Phoenix Suns (1-1, .500) @ Los Angeles Kings (1-1, .500)
Yan Welli, my assistant, confidant, and armchair psychologist, hand-delivered my dry cleaning, 3 white oxfords, 3 pairs of dark Levi’s, oxblood belt and shoes, and 3 blazers that ranged in color from dark blue to darker blue and offered some sage advice as she pushed the lot towards me. The gist, without her customary philosophical platitudes, was this - I’m not a young man anymore, I can’t follow Foggy into whatever fray she has planned on a whim, and, as the self-appointed VP of Baseball Operations for the Los Angeles Baseball Club, LLC, I need to be more careful with those I choose to associate myself with. She’s right, Yan is always right... So, with my renewed maturity and with a Bloody Mary nowhere within my line of sight, I steadied myself to accomplish the task at hand - I have reports to read, strategies to digest, and some toast to butter up.
We are, as ever, up against it here - to our left, in the visitors’ dugout resides a club that is every bit our equal or better, often better, who would like nothing more than to close this thing out on our turf. Their offense, rated as the most rambunctious in all of baseball during the regular season, has yet to explode and is, if the report submitted by Zahur and his crackerjack staff of talent evaluators is to be believed, overdue for a pummeling. In my hands is a carefully laid out strategy that includes situational shifting recommendations, a list of favorable pitching splits, and a short prayer that they recommend I repeat, under my breath, over and over for the duration of each of the next three games. You know you’re in trouble when your strategy includes a reliance on a higher power...
In other news... Yan has informed me that she will be out of pocket for the next three days as she will be competing in an amateur fencing tournament, Foggy has submitted her resignation (she’s not even really in the payroll but whatever) to go on a walkabout in an attempt to find herself, and Kirk Johnson, according to my well-placed sources, has been traveling with Megan on the company dime. This whole thing is just a hastily constructed house of cards, man. And, as I’m no carpenter, it won’t require any huffs and puffs to bring this thing down to its studs.
Game 3: Jake Talley (0-0, 0.00) @ Aiden Jensen (0-0, 0.00)
Win, 10-9. As expected, the Phoenix offense went Gonzo… but, we were good for it and beat on the skins like Animal from the Muppets in this one… we had an answer for every chord, a cymbal crash for every outburst… Jensen was terrible, he was leaky and bottomed out after allowing 7 runs in 2 innings of work, while Jake Tally gave us the business over eight, great innings of work… this thing wouldn’t get sorted until the bottom of the 9th, long after the Los Angeles Illuminati had filed out of the park, to the tune of a
SEVEN RUN, WALK-OFF WIN! A supreme serving of humble pie topped with so much rich, velvety vanilla ice cream that I don’t know if I will ever come down from the sugar buzz… In the 9th alone, we got a 2-run double from Dom (the game-winner), RBIs from Rajkumar, Gay, Lloyd, and Nolan, and somehow, someway, get the win here despite an abysmal performance from our starter, a passed ball from Dom, and no attempts to wreck the base paths. This win is a difficult thing to describe… a comeback so monumental that it will live in LA folklore and Nationwide infamy forever. Demons were exorcised, souls crushed, and two careers were likely ruined… and, surveying the scene, with flashes of eggplant purple and burnt orange splayed out before me, I actually feel hopeful that we can, and will, navigate this arduous task with the dignity and grace befitting a champion.
Elsewhere: The Brooklyn Citizens conjured up a bit of their own sorcery in an extra-inning walk-off win at home against the Pittsburgh Steelers… the culprit here was two errors committed by Pittsburgh that spotted the Citizens two runs in the bottom of the 3rd. Tom Franzone is hitting .250 for the series so far while the rest of his club are all posting a sub-.200 average. They need new sticks, the ones they’ve been using are cursed. Obviously. News of Yan Welli’s success was posted in the sports section of the Los Angeles times – it was a nice, 3-paragraph write-up… she won her first match on a counter-riposte and successfully scored on an acrobatic fleche that’s been making the rounds on Youtube. She’s, for lack of a better term, a fencing savage. Also, the word from my well-placed sources is that Foggy has been spotted at a Roller Derby match between the Rocket Queens and the Hollywood Scarlet while wearing the jersey of the Two-Time Angel City Roller Derby MVP, Tyra Shanks. I’m not sure what her play is there… She’s athletic enough to make a team, sure, but, given her superior investigative skills, I have to think this is just a small piece of a much larger puzzle.