[Westheim]

Raccoons (26-23) vs. Condors (30-20) – May 28-30, 2029

The woeful Raccoons limped home laden with five straight defeats, where Nick Valdes was already waiting on me in my office and demanded an explanation, then was not happy with my explanation that the baseball gods were out to get me. Also, the Condors were coming in right away on Monday, so no time to roll up on the good old brown couch and weep until nightfall… Tijuana was second in the South, 1 1/2 games out, and ranked third in runs scored and second in runs allowed in the league. Their run differential was +66, quite scary for late May. They were 2-1 over the Critters this season.

Projected matchups:
Rin Nomura (1-1, 3.46 ERA) vs. George Griffin (3-6, 5.86 ERA)
Mark Roberts (4-4, 5.12 ERA) vs. TBD
Tom Shumway (4-3, 2.14 ERA) vs. TBD

If there was anything working in the Coons’ favor here, it was that the Condors’ rotation was in shambles after losing Jorge Villalobos to injury AND they had been in a double header on Saturday. On the other hand we had honestly no clue (and neither did they) how they would line up their hurlers. Right-hander George Griffin would go on regular rest on Monday. After that it was maybe southpaw Ethan Jordan (0-0, 0.00 ERA), who had made only one scoreless relief appearance in his just-begun career. For the third game probably one of Saturday’s starters on short rest. Available to pick from where RHP Adam Potter (6-3, 2.62 ERA) and LHP Joe Perry (6-0, 1.46 ERA).

Game 1
TIJ: RF M. Matias – SS C. Miller – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – C Zarate – LF Braun – CF C. Murphy – 2B D. Williams – P Griffin
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – 3B Nunley – RF Gomez – CF Catella – C Ivey – P Nomura

The Condors would get an extra-base hit with two outs in most innings here. Adam Braun doubled in the second and was stranded. Chris Miller tripled in the third… and was stranded. But appropriately Danny Zarate one-upped them and hit a 2-out jack in the fourth, the first run in the game with the Coons hitless against Griffin at this point. Their only runner had been Ramos, reaching on an error but immediately forced out on a Stalker grounder to short, and Tim Stalker himself was then caught stealing. But neither team managed much offense in the middle innings. Ramos made an error in the sixth that led nowhere, while Sean Catella reached on a Kevin McGrath error in the bottom of the same inning, and immediately was doubled up by Shane Ivey, poking at 3-1. Griffin walked Nomura, then allowed a soft line single to Ramos to break the no-hitter, but Tim Stalker flew out pathetically to Adam Braun in left.

Nomura lasted seven innings, whiffing ten, but still remained on the 1-0 hook because the ****ing Raccoons failed to hit the ****ing baseball. The top 8th saw Bobby Reed in trouble only after a 2-out error by Harenberg, then a bloop single by Shane Sanks to put a second runner on base. Zarate ran a 3-0 count before flying out to Matt Jamieson, which ended the inning. The Coons also got two on with two out in the bottom 8th with a pair of singles by the catching corps of Ivey and Tovias. Ramos was then called out on a 2-2 pitch that he thought was nowhere near the zone, which he also voiced to the home plate umpire, who promptly tossed him from the game. Gerster took over for the ninth inning, in which Billy Brotman walked leadoff man Braun, nailed PH Brett O’Dell, and then had Gerster make a sparkling play to avoid a 1-out grounder from Matt Good to get into centerfield. Runners on second and third, right-hander Omar Larios would see Ricky Ohl with two outs. Ricky threw three balls, then conceded a line drive – right into Stalker’s mitten, ending the inning. Stalker, Jamieson, and Harenberg then went down in order against Mike Baker on two ****ty grounders and a strikeout. 1-0 Condors. Tovias (PH) 1-1; Nomura 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 10 K, L (1-2);

Game 2
TIJ: RF M. Matias – SS C. Miller – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – C Zarate – LF Braun – CF C. Murphy – 2B Bross – P Jordan
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 1B Harenberg – LF Jamieson – RF Gomez – CF Magallanes – C Tovias – 3B Gerster – P Roberts

