[Westheim]

All Star Game

For the second year in a row, Nashville’s Jim “Mastodon” Allen (.349, 10 HR, 60 RBI) cashes ASG MVP honors with two hits with a home run and one RBI in the FL’s 4-1 win over the CL’s selection. The remaining runs come on a 3-run homer by SAC Mark Vermillion off BOS Tony Chavez. CHA Ernesto Huichapa has the lone CL RBI.

For Portland, Alberto Ramos goes 1-for-4. Bernie Chavez surrenders the Allen home run in his inning of work. Chris Wise pitches a scoreless inning.

Raccoons (52-37) vs. Crusaders (40-49) – July 13-16, 2034

Revenge was on my mind – I just didn’t know whether the boys could dole it out. Hopefully three days off would have been enough to recharge those batteries and get at the throats of the Crusaders, who led the season series 5-3 now, and had pummeled the Raccoons enough to be an almost respectably offensive team…

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (8-4, 3.56 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (7-3, 2.48 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-2, 2.37 ERA) vs. Eddie Cannon (6-6, 3.56 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (8-4, 3.82 ERA) vs. Joe Martin (2-8, 3.87 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (9-4, 4.12 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (5-8, 3.93 ERA)

No left-hander anywhere near.

Game 1
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B S. Williams – SS Schuler – P Cervantes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Sabre

Jarod Howden, the dumb pig, had batted 7-for-17 with two homers and 6 RBI in the set in New York, which wasn’t something I would survive twice in a month, but there he was, singling off Sabre in the second inning, the first Crusader to reach base. Nothing came of it, but I new the signs when I saw them; I had been around this team for a while… and the sky was pretty damn dark, too…

While Portland took a 1-0 lead in the third inning when Bob Zeltser singled home Billy Jennings with two outs, we had a rain delay as early as the fourth, so that was probably going to **** with Sabre no matter what. As if on command, the ****ing ****stain Howden, also a dumb pig, hit a game-tying homer to lead off the fifth. There was no sharpness left to Sabre by that point, and he was lifted after five and two thirds, with Chris Reardon on first base and Barend Kok coming up. Hennessy got the assignment and whiffed the old Falcon on a dubious strike three call in a full count. Zeltser led off the bottom 6th with a double off Cervantes. The Crusaders played the double play card, walked Wallace with intent, but got only a common groundout from Zitzner, presenting Manny Fernandez with a solid chance… or another intentional walk. Bases loaded for Tim Stalker, which had been such a good and productive situation before the break (…), and he didn’t disappoint, hitting into a double play on the first pitch, killing the inning. In turn, Nick Bates was torn to shreds in the seventh, allowing an infield single to PH Ryan Czachor (that was hard to do…), then a colossal bomb to Stephen Williams. Schuler singled, then scored on a 2-out hit by Jose Balado, 4-1. Kok added a homer off Prieto in the eighth, making it ELEVEN homers for New York off Portland pitching in five games.

Bottom 8th, Cervantes was knocked out on straight singles by the 1-2-3 batters to begin the inning. Wallace plated Berto, and the tying run came up in Zitzner, who would face left-hander Jorge Farinas and again uselessly grounded out. Fernandez and Stalker both popped out. In the ninth and facing Mike Hugh, Jennings would draw a 1-out walk before Rich Vickers hit into a double play. 5-2 Crusaders. Zeltser 3-4, 2B, RBI; Wallace 2-3, BB, RBI; Jennings 2-3, BB;

What the **** is going on with this team?

