[pauwoo]

Phoenix Suns (56-37, .602, 1st NL West) @ Miami United (48-48, .500, 4th NL East)
The last time we were home, for an ill-fated 4-game series, the Philadelphia 76ers stole our soul, brought it to the chop shop, parted us out, and sold off anything of value. What they left us with is cold sweats and nightmares of being exposed as frauds in front of our hometown fans... again. And, as luck would have it, our encore to that dreadful showing will come against the best team in the National League... the Phoenix Suns. Listen, I could regale you with stats, painstakingly list out all the ways that Phoenix bests us - in talent, game planning, coordination... you name it - but, I won’t. Because I don’t have that kind of time and you don’t want to read that drivel anyways. So, let’s just put it out there like this - what you are about to witness is a crime against humanity, murder in the 1st... it is punishable by death, my death as the VP of baseball operations for the Miami Baseball Club, LLC most likely, and, if you care to stick around for it just know that what you are about to see is rated NC-17 and we take no responsibility for how it affects you long-term. Proceed with caution, dear friends, and I hope you brought some gum - this set could get messy.

97 of 162: Robert Hawkins (7-6, 4.58) @ Radoslav Borovsky (6-5, 3.00)
Win, 5-3. This could just be the calm before the storm, a setup, the ol’ bait and switch - a banana in the proverbial tailpipe... the scene of that slasher film where the blonde bombshell makes every mistake in the book yet still survives because the director has a nudity quota to fill and there will be plenty of time to snuff her out in the next scene or two... Or, it could be that our guys aren’t phased by our recent massacre at the hands of Philly and are so wrapped up in their misplaced confidence and souped-up bravado that they don’t understand the gravity of our situation. Who knows, really - what I do know is that we got the W here, that Radoslav pitched well (7.1 IP, 3 earned), and that Early Felger went 2 for 3 with a solo HR and 2 runs to bust this thing open for us. So, here’s the plan - as soon as the official scorekeeper sends this one into the league office, we run. Like the wind. And we don’t look back.

Elsewhere: The Philadelphia 76ers, soul-thieves & cheesesteak aficionados, defeated the San Francisco Seals by a score of 14-0… when you see that line, the first thing that comes to mind is, “man, Palmer must’ve crushed”, right? Well, you wouldn’t be wrong as he recorded 3 RBIs and a run while Justin Jenkins went 2 for 4 with 5 RBIs of his own. Offensively, they were at their best – to be sure, but, the performance of the night has to go to SP Wilson Pena, who almost entered his name into the history books with a NO-NO before it was broken up in the bottom of the 8th (I won’t say who did it, he doesn’t deserve it). Pena pitched a complete, 1-hit shutout with 8 K’s in the win… an all-time performance for him and so close to immortality.

98 of 162: Jack Sanchez-Flores (10-5, 3.82) @ Kordell Littles (5-8, 4.88)
Loss, 2-0. The second game of this 3-game set was a pitcher’s duel – JSF went the distance and threw a complete game, 4-hit shutout while Kordell matched him in distance but not in command as he allowed 2 runners to plate and 8 total hits – still, a masterful performance from both hurlers. CF Jason Bland’s solo shot in the top of the 2nd would prove to be the game-winner here, and Tony Voorhis’ solo shot in the top of the 3rd gave them all the cushion they’d need (not that they’d need any at all)… The blonde bombshell survived this scene – we’ve had some conflict here, she’s not 100%, but the audience, who’ve fallen for this charade hook, line & sinker are starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, she’ll survive this horror film after all…

Elsewhere: Palmer Parker (PHI) went 5 for 5 with a 3-run DING DONG for the 76ers in their 10-8 loss against the San Francisco Seals – hate to see an effort that complete go wasted, but, on the bright side, San Fran’s ability to come back from nearly being no-hit gives me hope that my club, despite all its deficiencies and short-comings, can actually win the rubber match against Phoenix tomorrow night.

Also, elsewhere: Cullen Craig has always considered himself to be patriotic. However, few expected him to take his love of country to this level. At the end of the season, the Miami reliever will put his baseball career on hold indefinitely in order to join the U.S. Space Force. The upcoming free agent says he made his decision after spending time volunteering recently at a veterans' hospital. "I love the game of baseball, but ultimately it's just a game. Those guys at the V.A. hospital reminded me how important it is to put your country first. I've just decided it's time to answer the call." Kid’s a stud – he’ll be missed, but good on him for following his dream to serve his country. And, yes, I edited the branch - not because I wanted to, because I had to. I mean, c'mon, it's 2079 in Strangeverse.

99 of 162: Josh Allen (5-9, 4.86) @ Thomas Deane (6-7, 4.85)
Loss, 3-2. There are three classic blunders - the first is never get involved in a land war in Asia, the second is never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and the third is never bet on the blonde bombshell to survive a slasher flick… here, like the blonde bombshell, we met our fate late in the show – in the top of the 15th to be exact, when Rex Engelstad hit a solo dinger that would prove to be our undoing. All those poor, mind-numbing decisions, and all that useless nudity… wasted. Homer Wingard, the guy we got for Rex, did go 3 for 7 with 2 RBIs and a run, but Big Rex had the last laugh and the Phoenix Suns get to ride off into the sunset as they head off to Brooklyn to raze their ballpark and plunder their treasure. I’m trying to avoid the loser's mindset, to push back the small modicum of pride I feel at winning at least one of these three game – we’ll need to push past that mentality, learn to expect more from ourselves, from each other, and start putting it on clubs with some ferocity when they come to our house.