[Westheim]

Raccoons (66-83) vs. Condors (93-56) – September 22-24, 2031

Even if the Condors were 37 games over .500, it was still garbage time for everybody involved. They had clinched their division and were just looking forward to not losing any more players to injury (they were already missing Juan Palbes among their regulars and had several more dinged up). We just wised the season over while making as little noise as possible. The Condors were fourth in runs scored, second in runs allowed, and had a +141 run differential to brag about. They led the season series, 4-2.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (2-1, 2.75 ERA) vs. George Griffin (11-4, 2.25 ERA)
Ed Hague (8-12, 4.49 ERA) vs. Joe Perry (11-8, 3.15 ERA)
Tom Shumway (2-6, 3.99 ERA) vs. Jimmy Driver (1-1, 8.53 ERA)

Right, left, right. Driver was a 24-year-old rookie that had been taken #10 in the 2028 draft and would make his first career start after some lackluster relieving.

Game 1
TIJ: LF Sung – 2B C. Miller – 3B Sanks – 1B McGrath – CF C. Murphy – RF Camps – C Wool – SS Camacho – P Griffin
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – 3B Nunley – C Ross – P Sabre

Sabre threw 37 pitches in a dismal first inning in which he actually retired the first two before Shane Sanks, the disgusting skunk weasel, singled. Following that, Sabre ran a full count to Kevin McGrath and walked him, ran a full count to Chris Murphy and walked him, a full count to Juan Camps and walked him, and a full count to Josh Wool, and walked him. Omar Camacho grounded out at 1-1, earning a scolding from his manager for stranding three in a 2-0 game. The Condors plated two more and stranded another three in an equally abysmal second inning. Griffin (…) and Yeong-ha Sung opened with singles, Sabre nailed Sanks and Camps and walked Murphy in between… somehow he was not yet buried six feet deep. Also, somehow he would then pitch three quick innings for zeroes after the abhorrence of the first two innings, not that it helped his ugly line (five walks, two strikeouts for four runs), despite George Griffin also walking five against the Raccoons, who only managed to find two base hits, and none of them with somebody in scoring position. They scored a run in the fifth when Wallace grounded out to first with the bases loaded and one down, and then Matt Jamieson feebly struck out. Griffin, who was famously short in terms of stamina, also didn’t last past the fifth inning.

The next few innings were drab, but it was still 4-1 in the eighth when 2005 Ugliest Baby Boy Sam Cass pinch-hit for Nick Bates in the #4 hole, indicating it had already been a long day, and singled to center. Left-hander Juan Garcia walked Howden on four pitches, bringing up the tying run. And then Vanatti struck out, Nunley struck out, and Toby Ross grounded out to short on the first pitch by right-hander George Barnett. Thus was the state of the Raccoons offense as the season drew to a close. But after Garavito put away the 1-2-3 Condors in 1-2-3 fashion in the top 9th, the tying run was up again with nobody out in the bottom of the inning. Mike Simcoe allowed a double to Magallanes, a single to Ramos, and they were on the corners for Tim Stalker, who beat Murphy in center to hit a 2-run double on an 0-1 pitch, cutting the gap to 4-3. Wallace struck out, Rodriguez grounded out, but Howden dropped a ball behind Omar Camacho for the game-tying single with two outs. Vanatti grounded out to short, sending the game to extras, where Ricky Ohl struck out three around a Camps single to put away the Condors. Nunley then chucked a leadoff single through Sanks against Pat Selby and was bunted to second base by Ross, after which Chris Baldwin replaced him as pinch-runner, but Magallanes and Ramos both flew out to waste the opportunity. The Critters stranded Stalker and Howden on the corners in the 11th when Robby Ciampa got Elias Tovias to pop out as pinch-hitter in the #6 slot. They then lost it in the 12th despite Ciampa putting on another pair (Magallanes, Ramos)… that came after Baldwin had drawn a leadoff walk and had been caught stealing, and also after Rico Gutierrez had surrendered the go-ahead run in the top of the inning, walking Sanks to begin the frame and allowing a 2-out RBI double to Camps. That was the decider; Tim Stalker flew out to Sung to close the curtain. 5-4 Condors. Ramos 2-5, 2 BB; Stalker 3-6, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Cass (PH) 1-1; Howden 3-5, BB, RBI; Ross 2-5; Magallanes 1-2, BB, 2B; Ohl 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 5 K;