There was absolutely no offense worth reporting in the first three innings, not even against Launchpad Roberts. The game was scoreless in the bottom 4th when the Coons led off with a Stalker double and a Dave Bross error that added Harenberg to the mix, but we now had runners on the corners and no outs – what chance! Surely Matt Jamieson would eat the bloody rookie alive and this losing streak would end! Jamieson hit a sac fly, which was at least SOMETHING, before Gomez hit into a fielder’s choice. Magallanes however turned a 2-2 pitch to deep center, over the head of Chris Murphy, and to the fence for a 2-out double to score Gomez for a 2-0 lead. Tovias whiffed to end the inning, but Butch Gerster opened the bottom 5th with a double into the leftfield corner. Roberts bunted him to third, Ramos struck out (…!), Stalker walked, and then Harenberg also found the space behind Murphy for a 2-out, 2-run double, also the first earned runs in Jordan’s career. Now up 4-0, the Coons just had to make Roberts and the pen hold up, which sounded oh so easy in theory… In cold, harsh reality, Roberts had a clean sixth, but then Braun hit a leadoff single in the seventh and Roberts nailed Murphy. Nobody out, tying run in the on-deck circle. Dave Bross was a switch-hitter without much power, so the Coons risked it, and Bross lined out softly to Harenberg for the first out. The Condors did NOT hit for Jordan, however, and told him to bunt. The bunt sucked – Roberts turned it into a 1-5-3 double play to exit the frame unharmed, but the Condors would come closer with a McGrath homer off Jonathan Fleischer in the eighth inning, and while the Coons pulled the run back when Tovias singled in Gomez in the bottom 8th and thus took off the save, Josh Boles was royally bored after the losing streak and was sent into the 5-1 game anyway. Zarate opened with a single against him, but he whiffed the next two and then got Bross to fly out easily to Magallanes. 5-1 Raccoons! Magallanes 2-4, 2B, RBI; Tovias 2-4, RBI; Roberts 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (5-4);

A win …! (cries) A win …!

(cries)

Game 3
TIJ: RF M. Matias – SS C. Miller – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – C Zarate – LF Braun – CF C. Murphy – 2B Bross – P Perry
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 1B Harenberg – LF Jamieson – RF Gomez – CF Mora – C Tovias – 3B Gerster – P Shumway

Shumway retired Tijuana in order the first time through, while the Coons got Ramos aboard to begin the bottom 1st, only for Stalker to hit into a double play. Butch Gerster was on third base with Stalker batting with two outs in the bottom 3rd, and again Tim could not get it done and grounded over to short. However… Chris Miller got it done, throwing away the ball for an error that plated Gerster for the first run in the game. Harenberg grounded out to the pitcher Perry then. Miller redeemed himself right away, hitting a single in the fourth as the first Condor to reach base, then trotted around when McGrath bombed Shumway to left to flip the score. Portland would put Gomez and Mora on the corners with one out in the bottom 4th, but Perry eviscerated both Tovias and Gerster on strikes to quell the threat. Top 5th, Braun and Murphy opened with singles, and while Murphy hit into a fielder’s choice, Shumway conceded a run on an 0-2 single up the middle conceded to Perry, who was then caught stealing (!!) before Mike Matias struck out to also strand Bross on third base, but the hole was now two runs.

Bottom 5th, Shumway tried to get revenge, too, and lobbed a leadoff single into shallow right. Ramos (to center) and Stalker (to left) also hit soft singles, loading the bases with nobody out for Harenberg, who held laudably still to draw four balls in a row to push home the pitcher. Much in contrast to that: Jamieson, who cracked a ball into a 6-2-3 double play (…) and Gomez with a household groundout to short. Shumway held on for seven, but was still on a 3-2 hook when Ramos opened the bottom 7th with a single to right. Stalker singled over Miller’s head, but Ramos only reached second base on the close play, then third when Harenberg flew out to right. And then Jamieson hit into another double play, this time the household 6-4-3 variety. GODDAMNIT!!! Top 8th, Surginer got blown up on a leadoff double by ****ing Chris Miller, then a ****ing homer by ****ing Shane Sanks, who stole the ****ing Player of the Year title from ****ing Rich Hereford ****ing last year. The Raccoons got Mora (who forced out Gomez) and Gerster (double) into scoring position in the bottom 8th, but when Matt Nunley pinch-hit for ****ing Kevin Surginer, the Condors unveiled ****ing David Kipple, a long-ago discard by the Coons, who got Nunley to ground out to throw that chance away, too. But the game was not over yet; Ramos opened the ninth with a groundout, but Stalker singled and Harenberg doubled, putting them in scoring position with the tying run drawing up being… Matt Jamieson, 0-for-4 with two double plays and a strikeout in the game. The bench however remained pathetic, too. Jamieson remained in there, took a strike, another one, and then belched an unassuming fastball over the fence for a 420-footer. That one actually tied the game. Holy - … what? The Condors exchanged pitchers, bringing righty Alex Ramos, while the Coons had a hunch and sent Magallanes to bat for Gomez, which was more of an OBP chance here given that Gomez was not exactly swatting ‘em. Ramos promptly walked him and Magallanes advanced on Mora’s grounder, bringing up Tovias, himself 0-4 on a million strikeouts. Like Jamieson, he turned it around with a homer, this one to right and ending the game. 7-5 Coons!? Ramos 3-5; Stalker 3-5; Harenberg 2-4, BB, 2B, RBI; Magallanes (PH) 0-0, BB; Gerster 2-3, BB, 2B;

Wait, what just happened?

