[Westheim]

The week started with an off day on Monday, which didn’t mean that there was no drama. I tried to sort out more splendid news delivered by the Druid – John Hennessy had bone spurs in his elbow and was maybe out for the season – and a surprise early appearance by Nick Valdes, who repeatedly expressed his utmost concerns for the team’s blech start to the season. I had little choice but to nod and repeat every word he said to try to calm him, at least until he saw Maud walk in. She put a bowl with strawberries on the table next to the trusty old brown couch that had soaked so many tears and would soak so many more. The strawberries would completely absorb Valdes’ attention and after he gobbled in the bowl’s worth of berries on the table and was ready to start heckling me again, I asked for another bowl from Maud, calmly dropped berry by berry in a trail on the floor right into a walk-in closet in the hallway, where I put the bowl at the far end. Valdes went in, picking up berries as he went, and I slammed the door behind him and locked it.

Raccoons (14-22) vs. Crusaders (17-19) – May 20-22, 2031

The Crusaders had lost four in a row to drop under .500, and both teams were already more than ten games out of the first-place Loggers. The first-place Loggers. Always sounds weird. They were allowing the fifth-fewest runs in the CL, and were scoring the seventh-most. They were not near in the top in any notable statistical category. This was our first meeting with them in 2031. We got romped for 13 losses against them last year.

Projected matchups:
Jason Gurney (0-0, 4.50 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (1-3, 3.32 ERA)
Rico Gutierrez (0-5, 5.82 ERA) vs. Chris Rountree (3-3, 3.10 ERA)
Dave Martinez (2-1, 3.27 ERA) vs. Mike Rutkowski (2-5, 3.00 ERA)

We expected the Crusaders to skip Keith Roofener (1-3, 5.82 ERA), which would bring Rountree into the middle game on Wednesday; he was their only left-hander. If Roofener was NOT skipped, we’d get the southpaw on Thursday.

There were three left-handed options in AAA to replace Hennessy with, which included previous nightmares Trevor Draper and Jeremy Moesker. Neither was on the 40-man roster; only David Fernandez was. The 25-year-old Minnesotan had been our fifth-rounder in the 2027 draft. He had more runs allowed than innings pitched in St. Pete this year, but we could not be all that picky right now… I repeat – Draper and Moesker…

Game 1
NYC: 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Fowlkes – SS Obando – CF Coca – RF Reardon – C Dear – 3B Czachor – LF Jo. Richardson – P R. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – RF Wallace – LF Hereford – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – C Tovias – P Gurney

The Raccoons remained rancid, leaving the bases loaded in the first inning after singles by Stalker and Nunley, plus Hereford getting nailed at 0-2, only for Joe Vanatti to strike out pathetically. Ramos was on base in the third, was caught stealing, and the early innings would not yield a run for us, while the Crusaders did get a marker in the second, which began with a Matt Dear double right through Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, and ended with a run-scoring groundout by Ryan Czachor. Guillermo Obando would double home Mario Hurtado in the fifth, 2-0, and it only got worse in the sixth. Dear hit a double off the fence to begin the inning, Gurney walked Czachor, and John Richardson dropped in an RBI single to make it 3-0. Gurney got a poor out from Robby Gonzalez, then was removed with nothing but right-handed bats anywhere near him. Fleischer got out of the inning without a complete meltdown, which was always worth mentioning these days… But any good impression had to be seamlessly erased; Fleischer walked the bases full in the seventh, and when he was yanked for Garavito to face John Richardson, the lefty hitter clubbed a ball up the middle for a 2-run single. But what did a few more runs for New York matter when the Raccoons couldn’t have had any less success at the plate if they had exchanged their bats for a pile of empty pickle jars? The Coons did get a run in the bottom 7th, but that was aided by a Tony Coca error that allowed Joe Vanatti to gain an extra base on a single. Jarod Howden scored him with a base knock, but that would be it for the inning. Bottom 8th, Robby Gonzalez and Chris Myers walked Nunley and Wallace, respectively, but Hereford couldn’t get the ball to drop in with one out, and when the Raccoons sent Matt Jamieson to hit for Vanatti to face the lefty Myers, the Crusaders sent a right-hander in Dan Lyke, who got the inning-ending strikeout. Down by a slam in the ninth, we called the major league debut for David Fernandez, who would face Richardson to begin his career. He would secure two grounders from Richardson and PH Chris Owen, then allowed singles to Hurtado and Pat Fowlkes. Another right-hander was up in Obando, who lined a ball right into Jarod Howden’s cup. Howden, the dumb pig, wincingly fell onto first base with the ball in the glove, which was good enough a third out for my taste. No Raccoons rally materialized in the bottom 9th besides a 2-out single by Sean Catella. Ramos popped out to Obando to end the game. 5-1 Crusaders. Nunley 2-3, BB; Howden 2-4, 2B, RBI; Catella 1-1;

