[Westheim]

Raccoons (59-40) @ Thunder (52-45) – July 25-27, 2034

The Thunder had lost four straight, and wouldn’t it be great if the Raccoons could run up the score some more on them? We had swept them in the first series of the season! Oklahoma was scoring the third-most runs, but also surrendering the third-most runs. They also had a few players on the DL, including starter Michael Donovan and outfielder Lorenzo Celaya, who could be highly annoying.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (10-3, 2.41 ERA) vs. Mario Bojorques (4-6, 3.91 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (8-4, 3.43 ERA) vs. John Nelson (10-7, 3.87 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-4, 3.38 ERA) vs. Chris Guyett (3-5, 4.37 ERA)

We’d get all of their right-handers, dodging their southpaws Joe Robinson and Tony Gallardo.

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – RF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P Chavez
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P Bojorques

Bob Zeltser, Jimmy Wallace, Drew Olszewski, and Andy Schmitt all hit singles in the first inning, and none of them scored. Runs on the board didn’t appear until the third inning, which Chavez began by striking out before the Raccoons’ 1-2-3-4 batters hit one, two, three, four singles. Stalker and Wallace got RBI’s, Reichardt struck out, but Manny Fernandez knocked in another pair with two outs to give Bernie a 4-0 lead in the quest for our 4,800th regular season win.

It was by no means a cakewalk for him, though. The Thunder kept poking and put Mike Burgess and Luis Sagredo on base with singles to begin the fourth inning. Alex Serrato lined to the right side after that, but Maruyama, the Japanese box of wonders, lunged and made the grab, and managed to fall onto Sagredo before he could retouch first base. Not a pretty double play, but 3-unassisted my furry bum, I’ll take that!! And then, because there’s no loving god, and life is just an endless parade of kicks in the groin, Steve Cutler homered to left anyway. In what was now regrettably a 4-2 game, the Raccoons didn’t do anything with the sticks anymore despite having gotten Bojorques out by the fifth inning, and Bernie kept leaking runners and was gone with one out in the bottom 7th, having issued a leadoff walk to Cutler. Alfredo Rojas lined out to Ramos, and then it was David Fernandez taking over with left-hander Firmino Cambra pinch-hitting in the #9 hole. Fernandez got the groundout, then yielded a single to Olszewski…. and a 3-run homer to switch-hitting Andy Schmit. And that was it. Four different Thunder pitchers retired the final 11 Raccoons in order. 5-4 Thunder. Zeltser 2-4; Stalker 2-4, RBI; Wallace 2-4, RBI; Maruyama 2-4;

There are no words.

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Sabre
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P J. Nelson

Single, single, run-scoring wild pitch, walk, RBI double – Raffaello Sabre was in peak form right from the start of the game. The next three batters grounded out, plating two more runs, and burying the dismal Raccoons four runs deep after the opening inning. It was the only one Sabre finished before getting his numb skull caved in by Olszewski’s 2-run homer in the second, which is what you ****ing get by conceding a hard single to the ****ing opposing pitcher. The home run erased Billy Jennings’ from the top 2nd, an occurrence so isolated that the umpires had to give Jennings pointers about which way to run around the bases.

That was more or less the ballgame given how John Hennessy pitched slow and ineffective long relief that nevertheless kept the Thunder from touching home, while the Raccoons didn’t get back on base until Wallace walked with two outs in the sixth. He was left stranded, a fate not shared by Billy Jennings, who hit an infield single to start off the seventh inning and was immediately involved in Travis Zitzner’s hot double play mess. Zitzner also made the final out of the game against Steve Bailey with the tying run in the on-deck circle. Wallace and Fernandez hit 1-out singles in the ninth, Wallace even scored on a Jennings sac fly, but that was as much rally as was in them. 6-3 Thunder. Wallace 1-2, 2 BB; Jennings 2-3, HR, 3 RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Hennessy 3.1 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 3 K;

