[Westheim]

All my dreams died on Tuesday morning. While I asked Maud whether Nick Valdes was waiting around the office for me to inquire about the absolutely dismal start to the season, she said that no such thing was happening. When I however poked my wet black nose around the edge of the door to my office and opened it inch by inch, I first saw Slappy with a bottle on the brown couch, then Honeypaws on the table, and when I exhaled at all and opened the door fully, there sat Valdes in the other chair. – Maud! Maaaauudd! - … Well, yes, Maud, you’re technically right that he’s not looking for me. His overall appearance and demeanor hinted at our beloved owner having poked around the innards of a running toaster with a fork and he was entirely calm. – Maud, *why* did he poke around the innards of a running toaster with a fork? – Alberto, Bob, Raffaello, what is it? Why the bickering? – Yes, we can drive to the store and buy a new toaster…

Raccoons (5-8) vs. Titans (8-4) – April 18-20, 2034

Bad timing. The Raccoons were not really in any shape to compete with the Titans, who were already 3 1/2 games ahead in the division. They sat fifth in runs scored and tied for fourth in runs allowed with a +12 run differential (Coons: -5), and looked entirely ready to pounce with force. We had dropped 11 games to them last season, and had in fact dropped at least 11 games to them for four straight years. We had only one winning campaign against them in 12 years…

Projected matchups:
Ignacio del Rio (0-0, 6.52 ERA) vs. Rich Willett (0-2, 7.71 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (1-1, 3.29 ERA) vs. Dustin Wingo (0-1, 6.75 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (1-1, 3.26 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (1-0, 3.72 ERA)

The series would start with the right-hander Willett, placeholder for a still-injured Adam Potter (on the DL along with regulars Moises Avila and Keith Spataro), after which we were likely to see two southpaws. Tony Chavez (2-0, 2.95 ERA) was also in the mix.

Game 1
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P Willett
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P del Rio

The Critters looked ready to wear a hole into Rich Willett in the second inning, which they opened with straight hits by Zitzner (single), Fernandez (double), and Stalker (RBI single). Billy Jennings worked a walk to fill the bags, but then Elliott Thompson, 1-for-20 and dropping, hit into a 4-6-3 double play. A run scored, but del Rio ended the inning with a casual fly to left, keeping the booty to two runs. And who knew whether that would be enough… del Rio didn’t allow a base hit the first time through, nor the second time through, with Willett leading off the sixth with a lineout to Zeltser. It was still 2-0 at that point, but the very next batter, Antonio Gil, hit a single to leftfield, and the no-hitter was toast. (knuffs the still motionless Nick Valdes with his elbow) Got that, Nick? Toast! … (waits for reaction) … Ah, you’re no fun to be around…! And neither was the dysfunctional battery. Rhett West advanced the runner with a productive out before the Critters moved him to third base with a passed ball, then across home with a wild pitch, which was good news, since I wouldn’t want to drown neither Thompson nor del Rio in the Willamette without the firmly tied bag also including the other.

Nevertheless, the Raccoons’ starter somehow held on through seven innings, issuing 99 pitches. Garavito handled the eighth competently enough against the 8-9-1 bunch, the same part of the lineup the Critters would cart up in their half of the eighth. Thompson hit a leadoff single off Tim Zimmerman, then was run for with Hugo Salgado while Adrian Reichardt hit for the pitcher and also singled to left. Portland went aggro and called a double steal, with David Lessman, who had caught Ramos stealing earlier in the game, not getting the laser-quick Salgado at third base. Berto was not intentionally walked with first base open either and instead hit a sac fly to center for a crucial insurance run, but Reichardt was left stranded. However, since Chris Wise served up only one solo home run to Willie Vega, the Raccoons still managed to stumble out of the ninth inning as winners… 3-2 Critters. Ramos 2-3, RBI; Stalker 1-2, BB, RBI; Reichardt (PH) 1-1; del Rio 7.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, W (1-0);

Hah! (pokes Valdes with the elbow again) We won! …

Maud! … Maud!! – Should we call Dr. Chung? – No, he hasn’t blinked since I’ve come in.

