Houston Dynamo (46-53, .465, 4th NL West) @ Los Angeles Kings (58-40, .592, 2nd NL West)
A date with the Dynamo seems like a sure thing - as long as you cover the basics, get your reservations in advance, and let them pick the appetizer you should make it all the way home. Nonetheless, for all their predictability, they are a difficult club to dial in... they aren’t any good, really, and the moves they’ve made so far seem to suggest that a tanking effort isn’t in the cards. Maybe, they’re cool with average - content to let the wind take them where it may with little to no concern with where they’ll end up. They’ve traded their premier offensive weapon, Rich Bell, to the Jets for a couple of low-upside minor league relievers and a lifetime supply of roasted peanuts, are still paying Rudolf the Ruiner to occupy space in their bullpen and have still managed to produce similar results to Shawna’s Minnesota brain trust without boasting the same Ivy League pedigree. Houston has perfected living comfortably in the middle of the road with a GM who's mastered the art of being a used car salesman whose bumper to bumper warranty doesn’t extend past the curb and an Owner who makes his living selling his endless supply of Wolf tickets to the unwitting Dynamo faithful. And, as always - this sort of club makeup is our kryptonite... we’re susceptible to a well-constructed honey trap and still haven’t figured out how to win a rigged hand of three-card monte.
In other, semi-related news, the esteemed Ms. Foggy Finkelstein has popped up on the grid again. I have it on good authority that she’s currently serving as a camp host at the Sullys Hill National Game Preserve. So far, our plan is to send Otto in to infiltrate disguised as the leader of a Birding Club from Southern California. If all goes according to plan his birding group, the SoCal Birding & Exploration Consortium, will successfully spot a Great Crested Flycatcher and return to LA with Foggy in tow. Our timing, however, is poor - we’ll have just missed breeding season... hopefully, that won’t blow Otto’s cover.
99 of 162: Josiah Kawka (8-10, 4.61) @ Paul Yeager (11-6, 3.94)
Loss, 2-1. Our guys, outside of Yeager who gave us a CG, 2-run effort, were lost in the shuffle in this one – every time one of them made a selection, the shell was lifted to reveal nothing underneath. We could only manage 4 hits, no batter recorded more than one hit individually, 8 runners we left on base, Zody got caught with his hand in the honey pot, and Dom let another passed ball get by him. We just can’t seem to break the cycle of losing to clubs that have no business on the same diamond as us… but, it’s like they say – if you can’t spot the sucker within 5-minutes of entering the room, you ARE the sucker.
Elsewhere: Jo Jo Jackson, my Bo Knows clone who currently occupies a spot on the Dallas Cowboys roster and who leads the league in K’s, went 4 for 5 with a 3-run blast and 2 runs in a 15-5 loss against the hard-charging Golden State Warriors. He now has 25 homers on the season and is currently ranked at #3 for jacks in the league.
100 of 162: Gabe Uruburu (8-5, 4.20) @ Trevor Dotson (6-6, 4.32)
Loss, 5-1. Sometimes, the bottom just drops out and that is what we are seeing here… 7 hits as a club, 3 doubles though (Mullens, Daniels, and Dom), Ethan got caught trying to get cute on the base paths, Goodwin committed his 10th error, Dotson gave up 5 runs and a homer in 6.2 innings of work, and we stunk up the joint in front of our fans for the second night in a row. Side note: Rudolf the Ruiner had his night ruined when he sustained an undisclosed injury while working in relief… he only pitched to one batter, so, unfortunately for us, he wasn’t out there long enough for us to get something going.
Elsewhere: Rad Taylor, your boy reppin’ the
CITY OF COMPTON, added another win to his permanent record in an 8-5 win over the Seattle Supersonics and Kirk Johnson, everyone’s favorite not-so-eligible bachelor, went 3 for 4 with a double, TWO JACKS, 4 RIBBIES, and 2 runs in the win… it was enough for him to be named the International League “Star of the Day”… Some guys have all the luck.
101 of 162: Pete Taylor, no relation (7-9, 4.09) @ Newton Weiser (12-6, 3.45)
Win, 2-1. We got a close one here where our offense still sputtered as we managed to salvage some pride in the 3rd game of this set – Newton gave us 8 hard-scrabble innings and only allowed a single run to plate, Ethan walked twice and scored, Barbaccia picked up his 31st SV, Dick McTaggart hit a SAC BUNT, and we completed 3, count ‘em, THREE double plays. We managed to draw 40K fans to the park tonight and at least half of them left happy – the other half, given that this was such a low scoring affair, left tired.
Elsewhere: SP Orlando Vasquez, of your
CITY OF COMPTON RAIDERS, pitched a CG shutout and RF Aris Anaconda finished at 1 for 4 with the game-winning HR in our 1-0 win over the Seattle Supersonics… so, our AAA affiliate is playing well while our big club is not. Cool. Bright side? We’re still only 1 game back in the NL West and have Shawna’s North Stars on the docket next – so, while they are outplaying us in the Los Angeles County Municipal Stadium, I’ll busy myself by talking trades with her. Always a good time to lock horns with someone that is way smarter than me… Oh, and Golden State now has 66 wins, is up 8 games on the Vancouver Giants, and is, without a doubt, the best team in baseball.