(drags himself onto one of the stools at the bar in an establishment across the street from the ballpark) Something hard, on the rocks, my boy. – What do you mean, you can’t do that? – When the **** did Oklahoma become a dry state? – Last year?? And why the **** is swearing forbidden? When did that happen?? – Ah. Also last year. FINE. I’ll have an orange juice then. (feels for the tiny emergency bottle of Capt’n Coma in his left pocket) But with one of those colorful tiny umbrellas, and a straw! – No *straws*?? No booze, no cursing, no straws… What is this? Nazi Germany in the final days?? – Alright, alright, I’ll have my OJ without straw. (clonks the tiny bottle on the counter) – That’s *medicine*. – Say… on your shirt. They forgot to stitch the ‘I’. – They didn’t? – Your name is not ‘Brian’? What the **** doe–… – FINE. What on earth does ‘Bran’ mean? – From which book? – Never heard of that. – Is it about baseball? – Listen, *Bran*… if it’s not about baseball it’s not worth reading!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – 1B Maruyama – C Thompson – P del Rio
OCT: CF Olszewski – 3B Schmit – 1B D. Cruz – C Burgess – RF Sagredo – SS Serrato – LF Cutler – 2B A. Rojas – P Guyett

…and if the Raccoons were in it, it wasn’t worth watching! They had two hits through the first five innings and were as threatening as a blind and declawed sloth. Del Rio was sharp at first, retiring the first five Thunder with 2 K, but then rain struck and after a lengthy delay he was decidedly less crisp. Olszewski and Schmit doubles made it 1-0 in the bottom 3rd, Burgess’ homer made it 2-0 in the bottom 4th, and after he allowed a single to Guyett and walked Schmit and Danny Cruz to fill the bases he was yanked in the bottom 5th. Prieto inherited there on and one out, struck out Burgess and Sagredo to escape, and technically this game was not yet over, but if you looked into their detached faces dreaming from a food bowl far, far away at the end of the game, you knew it was definitely over. Everything was over.

Ramos hit a single and stole second base, his 35th trophy of the season, in the top of the sixth, but was left in scoring position. The seventh inning brought various interpretations of the timeless classic “popping out to short with nobody on or having a clue” by the 4-5-6 batters. Despite this *and* Garavito coughing up a run in the bottom 7th, the Raccoons brought the tying run to the plate with two outs in the eighth. Hawkins doubled, Ramos walked, and Billy Jennings, batting second after two double switches, made the Thunder’s cleanup guy run for the ball… when he fouled out near the netting behind home plate. Chris Guyett was still going, 24 outs and a rain delay later, and entered the ninth inning all by himself. Stalker popped out. Wallace popped out. Zitzner tried a new approach as pinch-hitter in the #5 hole. He grounded out to short. 3-0 Thunder. Ramos 1-2, 2 BB;

A few days ago I said I wouldn’t want them to win their 4,800th against the Knights.

Can I take that back, please?

Raccoons (59-43) vs. Knights (60-40) – July 28-30, 2034

The Knights had the best offense and scored the most runs in the Continental League. Their pitching was “generally capable”, meaning they were right around league average in keeping the other guys from circling the bags. We had won the season series already, 5-1, but I couldn’t help but expect nothing more than more doom to befall this lackluster team that luckily clad brown, making it harder to notice whenever they shat their pants in the batter’s box…

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (11-4, 3.96 ERA) vs. Chris Cooper (7-5, 3.58 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.63 ERA) vs. TBD
Bernie Chavez (10-3, 2.50 ERA) vs. Chris Inderrieden (10-7, 3.36 ERA)

Lefty on Friday, righty on Sunday, and a question mark in the middle after trading starter/closer/faster/more Erik David (1-2, 4.15 ERA, 24 SV) to the Scorpions for not much at all.

Game 1
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P C. Cooper
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Hawkins – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 2B Vickers – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Okrasinksi

Both teams got a run in the first, where the Knights had Chris Maneke double home Adam Avakian, while the Raccoons piled two hits, two walks, and one run on Cooper while also having Reichardt fan with runners on second and third, and Zitzner ground out to short to strand a full set. More chances would present themselves; the second inning saw Okrasinski single to left, Ramos leg out an infield roller, Cooper balked, then walked Hawkins, and there were three on with one down for Jimmy Wallace, who should probably not see left-handed pitchers anymore and grounded a ball STRAIGHT at John Johnson for a 4-6-3 soul-stabber. The Knights, though, in the top 3rd cranked up the hurt by drawing walks off Okrasinski with two outs, placing Roy Pincus and Maneke on base. Steve Garcia then slapped an RBI single. Keith Thomson grounded out, but we were behind once more. Who was supposed to stop the hemorrhaging if not Old Warhorse??

