2077 Season (9/24 – 9/26)
Vancouver Whitecaps (53-99, .349, 6th NL West) @ Los Angeles Lakers (98-54, .645, 1st NL West)
45 games off the pace, the 1st team eliminated from playoff consideration, and a shoo-in to lose 100+ games in 2077 – the Vancouver Whitecaps are barely a baseball team. At this point in the season they, really, are barely worth talking about – so, our concern here is to navigate this series unscathed – without injury to mind, body, or spirit. We should make the series a free event – some sort of fan appreciation weekend where everyone gets in for free… but, we won’t, because Phil Murray likes to make money even though he seemingly has almost all of it.
153 of 162: Anthony Boswell (6-9, 4.49) @ Paul Yeager (20-6, 3.27)
Win, 5-4. Yeager earns his 21st victory on the back of a 7.1 inning performance where he kept the game scoreless until handing it off to the pen – who, promptly opened the flood gates to the tune of 4 cheap ones to finish off the 7th. Otto hit a 3-run dinger (#37), Barbaccia kept on rolling and secured his 47th save – if he gets 50, I told him I’d buy him a pair of gold-plated Oakley shades – and we got TWO SAC FLIES. We play team ball in LA.
154 of 162: Cleveland Cornejo (5-14, 4.84) @ Newton Weiser (16-9, 3.07)
Win, 6-1. We picked up our 100th victory for only the 2nd time in franchise history – the first came in 2061… a year in which we were unceremoniously swept out of the playoffs by the Oklahoma City Thunder who would go on to lose in 7 to Orlando City, who, in turn, would go on to lose to the Dallas Cowboys in the World Series… Newton walked 3, K’d 5, allowed 1 run, and 8-hits over 8.1 innings of hard, hard work while Tony Voorhis busied himself by going 2 for 3 with a double and a run, and OH HONG finished 2 for 4 with a 2-run two-bagger… 48th save for Barbaccia (I’ve started a cursory google search of gold plated Oakley shades – so far, so bad), and Otto got a nifty outfield assist when he gunned down Kevin Palmer at home.
Elsewhere: Toronto & Green Bay were eliminated from the playoffs due to poor play and math. It was mostly poor play that did them in though…
155 of 162: Adam Gunter (12-13, 3.59) @ Trevor Dotson (2-0, 6.75)
Loss, 7-6. Trevor allowed 6 runs again – it must be like his favorite number or something… Ethan went 3 for 5 with a double, a HR, and 3 RBIs, and we committed three fielding flubs that looked like we were reenacting a dance routine from Rock Follies.
Elsewhere: 2B Rich Hamilton, of the New York Jets, hit his 300th career homer in their 7-5 victory over the Chicago Fire – Hamilton went 3 for 5 with a historic 3-run homer. Dude has been a stud for a long time – he’s got a .318 lifetime BA, 2247 hits, and 1156 runs for his career… he’s also snagged 5 Boyce Rigg awards, 11 all-star bids, 8 silver sluggers, and was voted most likely to succeed by his fraternity brother while at Maryland. He was the 143rd overall pick in the 2062 draft and quickly earned a reputation as a hard-drinking, hard-working, man of the people – and, perhaps most importantly, he’s still killing it at the age of 36… .322/.461/.496 with 25 DING DONGS, 72 RIBLETS, and 173 HITS… hell, he’s even gone 2/3 in steal attempts.
2077 Season (9/27 – 9/30)
Phoenix Suns (87-68, .561, 2nd NL West) @ Los Angeles Lakers (100-55, .645, 1st NL West)
Look away – there’s nothing to see here… this series will play out like a maddening game of poker where both players check-raise until everyone else at the table falls asleep… 4 meaningless games before we meet in the 2077 playoffs… I mean, don’t get me wrong though, we want to smash these fools. Because they are bad people – worthy of your derision simply because they flex the burnt orange & eggplant purple. And because they make little kids cry – seriously, I’ve seen them do it and it is not cool, man.
156 of 162: Barney Luna (3-2, 6.04) @ Dejuan Burns (11-10, 4.09)
Loss, 3-2. A run in the top of the 9th lifted the Suns to victory here… Barbaccia, who was only throwing knuckleballs, gave up the winning run… Mullens and PEPPER are responsible for our only two runs, we swiped three bags of questionable resale value as a team, and Otto gunned down Jerry Landowski at home after he tried to get cute and rounded 3rd on a Burton Darden double…
Elsewhere: The Chicago Fire and Orlando City were the latest clubs to draw the ire of simple mathematics. There will be no postseason in their immediate futures.
157 of 162: Jake Talley (4-8, 4.98) @ Michael Brisk (14-10, 3.32)
Win, 4-0. Brisky was like fine wine paired with an aged & pungent cheese of questionable origin – he gave us an 8.2 inning, 3-hit, shutout in this one, Otto went 3 for 5 with a run-scoring triple, and Tony Voorhis hit a double, scored, and drew three walks… Barbaccia also got back on his trusty steed and secured his 49th save – I may have to have his Oakley’s custom made.
Elsewhere: Megan wasn’t expected to right the USS Supremo in the short term, her charter was always intended to be a more long-term course correction – 2077 was cooked before she arrived – and, even though her San Marcos club was bounced from playoff consideration, team ownership is excited to see what she does with the club for the 2078 season. My prediction? Bush League Championship. Get your markers down, trust me.