Game 2
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 3B Czachor – 1B J. Brown – SS Schuler – P E. Cannon
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – C Thompson – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Straight base hits by the 6-7-8 batters brought up Bernie Chavez in the bottom of the second inning with three aboard and one out, which really felt like the new three on, no outs. Chavez popped out, for which he would not be flagellated, but after Ramos grounded out Bernie also served up homer #12 in this four-and-four nightmare, a solo shot by Jose Balado, and for that he WOULD be flagellated. The soul grind continued with Zeltser reaching on a 2-base throwing error to begin the bottom 3rd and being left squat at second. The Crusaders kept trying their darndest to keep the game interesting though, with Monge losing a pitch for a passed ball after the fourth innings’ leadoff walk to Tim Stalker, who would then score from second base on Jennings’ single through Josh Brown at first base. Eddie Cannon bunted into a double play in the 1-1 tie in the fifth, and Stalker zinged a 1-out triple in the sixth that was surely going to bring out the worst in Elliott Thompson again. Cannon managed to walk the catcher instead, bringing up Jennings who flew out to Kok. Stalker was sent, because that was the one and only chance, and arrived just ahead of the throw, giving the home team a rare 2-1 lead. Next thing to dazzle you was Bernie slapping a 2-out RBI double on a 1-2 pitch. Berto would bring in a single, but that was not going to score Bernie, and Zeltser ended up flying out, but at least we had a lead in a non-trivial part of the game against the excruciating Crusaders!

Randy Schuler’s homer to begin the eighth cut the lead in half (#13, too), and a pinch-hit single by Stephen Williams knocked out Chavez. With Howden, the dumb pig, hitting for Balado, the Coons sent David Fernandez, who held on to the lead with two groundouts and a K to Hurtado, but Ed Blair in the ninth very much didn’t. Fernando Garcia opened with a pinch-hit single, but was still on first base with two outs, which looked promising… at least until Josh Brown and Randy Schuler hit back-to-back home runs. Mike Hugh came apart in the bottom 9th with Ramos, Zeltser, and Fernandez all hitting doubles to get the score back even at five, but Stalker flew out to strand the winning run at second base, just when I was going to untie the noose again. Chris Wise held on in the top of the 10th, then was hit for in a prime spot in the bottom 10th with Hugh having allowed singles to Preston Pinkerton (who had been the unnecessary defensive relief for Jimmy Wallace) and an unretired Billy Jennings. Pinkerton and the W were 90 feet away with nobody out. Reichardt was the last guy on the bench and hit a fly to left that Matt Jamieson caught, but couldn’t get back to home plate in time – Pinkerton scored to walk off the Critters. 6-5 Raccoons. Ramos 2-5, 2B; Stalker 2-4, BB, 3B; Thompson 1-2, BB; Pinkerton 1-1; Jennings 4-4, 2 RBI; Reichardt (PH) 0-0, RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 6 K and 1-2, 2B, RBI;

This win gave me no joy! It was a bitter win, that nevertheless failed to give comfort to this bitter man!

And no, we ain’t got no closer.

With Travis Zitzner in a marvelous 0-for-25 stretch, the Raccoons hauled in a replacement from AAA. Preston Pinkerton was optioned to make room for Chiyosaku Maruyama, who was hitting .238 with 10 homers in St. Pete, but I had to try SOMETHING.

Next guy to serve up a bomb will be turned into napkins!

Game 3
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – P J. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF Jennings – 1B Maruyama – C Scheffer – P del Rio

The debutee dropped a Ramos feed for an error as early as the third inning, then putting Joe Martin on base, who had flummoxed the Coons for his second win of the season a week ago and now was lusting for his third. He faced the minimum the first time through, though Wallace singled and was double-played away by Reichardt. Del Rio went off like a fire engine, striking out seven in four innings and didn’t allow a base hit at the same time, although he had walked Balado at the very start of the game. Howden, the dumb pig, landed a single to center at the start of the fifth inning, then was double-played bag into his goddamn pig stall of a dugout by Czachor. Schuler struck out, giving del Rio 8 K in a scoreless affair.

102 pitches and 10 strikeouts into the game, del Rio had completed seven innings but still was not in line for anything but another scratch in the well-worn “oh shucks, at least you tried” column. Part of the blame was on him, because he had a hand in Joe Martin STILL having faced the minimum through six innings. Ramos had singled in the fourth and had been caught stealing, and Scheffer had singled in the sixth and had been bowled off on a terrible bunt for another double play by del Rio. Maybe the bottom 7th would bring a breakthrough! Bob Zeltser wrapped a double past Barend Kok to get somebody into scoring position for the first time since Balado in the first. Stalker struck out. Wallace struck out. Nobody scored.