Game 2
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P Wingo
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P Okrasinski

Straight away, Okrasinski sucked the fun out of baseball, walking three of the first four Titans he faced and then giving up 2-run knocks to both David Lessman and Edgar Gonzalez. For good measure he also nailed Brian D’Angelo with two outs and made Salgado chase after a Dustin Wingo drive to end the inning. Rhett West added a solo homer in the second inning to make it 5-0 and Okrasinski never got any better and was yanked after just three and a third. While the crumbling continued with the bullpen involved, a run scoring off Hennessy in the fifth and another one coming out of David Fernandez in the sixth, the Raccoons’ offense never got going. While they had a runner in most innings, they either hit into a double play, or struck out until it was over, piling up six hits and no runs against Wingo through five. Salgado hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, stole second, and was doubled home by Zitzner, which was at least A RUN. It was also all the Critters got in the inning, with Reichardt grounding out and Hawkins being retired on a running catch by Mark Walker. The bottom 7th had singles by Stalker and Fernandez before Ramos lined out to Rhett West for the second out… and the third out, too, given that Stalker had gone on contact and was easily doubled off second base. What do you even trust anymore if there is no relying on veterans’ baseball instincts anymore?? And then Garavito was battered for two runs in the eighth, Edgar Gonzalez doubling home Vega and Lessman. Wallace hit a single in the bottom 8th… and was doubled off by Zitzner. It was at this point that Nick Valdes suddenly unfroze and began to blink and stare at the TV screen’s display of what I was watching at the window while tearing away at my gray fur, screaming in agony.

With Wingo gone, the Coons’ Jennings, Hawkins, and Stalker would load the bases to start the bottom 9th. Granted, with an 8-run deficit even that didn’t qualify as a potential rally, because the tying run was not in the on-deck circle, or on the dugout steps, or even in the dugout. The tying run was Jimmy Wallace, and Jimmy Wallace was on the toilet after overstuffing on donuts during the middle innings. When Elliott Thompson doubled home a pair, we sent the bench coach to knock on the silent retreat’s door and tell Wallace to get his ****ing pants back on, he might actually get to bat again. Marsingill struck out in the #9 hole, and Ramos also fanned in a sudden downturn of fortunes. Hugo Salgado walked, and there came Wallace, stumbling out of the dugout with his pants untidy, splashed with water, his shirt incorrectly buttoned, and his helmet worn backwards. He flew out to D’Angelo, then raced straight back to the ****ter, while I was busy slamming my fists on the desk, screaming, until they hurt a lot more than the dismal team was already hurting me inside. 9-3 Titans. Wallace 2-4, BB; Hawkins 3-4, 2B; Thompson (PH) 1-1, 2B, 2 RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Anaya 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K;

Both teams had 12 base hits. Somehow we still managed to lose by six.

No, Nick, I don’t think there’s donuts left over.

Game 3
BOS: SS Gil – 2B R. West – LF W. Vega – RF M. Walker – C Lessman – 3B E. Gonzalez – 1B J. Green – CF D’Angelo – P M. Gonzalez
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 3B Hawkins – C Thompson – 2B Marsingill – P Rendon

Rendon walked Antonio Gil at the top of the game, but then retired the next nine in order, whiffing five, including Gil to end the third inning. That was not enough to get a *lead*, but at least Thompson and Marsingill began the bottom 3rd with leadoff singles, and when Rendon bunted, Mario Gonzalez took the ball to third base – late. All paws were safe, and there were three on and nobody out for Ramos. Berto crammed a 2-0 pitch through the hole on the right side for a single that gave us a 2-0 score, but that was also all the Critters got. Valdes snorted after Salgado grounded out, Wallace whiffed, and Zitzner flew out easily to Walker. In turn, Rhett West romped a leadoff jack in the fourth, and I had that certain headache that could only be cured with the worst booze on the market. Slappy, the Capt’n Coma bottle, quick!

It was 3-2 Titans following a Vega single and Edgar Gonzalez’ 2-out homer to left. Fittingly enough it also started to rain, and by the top of the fifth we had a rain delay of more than an hour, wiping out Rendon with two on and two out, and Willie Vega at the plate. It also gave Valdes lots of time to ask lots of uncomfortable questions, like, why the team wasn’t winning more often, and especially not when he was visiting, and why he wasn’t just taking our budget and spending it on speedier deforestation in the Amazon. David Fernandez eventually resumed pitching, gave up an RBI single, 4-2, before Mark Walker flew out to Wallace, which required hitting the goddamn ball right into Wallace’s basket with chocolates.

