Oh dear heavens, the PT Raccoons' pitching staff looks like the 2032 dynasty Raccoons' pitching staff. Everybody's getting romped like Rico Gutierrez and Jason Gurney …!
Coons are 20-38, in a relegation spot, and getting grabbed by the tail and whacked on the ground in a huge overhead motion from side to side, side to side, every game, every game. Don't even know who to send in to pitch anymore. They're all getting waffled.
Dan Brouthers has an OPS over one. Not that it helps this team any.
Rebels have sagged to 29-31, nine games out. This it like the fourth straight season where they don't make any sort of PP.
Accountants are off last season's funk for now, 37-23, 1 1/2 behind the only other serious team in their division with the lovely, surely frightening, yet oddly charming name Carcinogenic Coast Oil Barons. Rolls off the old tongue.