Old Warhorse allowed singles to Rich Parker and Cooper (…) the following inning, walked the bags full, plated one run on a wild pitch, another on an Avakian sac fly, and one more on Pincus’ single, walked Maneke, and somehow Adrian Reichardt caught a fly to center by Garcia to keep it 5-1 through the top of the fourth. He walked Johnson and Parker in the fifth before being yanked. Hennessy waved one run across on Juan Muro’s single. Oh Slappy, we could have it worse. In Oklahoma they can’t even have ****ing booze anymore! Or straws! Straws!

The slaughtering continued unabated, with Rich Vickers’ throwing error putting a runner on base against Nick Bates in the sixth. Maneke promptly homered, 8-1. The Raccoons got a Wallace double in the seventh and didn’t score. They got a leadoff single by Stalker in the ninth… and didn’t score either, because Tom Hawkins hit into a double play. 8-1 Knights. Wallace 2-4, 2B; Vickers 2-4, RBI; Stalker 1-1; Wise 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

There was a roster move after the game, with Rich Vickers (.264, 2 HR, 14 RBI) being axed to make room for Hugo Salgado’s return.

Game 2
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P Inderrieden
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – RF Jennings – 1B Zitzner – C Thompson – P Rendon

Gilberto Rendon, yet another one of those established veterans that turned into semi-liquid turds on the Willamette, ran 3-ball counts against each of the first five Knights in the Saturday game. He allowed two singles, two walks, one run, and then somehow got bailed out when Thompson flew out to right and Jennings fired home to cut down Avakian for a 9-2 double play to end the top 1st. Rendon continued to exist at the mercy of his defense after that, with Wallace making running catches, Jennings making sliding catches, and Ramos starting a double play when we needed it most to protect a 2-1 lead established in the bottom of the third inning. Zitzner and Thompson had opened the inning with base hits, and Ramos hit an RBI single to right before stealing second base. Still, Zeltser’s sac fly was all we got, with Ramos left in scoring position. It was still the same score in the seventh, but Rendon was finally yanked after a walk to John Johnson at the top of the frame. Eric Martins bunted the runner to second, Brian Eppler was walked by David Fernandez, who also served up a game-tying bloop single to Muro… oh, and a pinch-hit, 3-run homer to left-handed Dan Cobb, which was merely his third homer of the year and his first hit as a Knight after being acquired from the Buffaloes on Wednesday for nothing more than a stinking prospect. The Raccoons did not go without bringing up the tying run in the bottom 8th after Brad Santry had allowed singles to both Wallace and Fernandez with two outs, and then Jennings cozily grounded out to Johnson. And then that was really about it… 5-2 Knights. Ramos 2-5, RBI; Wallace 2-4; Scheffer (PH) 1-1;

No, I’m fine, Maud. Really. You can go home with the others. I’m just going to clean those papers away and water the flowers and will then go home, too. – … – … – You are not going, aren’t you? – Fine, what did I do wrong now to spill the beans on my plans? – That good piece of rope is a decorative element worn with pride by, uh, the warriors in Upper Samoa! – Fine. (takes off rope and tosses it into a corner) I’ll go home. If you insist!

Come Sunday, the Knights had acquired Josh Boles (3-5, 1.96 ERA, 26 SV) from the Buffos for various prospects.

Fine. Come on. Bring it. Right in our striped, fuzzy faces.

Game 3
ATL: CF Muro – 1B Avakian – RF Pincus – 3B Maneke – C S. Garcia – SS Thomson – 2B J. Johnson – LF R. Parker – P Zaragoza
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Scheffer – 1B Maruyama – P Chavez

Armando Zaragoza (8-11, 5.02 ERA) would go on short rest against Bernie who had half the ERA and proper rest, so we were probably destined to go winless this week. Roy Pincus got us well on the way there with a first-inning homer. But the miserable Raccoons again countered and took a 2-1 lead, this time in the bottom 2nd. Wallace singled, Fernandez doubled, and Reichardt and Scheffer both scored a run, each with a groundout. Whatever works…!