Over the following innings the Titans were closer to tacking on runs than the Coons were to getting back into the game. Titans batters loaded the sacks in the eighth on Blair and Hennessy before D’Angelo hit into a force at home and Hennessy secured a pop from PH Pat Sanford to bail outta there. The Raccoons did absolutely nothing against Zimmerman in the bottom 8th, then faced Jermaine Campbell in the ninth, bringing up their lackluster 3-4-5 batters. Jimmy Wallace landed a leadoff double, bringing up Zitzner as the tying run. Zitz struck out. Reichardt struck out. Jennings was down 1-2 in the #6 hole before flicking a single to center. Wallace scored easily, but still drew a throw from D’Angelo, which moved Jennings with the tying run into second base. Tim Stalker batted for the lackluster Thompson, which actually took the platoon advantage away, but the Coons wanted to play the experience card… and with somebody hitting more than .184… And – ****ing hell!! – Stalker shot a ball through Edgar Gonzalez, up the line, Jennings around, scoring, and the game was tied!! HELL YES!! …and then Justin Marsingill grounded out to Antonio Gil, and we had extras on our paws. Wise was already in the game and in the #2 hole, creating problems down the road, but was retained after getting the final two outs of what was a losing effort in the top 9th. Soon enough it looked like another losing effort. Walker wised a walk to begin the 10th, stole second, and reached third on Scheffer’s throw that bounced over Ramos’ mitten. Lessman lined out, but Edgar Gonzalez’ sac fly broke the tie. And now having Wise in the #2 hole and batting third was going to actually hose us. The bench was empty – a pitcher had to bat third in the bottom 10th against Campbell. You know, unless Zeltser reached and Ramos homered. Zeltser grounded out, Ramos singled, but that at least allowed for a bunt and rolling the dice with Wallace. The bunt worked, Wallace batting did not. 5-4 Titans. Ramos 2-5, 2 RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-1, RBI; Stalker (PH) 1-1, 2B, RBI; D. Fernandez 2.1 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 4 K;

Raccoons (6-10) vs. Knights (11-5) – April 21-23, 2034

Atlanta somehow had shed many, many players in the last year and still managed to rank second in runs scored and runs allowed to begin play for the weekend set. Somehow I had a bad feeling. We had lost the season series three years running, dropping five of nine games in 2033.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (0-1, 5.40 ERA) vs. Drew Johnson (1-1, 4.38 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (1-1, 4.26 ERA) vs. Armando Zaragoza (1-1, 6.65 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (1-0, 3.78 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (1-0, 5.12 ERA)

Two right, one left, and we’d miss the two pitchers with good ERA’s altogether; Chris Inderrieden (2-2, 2.32 ERA) and Roland Warner (2-1, 2.08 ERA) had pitched on the two days prior to this set.

We could use a few wins, but I was not too confident. – No, Nick, you don’t understand. (keeps stirring his drink) The splash of toilet cleaner really brings out the flavor of the crushed and distilled souls of child laborers in the Capt’n Coma.

Game 1
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P D. Johnson
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – RF Jennings – C Thompson – P Chavez

Offense was slow to begin with before both teams would get a double in the third inning, but only the Critters scored off theirs. Nate Seago doubled over Wallace on an 0-2 pitch leading off the top 3rd, but was then cut down at third base on a sub-par bunt by Johnson. Portland got Thompson on base with a single and had him bunted to second successfully by Bernie Chavez. Ramos popped out, but Bob Zeltser found the right-center gap for an RBI double and the first run in the game before Wallace flew out to end the inning. The following frame, the Critters had the bases loaded with 1-out singles by Manny Fernandez and Tim Stalker, Jennings walked, but Thompson hit into a double play.