Oh ****, who let Valdes out of the clo- – What is it? Whether we have more strawberries? Uh. Maud? – MAUD??

Game 2
NYC: 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Fowlkes – SS Obando – CF Coca – RF Reardon – C Dear – 3B Czachor – LF Jo. Richardson – P Roofener
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Nunley – RF Wallace – LF Hereford – C Tovias – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – P Gutierrez

Valdes left to inspect his rape factory in Walla Walla – I’m sure I misunderstood something there – but the 25-headed hydra of misery remained. Rico Gutierrez had a non-horrendous inning to begin Wednesday’s contest, and then the Raccoons would load the bases without making an out. Wallace hit a deep fly to right that looked outta here, but wasn’t, and wasn’t even in there, either. Wallace had to settle for a sac fly, scoring Ramos, and Hereford added an RBI single, but Tovias and Howden both popped out ineffectively. The Crusaders did the 3-base shuffle in the second with Rico Gutierrez having little to offer in terms of stuff and control, but Richardson’s fly was caught in shallow left by Hereford, and Roofener struck out for a nice change, which gave Rico Gutierrez all of TEN strikeouts in 40.2 innings this year. The Crusaders put two more on in the third inning, but one of them – Tony Coca – was caught stealing third base by Elias Tovias, who then also had one of the bushel of singles the Coons hit off Roofener in the bottom 3rd. Nunley and Wallace provided targets, and Tovias and Howden collected 2-out RBI singles to extend the lead to 4-0.

Rico Gutierrez pissed away almost all of that 4-0 lead in the fifth. John Richardson hit a leadoff jack before the Crusaders made two outs. Fowlkes then singled to center, Obando tripled to left-center, and Coca hit a clean single to left to get all the way back to 4-3 after four messy, but at least successful innings. In 2031, success was alien to Rico Gutierrez. It was not in his blood, or mind.

Bottom 5th, Nunley with a leadoff single against the reeling Roofener, and Wallace hit a ball to left-center for a double. Two insurance runs in scoring position with no outs – and the Crusaders did the sensible thing and walked Rich Hereford intentionally to doom the Coons with three runners aboard and nobody out. How were they supposed to score NOW?? Tovias hit a comebacker to get Nunley out at home by the narrow margin of about 60 feet. Howeden grounded to left, but past the reach of Czachor, who seemed to have been around for at least as long as Matt Nunley, but was actually only 34. One run scored on the single, and another one came home on Vanatti’s grounder to second when the the Crusaders failed to turn two on the Critters. Czachor spoiled a soft liner by Gutierrez to end the inning with a 6-3 score.

After dragging Gutierrez through the sixth, Chris Wise delivered a calmer seventh inning. He would make room for a pinch-hitter with one out in the bottom of the seventh after Victor Alvarez had just loaded the bags with Tovias, Howden, and Vanatti. He flew out to plenty deep right for a sac fly, and Ramos grounded out to strand a pair. Alvarez put Wallace on base with two outs in the eighth though, and the Crusaders just wanted to get the game over with without using another pitcher, but had to make a change when Alvarez hung a ball to Rich Hereford that was GONE and extended the lead to six, which also ended up being the final margin of victory. 9-3 Furballs. Wallace 2-3, BB, 2B, RBI; Hereford 2-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI; Tovias 2-5, RBI; Howden 3-4, 2 RBI;

That was the first win of the season for Rico Gutierrez.

