Los Angeles Lakers (34-18, .654, 1st NL West) @ Minnesota North Stars (25-28, .472, 3rd NL West)
After shooting out of a cannon to start the 2077 season, and despite having a tip-top offense (1st in AVG & SB’s, 2nd in OPS, WAR, and wOBA), the Minnesota North Stars have come back down to earth. This is because Shawna’s brain trust simply does not know how to build a complete team – while they busied themselves stocking the offense’s shelves, they forgot to get their canning done for winter and as a result their pantry is completely devoid of a starting rotation (11th) and they don’t even have the staples to construct a halfway decent pen (9th). You see, Minnesota’s GM, Christopher Coyne, is no doomsday prepper – he lacks the imagination required to meticulously plan out a route of escape and the logistics of a well-stocked home base – so, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, or say a baseball season, he should not be on your shortlist of people to look to in your time of need. In fact, he is to be avoided at all costs – seems like the kind of dude that would set up one of those cult-like post-apocalyptic societies based on fear, manipulation, and medieval barter economics.
53 of 162: Dejuan Burns (4-3, 3.00) @ Norm Rodriquez (4-5, 4.69)
Loss, 7-0. Wow. Murked in Minnesota – Norm Rodriquez, el cartero, places a CG shutout with 7 K’s at our feet & Dejuan can’t make it out of the 2nd inning – dude got shelled, teed off on, and, just, generally mistreated by the North Stars offense. Ethan, Oh Hong (guess who’s back, back again…), and Dom each strikeout twice, Hamza got 2 steals, and we sucked. Bad. We sucked really, really bad.
Elsewhere: 2B Telma Tavares (JAX) went 4 for 6 with a double, a
GRAND SLAM, and 2 runs in the Jags 10-3 win over the New York Jets… 3B Lance Tabor (SEA) went 3 for 4 with 2 jacks, 5 RBI, and 2 runs in Seattle’s 8-5 win over Houston…
Note: Life of the Party Saul Guzman & Rudolf the Ruiner gave up 3 runs each in the loss for Houston… RF Lang Hammer, of your
CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, went 3 for 3 with a double, TWO HOMERS, 4 RBI, and 3 runs in Compton’s 5-0 win over the Newport Beach Gypsies – Lang, picked up as a throw-in piece on one of my PEPPER trades (more for his name than any value add), will kick it in and around Compton for a year or two before he, inevitably, takes his rightful place on a Bush League roster… he made me proud today, though. Maybe, if we go up on Phoenix by double digits on the table, I’ll give him a cup of coffee when the rosters expand. Decaf though, let's not get crazy.
Note: WE NOW INTERRUPT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING FOR THE 2077 AMATEUR DRAFT. Um, we have the 20th pick, so please temper your expectations, I expect to be making my selections based on how cool the players facegen looks or how funny I think their name is no later than the 3rd round…