffee mid-season, lasting only 23.2 innings in five starts, walking three for every strikeout. What really makes him readily expendable are his AAA numbers, where he tossed 170 innings for a 10-8 record, 4.13 ERA, and 4.0 BB/9 with only 5.9 K/9. He’s 24, he should have grown some stuff by now. Reese Kenny, our first-rounder in 2019, was outright abysmal in AAA this year, pitching to a 7-12 record, 5.98 ERA, and 7.3 BB/9 against 5.4 K/9. I doubt there’s any fixing for this one.
We might want to talk about what the Coons get for their troubles. Well, I have already hinted at 1B Jon Gonzalez (.281, 42 HR, 174 RBI), who mashed 70 extra-base hits last year and dingered 24 times. Remember Luke “Duke Smack” Black, who couldn’t get a ball out of the park at the Bay? Imagine Gonzalez doubling down like that in Raccoons Ballpark! And so far, he is still making the minimum …! It’s pretty obvious that Shane Walter will not start at first base anymore, but we will get to that later.
Who’s the second player the Raccoons receive in the deal? Oh, merely the guy I dubbed “the next Jonny Toner” a few years ago. 29-year-old left-hander Mark Roberts (46-42, 3.12 ERA) led the league in strikeouts in both of the last two seasons, and also led it in WHIP in ’23. His stuff is truly hideous and he can mix six pitches to unnerve opposing batters. He throws 100mph fire, has a wicked slider, and mixes in curves, changeups, splitters, and forkballs for pleasure. There is the caveat that he can’t move the 100mph heat, which comes dead straight, leading to many home runs if someone should accidentally make contact and keep it fair. But hey, they’re SOLO home runs!
Other players the Bayhawks would have taken on in the deal were Vince D, Joe Moore, or any between Gutierrez, Chavez, and Garrett. Also, kindly, Omar Alfaro. But they were always going to take Huf – there was no deal without Matt Huf. Best thing is, since Gonzalez is so dirt cheap (minimum), we still have almost $4M to play around with. And we need a fifth starter (not so keen on Mendez; or, heck, “Tragic” Travis), and a right-handed backup outfielder. And whatever improvement can be made over Daniel Bullock, even though Cristiano Carmona will doubtlessly give me The Look for even stating that.
Mmmm, Mark Roberts, yummy. I think we got our Opening Day starter?