Garavito and Wise completed regulation from a Coons pitching standpoint, but we got to see a bottom of the ninth. Rin Nomura faced Scheffer to lead off that inning, which would surely totally see us walk off winners. Scheffer grounded out. Zitzner grounded out. Ramos flew out to Reardon. Ed Blair held the Crusaders to zero in the 10th, giving the ball back to Nomura, who had actually been a fairly reliable reliever for New York this season, so we’d probably be here all night, and my booze was almost out. The 2-3-4 batters were retired in order, with two strikeouts. Nomura retired the first two batters in the 11th, too, then allowed a single to Maruyama, the Japanese fill-in’s first career hit. Scheffer and Vickers both walked, presenting Ramos with three on and two outs. His single to center ended the misery. 1-0 Blighters. Ramos 2-5, RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 10 K; Wise 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

Nick Bates got the win for a scoreless 11th, giving him a 1-1 record in addition to a 10.13 ERA.

Berto’s walkoff single also exposed the attendance to Maruyama (1-4, K, E) stepping onto home plate, and while his teammates tried to huddle and cuddle him (I had no desire…), he shooed them away before chanting something in Japanese and going some weird motions. Seemed like a ritual, but I was too afraid to ask. Cristiano Carmona, always the nerd, volunteered his opinion that Maruyama was channeling a samurai’s ghost in his heart so that the ghost would help him to defeat his mortal enemies even quicker next time around.

Well, golly Moses, I would appreciate that too!

Game 4
NYC: LF Balado – CF Reardon – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 1B Howden – 3B Czachor – SS J. Brown – P Holliday
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF Jennings – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Okrasinski

Okrasinski got swamped right from the start, with Balado’s double and a pair of singles putting him in 1-0 hole, and when Kok hit into a double play he still managed to put another three batters on base and give up another run before Josh Brown’s deep fly to center off a lousy 0-2 pitch was caught by Fernandez to strand a full set of runners. One of those extra batters, Monge, reached base by being hit by a pitch, and Okrasinski also nailed Holliday at the start of the second inning. The Crusaders’ starter was hurting enough to have to leave the game. Reardon would hit into a double play before that inning could get out of hand, and the Coons got Fernandez on base and around to score on a 2-out double by Elliott Thompson. Monge hit into another double play in the top 3rd, getting the New Yorkers to 3-for-3 in that regard in this Sunday game. The Critters in turn tied the game against right-hander Keith Black, who had replaced the fallen Holliday. Berto reached base to begin the bottom 3rd, stole second, advanced on a shallow single by Zeltser, and eventually came in to tie the game on Stalker’s sac fly. Wallace then walked, and so did Jennings to keep the line going. Fernandez batted with three on and one out, which had yet to give the Coons anything good in this series. Here he slapped an RBI single to claim the lead on the very first pitch, so I’d chalk that up as a goodie. Next up and still with three aboard was Maruyama, who chucked into the long-awaited double play to end the inning…

Howden hit another single (5-for-9 in this set now…) to lead off the fourth, took off to steal his first base of the year, and even reached third base with nobody out when the entirely useless scumbag behind the dish threw the ball to Manny Fernandez. Somehow, Okrasinski got through, though, collecting three outs on pops or grounders that all kept Howden, the dumb pig, stranded at third base. Thompson at least drew a walk from lefty Bill Herrmann to begin the bottom 4th and scored on Bob Zeltser’s 2-out double, 4-2 Coons, but the Crusaders pulled that run back immediately when Balado reached, stole second (can anybody here THROW A ****ING BASEBALL??), and scored on a Kok single in the fifth. Howden, the dumb pig, drew a leadoff walk in the next inning, but Czachor was back with a double play grounder.