Between the last two games, the Crusaders traded outfielder Drew Olszewski (.273, 1 HR, 10 RBI), who had not appeared in this series, to the Thunder for right-hander Matt Bosse (1-2, 7.88 ERA) and a prospect.

Game 3
NYC: 2B M. Hurtado – 1B Fowlkes – SS Obando – CF Coca – RF Reardon – C Dear – LF Jo. Richardso – 3B Czachor – P Rountree
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – 3B Hereford – RF Wallace – C Tovias – 1B Howden – CF Baldwin – P Martinez

Howden and Ramos made errors in the first two innings, but it didn’t lead to measurable offense for the Crusaders, while after Hereford and Wallace reached base to begin the bottom 2nd, Tovias and Howden hit a pair of groundouts that advanced runners. Howden plated Hereford with the first marker of the game, and Wallace would come across on a wild pitch. Baldwin walked with two outs, advanced on ANOTHER wild pitch, but Martinez flew out to center to end the inning. Errors remained a topic in the game; Czachor fired badly on a Wallace grounder in the fourth, with the ball sailing well over the head of Pat Fowlkes at first base and into the stands behind it. The error came with Hereford on first base after a leadoff walk, so the Critters had two in scoring position with nobody down for Tovias, who became the first of three Coons to hit singles back-to-back-to-back off the unlucky Rountree. Tovias and Howden both got another RBI, and it was 4-0 with the bags full and no outs for Martinez, who fell to 1-2, but rather than just striking out he poked and grounded into a run-scoring double play, 5-0. Ramos grounded out to end the inning.

Dave Martinez continued to hold the Crusaders short. They had only three base runners in the first three innings, and added only two more in the next three, getting to third base only once through six frames. In the seventh Martinez walked two batters, both on only four pitches, but after Dear reached base to begin the inning, John Richardson hit into a double play. When Czachor walked, Abel Mora pinch-hit for the Crusaders. He was only a .207 hitter for the season and struck out to drop his average even further. The top of the order disappeared quickly in the eighth, and Martinez got to start the ninth inning with 107 pitches on the clock and a token reliever standing up and soft-tossing in the bullpen. But leadoff singles by Coca and Reardon ended the attempt at the shutout rather quickly. Fleischer came in, walked Matt Dear, three on and nobody out, and we sighed and simultaneously started to warm up Josh Boles. Fleischer got a run-scoring groundout from Richardson, rung up Czachor, and when the Crusaders sent left-handed Chris Owen to bat in the pitcher’s spot, Boles came in. Three pitches, three strikes, and a series win for the Coons! 5-1 Raccoons. Ramos 2-4; Wallace 2-3, BB; Tovias 2-4, RBI; Howden 2-4, 2 RBI; Baldwin 1-2, BB; Martinez 8.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, W (3-1);

This second W even moved us out of the cellar for at least the night; the Elks had dropped a string of games and were now in sixth place.

Raccoons (16-23) vs. Aces (13-28) – May 23-25, 2031

Five straight season series wins, including 5-4 last year, were on the line against the Aces. This team ranked second from the bottom in terms of runs scored, which was bad, admittedly, but not nearly as bad as their pitching. They had been completely blasted in the first quarter of the season, conceding the most runs by far, and about 5.4 markers per game. Their rotation was the absolute worst in the league, and the pen was still in the bottom three in the Continental League.