In any case, Jamieson very narrowly escaped being yelled at big time here. Very narrowly!

Raccoons (28-24) vs. Indians (25-29) – June 1-3, 2029

After an off day on the 31st, the Indians came in. The season series with them was tied at three and they were middling in many categories. Sixth in runs scored, fifth in runs allowed. Their rotation was pretty good, fourth with a 3.58 ERA, but their pen was the stuff of horror flicks, sitting second from the bottom in ERA (but the Coons were only one spot ahead of them…). We took note of the Indians’ second-worst OBP (.316), but their tendency to hit extra bases and to swipe a bag if they didn’t. They also had a great defense, so more double play incoming for our guys…

Projected matchups:
Dan Delgadillo (6-3, 4.37 ERA) vs. Mark Matthews (2-6, 7.45 ERA)
Rin Nomura (1-2, 2.70 ERA) vs. David Saccoccio (5-4, 1.81 ERA)
Mark Roberts (5-4, 4.57 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (8-4, 3.77 ERA)

The Coons skipped dismal Billy Ramm when they got the perfect chance due to the off day on Thursday, an opportunity the Indians did not take, sending the battered Matthews in as the vanguard of three righties.

Game 1
IND: SS Pizano – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Plunkett – LF J. Williams – 2B Schneller – CF Zanches – C Paiz – 3B Ryder – P Matthews
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – CF Mora – RF Gomez – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – P Delgadillo

Numbero uno prospect Dan Schneller had made his major league debut a few weeks back and was so far batting .250 with 2 RBI in the Bigs. He struck out against the first Coon he faced, Yusneldan, who sat down a string of Indians to begin the game until Zachary Ryder’s 1-out double in the third inning that went into the rightfield corner. Two grounders to Nunley stranded that runner, though, and Matt was also the only Raccoon to reach base the first time through, drawing a walk in the bottom 3rd. Top 4th, leadoff single by Jon Gonzalez, who moved up on a disputed balk call that unnerved Delgadillo into walked Jake Williams and giving up an RBI single to Schneller up the middle. Jon Gonzalez was safe at home, but also injured in a violent collision with Elias Tovias, who just dusted himself off while the 2026 World Series MVP was helped off the field with a thigh injury, to be replaced by Alex Aleman. Delgadillo’s unravelment was completed with a first-pitch homer by Alex Zanches, putting the Indians up 4-0. Aleman reached base with a walk in the fifth, then stole TWO bases before scoring on a single by Mike Plunkett, who thus extended a hitting streak to 11 games while burying the Coons five deep. Those Coons for the second time this week faced a pitcher with an abysmal ERA and could do NOTHING against him, even when the Indians made TWO errors in the bottom 5th. The home team’s lineup kept sucking on… Before Rafael Gomez hit a clean single to center in the seventh inning, their only base hit had been an infield single by non other than speedster Kevin Harenberg. IN THE SEVENTH!! Nunley walked after the Gomez single, and Tovias hit into a double play to end the inning. Bottom 8th, Butch Gerster hit a leadoff single that knocked out Matthews in a 3-hit shutout (much confidence on display here), and they were on the corners after Ramos singled off J.R. Hreha. Stalker’s RBI double made this some sort of chance, but the inning fizzled out with ****ty outs from the middle of the order, with only Jamieson at least getting Ramos in with a sac fly. Bottom 9th, Alfredo Quintana allowed a leadoff double to Gomez, then picked him off second base (…!) before Chris Baldwin’s pinch-hit triple. Tovias brought that run in with a grounder, but might as well not have… Gerster flew out to right. 6-3 Indians. Baldwin (PH) 1-1, 3B;

The amount of rank stupidity on display here was so ginormous, it will take me weeks and months to dole out an appropriate amount of yellings.

