[Westheim]

Hello. This is Maud. Mr. Westfield called in sick today and I sort of understand where he’s coming from (readjusts bun) but we all have to remain composed and organized and push forwards in these tough times. Say, can I entertain our Pennant Chase offer to you? Tickets for ten home games of your choice in August and September with one drink and one basic food item included!

Now 30% off.

Raccoons (61-51) vs. Crusaders (49-63) – August 7-9, 2034

The Crusaders are a team with a great history and much success in the past. They have won seven championships and games against them are always a treat for the whole family, even if they are eighth in runs scored and runs allowed in the Continental League. And remember – the season series against them is even at six wins for each side! 30% off on those Pennant Chase offers!

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (11-5, 4.29 ERA) vs. Rodolfo Cervantes (10-3, 2.52 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.37 ERA) vs. Mark Holliday (5-9, 4.25 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (10-4, 2.53 ERA) vs. Joe Hicks (7-11, 5.83 ERA)

Three right-handed pitchers on offer by the Crusaders, which is, given our mostly left-handed lineup, almost guaranteed to result in an offensive firework (energetic arm movement with a clenched fist) by our Raccoons offense! Don’t miss this treat and visit the Family Offers section on our ticket page!

(Cristiano Carmona rolls up with a tablet in his lap) Actually, Maud, the Raccoons are only scoring 3.75 runs per game against New York this year and haven’t be-

(Maud yells) I’M TRYING MY BEST HERE!! (runs out)

(Cristiano rolls over to the window, offering a good view at steady rain) Right-handed pitchers or not, the weather today is no bueno, and in fact the series opener has been postponed until tomorrow. Double header on Tuesday!

Game 1
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – 3B Czachor – SS J. Brown – CF Veraart – P Cervantes
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski

When the series opener finally began, it did so with Okrasinski walking Jose Balado and giving up a home run to Jarod Howden. The home fans were not happy, but, eh! Eso es beisbol! By the way, my numbers show that Howden is batting .381 against his former team! Further, ahem, highlights included Okrasinski reaching for and catching a Josh Brown line drive behind his back in the second inning – muy bien! muy bien! …unfortunately, Jarod Howden would continue to torture los Mapaches, singling off Okrasinski in the third and scoring on Barend Kok’s hit, and then hit an RBI double with two outs in the fourth, an inning that began with a walk to Ryan Czachor, continued with a Josh Brown double, and then Ronnie Veraart’s infield single. Cervantes struck out, but Balado’s grounder wasn’t turned for two, and in the fifth it was Czachor again with – ay! Eso es una bomba! … I mean… ay-ay, no es bueno!

Okrasinski pitched only five innings for plenty of damage – six runs – while los Mapaches remained within the standard deviation of their offensive output of the last few weeks and didn’t do anything at all. And to be honest, nothing about that ever really changed… The rest of this first game was three singles and a run in the seventh surrendered by Nick Bates, but after two and a half hours of hiding, los Mapaches had lost this game as well. 7-0 Crusaders. M. Fernandez 3-4; Garavito 1.2 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K; Hennessy 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K;

And here comes Chad our mascot! Ola, Chad! (Chad appears in full costume) You got something to say to all the diehard fans of los Mapaches? (Chad gives two enthusiastic thumbs up before turning 180 degrees and starting a naughty dance with lots of bum-wiggling)

Game 2
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – 3B Czachor – SS Schuler – C F. Garcia – CF Veraart – P Holliday
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 2B Sibley – 1B Zitzner – C Scheffer – P Rendon

Los Cruzados got their lead in the second inning in the second game. Ronnie Veraart hit a home run with two outs after Rendon had walked Randy Schuler and had given up a single to Fernando Garcia. The next home run came off Jarod Howden’s bat, much to the fans’ anguish, and counted for one run in the third inning. Besides giving up four runs in three innings, Rendon was also the only Mapache that reached base the first time through the order. Rendon struck out seven in this start, which was not out of the ordinary for him, but also allowed more extra-base hits and runs, which was … also not out of the ordinary for him. Ronnie Veraart doubled home Garcia in the fourth, and in the fifth Czachor singled home Mario Hurtado, who hit a double off Rendon. Gilberto Rendon ended up going only five innings on six runs, just like Okrasinski earlier in the day.