Game 2
TIJ: LF Sung – 2B C. Miller – 3B Sanks – 1B McGrath – CF C. Murphy – RF Camps – C Wool – SS Camacho – P Perry
POR: SS Ramos – CF Magallanes – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Rodriguez – 1B Hollenbeck – C Ross – 3B Baldwin – P Hague

The Critters scored a pair on four hits in the opening frame on Tuesday. Ramos and Magallanes went to the corners via singles, with Stalker popping out, and Jamieson grounding out slowly to Sanks, but both runners advanced and Berto scored. Singles by both Wilson Rodriguez and Craig Hollenbeck (!) plated Magallanes, too, before Ross popped out to Camacho. The Condors would get on the board in the third inning, with Ed Hague issuing a leadoff walk to Camacho and having at third base with two outs when Chris Miller lifted a fly to center that Magallanes fumbled for a run-scoring error. He caught the next one off Sanks’ bat while I was jamming shot down the blunderbuss’ barrel with foam in front of my mouth. The Coons tried a comeback in the bottom 3rd, with Magallanes wisely hitting a leadoff single. Stalker singled, Jamieson was nailed, and it was three on and nobody out for Wilson Rodriguez. The Coons made the least noise possible; with Rodriguez hitting into a run-scoring double play before Hollenbeck rolled a ball all of ten feet and was thrown out at first base by Josh Wool by about fifty.

Then there was the top of the fourth. McGrath walked to begin the inning in a full count, which was already sub-par. Hague quickly gave up a single to Murphy before Camps grounded to short, but they couldn’t turn two and the Condors were on the corners. Wool hit a comebacker that Hague threw away to score a run and have Condors at first and second, which became second and third after a double steal where Toby Ross failed to consider throwing out the lead-footed Wool and failed to actually throw out Camps. On the next pitch, Camacho singled both of them in, giving Tijuana the 4-3 lead. Sung hit a 2-out RBI single to conclude a 4-spot, 5-3. Hague would be dragged through six with the Condors refusing to punish him even further. The Coons made up a run in the fifth, which Ramos opened with a double into the rightfield corner, upon which Magallanes singled him home. But then they left Magallanes on, and when Vanatti reached base in the seventh by getting nailed by Joe Perry in the #9 hole, Ramos chucked into a double play. It was just that sort of game, made worse with two outs in the ninth when the same Vanatti threw away a Sanks single trying to stop Yeong-ha Sung going first-to-third. Sung went to home instead, and the mess got more complicated in the bottom 9th when Nunley pinch-walked with one out in Baldwin’s spot, and Vanatti then homered off Ray Andrews. It would have been a walkoff; it was only another ninth-inning tie. Walkoff honors would be reserved to Jamieson and Rodriguez, hitting back-to-back doubles up either line in the bottom of the 10th, also against Andrews. 7-6 Critters. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Magallanes 3-4, RBI; Wallace (PH) 1-1; Rodriguez 2-5, 2B, RBI; Vanatti (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI;

Josh Boles did the top 10th, which meant he got his seventh win of the season. That ranks him third on the team, and ahead of ALL the starting pitchers from the Opening Day roster, minus Ed Hague. The wins leader remains Jason Gurney…

Game 3
TIJ: LF Sung – RF Camps – 1B McGrath – 3B Sanks – CF C. Murphy – 2B C. Miller – C Wool – SS J. Zamora – P Driver
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – CF Vanatti – C Tovias – 3B Nunley – 1B Hollenbeck – P Shumway

Tom Scumbag was almost as good as Sabre had been on Monday, putting two on in the first inning before really going to town in the second. He walked Miller, allowed a single to Wool, and walked Jorge Zamora. Driver hit into a double play that scored the game’s first run, but alright, just get Sung to - … he singled to left, 2-0. Camps walked, and McGrath had enough of the dilly-dally and gave us an ACTUAL score with a 3-run homer to left, his 20th of the season, 86 RBI, and a 5-0 tally in this game. The Coons would let that sad display linger for a while longer, but when Shumway allowed singles to Driver (…) and Sung in the fourth, he was yanked. Fleischer came on with two on and one out, struck out Camps and McGrath, and that was that. Meanwhile, the first-time starter Driver allowed one hit the first time through before running into trouble in the bottom 4th. Wallace singled, Jamieson got nailed, and Tovias reached on balls, bringing up Nunley with the bags full and two down. He grounded to Miller, who farted on the ball and conceded a run on his clumsy error. That was all, though; Hollenbeck hit another pathetic roller in front of home plate that Driver handled for the third out. The rookie looked good for a while, but put Ramos and Stalker on the corners in the fifth before hanging one to Jimmy Wallace that disappeared over the centerfield fence and almost gave everybody a new ballgame, with the Critters now down 5-4.