Nothing great happened through six, Bernie’s 3-hitter aside. Keith Thomson floated a ball with one out in the seventh that dropped in front of Manny Fernandez for a single, though, and Thomson stole second. While Anton Vasquez popped out, Nate Seago walked, and the Knights’ selection of the left-handed batting Rich Parker to pinch-hit also knocked out Bernie after just over 100 pitches. Garavito was to face the 27-year-old that had yet to get a starting assignment this season. His second pitch was poked for a comebacker for an extremely easy third out. The damn Coons though still couldn’t do anything in the bottom 7th despite a free pass to Elliott Thompson and a Luis Inoa error. Ramos and Zeltser made shoddy outs to strand a pair, and Adam Avakian hit a blast off Garavito to tie the game in the eighth. Ed Blair would finish the inning before Jimmy Wallace crushed a ball offered by right-hander Terry Garrigan at the start of the bottom 8th. That, too, was out of the damn yard, and I was almost spilled my drink that was fuming with great fervor. Fernandez reached base and stole second, Salgado hit a single in Blair’s place (earlier vacated by Stalker in a double switch), and Jennings grounded to the left side where Thomson intercepted the leather sphere but couldn’t do anything with it; Fernandez scored on the infield single, 3-1. Thompson struck out, but Marsingill walked, presenting Berto with three on, two outs, and a new righty pitcher in Alfredo Flores. The move didn’t pay off; Ramos singled to left-center, Salgado scored, Jennings scored, it was 5-1, and Berto was now the team RBI leader with a frisky eight. Zeltser lined out, sending the non-save situation to Antonio Prieto, who had somehow only thrown six pitches so far this week. He threw 16 in the inning, whiffing Thomson, getting Vasquez to ground out to Marsingill, and then got to cheer Salgado as he chased down a 3-0 drive stupendously hit by Seago for the final out. 5-1 Coons. Wallace 2-4, HR, RBI; M. Fernandez 3-4, 2B; Salgado (PH) 1-1; Chavez 6.2 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 2 K;

Valdes dosed off in the middle innings. Apparently my drinks are a bit too much for him.

Game 2
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P Zaragoza
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – C Thompson – P Sabre

In stark contrast to Friday, both starting pitchers had immediately bits and pieces torn out of them in the very first inning. Sabre allowed two walks and two hits, which unfortunately amounted to three runs thanks to a Chris Maneke homer after Roy Pincus had already scored Inoa from third with a groundout. Inoa’s walk and Avakian’s double had begun the game. The Raccoons in turn got their 2-3-4 batters on base before Manny Fernandez dished a ball over Seago for a bases-clearing triple, then came home himself on a Stalker sac fly to set Portland ahead, 4-3. Sabre’s response was a 4-pitch walk to Nate Seago to begin the top 2nd, to which my response were a few choice words in Dutch and Hungarian I had learned near the docks in my youth. He went on to blow the lead… with assistance from Thompson. In the newest edition of “what catcher defense?”, Thompson threw away Zaragoza’s obvious bunt for a 2-base error, and Inoa knotted the score with a groundout to Stalker. Avakian fanned himself and Pincus grounded out to short to keep the pitcher and the go-ahead run stranded at third base. That was before Sabre also spent extended time on the bases. He hit a 1-out single in the bottom 2nd, moved to second when Zeltser walked, and scored on a Wallace single with two outs, restoring the team to a 5-4 lead before Zitzner struck out.

Unfortunately Sabre would not long another out and was yanked after three straight singles by Maneke, Steve Garcia, and Thomson in the third inning. That tied the score; Anaya got Vasquez to pop up in foul ground, but Thompson dropped that ball, prompting me to calmly get up, walk over to the closet next to the trophy case and grab my scream box from the lowest shelf there. My scream box was a wooden container with two winged doors that if opened allowed me to slide the back part of the box around my head and neck, and once I would then close the doors in front of my face, my tortured screams and curses would be rendered muffled, much less audible, and not quite as disturbing. I applied the device correctly before just letting myself go.

Anaya kept the game tied, retiring Vasquez after all once Thompson no longer the **** interfered, and rung up Seago, and also got rid of Zaragoza (not hit for!) to end the top 3rd. Vasquez got revenge against Anaya the next time around, doubling to right-center to score Maneke and Garcia (singles) in the top of the fifth, which broke the 5-5 tie. Avakian homered off Hennessy to make it an 8-5 game in the sixth, but that was amazingly not the end of the story. Only the Raccoons could manage to score five runs off the opposing pitcher in the first two innings and still have him going in the sixth; there, however, Zaragoza allowed base hits to Stalker, Reichardt, and Jennings, which cost him a run and put the tying runs on the corners with one out. Right-handed debutee Brad Santry was tasked with Alberto Ramos, which proved too big a bite. He threw a wild pitch to score Reichardt, then conceded the tying run on a single near the rightfield line, with Jennings to third base, from where he would score on another wild pitch, but the Critters actually failed to get Ramos in, too, despite there being no outs after he reached base.