Ross Sibley then had his … (swipes over his tablet) *first* base hit for the Raccoons in the bottom of the sixth inning. It came with Zeltser, Manny, and Reichardt on base and one out and plated two runs with a fly in the gap that fell between Kok and Veraart! Los Mapaches got runs! A sacrifice fly and a single by Philip Scheffer brought in two more runs, narrowing the gap to 6-4… and then we fell victim to the horrendous pitching. Antonio Prieto had to bat for himself and made the third out because our bullpen was rather depleted. This turned not out to be much of a gain for los Mapaches in any aspect because Prieto did not get another out and instead walked the bases full in the seventh inning. Czachor scored two runs with a single on Chris Wise’s first pitch, and los Cruzados had an 8-4 lead at stretch time. (the organist plays “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, nobody sings along)

We then scored two more runs against Holliday in the bottom of the seventh. Zeltser walked, Manny doubled, and the runs scored first on Wallace’ single and then a wild pitch before the next two batters made the final two outs. But the next inning – Zitzner with a single, Scheffer with a single, and the tying runs were on base! Dios mio! Tim Stalker pops out, but Berto Ramos hits an RBI double over the head of Kok – tying run at third base, go-ahead run at second! Adelante, muchachos! Adelante!! New pitcher to face Bob Zeltser, Jorge Farinas, left-hander, third pitcher of the inning, and the count runs full. Zeltser puts the ball in play, to the right side, and past Hurtado! Scheffer scores, Berto scores, los Mapaches in the lead! Es un milagro!! Infield single by Manny, Salgado hits for Wallace and into a fielder’s choice, but Adrian Reichardt singled and scored Zeltser! El hombre viejo, ay-ay-ay! Kurt Wall brought in the final run with another single, hitting for Sibley, after which Zitzner grounded out. Five runs in the inning, and a lead of three runs! Estoy emociando! (balances on the rear wheels of his wheelchair) Adalante, Mapaches! Adalante! Ed Blair was out for the ninth inning and … allowed a triple to Hurtado right away… Czachor walked, and with two outs Garcia hit an RBI single… Veraart with a deep fly to left. Mui deep. Mui deep. Mui, mui – no, Manny Fernandez has it at the fence! Victoria! Victoria! 11-9 Raccoons. Zeltser 2-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B; Reichardt 2-4, BB, RBI; Wall (PH) 1-1, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, RBI; Scheffer 2-4, RBI; Wise 2.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 2 K, W (6-9);

(as the groundskeepers pick the last bits of litter out of the seats before the lights are going to go out, Cristiano sits in his wheelchair at the big window and lines up to be oriented as if he was a batter in the left-handed batter’s box; he imitates holding a bat, and then to swing, before quickly rolling to the right side, right up to the wall; he then sighs and slowly rolls out of the room)

(Maud comes back in, finding only Slappy, who has been silently watching the games and drinking on the couch all day, still in the same position on the brown couch) You are still here, too? (makes another step into the room that is only lit from the floodlights over the field) Any plans for tonight? (makes another step while Slappy nods) Your place or mine? (Slappy raises his empty bottle before putting it down on the table) Alright. (Maud closes the door and sits down right next to Slappy before placing her right hand on top of his bald, black head while undoing her bun with her left hand)

(just in time, the head groundskeeper kills the lights, and Raccoons Ballpark goes dark)

…

(Wednesday, the GM reappears wearing pitch-black oversized sunglasses inside; he reeks of booze and lint) ALRIGHT, NOBODY TALK TO ME. Except Dr. Chung. Because my head is going to burst any second now. – What do you mean, Maud? Is it not an off day? – Oh ****.

Game 3
NYC: LF Balado – 1B Howden – 2B M. Hurtado – RF Kok – C Monge – SS Schuler – 3B S. Williams – CF Veraart – P Hicks
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Chavez

Long fly balls after hard contact were no rarity off Bernie Chavez once again, but the Crusaders struggled to get enough of them in the same inning to get something moving earlier. The fourth inning saw a walk to Hurtado and then with one out a deep fly to enter by Danny Monge. Reichardt remained master of that, and then also threw out Hurtado trying to advance in an 8-6 double play. But, still – (bangs fist against window repeatedly) Will ya keep it quiet down there???