Nunley reached on an uncaught third strike in the bottom 6th, but Hollenbeck hit into a 6-4-3 to bail out Driver, with his ledger looking increasingly devastating with a .143/.143/.286 slash. The Condors stuck to the rook until Ramos reached in the seventh and stole his way into scoring position. George Barnett would get involved and the inning ended on pops by both Wallace and Jamieson. The umpires then made everybody sit through an hour-long rain delay in the eighth inning, despite nothing on the field mattering in the big picture. Play resumed eventually, and the Coons would cart up the 9-1-2 batters in the bottom 9th against last night’s loser, Andrews, starting with Jarod Howden, in a 5-4 game. Howden walked on four pitches before Berto took a 2-1 pitch into the leftfield corner. That put the winning run 180 feet away with nobody out for Stalker, who struck out, and then Wallace, who grounded sharply to Sanks – OFF HIS GLOVE! And into leftfield! Howden in to score, Ramos coming around, Sung getting to the ball too late, and the Raccoons walk off!! 6-5 Furballs! Ramos 2-4, BB, 2B; Wallace 3-5, HR, 5 RBI;

…and with that shocker I was left home alone as the team went on its final road trip of the season, a quick 3-game hop north of the icy border against the last-place, stinking, dumb, damn Elks.

Raccoons (68-84) @ Canadiens (64-89) – September 26-28, 2031

One win would be enough to lock down the season series, which was always a noble goal. And then more wins would ruin our draft position even further, but I can’t make myself root for them to lose against the damn Elks. I just can’t. The dumb Elks were at the bottom of the league in batting average, but were hitting for extra bases and stuff, and sat seventh in runs scored, and eighth in runs allowed. Their run differential was only -62, which didn’t sound *too* bad, likewise the Coons’ own of -43.

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (1-0, 3.60 ERA) vs. Fernando Nora (10-9, 4.11 ERA)
Jason Gurney (10-7, 3.32 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (4-9, 4.51 ERA)
Mark Roberts (6-10, 4.39 ERA) vs. Steve Corcoran (9-15, 3.75 ERA)

One right-hander, then two southpaws. Yeah, more at-bats for Craig Hollenbeck …

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – CF Vanatti – 1B Howden – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – P del Rio
VAN: 2B LeJeune – LF A. Torres – CF Wojnarowski – RF I. Vega – 3B Anton – C F. Garcia – 1B Cuomo – SS L. Hernandez – P Nora

The Critters went up 1-0 in the opening inning with a Ramos Special, but Alex Torres tied the score right away in the bottom of the inning with a homer to left. And that was before del Rio was completely torn up in the bottom of the second. Vince Cuomo and Lazaro Hernandez opened with singles, were bunted over, and the bags were full when del Rio hit Jesse LeJeune right in the bum. Torres singled up the middle to score two, LeJeune was thrown out by Tovias trying to steal a base, but Brian Wojnarowski nevertheless singled home Torres from second base. Ivan Vega’s double put two in scoring position with two out, and Matt Anton was potentially del Rio’s final batter, but popped out behind home plate. That was still del Rio’s final out. Fernando Garcia, Cuomo, and Hernandez all poked singles off him to start the bottom 3rd and the bags were full with nobody out. That made TEN hits in two-plus innings and before long seven runs on his ledger. Fleischer came in, WALKED NORA, then gave up a 2-run double in the gap to LeJeune. Here came the manager again, yanked Fleischer with a kick in the bum, and then gave the ball to Dave Martinez, who was made clear in no uncertain terms that this ball was his until the damn Elks would have beaten him to death. He started by walking Torres on four pitches. Wojnarowski singled in two, Vega singled to restock the bags, and then after EIGHT straight dumb Elks had reached, Matt Anton made the first out, a fly to Wallace in shallow right. Garcia grounded to Nunley, 5-4-3. Oh boy! Just when it was about to get real ugly. But now we were only down 9-1 after three …!