158 of 162: Patrick Keith (8-8, 5.16) @ Paul Yeager (21-6, 3.16)
Loss, 9-6. Yeager didn’t bring his A-game – which is fine, we didn’t really want him to tip his cap to these fools anyways – but, he gave up 7 earned runs and managed to grant some undue confidence to the Phoenix offense. This could come back to bite us in the playoffs… let’s hope that isn’t the case. O. Mack hit a homer, PEPPER put up a 1 hit, 1 run, 1 RBI, 1 walk, 1 K, and 1 LOB line, and we hit 3 doubles as a squad (31st for Mullens, 33rd for Tony, and 12th for O. Mack).
Elsewhere: The Seattle Sounders made it official – they are the 2077 AL West Division winner. Oh, and Golden State & the Los Angeles Galaxy are currently tied for the second spot in that division – going down to the wire in the AL West!
159 of 162: Jack Sanchez-Flores (13-11, 4.73) @ Newton Weiser (17-9, 3.00)
Win, 6-5. Tony Voorhis was a nightmare for Phoenix today – 2 for 4 with a double, a jack, 3 RBIs amd 2 runs, and Ethan went 3 for 5 with an RBI. Loving picked up his 7th win in relief, I owe Barbaccia some gold-plated Oakley shades, and Tony, laying it down for the team, put a SAC BUNT on the board in the bottom of the 7th. Weiser gave up three runs in the top of the 1st – eek… let’s just pretend that it didn’t go down like that, sound good? We get the split here and finish the season with a 9-9 record against the Suns… will make for an interesting playoff series.
Elsewhere: The 2077 Bush League Playoffs are all set – the Beaumont Bullies & Gainesville Gamecocks will battle it out in a winner-take-all game to earn the opportunity to play a 5-game series against the Independence Division Champion Nolanville ‘Nauts while the Columbia Blowfish & Dearborn Dilly’s will do the same for the honor of meeting the Shreveport Sashimi Samurai for a 5-game series in Round 2.
2077 Season (10/1 – 10/3)
Los Angeles Lakers (102-57, .642, 1st NL West) @ Minnesota North Stars (76-83, .478, 3rd NL West)
We’ll end this campaign right back where we started – with a 3-game set against Shawna and her North Stars… Somehow, her offense has eclipsed ours to take the #2 ranking in the National League (we’re 3rd, Phoenix is 1st), but their 11th rated pitching staff has kept them from reaching whatever heights her well-built offense could have in 2077. If her brain trust can land a few pitching free agents and round out their bullpen a little bit, these North Stars may be primed to do some damage in 2078.
160 of 162: Trevor Dotson (2-0, 7.77) @ Dylan Tuyay (12-10, 6.04)
Win, 16-3. Dotson allows three over eight, Rajkumar records 4 hits, 3 doubles, a ding dong, 5 RBIs and 4 runs, Otto scored 4 times, and even our back up catcher manages to drive in 3… Just a good old fashion thrashing in this one – we pride ourselves on making the perpetually happy Minnesotans unhappy.
Elsewhere: Brooklyn, Montreal, and Jacksonville have all been eliminated from the playoffs. In the NL it will be the Lakers, Suns, Rams, and Steelers, and in the AL it will be Carolina, NYJ, Seattle, and either Golden State or the LA Galaxy.
161 of 162: Dejuan Burns (11-10, 4.01) @ Octavio Cervera (17-6, 4.55)
Win, 8-7. Otto – in full-on hero mode again, went 2 for 3 with a 3-run homer, Barbaccia gets #51 (and, I’m told that he really likes the Oakley’s I had made for him), and Ferdinand is Loving the fact that he’s managed to snipe 8 wins out of the pen…
Elsewhere: Phoenix’s LF Jerry Landowski joined the 400 HR Club today in a game against the Vancouver Whitecaps – he hit the memorable blast in front of his hometown fans in Phoenix. At 38-years old, the key to the 6-time all-star’s success can be summed up in one word: Longevity. Well, that and donuts. Jerry eats a cream-filled donut before every game, or so I’ve been told.
162 of 162: Michael Brisk (15-10, 3.19) @ Adrian Hollyfield (1-8, 5.78)
Win, 6-1. Closing out 2077 on a road sweep, brochahos! Brisky caps off his 2077 regular-season campaign with an 8.2 inning masterpiece (8 K’s, 1 earned), Ethan went 3 for 5 with a triple, 2 ribbies, and a couple of runs and HAMZA went 4 for 5 with an RBI…Two RBIs for Otto, running his 2077 total to 117 (he also hit homer #39… so close to 40 – HEY, he did lead the league in that category though!), HAMZA stole #56, and Oh Hong & O. Mack went 0 for 8 with 5 K’s between them – kids these days, man.
Elsewhere: That’s it, man, the dishes are done! The Galaxy won a one-game playoff against the Oakland Warriors by a score of 7-6 to secure the final playoff spot (bracket is attached)… Otto led the league in jacks and slugging percentage, Paul Yeager recorded the most wins for a pitcher, Barbaccia led the league in saves, and Newton led the league in
BABIP at .248 for the year…
Next up… our 7-game series against the Phoenix Suns.