Game 2
IND: SS Pizano – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Plunkett – C Kennett – LF Aleman – 3B T. Johnson – CF Ryder – 2B Schneller – P Saccoccio
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – RF Mora – 3B Nunley – CF Magallanes – C Tovias – P Nomura

Jon Gonzalez was back in there on a balky leg, but you wouldn’t have noticed. He drove in the first run in the game, a 1-out RBI single to score Pizano from second base, which he had stolen, in the third inning. Pizano got to 16 steals with that theft off Nomura, who would not see anybody bat lefty in this lineup, compared to Ramos, who seemed absolutely stuck at 17. The Raccoons would not put anybody on base with less than two outs until the fourth inning when Jamieson hit a leadoff single… only to be doubled off on a Harenberg grounder. Worst thing was that the booze was not helping and I was out of bleach, ink, or other spices. Bottom 5th – Nunley drew a leadoff walk and Magallanes hit a snort for a single to left, two on and nobody out. Tovias struck out in a full count, Nomura popped up, and Ramos grounded back to the mound. The Arrowheads scratched out a second run in the sixth inning with a leadoff single by Plunkett, an Elliott Kennett groundout, and then an infield single by Aleman that moved Plunkett to third for scoring on Todd Johnson’s long F8 to Magallanes. Rin, at times a strikeout would help!

And just when Kevin Harenberg was about to run up enough bad boy points for a public flogging before the Sunday game, he tied the game – out of the blue, too – with a 2-run homer in the bottom 6th. Stalker had led off with a single to center. And just after THAT had happened, Nomura was dismembered in the seventh. Dan Schneller with ANOTHER leadoff single, then an RBI triple by the pest Pizano and a quick RBI single by Gonzalez. Nomura was yanked after walking Plunkett, with Kevin Surginer just barely getting out of the inning. The Coons got a 2-out triple from Sean Catella in the bottom 7th, but of course with nobody on and without Ramos getting the ball past the infielders, either. The Indians then blew up Bobby Reed for good in the eighth inning. Leadoff walk on four pitches to Johnson, then a Ryder single and a walk issued to Schneller to fill them up. Nick Herman hit a 2-out single in Saccoccio’s spot to knock out Reed, who retired NOBODY, and when Ricky Ohl replaced him he allowed another single and an RBI to Pizano, who promptly also stole another base, keeping runners in scoring position with nobody out. Gonzalez whiffed, and Plunkett flew out to right, but Mora threw away the ball as Herman bid for home and was charged an error. Kennett singled home Pizano, 9-2 by now, and only Williams struck out to end the inning. That still wasn’t all – we still managed to fit in Dan Schneller’s first major league homer, a 2-run shot off Garavito in the ninth inning. 11-2 Indians. Jamieson 2-4; Ivey (PH) 1-1; Magallanes 2-4; Catella (PH) 1-1, 3B;

Bobby Reed (10.38 ERA) was culled right after this game and sent to St. Petersburg. This time we brought up something actually resembling a prospect, 2025 fourth-rounder Matt Stonecipher from Rhode Island, who had an 0.45 ERA in 20 innings in AAA, walking seven and whiffing 19.

Game 3
IND: SS Pizano – 1B Jon Gonzalez – RF Plunkett – C Kennett – LF Aleman – 3B T. Johnson – CF Ryder – 2B Schneller – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 1B Harenberg – CF Mora – 3B Nunley – RF Baldwin – C Ivey – P Roberts

Pizano opened this one with a single to left and Roberts would have an eagle eye on him as soon as he was on first base. He should not pass here, not on his watch! Roberts watched him so intently, he rubbed an itching nose with his foot on the rubber and was called out for a balk, but SOMEHOW Pizano was not plated with a two pops and a strikeout in the inning. Bressner also balked in the first, Ramos from second to third to be precise after he had hit a leadoff double. Stalker plated him with a groundout for an early 1-0 edge that surived the early innings despite a 2-out triple that PIzano hit over Mora in the top 3rd. Jon Gonzalez flew out to center to end the inning. Bottom 3rd, the Coons rapped off straight singles to load the bases, with one problem being that Roberts hit the first single and then remained a roadblock for the trailing runners. Jamieson batted with three on and nobody out and now I had the eagle eye and kept waiting for stupid **** to unravel. I would not be disappointed; Jamieson hit into a garden variety 4-6-3 double play that scored Roberts before Harenberg struck out to keep it 2-0. Weren’t they just outrageous?

The Arrowheads put the tying runs on base in the fourth, when Roberts walked a pair, and the fifth, when Bressner singled with two strikes on him and Nunley chipped in a 2-out error chasing Jon Gonzalez’ grounder. Neither situation spiraled onto the important R column on the board, but unnerving they were nevertheless. Mark Roberts – Launchpad, Model, Furball, and Slugger rolled into one – hit a 1-out double in the bottom 5th against Bressner, and before long the bags were full after four quite wide ones with intent to Ramos, plus a Stalker single, and now Jamieson was batting with one out. I tried to sneak to the closet with Maud’s crossbow, but she had none of that, and so Jamieson’s next double play grounder went unpunished.