While the Coons scored three in the fourth inning, one on a Wallace dinger and two more on a Howden single, but those two were aided by a wild pitch thrown by Nora, and I really wasn’t into explaining the details here, the dumb Elks would keep piling on, which was due to a remarkable insistence by Martinez to walk on four pitches the first batter he faced in every inning he got himself into. He was yanked by the bottom 6th, then down 11-4, with Hennessy grabbing a few outs… but not until after he also walked the first guy he faced, LeJeune, and on four pitches! I was screaming IN RAGE at home on my couch, beating the cushions in agony. Only Nick Bates in the seventh broke this infuriating pattern, and by then the game was long out of the window. Even Nora had a ****ty day, allowing 12 hits and ultimately six runs after Howden hit a 2-run homer in the eighth, but that hardly figured in the final line score with the Coons still getting blown out by a handful. 11-6 Canadiens. Ramos 2-5; Wallace 3-4, HR, RBI; Jamieson 2-4; Howden 2-4, HR, 4 RBI;

The good news is that the ugly game we always have in any Elks series is now out of the picture…? Right?

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – CF Magallanes – 2B Stalker – LF Jamieson – RF Rodriguez – 1B Hollenbeck – C Ross – 3B Baldwin – P Gurney
VAN: 2B Morrow – 3B Anton – LF A. Torres – 1B D. Fisher – CF Wojnarowski – C F. Garcia – RF LeJeune – SS N. Millan – P Bessey

Tim Stalker’s 12th homer and 60th RBI put the Raccoons up 1-0 in the first, and before long the team cocked that one up, too. Wojnarowski opened the second with a single to right, and Garcia walked, spelling trouble. Wojnarowski scored the tying run on consecutive deep fly outs, but it could have been worse; Garcia was still at first, two outs, and the pitcher up - … and that’s a single to center. Garcia to third, Magallanes’ throw was ABSOLUTELY wild, and the runner scored, putting the damn Elks up 2-1. Eric Morrow grounded out, which shouldn’t be understood to mean that Gurney’s struggles were over. Bottom 3rd, Anton with the leadoff walk, Torres singles, and David Fisher… walks. Three on, no outs. I clutched a pillow to my chest and screamed in horror, but it helped nothing – ALL runs scored (and then some) on a Wojnarowski sac fly, a Garcia single, and then a passed ball… Gurney struck out LeJeune, then was made to walk Nelson Millan intentionally to bring up the pitcher with two outs and two on. From there, the ****ing Elks went single, RBI single, RBI single – and then Gurney was yanked. Ricky Ohl got Torres to ground out, stranding three in a 7-1 game. And that game was about over. The Raccoons did virtually nothing with the bats after the damn Elks scored seven in a hurry, and their best man probably turned out to be Bryan Rabbitt, pitching three innings of 1-run ball in the fifth, sixth, and seventh… The eighth sported Bates and Boles. Both of them walked the first dumb Elk they faced. Boles then also gave up a bushel of singles for a 2-spot in the inning. Bessey lasted eight and a third for the stupid Elks before Rodriguez hit a double off him, the sixth and final hit the Coons amounted to. J.D. Hamm secured the final outs. 10-1 Canadiens. Stalker 2-4, HR, RBI; Catella (PH);

I feel … I don’t know… harrowed?

There was a reassignment by the damn Elks: Victor Govea (8-11, 3.17 ERA) would make the Sunday start, so the Coons would face a right-hander instead.

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – RF Wallace – LF Jamieson – 1B Howden – CF Vanatti – 3B Nunley – C Tovias – P Roberts
VAN: C F. Garcia – 3B Anton – RF I. Vega – 1B D. Fisher – CF Wojnarowski – 2B McWhirter – LF LeJeune – SS J. Paredes – P Govea

Mark Roberts issued leadoff walk in the first two innings, which just kept the rage in me nice and hot. The first inning fizzled out for the damn Elks, but the second really didn’t. Wojnarowski drew the walk. Bill McWhirter singled. LeJeune hit a roller on the infield and reached safely. Three on, no outs, launchpad offering baseballs. Roberts got a comebacker from Jose Paredes, pounced, and fired home to start a 1-2-3 double play, then rung up Govea to bail out of a real mess and keep the game scoreless after two. The Critters had Ramos on in the third, and had Ramos picked off in the third, and then Fernando Garcia opened the bottom of the inning with a jack on a 1-2 pitch. (bangs head against solid wood table repeatedly)