Both teams got only one more base hit through five, and the sixth wasn’t much more productive. The Raccoons got Manny Fernandez on base. And then he was caught stealing. Not caught stealing were the Knights in the seventh; instead they loaded the bases with singles by Pincus, Garcia, and Thomson and one out. Chavez remained around to face Johnson, got him to 0-2… and then threw a game-tying wild pitch. Johnson flew out to shallow center, and Garavito struck out PH Eric Martins, but what did it even matter anymore… (turns to Cristiano Carmona) I wish I could run away.

I couldn’t, at least not with the rope, because Maud kept watching me. Garavito loaded the bases with the 1-2-3 batters and one out in the seventh, allowing two singles before nailing Pincus, who had undoubtedly deserved it, but NOW, Mauricio? NOW?? Wise came in to see after PH Paul Kuehn, allowed a 2-run double, and somehow the Knights stumbled into another outfield assist at home plate to end the inning when Garcia flew out to Reichardt, but what the **** did it even matter anymore? The Coons were down 4-2 and surely toast. In the eighth, Hawkins, Ramos, and Zeltser were out in order against ****ing Armando Zaragoza, who then as crowning achievement hit a 2-out RBI single off ****ing Nick Bates in the top of the ninth. Because that was not enough humiliation, Josh Boles came on for the bottom 9th. Stalker flew out to center. Wallace struck out. Salgado flew out to center. 5-2 Knights. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2B; Chavez 6.2 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 4 K;

In other news

July 25 – CIN LF/RF/1B Dick Oshiita (.372, 21 HR, 81 RBI) connects once for a 20-game hitting streak in a 5-4 loss to the Stars.
July 25 – DEN LF Abel Madsen (.302, 10 HR, 58 RBI) will miss three months with rotator cuff tendinitis.
July 26 – Hot no more: in a 5-1 loss of the Cyclones to the Stars, Dick Oshiita (.369, 21 HR, 81 RBI) goes hitless, thus ending his hitting streak.
July 26 – The Bayhawks’ OF George Hawthorne (.271, 6 HR, 42 RBI) single-handedly wins a 1-0 game against the Titans with a home run off BOS SP Adam Potter (4-6, 3.81 ERA).
July 26 – DAL OF Ryan Murray (.239, 9 HR, 37 RBI) is lost for the season with a torn rotator cuff.
July 27 – The Wolves acquire 3B/SS Chad Armfield (.322, 2 HR, 30 RBI) from the Aces, parting with a promising but unranked prospect in OF/1B John Velazquez.
July 28 – The Loggers send INF Wayne Morris (.302, 6 HR, 50 RBI) to the Rebels for five prospects. None of them are ranked, but CL Steve Bass really should be.
July 29 – The Wolves acquire 2B Mario Duenez (.259, 4 HR, 52 RBI) from the Scorpions for MR Jacob Poirier (2-1, 3.42 ERA, 1 SV) and a prospect.
July 30 – SFB INF Jose Cruz (.326, 9 HR, 47 RBI) hits a home run for the only tally in the Bayhawks’ 1-0 win over the Indians.
July 30 – NYC OF Chris Reardon (.243, 7 HR, 45 RBI) is out for the season with torn ankle ligaments.

Complaints and stuff

Look… I tried to trade for some improvements… but … eh.

Right-hander Nick Wright of the Wolves would have been nice to shore up the pen, and there was the odd outfielder or two, right-handed, that would have made a nice addition to the roster. But the only player that was easy to get seemed to be Ruben Orozco, whom the Buffaloes offered again and again and again before dumping him on the unsuspecting Cyclones instead. No right-handed outfielder materialized either… well except for Hugo Salgado, who started a rehab assignment on Tuesday and returned on Saturday to no great noise.

And at some point the need for trades became moot. We went from 2nd to 11th in the power rankings in a single week, and the only thing that assures me of the sad-sack team not dropping to 11th in the North is the fact that there’s nothing lower than the damn Elks, and they are in sixth place only.

If you would excuse me now, I have to hide this rope in my underwear to smuggle it past Maud…

Fun Fact: Alberto Ramos leads all the ABL in stolen bases.

But I can’t help but feel like the baseball gods have another chuckler or two in their cards…