The Raccoons sure did, amounting to only three hits in five innings against Hicks and his near-6 ERA, which I had seen before… We did have Jennings on second with two outs in the bottom 5th when Berto hit a drive in the gap to sharpen my headaches, but Balado robbed him with a flying catch in the gap, the rat bastard. (dissolves four headache pills with a couple of yellow ones of unknown heritage and nature in a glass of Capt’n Coma and a splash of orange juice) Still scoreless through five. (drinks) Bwahhhh!! Oh god, mother of all raccoons, Maud!! I’m dying!!

The game was, too. Jimmy Wallace fumbled a Balado fly for a stupid error with one out in the sixth, then also didn’t reach singles by Howden, the dumb pig, and Hurtado. Bases loaded, one out, Bernie reached back and struck out both Kok and Monge when I was convinced the only thing he could throw from here was an exit pitch for 420 feet… or 240 feet and hitting Wallace right in the kisser. One of those two. Chavez threw 100 pitches in seven innings of shutout ball, so in the bottom 7th it was high time to give him at least ONE measly run! Hicks agreed and nailed Reichardt with a 2-strike offering to put the go-ahead run on base at the start of the inning. Zitzner singled to get back to the lofty heights of .240, and so did Kurt Wall, at least where his lamentable Coons career was concerned. The bags were full, nobody out, Jennings up, 2-1 pitch in the right gap, Kok after it, didn’t get it, and two runs scored on a double when the ball was cut off by Veraart! Manny struck out in Bernie’s place, but Berto dropped an RBI single, 3-0, stole second, and that prompted the Crusaders to wave Zeltser to first to create forces on every base for left-hander Jamie O’Leary, who would nevertheless face Stalker, who poked the first pitch at the shortstop for a gut-twisting 6-4-3 double play. But at least with a *lead*… that was however immediately in mortal danger when Prieto ****ed up for the second day in a row and put Czachor and Balado on the corners via singles with nobody out. Howden, the dumb pig, made two outs while scoring a run, hitting a grounder off David Fernandez, the only reliever not involved in Tuesday’s double-header, who managed to wiggle out of the inning up 3-1. The run was pulled back on Wall’s sac fly, plating Reichardt, who tripled in the bottom 8th, then doubled back onto the Crusaders’ line on the scoreboard when Barend Kok hit a leadoff jack in the ninth against Blair. That was their only runner though, with Monge, Schuler, and Garcia going down in order. 4-2 Coons. Zitzner 2-3, BB; Wall 1-2, BB, RBI; Jennings 2-4, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 K, W (11-4);

Raccoons (63-52) @ Stars (54-61) – August 11-13, 2034

Ninth in offense sounded very wrong for any Stars team, but somehow they failed to score runs in that shoebox of theirs. Well, here came the Coons… Their pitching was average, which was solid enough for Dallas… We had played them the last two years, losing two of three each time.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (9-5, 3.56 ERA) vs. Logan Bessey (9-11, 4.44 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-6, 3.63 ERA) vs. Ramiro Benavides (7-9, 3.45 ERA)
Pat Okrasinski (11-6, 4.53 ERA) vs. Josh D’Agostino (4-8, 4.80 ERA)

This weekend set would begin with two southpaws, then a righty on the way out. Also, both teams had a Ramos playing shortstop, and both had 38 stolen bases on the season. We had to make sure to bring the right one back home!

Game 1
POR: SS A. Ramos – RF Salgado – LF M. Fernandez – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – 3B Hawkins – P Sabre
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – RF Chavira – C Tovias – P Bessey

Bessey was near-impossible to run on, though, so most likely Berto wouldn’t get any further in this game. No Raccoon got further than the batter’s box in the first three innings, but at least the Stars didn’t score either. Elias Matias Tovias Diaz came in hitting .234 with 8 homers and knocked a leadoff double to right in the bottom 3rd, but was swiped out on a terrible Bessey bunt. Berto walked to begin the fourth, but didn’t take off. After Salgado popped out, Fernandez’ grounder forced Ramos out at second, but at least Fernandez was fast enough to score on Tim Stalker’s double to right, the Coons’ first hit in the ballgame. Reichardt was hit (again), but Zitzner grounded out uselessly. Nobody really reached base until Berto doubled in the sixth, but was stranded blatantly.