Projected matchups:
Ed Hague (2-1, 4.46 ERA) vs. Chris Guyett (0-6, 6.37 ERA)
Mark Roberts (2-3, 4.24 ERA) vs. Andy Palomares (5-2, 3.77 ERA)
Jason Gurney (0-1, 4.76 ERA) vs. Jamie Klages (0-2, 3.16 ERA)

All righties for this weekend set; the Aces also had several injury concerns, currently had catcher Josh motley in injury limbo, and were without Jon Gonzalez, who had gone to the DL in April after batting .333 with two homers and was still no back from a partially torn labrum. The tear was said to be minor and he was expected back in early June. Well, he’s a first baseman. How often does he have to throw a ball?

Game 1
LVA: 3B Borchardt – LF Dunlap – RF Orozco – 1B Barrientos – C Pizzo – 2B Price – SS Schlegelmilch – CF Hatley – P Guyett
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Nunley – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – 2B Hereford – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – C Leal – P Hague

This game began with a threat of weather going to impede proceedings at some point down the road, but for now let’s stick to facts rather than forecasts. There were TWO guys in that Aces lineup that were batting at least .250 or more, Tom Dunlap and Ramiro Barrientos, and they made all three outs in the opening inning after Ed Hague and lapsed Joel Borchardt on base on nothing but balls, Dunlap grounded out, Ruben Orozco reached on an error by Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, but then Barrientos hit into the double play to get Hague out of “runners on the corners, uh-oh, this is going wrong”. In the bottom 1st, Ramos reached on a leadoff walk, then became the first guy caught stealing by Mike Pizzo all season long, which is also a nice badge to wear… Top 2nd, Pizzo led off with a single, getting his average all the way to .214, and after Corey Price and Ted Schlegelmilch made a pair of outs, Nick Hatley was walked intentionally to get the pitcher up with two outs. Guyett singled in a 3-1 count, plating Pizzo for the first run of the game. Joel Borchardt singled to left on 3-0, getting another run in, Dunlap singled to load them up, Orozco hit a 2-run single, Barrientos had an RBI single, and Pizzo had a 2-run double. At that point it was 7-0, Hague looked spooked, and the fans wanted his head and weren’t shy about it. So we removed him from the game and let the crowd know via public address system where his car was parked. They would sort that out to their own emotional fulfillment.

Nick Derks was in for what the rulebook described as “relief pitching”, but was neither one nor the other. He threw a wild pitch to move Pizzo to third before Price popped out to finally end the second inning, then threw another wild pitch in the third inning. That one came after a walk to Schlegelmilch and a 3-1 single by Guyett had moved runners to the corners, and thus allowed Schlegelmilch to score, 8-0. Derks was shanked after a walk to Borchardt and we went to Fernandez. The rookie struck out Dunlap, then threw ANOTHER pitch past Leal. Didn’t matter; he walked Orozco anyway. Barrientos grounded out to Nunley to end the inning. Fernandez would end up collecting eight outs without being charged a run, which was more than we had hoped for at this point. He was pinch-hit for in the bottom 5th of a 7-run deficit (Jimmy Wallace had gone yard in the fourth, but the park remained subdued, most fans being busy throwing more bricks through Hague’s windshield) and Howden and Vanatti in scoring position with one out. Ryan Allan pinch-hit, grounded out to score a run, but that was not how to keep a wannabe rally going. Ramos flew out, keeping the Coons down by six. Fernandez turned out to be the last Coons pitcher to log an out. Chris Wise appeared in the sixth, but only allowed a single before the rains broke over the park and it quickly got very, very wet, which was not good news for the leather seats in Hague’s battered sports car, although maybe the rain would put out the fire… The game went to a delay rather soon and was also called quickly with the forecast for the rest of the night being extremely dire. 8-2 Aces. Wallace 1-2, HR, RBI; Hereford 1-2; Howden 1-2; Vanatti 1-1, BB; Fernandez 2.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K;

This was the last game for Ryan Allan, who, batting .176, found himself on waivers by Saturday morning. If this disastrous series opener had gone the distance we would have needed a reliever, but besides Fernandez nobody was off limits for Saturday, and maybe stay away from Wise. Also, Roberts was probably our second-best starter now…? Maybe I should pray to Odilon more often.