Roberts finished six, but also got over 100 pitches doing so, which set the Coons up for a bullpen blowup. Abel Mora hit a stray homer off Bressner in the bottom 6th, extending the lead to 3-0 before Fleischer got the ball to face the 8-9-1 batters in the seventh. He whiffed three… with a Pizano single in between, but he did strike out Gonzalez in a full count to end the frame. Ramos responded with a single in the bottom 7th, stole second – his first sack of the week – and scored on a Stalker single to scratch out the extra run. The Indians responded by putting two on against Surginer in the eighth, but did not score, then two more against Brotman in the ninth. Boles thus came on with two outs to face the streaking Plunkett, ran a 3-1 count, then surrendered a long drive to right that somehow dropped into the mitt of Sean Catella before it could cause a major frenzy. 4-0 Blighters. Ramos 3-3, BB, 2B; Stalker 3-4, 2 RBI; Roberts 6.0 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (6-4) and 2-2, 2B;

In other news

May 29 – The Loggers’ 1B Wilson Aquino (.244, 1 HR, 19 RBI) chips in four hits, including two doubles and a triple, and 4 RBI in a 14-7 slugfest win over the Thunder.
June 1 – CHA 2B/3B Tomas Delgado (.197, 2 HR, 10 RBI) could miss most of the remaining games this year with a ruptured finger tendon.
June 2 – The Pacifics rally past the Gold Sox with a pair of 6-spots in the seventh and eighth innings to claim a 15-6 win. LAP RF/LF Oscar Mendoza (.286, 6 HR, 31 RBI) drives in five runs from the leadoff spot.
June 2 – The Aces will miss 2B/SS Andres Medina (.310, 9 HR, 26 RBI) for a month. The 32-year-old switch-hitter will have to sit with a groin strain.
June 3 – The Scorpions rout the Warriors, 15-6, but actually trail until the eighth inning, scoring a dozen runs in the last three frames. SAC SS/3B Matthew Crabtree (.261, 2 HR, 23 RBI) drives in seven runs on three hits, including a ninth-inning grand slam off SFW MR Vinny Olguin (0-0, 8.49 ERA).
June 3 – The Falcons out-hit the Thunder, 18-11, but still go down to an 11-8 defeat on the strength of the Thunder’s 9-run seventh inning. CHA 3B/SS Michael Hobbs (.281, 6 HR, 35 RBI) leads all players with 4 RBI in a 3-hit effort.
June 3 – PIT SS Josh Peddle (.330, 4 HR, 13 RBI) is out for the year with a broken elbow.
June 3 – WAS LF/RF Josh Stevenson (.318, 2 HR, 11 RBI) ends a 16-inning affair against the Blue Sox with a walkoff homer off NAS MR Matt Goga (1-1, 4.05 ERA).

Complaints and stuff

Another week that felt like no more than ten minutes … in an underwater maze. I call the Critters lucky to escape with a 3-3 record *and* gain a game on the Titans, who lost on Sunday, the first time all week that those two teams’ fortunes diverted on any given day.

We will have ample time to discuss matters regarding the division lead with them next week, which will see the Coons play four in Boston. Weird scheduling around the interleague games here has us then fly back out west to play the Scorpions at home before heading to the East Coast *again* for a 3-city trip, and we will be back in Boston at the very end of the month, making it three trips to the other coast in June. In turn, the schedule only has us play one full series east of the Mississippi in July (@ Charlotte), and NONE in August, when the furthest east we’ll go will be Oklahoma.

This week, the Raccoons faced two pitchers with wildly terrible ERA’s. Those two pitchers went 15+ innings and allowed ONE run between them, and that run scored after the starter’s departure (Matthews on Friday) on the watch of the respective pen.

The blowout on Saturday was the franchise’s 4,100th regular season loss. It sure was in style…! But the most outrageous thing this week were surely Matt Jamieson’s four double plays with either the bags stacked or runners on the corners. I mean… I mean… I mean, what?? We know this team could aptly be named the Portland Clutchless, but COME ON…!

Fun Fact: Mark Roberts, who completed ten years of service time this week, has never put up an ERA+ under 100 in his career.

…well except for this year (93). The good news is that he is improving rapidly from his shambles start. He got bombed seven times in his first three starts; three times in his next four starts; and only one in the five starts since, and he allowed no runs in 13 innings this week, picking up two of our three wins (the other was Tovias’ walkoff against the Condors).

Maybe the $9,517,283.95 left on the deal are not entirely lost yet…