Bottom 6th then, and it all came apart. Aaron Botzet hit a leadoff single. Sergio Riquenes hit another single. Jon Ramos legged out an infield single. Three on, nobody out, and Sabre had not struck out a position player all game long. Brett Blades hit a game-tying sac fly before Sabre rung up both Jay Green and Mike Roesler, but according to my calculation we were not due another run in this series, so that was that… No, actually the first three Critters reached base in the seventh. Travis Zitzner hit a HOME RUN leading off. A home run? Zitzner?? Kurt Wall doubled, Hawkins walked, and Sabre bunted them both into scoring position, but neither Berto nor Salgado managed more than a poor and unhelpful out… Enter Sabre to blow the lead again, this time with a 2-out walk to Bessey (!!!), then a pinch-hit single by Kyle Beard and another walk to Riquenes. Garavito came to the rescue and got Jon Ramos to ground out, stranding three in a 2-1 game. Bottom 8th, Brett Blades singled off Garavito, Roesler singled off Wise, and somehow the game still didn’t fall apart, with Vinny Chavira hitting into a double play. Bessey pitched into the ninth, but only walked Zitzner and Wall. While southpaw Allen Medcalf replaced Bessey, the Coons put Sibley in to pinch-run for Zitzner. The move turned out pointless; Hawkins hit into a double play, 6-4-3, and then Bob Zeltser rammed a pinch-hit homer to plate Zitzner’s run anyway. And even the home run was moot – Ed Blair retired the Stars without giving up a run. 4-1 Raccoons! Stalker 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Zeltser (PH) 1-1, HR, 2 RBI;

Game 2
POR: SS A. Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – CF Reichardt – 1B Zitzner – 3B Hawkins – C Scheffer – P del Rio
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – RF Beard – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – C Tovias – P Benavides

One Ramos made an error, the other one walked, and in between Riquenes singled in a first inning right out of hell. Kyle Beard’s double play grounder brought in the only run, but I was already preparing to say our modest 3-game winning streak (!) goodbye. The next run to score in the game was Benavides… coming home on a wild pitch in the third. He had led off with a single, and the Stars slapped del Rio for three more and an additional run in the bottom 3rd, taking a 3-0 lead. Three 2-out singles by Ramos, Beard, and Blades plated another run in the fifth, with Jon Ramos having taken his 39th base off the hapless Scheffer. Jon Ramos upped his production with a 3-run homer off David Fernandez in the bottom 7th – the reliever had just come in replacing del Rio after the latter had bled leadoff singles to Botzet and Riquenes.

Benavides scattered four hits through seven innings to keep the Raccoons completely irrelevant. They didn’t get on the board until the eighth, with Scheffer somehow tumbling onto base and being doubled home with two outs by Berto. Down 7-1 was how they entered the ninth, too, where Medcalf was back at it and loaded the bags with one out. Stalker singled, Reichardt was nailed for the third day straight and slowly but surely was fed up with it, and Zitzner also dropped a single. Hawkins’ RBI single brought a pitching change to right-hander Chris Henry. Zeltser hit for Scheffer and flew to Botzet for a sac fly. Sibley hit for Nick Bates in the #9 hole and whiffed. 7-3 Stars. Ramos 3-4, 2B, RBI; Zitzner 2-4; Scheffer 1-2, BB, 2B;

Well. Seems like no good thing lasts forever. Especially with this team.

Game 3
POR: SS A. Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Sibley – C Wall – RF Jennings – P Okrasinski
DAL: CF Botzet – LF Riquenes – SS J. Ramos – RF Beard – 1B Blades – 2B J. Green – 3B Roesler – C Tovias – P D’Agostino

Okrasinski started the game with two walks but somehow wasn’t murdered on the spot by either the Stars or me. Portland stranded one in the first, two in the second, then scratched out a run with a Ramos Special in the top 3rd, Zeltser singling him home after he, too, took his 39th base of the season. Jennings doubled home Sibley to make it 2-0 in the fourth, and Zeltser and Fernandez began the fifth with a pair of doubles between Riquenes and Botzet for a 3-0 game. Fernandez was stranded despite Wallace walking to keep the pressure up, but the 5-6-7 batters couldn’t find a base hit either in their hearts or bats.