Wilson Rodriguez was recalled from AAA after having batted .154 for the Coons in a brief stint earlier this year. He was at .267 with two homers in St. Pete.

The Aces meanwhile found out that Josh Motley (.225, 1 HR, 9 RBI) was done for the year with a broken kneecap.

Game 2
LVA: SS Baer – LF Dunlap – 2B Yi – 3B Borchardt – C Scheffer – CF Price – RF Crow – 1B Barrientos – P Palomares
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – 3B Nunley – 1B Howden – C Tovias – CF Vanatti – P Roberts

Jimmy Wallace gave everybody something to cheer about with a 3-run bomb in the opening inning. Stalker and Jamieson had hit singles ahead of him. Mark Roberts kept all the Ace off Base the first time through, but struck out only Palomares, and had five balls hit out to Jamieson. None of them threatened to leave the yard, but he was also *behind* many of the hitters, so this was a perfecto bid to be rather suspicious about… it was also out the window by the fourth, where Tom Dunlap drew a 1-out walk, but that again was sandwiched by strikeouts, so maybe Roberts would actually be fine!

Palomares would take off the no-hitter with a 1-out single in the sixth, a soft liner that passed six inches over the desperately jumping Ramos’ glove, but that was the only other base runner the Aces garnered through six, although Roberts had also reached 87 pitches with a bunch of 3-ball counts especially early on. And no, the Coons’ offense had not gone home in the meantime… not literally, at least. But from the Wallace bomb through the end of six, they also only had two base hits and nobody remotely near scoring as the game steadfastly remained 3-0. Seven innings would then be all for Roberts, though. He fell behind to all four batters he faced; Philip Scheffer hit a 2-out single, but the Aces expired on a grounder and two pops, but Roberts was done with 105 pitches. The Critters finally tacked on a run in the bottom 7th on back-to-back doubles to right or right-center smashed by Jamieson and Wallace, which gave young Jimmy all the RBI in the game. This didn’t mean there was no trouble from here on out; Fleischer and Garavito did the eighth after a double switch that removed Wallace from the #4 spot, but Garavito put Todd Baer and Tom Dunlap on base to begin the ninth inning. The Coons went to Ricky Ohl now, with right-handers up although this was already a save situation – and the move worked out. In-chul Yi whiffed, Joel Borchardt grounded to short, and Ramos started the game-ending 6-4-3 double play. 4-0 Critters. Jamieson 2-3, BB, 2B; Wallace 2-4, HR, 2B, 4 RBI; Hereford (PH) 1-1; Roberts 7.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K, W (3-3);

Game 3
LVA: SS Bear – LF Dunlap – 2B Yi – 3B Borchardt – C Scheffer – CF Price – RF Crow – 1B Barrientos – P Klages
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Wallace – 3B Hereford – 1B Howden – C Tovias – CF Vanatti – P Gurney

Alberto Ramos’ stolen base success this year was not overwhelming to say the least; barely over 60% in fact. But he did get the team going in the first on Sunday, with him and Jamieson pooling together for a Ramos Special on a leadoff walk, second base being scooped, and Jamieson doubling down the leftfield line to get him in. While that was regrettably again all for the offense in the first round of pokes, Gurney at least pulled a Roberts and retired the Aces in order the first time through, whiffing a pair. Todd Bear opened the fourth with a single, but was stranded on three fly outs. With that we had already narrated half the base hits the game would see through six innings; Wallace in the fourth and Stalker in the sixth would land a knock for the Critters; neither came as far as third base.