Top 5th, Vanatti and Nunley began with singles against the so far resilient Govea. Tovias lined out to McWhirter, and Roberts swung away and grounded to the September call-up who was in his second career game and fudged a potential double play ball to load the sacks for Berto with one down. Berto hit a clean single to right, tying the game with Vanatti coming across. Stalker popped out to McWhirter, but Wallace rammed a ball over Fisher’s head and up the line, all the way into the corner for a 2-out, bases-clearing double. He would be stranded, and all the runs he drove in were unearned, but the Coons now led 4-1! …and he livened up his ROTY case, too…! Also doing well by now – Roberts. The veteran shook of the early-inning jitters and by the middle innings retired the damn Elks steadily and without much trouble. They got a single in each inning from the fifth through the seventh, but either did so with two outs and quickly retired from the inning, or hit into a double play that ended the inning. Roberts lasted eight before bumping against 110 pitches, so would be replaced for the ninth. By whom was up to the offense that had yet to tack on a run after the fifth-inning 4-spot. That got no better; right-hander Raul de la Rosa retired the 5-6-7 batters, all lefty swingers, in order in the ninth. That sent out Chris Wise for an actual save chance, the first of the week. McWhirter and LeJeune went down, but Paredes singled to left with two outs. Nando Maiello hit for de la Rosa, grounded a 1-1 pitch to Nunley, and the old warhorse went the short way to get the final out in an otherwise dismal series. 4-1 Critters. Ramos 2-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4, 2B, 3 RBI; Roberts 8.0 IP, 8 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, W (7-10);

In other news

September 22 – The Titans’ SP Dustin Wingo (16-8, 2.57 ERA) throws a 3-hit shutout in a 4-0 win over the Aces, which is at the same time the division-clincher for Boston. This will be their 15th playoff appearance.
September 22 – The season ends early for DEN SP Michael Frank (11-13, 4.40 ERA), who is out with a shoulder strain.
September 23 – One day removed from their clincher, the Titans suffer a scare when CL Jermaine Campbell (3-4, 1.86 ERA, 46 SV) leaves the game with an injury, but he will only miss one week with back spasms, the team reports.
September 24 – DAL 1B/OF Aaron Botzet (.333, 23 HR, 114 RBI) is out for the season with a herniated disc.
September 27 – A broken rib renders BOS OF Willie Vega (.293, 16 HR, 76 RBI) out for the rest of the season, including the playoffs.
September 28 – Just into the game in a double switch, Knights rookie catcher Josh Soltis (.200, 0 HR, 1 RBI) concedes the winning run in a 3-2 Condors walkoff by committing a passed ball offense.

Complaints and stuff

If not for that finely pitched game by Roberts on Sunday and Wallace’s game-winner, I would have awaited them with the loaded blunderbuss and would have blasted the face off the first guy leaving the plane from Elktown. That was some series. Thank god it’s over for the year.

Actually not quite. There is a week left to play, and we’ll face the Titans and Indians at home. THEN the pains will be over.

How about those Stars? They finished last just last season, losing 97 back then. They might win more than 97 this year! Thy might even go last-to-first! This feat has only been achieved once, by the 1987 Indians, who went from 68-94, 34 games out, in 1986, to win the North with a 92-70 season and up one game over these Critters here in 1987.

The rookie pitchers remain a mixed bag… Bernie didn’t pitch this week because he was on the tail end of the 7-man carousel and his spot won’t come up until Monday. But he will then pitch twice in the final week, probably Monday and Saturday. Roberts might get the season finale. Ed Hague is the odd man out.

And well, the rookie hitters are probably even worse than the rookie pitchers. Except for Jimmy Wallace. Jimmy went 9-for-21 this week, driving in a healthy 10 runs with two homers and a double. He didn’t walk once, and in fact he has walked only three times in all of September, but that is something we can discuss later. Ten ribbies for Jimmy, yaay …!

Fun Fact: Jimmy Wallace’s walkoff single on Wednesday had the Coons finish the year with a 4-5 record against the Condors this season. That is the fourth straight season the Coons came up 4-5 against them.

And that is the first time that has happened: four consecutive identical season series tallies against a CL South team. Three in a row has happened plenty of times, but four in a row – not even once before.

Three in a row has also happened a few times against CL North opposition, but not against every team; the Coons have only posted three identical season series records in a row against the Crusaders, Titans, and the damn Elks. All of those (!) were winning records, either 10-8 or 11-7. Most recently it occurred against the Elks in 2012 through 2014, all three years seeing the Coons winning ten out of eighteen from the stupid Elks.

But beating them 10-8 in ’12 didn’t prevent Ray ****ing Gilbert from slugging the damn Elks past the Coons on the final weekend of the season…….