Attention shifted to Okrasinski, who had silently gone about his business, but with great success. After the walks to Botzet and Riquenes in the first, he had not allowed another base runner until… uh… he still hadn’t. The Stars were luckless through six, and in the seventh had Jon Ramos ground out to Alberto Ramos, Beard fly out to Fernandez, and Blades roll out to Sibley. In the intermission, Berto plated Jennings with a single off Alex Lewis to increase the lead to 4-0. Okrasinski began the bottom 8th on a hefty 91 pitches, facing Jay Green – and the little ****ter legged out an infield roller for a single … gone was the no-hitter. Three grounders that were actually handled ended the inning without the run scoring, but my heart had sagged anyway. Top 9th, Manny Fernandez led off with a double against Eric Davidson, but jammed his thumb sliding into second base and had to get that thing checked out. Reichardt ran for him; he scored on a Zitzner double, following an intentional walk to Wallace, as the Coons aspired to drive up Davidson’s 5.34 ERA. Sibley hit an RBI single, 6-0, and Jennings would throw in a sac fly as the final marker in the inning. Portland would give Okrasinski the chance to complete the shutout against the 1-2-3 bit of the Stars’ lineup, especially with a 7-0 lead given that he was already on 102 pitches. Botzet annoyingly reached on a bunt single, but Riquenes fanned and Jon Ramos flew out to center. Kyle Beard poked at the very next pitch, Berto was on the other end, and the game ended on a household 6-3 play. 7-0 Raccoons! Ramos 2-5, BB, RBI; Zeltser 2-5, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez 2-4, BB, 2 2B, RBI; Sibley 2-5, RBI; Jennings 2-3, BB, 2B, 2 RBI; Okrasinski 9.0 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 5 K, W (12-6) and 1-4;

In other news

August 8 – NAS C Matt Cooper (.269, 7 HR, 38 RBI) drills a pinch-hit home run for the only score in the Blue Sox’ 1-0 win over the Rebels.
August 9 – The Canadiens run out of pitchers first and concede six runs in the 15th inning to fall to the Loggers, 12-6. It is one of two 15-inning games in the CL on that day, with the Knights beating the Falcons, 3-2, also in 15 innings.
August 10 – BOS OF/2B Moises Avila (.303, 9 HR, 49 RBI) hits a solo homer from the leadoff spot for the only mark in a 1-0 Titans win over the Indians.
August 11 – The Buffaloes lose 3B/SS Mike Miles (.258, 2 HR, 19 RBI) for the season; the 26-year-old is out with a broken kneecap.
August 11 – The season may or may not be over for sophomore SAC RF/LF Troy Greenway (.245, 12 HR, 42 RBI), who is out with a torn abdominal muscle.
August 11 – A walkoff triple by WAS INF/LF Adam Crabb (.283, 6 HR, 56 RBI) ends a Falcons-Capitals game in its sixth hour and 17th inning, with Washington claiming a 6-5 victory.
August 12 – DEN 1B Kumanosuke Henderson (.255, 15 HR, 75 RBI) cracks two homers for a total of 7 RBI against the Canadiens, who go under without much noise in a 17-3 Gold Sox rout.
August 12 – 23 hits and only three runs sprinkled over 16 innings – the Aces outlast the Rebels to claim a dragged-out 2-1 victory.
August 13 – SAC SP Andy Palomares (17-6, 3.23 ERA) throws a 2-hit shutout against the Crusaders. Sacramento wins 5-0.

Complaints and stuff

Palomares has 17 wins…? What the…?

The good news was that Manny Fernandez’ thumb wasn’t going to fall off immediately and that he might be able to play on Tuesday… and we’d have Monday off.

Elliott Thompson is hitting .171 in St. Pete. Good stuff. Travis Coffee has ruptured finger tendons and is out for the season. But, eh, we blew our season entirely fine without him…

2-week homestand coming up. Blue Sox and Indians next week, then the week after we’ll also get the Titans in to do a victory lap. Maud, please remind me to tie a stone to my neck and throw myself in the Willamette by the 21st. Thanks.

Fun Fact: Ryan Allan’s only career home run came off Victor Govea, who is now on the Indians.

The Raccoons released the 2022 fourth-rounder and frequent cup-of-coffee guest this week. The last year the now 32-year-old had gotten a sizable chunk of at-bats in the majors had been ’31, and he had rotted on the AAA roster ever since. He was a .257/.341/.308 batter in the Bigs with one homer and 33 RBI in 208 games. This year he had batted .209 with the Alley Cats.