Gurney was yanked after only 75 pitches when he allowed a leadoff single to Dunlap in the seventh, soon followed by a walk to Yi. The trouble was real, and we sent for Chris Wise to face Borchardt, but the Aces had pinch-hitters, too. They sent left-handed batter Andy Montes, who popped out over the infield. The switch-hitting Scheffer hit a bouncer to Hereford, but way too slow to turn two; the only out was made at first base, so the tying and go-ahead runs were now in scoring position. Now the Aces moved first and sent Nick Hatley to hit for Price, a move the Critters countered with Garavito, who secured an inning-ending grounder to Tim Stalker. Barrientos did hit a single off Garavito in the eighth (and that was a lefty batter), but Garavito got the second out from PH Ruben Orozco, then came a double switch. Ohl and Nunley in for Garavito and Hereford, and Ricky got a lazy pop to shallow center from Todd Baer to end the inning. Portland got nobody on base in the bottom 8th, so it would be only Josh Boles and the 1-0 lead in the ninth against the 2-3-4 batters. Dunlap took strike three. Yi bounced out to Ramos. Schlegelmilch swung three times and never hit anything. 1-0 Furballs! Stalker 1-2; Jamieson 1-3, 2B, RBI; Gurney 6.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (1-1);

In other news

May 19 – ATL CL Mike Greene (1-1, 3.46 ERA, 6 SV) is out for the season with a torn flexor tendon in his elbow.
May 20 – Nashville’s OF Federico Nuno (.222, 3 HR, 16 RBI) is going to miss two months with a broken hamate bone in his wrist.
May 21 – CIN 2B/SS Omar Maysonet (.220, 3 HR, 15 RBI) drives in four runs on three hits from the leadoff spot in a 14-3 whacking of the Capitals.
May 22 – TIJ SP Ethan Jordan (4-3, 4.05 ERA) 3-hits the Falcons in a 1-0 shutout.
May 23 – TIJ LF/CF Yeong-ha Sung (.325, 1 HR, 14 RBI) hits a home run for the only tally in the Condors’ 1-0 win over the Canadiens.
May 25 – Condors and Canadiens play for seven hours and 21 innings before the Canadiens walk off on a home run by Fernando Garcia (.223, 5 HR, 16 RBI) off TIJ MR Mike Simcoe (2-1, 1.86 ERA), the first tally in 14 innings. Three players go the distance and post oh-fers; VAN 3B Matt Anton (.254, 3 HR, 17 RBI) has the decency to walk three times while going 0-for-6, scoring a run early. The Condors’ Omar Camacho (.217, 3 HR, 19 RBI) walks twice, but goes 0-for-8, and his teammate and Friday’s hero LF/CF Yeong-ha Sung (.290, 1 HR, 14 RBI) makes nothing but outs in a grim 0-for-9 performance.
May 25 – The Capitals get shut out on two hits by the Gold Sox’ SP Ian Prevost (1-5, 3.35 ERA, 1 SV) and four relievers; the game goes 14 innings until it is decided by an RBI single hit by DEN OF Rafael Torruellas (.345, 0 HR, 8 RBI), 1-0 Gold Sox.
May 25 – A 2-hit shutout is etched into the record books in the name of TOP SP David Elliott (4-5, 3.93 ERA), who strikes out five Warriors in a 5-0 Buffaloes win.

Complaints and stuff

The Knights’ Kevin Harenberg was Player of the Week for the last seven days, hitting .379 with 3 HR and 7 RBI. He is .305 with 6 HR and 20 RBI on the year. And the Critters? Stuck with Jarod Howden, .266/.308/.333 and four errors. The dumb pig.

Signs of things falling apart that extend beyond the crummy team record and terrible individual statistics? Rich Hereford personally told me he was not okay with not playing every day, and I was supposed to fix that pronto for him, and Ricky Ohl expressed confidence that he could be the team’s closer rather than Boles, that loser boy. Let me see, you two twats have already blown eight saves between another this year. I think Slappy would be a better closer if he wasn’t that averse to even basic movement and if we could peel him off the couch!