In your typical 9-8 game, David Fernandez struck out the side in the seventh while Santry loaded the bags in the bottom of the inning in time for Jennings, who had stayed in the game in place of Jimmy Wallace, to bat again in the #9 hole with one out. His sac fly tacked on a run, but Ramos flew out to Inoa to end the inning. Valdes remarked that this would be more fun if the other team didn’t have eight runs. I bit the neck off a Capt’n Coma bottle, endlessly grateful for him stating the obvious. Fernandez then crapped out to the tune of a leadoff walk to PH Paul Kuehn and an Inoa single. Prieto took over, walked PH Brian Eppler, then handled Pincus’ comebacker for an out at home, the first out of the inning. He walked in a run against Maneke, then conceded the tying run with a Steve Garcia sac fly. Why, why, why, why, WHY THE **** WHY??? – Sorry, Maud, I’ll use the box.

A 10-10 game went to the 10th, despite Portland thoroughly out of pitching altogether, almost. To get the most out of Chris Wise, Ramos, who had made the last out in the ninth, had to be double switched out. Zeltser switched to short, but made the first out in the bottom 10th after a 1-2-3 inning from the closer that never got anything to close, before replacement hot corner guard Tom Hawkins hit a double between Inoa and Seago with one down. Zitzner flew out, Fernandez whiffed, nothing mattered, ever. Wise responded by letting the first four Knights in the 11th all on base; Maneke doubled to left, Garcia walked, Thomson was nailed, and Vasquez hit a single past Hawkins to break the tie. While Wise struck out Seago and closer Erik David – no bench players left for Atlanta – he also nailed Inoa to force in a second run before Brian Eppler popped out at 3-1 to strand a full set. Justin Osterloh retired Portland in due time in the bottom 11th to end the game. 12-10 Knights. Zeltser 2-5, BB; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Hawkins 1-1, 2B; Stalker 3-5, 3B, 1RBI; Reichardt 2-6, RBI; Jennings (PH) 1-2, BB, 2 RBI;

Valdes flew on Sunday morning, cryptically claiming that the trumpets at Jericho would sound soon upon his departure.

I didn’t say anything or look up at all. My face was still buried in the cushions on the good old brown couch.

The schedule was merciless, though, and another game was on come Sunday afternoon. The Raccoons’ pen was now in such appalling shape that we barely had three relievers available in Blair, Fernandez, and Garavito. Should del Rio continue the endless parade of starters blowing stupidly out of their bum hole, we’d have to burn Okrasinski in long relief, then work out some black devil magic to get a starter up for Monday’s game.

Maud, we should better get to finding a starter for Monday’s game right away. Who’s on the AAA roster at all? Besides Jason Gurney. If we have to call up Jason Gurney, I will riot.

Game 3
ATL: LF Inoa – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B Vasquez – CF Seago – P C. Cooper
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – CF Reichardt – 2B Stalker – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Del Rio didn’t implode instantly, but still threw four 3-ball counts in the first two innings, which kept my heartbeat at levels where you could conveniently see the organ pumping through my chest. That was even before the dumb asshole wearing #22 clipped Seago to begin the third, and after the bunt walked Inoa and Avakian. Pincus hit a sac fly, and Maneke and Garcia hit RBI singles before Thomson flew out to Reichardt in center. Just like that, three runs… and a blasting SEVENTY-FOUR PITCHES IN THREE INNINGS. Oh, and bunting into a force to get Scheffer thrown out in the bottom 3rd. GODDAMNIT!!!

The Raccoons scored a confused run in the bottom 4th, an inning that saw Zitzner and Reichardt reach leading off. Stalker scored Zitzner with a groundout, but Reichardt didn’t go on a pop over the leftfield line that hung forever and on which Inoa and Thomson converged, almost took another out, and Inoa dinked the ball of his glove. The defender was in fair territory, but the ball dropped foul, and the umpire ruled it a foul ball despite some protests from the Raccoons camp. The batter, Philip Scheffer, had made it halfway between second and third on the play, then had seen Reichardt still parked like a ****ing bus, and had retreated scrambling on all four paws – and then was sent back to home plate anyway, then popped out for good and left Reichardt stranded altogether. We’d keep that one for the yearbook!

We still got a brand new spanking ballgame in the bottom 5th, which saw Cooper walk Hawkins and give up a dinger to Salgado to get the teams level at three. The following frame, Coons were on the corners after Reichardt and Stalker singled either side of Keith Thomson with nobody out. Scheffer struck out, and Wallace batted for del Rio, who was over 100 pitches after six innings. He grounded out to Avakian, but the first baseman had to play the ball off the bag and Reichardt this time went for home plate and scored; Stalker went to second and scored on Berto’s single to center, which put us up 5-3, soon to be 6-3 when Berto scrambled for second on an errant pickoff throw and then scored on a Hawkins single over Thomson’s head and glove. Salgado then lined out to Avakian, who almost had his arm ripped off by that rocket, but held on to end the inning.

