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Westheim · 01-10-2019, 09:20 AM

No, Maud, I don't want to read the Agitator, it is … - They do?

(reluctantly takes the paper)

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The Portland Agitator
December 30, 2027

Beloved Raccoons owner Valdes dead at 73

The Portland baseball community is coming to terms today with the sad news that the benevolent owner of the routinely hapless Portland Raccoons, Carlos Valdes Jr., passed away yesterday at the age of 73 in his home in northern Mexico. The circumstances of his death are so far not entirely clear, with reports indicating that Valdes perished in a house fire that broke out during a raid of black-masked thugs on his residence.

Valdes, who made a fortune in agriculture, transport, and the waste disposal business even before he inherited the Portland baseball team almost exactly 29 years ago, saw the Raccoons to a championship in 2026, and could have brought more success and titles to this city if his efforts had not been consistently undone and his generous monetary contributions persistently wasted by a thoroughly inept and wholly inadequate managerial staff. He was the fourth owner of the Raccoons in their existence.

While the baseball community is dealing with this outlandish tragedy, many questions remain unanswered at this time, including which nefarious organization was responsible for the assault on his home, and who will now rise to ownership of the Raccoons given that Valdes fathered at least 13 children with three different wives.

The repeatedly sluggish Portland Raccoons, foremost ruinous general manager Richard Westfield, have not yet commented on how they will honor Carlos Valdes Jr. during the upcoming baseball season. Your Agitator staff finds nothing less than a gold statue of him on prominent display appropriate, and will accept donations and contributions towards achieving this noble goal.

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Maud, that photo next to the article is not of the Mexican Prick. That photo is not of anybody I know …!

Oh well, how would anybody notice it? Carlosito had not been seen in Portland in many, many years. But there were other issues, too – if he had 13 children, I doubted that I had photos on all of them…

Yes, Maud, that is how I managed to keep my job through all the drudgery. Blackmail beats the best intentions. – I can show you one of them if you really want, but I have to warn you. (pulls out second desk drawer from the top and rips off an envelope duct-taped to the bottom of the drawer) It is graphic! – Okay. (pulls out a photo and shows it to Maud, who blushes and can't find any words) – Humiliating, right?

Especially for the horse.

01-10-2019, 09:20 AM	#2696
Westheim Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Germany Posts: 13,834	No, Maud, I don't want to read the Agitator, it is … - They do? (reluctantly takes the paper) +++ The Portland Agitator December 30, 2027 Beloved Raccoons owner Valdes dead at 73 The Portland baseball community is coming to terms today with the sad news that the benevolent owner of the routinely hapless Portland Raccoons, Carlos Valdes Jr., passed away yesterday at the age of 73 in his home in northern Mexico. The circumstances of his death are so far not entirely clear, with reports indicating that Valdes perished in a house fire that broke out during a raid of black-masked thugs on his residence. Valdes, who made a fortune in agriculture, transport, and the waste disposal business even before he inherited the Portland baseball team almost exactly 29 years ago, saw the Raccoons to a championship in 2026, and could have brought more success and titles to this city if his efforts had not been consistently undone and his generous monetary contributions persistently wasted by a thoroughly inept and wholly inadequate managerial staff. He was the fourth owner of the Raccoons in their existence. While the baseball community is dealing with this outlandish tragedy, many questions remain unanswered at this time, including which nefarious organization was responsible for the assault on his home, and who will now rise to ownership of the Raccoons given that Valdes fathered at least 13 children with three different wives. The repeatedly sluggish Portland Raccoons, foremost ruinous general manager Richard Westfield, have not yet commented on how they will honor Carlos Valdes Jr. during the upcoming baseball season. Your Agitator staff finds nothing less than a gold statue of him on prominent display appropriate, and will accept donations and contributions towards achieving this noble goal. +++ Maud, that photo next to the article is not of the Mexican Prick. That photo is not of anybody I know …! Oh well, how would anybody notice it? Carlosito had not been seen in Portland in many, many years. But there were other issues, too – if he had 13 children, I doubted that I had photos on all of them… Yes, Maud, that is how I managed to keep my job through all the drudgery. Blackmail beats the best intentions. – I can show you one of them if you really want, but I have to warn you. (pulls out second desk drawer from the top and rips off an envelope duct-taped to the bottom of the drawer) It is graphic! – Okay. (pulls out a photo and shows it to Maud, who blushes and can't find any words) – Humiliating, right? Especially for the horse. __________________ Portland Raccoons, 92 years of excell-.... of baseball: Furballs here! 1983 * 1989 * 1991 * 1992 * 1993 * 1995 * 1996 * 2010 * 2017 * 2018 * 2019 * 2026 * 2028 * 2035 * 2037 * 2044 * 2045 * 2046 * 2047 * 2048 * 2051 * 2054 * 2055 * 2061 1 OSANAI : 2 POWELL : 7 NOMURA \| RAMOS : 8 REECE : 10 BROWN : 15 HALL : 27 FERNANDEZ : 28 CASAS : 31 CARMONA : 32 WEST : 39 TONER : 46 SAITO Resident Mets Cynic - The Mets from 1962 onwards, here.