Our run differential isn’t even all that bad… 160 runs scored, 168 runs allowed. But the rotation is at least two fifths nightmare, and it is hard to get into a groove when you have to brace for the worst almost every other game… Yeah, Rico actually won a game this week. But he can’t get ANYBODY out. He has *2.0* K/9 this season. TWO! If we’d throw any old position player in there they’d probably manage to get two strikeouts in nine innings! In fact, to further depression, let’s just list ALL of Rico’s strikeouts this season…

April 9 – Bot 13th – IND John Baron – swinging
April 9 – Bot 13th – IND Mike Cowan – swinging
April 13 – Bot 6th – OCT Jason Stone – swinging
April 20 – Top 3rd – BOS David Lessman – swinging
May 3 – Bot 4th – IND John Baron (2) – swinging
May 3 – Bot 5th – IND Mike Plunkett – looking
May 15 – Top 3rd – SAL Fontana Condulmaro – swinging
May 15 – Top 4th – SAL Mario Alva – swinging
May 15 – Top 5th – SAL Jon Perez – swinging
May 21 – Top 2nd – NYC Keith Roofener – looking

That is ONE strikeout looking against a batter (Plunkett) all year long. That is… wow. The only time he struck out somebody in his first inning was in his deep relief outing (which he lost) on April 9, where the Indians probably didn’t have him on his watch in the opening series of the season. Also, John Baron needs glasses real bad. But I will let the Arrowheads find out for themselves…

Joe Vanatti is just barely batting .200, which is another one of those sad stories about proven veterans ™ coming here and doing less than nothing. At least he has yet to run smack-dab into Jimmy Wallace for out slugging rookie to require a stretcher…

If you want to remember, Wallace came on last July in a trade that sent Jose Menendez and two “failed prospects” to the Buffos. The batter involved, Joe McFarlin, is batting .168 in AA; the lefty, Izzy Chavez, has a 1.10 ERA in AAA, but then again that is with 5.5 walks per nine innings…

Alright, the team will sleepwalk down I-5 next week, stop over at the Bay of No Mercy, and then will probably then be turned into more and more gloves and hats by the Condors on the weekend. The endless off days will cease after that; only two days off in all of June, and two more in July, not counting the All Star Game.

Fun Fact: Christopher Powell struck out just under three batters per nine innings in his last two seasons combined.

But he never was a strikeout master (his career K/9 is only 3.5) and nobody was expecting anything else from a 37-year-old groundballer at that point. His entire career revolved around surrounding him with good D and watch opposing hitters’ averages sag. He also never walked anybody (1.6 BB/9 career), and once led the league in WHIP. And he had the decency to shut out the Titans in his final career start, which I doubt Rico Gutierrez will achieve.

Old Chris’ 2.9 K/9 mark is not even the lowest for a Raccoons hurler in an appreciable amount of innings in a single season.

For example, in 2008 Kenichi “Winless” Watanabe made five starts for the Raccoons, all defeats, and struck out 2.8/9 in those 22 horrendous innings. The same decade, but in the dark days of 2000, Jose Rivera struck out just 2.5 batters per nine innings while being shellacked to a 5.77 ERA as a 27-year-old. He didn’t see 30 in a major league uniform, but you know the haunting parallel to Rico Gutierrez? Rivera had won the CL ERA title just two years prior!

Going back to the infamously terrible early-day Coons now. In 1981, Jorge Romero struck out 2.4/9 and walked 1.5 times as many.

The lowest mark I could readily come up with? Matt Huber, 1977. 21 games (18 starts) before being disposed of in the trade that brought Powell over here. He threw 101 innings, struck out 18. That’s a 1.6 K/9 mark.

Honorable mention to Kinji Kan, who the 1984 Raccoons traded to Oklahoma after they couldn’t repeat the mind-numbing success of ’83. Kan struck out 3.7 per nine before the trade, and only *1.8* afterwards, for a 3.0 mark on the season. But the low-balling did not take place in Portland, so he’s only the appendix here.

Second honorable mention: Jeff Magnotta, the Coons’ #18 pick in 2012, who never had a memorable amount of innings in a season, and only 47 innings for his 3-year career. He struck out 11 batters in those 47 innings, for a 2.1 K/9 career mark. He was out of baseball at 27, and sometimes you know why.