Well, who the **** to pitch now? Only Blair and Garavito had not pitched in Saturday’s crap fest, and the Knights were alternating lefty and righty bats almost throughout the lineup. There was no mixing and matching here; we didn’t have enough arms to mix and match. Both of them as well as Okrasinski were up in the bullpen, but the Coons opted to try the relief route. Okrasinski sat down and Blair came into the game. He got two outs, then allowed four straight base hits. Eppler single, Inoa single, 2-run double by Avakian, Pincus single. With Maneke up and a pair on the corners in a 6-5 game, Blair was yanked for Garavito. Switch-hitter Paul Kuehn hit instead, grounding out to Hawkins, who would also make a crucial play in the top 8th, and then singled home Berto from second base again in the bottom 8th after Ramos had swiped a base with two outs. Salgado struck out to end the inning, bringing out David Fernandez to save the 7-5 rodeo… maybe. He struck out PH Jaden Smith, and Inoa flew out to center. Then Fernandez walked Avakian and Pincus to put the tying runs on base. But lurking in the #4 hole now was Manny Delgado, a 22-year-old third baseman with three base hits in a cup of coffee last year, and none this season. If somebody would make an out now, it was him. He blasted the first pitch he got to deep center. Reichardt back… back… further back… still further back… and he made the running catch. 7-5 Critters. Hawkins 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Reichardt 3-4, 2B;

In other news

April 18 – The Cyclones expect OF Ken Gibbs (.188, 1 HR, 6 RBI) to miss a month with a strained quad.
April 19 – TOP SP Ernesto Lujan (0-1, 6.00 ERA) could miss most of the season trying to recover from radial nerve compression.
April 21 – CHA LF/RF Dave Trahan (.244, 1 HR, 6 RBI) goes yard for the only run in the Falcons’ 1-0 win over the Titans.
April 22 – LAP OF Justin Fowler (.323, 3 HR, 9 RBI) is expected to miss half the season with a partially torn labrum.
April 23 – DEN OF Federico Nuno (.213, 1 HR, 6 RBI) plates five runs on two hits in the Gold Sox’ 15-4 out of the Blue Sox.

Complaints and stuff

Boy, are the Raccoons playing like an earthquake or what? With that I mean, they play, and everything falls apart.

Maybe one or two selective stat shall be enough to describe the utter shambles we’re currently in: when Alberto Ramos drove home Stalker in the sixth inning on Sunday, that made him the first Critter to reach 10 RBI this season. You’d expect Wallace or Zitzner, maybe somebody with power potential like Stalker or Manny Fernandez, but not ****ing Alberto Ramos, batting ****ing leadoff every single ****ing game.

And then the guy with the least-terrible ERA in the rotation is the only one without a win, while we are near the bottom of the league in terms of runs allowed; bleeding 4.7 markers per game here.

THIS TEAM.

Steve Florence, the 23-year-old outfielder taken by the Buffaloes in the rule 5 draft, was returned to us this week. He had gotten into seven games with them before being axed following a 3-for-15 performance with one RBI and one stolen base. He was reassigned to the Alley Cats.

Next week: Falcons, Elks. And hopefully we can get a starter to not suck the cover off the baseballs for at least one game.

Fun Fact: 36-year-old NAS RF/LF Doug Stross (.321, 0 HR, 9 RBI) found his 2,500th career base hit in a 9-5 win over the Gold Sox on Friday.

Stross hits an eighth-inning single off DEN MR Jonathan Fleischer (0-0, 7.84 ERA) with the game already out of hand to reach the milestone. So (former) Raccoons pitching is coming in handy in any and all situations – lovely!

The two-time Player of the Year and 6-time All Star Stross spent most of his 16-year career with the Scorpions. In his POTY years (2024, 2025) he won the batting title and led the league in OBP and OPS. Four times in a row from 2022 through 2025 he led the FL in walks drawn, and once in hits (2024). For his career he is a .317/.435/.418 batter with 104 HR and 1,067 RBI. He also has a staggering 1,587 career walks, and in his younger years stole almost all of his 92 bases.