Maybe the bullpen day would kill the Crusaders before Okrasinski could deal mortal damage to his own team, though. Maruyama hit a leadoff single in the bottom 6th, but was forced out on a bad bunt by the pitcher. Berto singled with two outs, Zeltser hit an RBI single, and Stalker doubled for another run, knocking out Herrmann. Wallace then flew out to strand a pair against new lefty Jamie O’Leary. Okrasinski got only one more out from the pinch-hitter Williams in the seventh before Balado legged out an infield single. Prieto replaced the starter, threw to first base four times, and Balado STILL STOLE SECOND BASE off the sleeping Thompson, who was hit for in the bottom 7th with three on (Jennings walk, Fernandez single, Maruyama walk) and nobody out, because I had enough of him. Tom Hawkins drew a bases-loaded walk in his place, Zitzner plated a run via a 6-4-3 double play (…), and Berto grounded out solemnly to conclude the seventh with an 8-3 lead. The eighth saw two singles off Hennessy and Howden, the dumb pig, hitting into a double play, leading to exuberant cheering from the crowd. 8-3 Raccoons. Zeltser 4-5, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-5, RBI; Hawkins (PH) 0-0, BB, RBI;

In other news

July 11 – SFW 1B Kevin Harenberg (.280, 5 HR, 36 RBI) will be out for a month with a separated shoulder.
July 13 – The Thunder pick up the not-so-well-aging Firmino Cambra (.280, 0 HR, 2 RBI) in a trade with the Rebels, who receive a minor leaguer and a prospect.
July 14 – The Scorpions send C/1B Mitch Cook (.269, 8 HR, 35 RBI) to the Rebels for two prospects. The package includes #10 prospect SP Tommy Kubik.
July 16 – The Thunder beat the Condors, 11-7 in 16 innings. Both teams initially peter out at six runs in the seventh inning before putting up a single run in the 15th before the Thunder break through in the top of the 16th.

Complaints and stuff

50 runners have attempted to steal off Elliott Thompson this year. He has thrown out FOUR. Runners have a 92% success rate against him. If Tony Morales hit at least a wheeze more than .243 in AAA, the switch would have been made yesterday…

Maruyama is a right-handed batter, basic defensive first baseman, and not a revelation of any sort. We got him for basically free out of Japan, and he performed in AAA like a basically free player does perform in AAA. But Zitzner had apparently had some sort of stroke to drop to 0-for-25 and some move had to be made. Bad Luck Travis had actually started all the Coons games this year right up until the last one before the All Star Game, in which he hadn’t appeared at all, and – oh look – we actually won that one.

Never again a player named Travis! That is a firm rule now! Never again a player named Travis on this team, neither as given or as surname. Over my dead body we’ll have another Travis disaster!!

Fun Fact: Travis Zitzner is by far the most successful Travis the Raccoons have ever had in terms of WAR.

The competition isn’t exactly fierce. And Zitzner was of good use last year and up til June, but now he’s 0-for-27 and I hate him. He hit .290 with 21 homers last year. Now he’s at .235 with 12 homers and a .694 OPS.

There have been four other players with the given name Travis on the team, only one of them a batter: Travis Owens caught in 113 games between 2010 and 2011 and was reliably average. At least he could throw out a damn runner from time to time.

Travis Brown was the Coons’ first Travis, a terrible left-handed reliever that got lit up for an 8.10 ERA in 13 games and just 6.2 innings in 1988 and 1989, and never got another ABL stint anywhere.

The many mental scars inflicted by Travis Garrett have yet to heal. Garrett showed up in the rotation with alarming regularity from 2019 through 2024 and never did anything useful. His best ERA was 3.64 in ’23 over 24 starts. Even then he walked more than five batters per nine innings…

The scourge of Travis Coffee is still with us in AAA. He has gotten more than just cups of coffee and has been consistently awful; enough so that in 24 games (17 starts) he hasn’t even been worth a full win above replacement…

Travis Zitzner … +5.7 WAR
Travis Garrett … +3.2 WAR
Travis Owens … +2.1 WAR
Travis Coffee … +0.6 WAR
Travis Brown … -0.1 WAR