[Westheim]

Raccoons (65-53) vs. Blue Sox (71-47) – August 15-17, 2034

Best in the Federal League, the Blue Sox did it with offense, offense, offense, piling 5.2 runs per game on the opposition, which they needed given that their pitching was in the bottom three in the league. Their rotation was a mess, and their pen had a hard time limiting all the damage and pitching all the innings. This was the fourth straight year the teams played each other; the Raccoons had won two out of three in ’33.

Projected matchups:
Bernie Chavez (11-4, 2.41 ERA) vs. Mark Morrison (10-9, 4.45 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (10-5, 3.46 ERA) vs. Doug Clifford (11-6, 3.54 ERA)
Ignacio del Rio (9-7, 3.78 ERA) vs. Pablo Correa (12-3, 3.63 ERA)

Not quite sure what to make of the Blue Sox sending their current worst offender to begin a series after the off day on Monday. It would have been Clifford’s turn. Clifford and Correa were their only left-handers. The Raccoons used their off day to skip Gilberto Rendon, who some still remembered was the Opening Day starter four months and change ago…

Game 1
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – CF R. Sanchez – LF Ashley – C Dear – 1B Ugolino – P M. Morrison
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P Chavez

Berto stole his 40th base after being brushed by a pitch in the bottom 1st. Tim Stalker doubled him home for an early 1-0 lead, and Berto was on base again, legging out an infield single after Chavez had unexpectedly extended the bottom 2nd with a nobody-on, 2-out single up the middle. Bob Zeltser knocked a fly to deep, deep right, but the ball didn’t get over the fence, and the old bones of Doug Stross got to the wall in time to make a catch right against the padding. Zeltser would be robbed again of extra bases in the fifth, the by Raul Sanchez in center, and the score remained at 1-0, which was not typical of Blue Sox games, but very typical of Raccoons games (although mostly the other way round…..).

Bernie entered the sixth having put on a single player – old man Stross – with four balls in the first inning and had since sat down 14 in a row. When Jimmy Wallace shagged both Fabien Ugolino’s deep fly and Mark Morrison’s weak duck snort both hit vaguely in his direction I started to believe in the game Bernie was having. Alas, the seventh brought back Stross again, and the longtime Scorpion singled through the right side in cold blood, taking all those hopes and dreams of a no-hitter away again. Well, maybe we’d still win the game at least… buuut… then the Coons couldn’t turn two on Chance Bossert’s grounder, he stole second, Jim Allen singled to move the tying run to third, Raul Sanchez hit a sac fly, and then Sean Ashley hit one to Vancouver, Washington – at least, maybe even Vancouver, Elkland. Bottom 8th, Bob Zeltser led off with a double to right, the Raccoons’ first base knock in a while, and other than their previous hit, Kurt Wall’s leadoff double in the fourth, this one wasn’t even ignored entirely, just for two batters… Billy Jennings batted for Bad Luck Travis and singled in the run, and Fernandez and Wall dropped in two more singles to tie the game! Ross Sibley then hit for Reichardt, but popped out. The Coons pieced together a scoreless top 9th with three pitchers (Wise, Fernandez, Blair) who overcame two singles, but couldn’t score after Zeltser’s 2-out double off Morrison in the bottom 9th, and the game went to extras, where the Critters left the winning run – Jennings – on second base again in the 10th. After that another major lull broke out that was only ended by Antonio Prieto’s unravelment in his third inning and the 14th overall. Allen and Matt Cooper opened the inning with singles, Justin Simmons bunted them over, and Matt Dear fanned, but then Ugolino and PITCHER Steve Russell slapped home a run each with a 2-out single, with Ugolino axed down in a rundown on the latter, ending the inning and, after another ****ty hitting display by the home team, also the game. 5-3 Blue Sox. Wall 2-6, 2B, RBI; Chavez 8.0 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 5 K and 1-3;

(silently sits at his desk, with the forehead resting on the plate, and doesn’t move an inch)

Game 2
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – CF R. Sanchez – LF Ashley – C M. Cooper – 1B Ugolino – P Clifford
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – 3B Hawkins – 1B Zitzner – C Wall – CF Reichardt – P Sabre

The Raccoons had three base runners in the first two innings, two of which reached on an error by a corner infielder, and none of which scored, while Sabre retired eight straight before having a stroke, conceding singles to Clifford and Billy Bouldin, who reached scoring position on clumsy defense, before an outright butcher job by Ramos plated a run via error on Stross’ grounder. Sabre struck Bossert with a pitch, then somehow survived “Mastodon” Allen – batting .336 with 12 homers and the reigning Federal League AND All Star Game MVP for a reason! – when he grounded him out to Zitzner, stranding three. Portland weirdly enough responded, getting Salgado on, even if he was forced out by Wallace, before Walker stalked, and Hawkins and Zitzner(!!) both hit RBI singles to flip the scoreboard display, but the lead didn’t last, with Sabre falling behind every batter in the fourth and walking Matt Cooper before Ugolino doubled the game tied with two outs… and then got caught in another rundown. The Blue Sox remained undeterred and deferred taking Sabre’s head off another inning. Said numb skull was removed with two outs and a Stross single, Bossert’s third homer of the season, and then another Ramos error followed by two singles for a third run, which was also the one that led me to get into a fight with Slappy over who’s bottle of Capt’n Coma this was.

The Blue Sox zoomed away in the sixth, with Ugolino landing one final hit against Sabre leading off, and when Gilberto Rendon was enlisted for long relief after his removal from the Tuesday start, he did the absolute worst job possible, getting one out from Bouldin before allowing four 2-out hits in a row for another four runs on the board. Rendon struck out the bottom of the order in the inning after that, but this was already at a point where I couldn’t wait til after the game to tell him IN PERSON that he could go **** himself rather than just yelling it at the TV next to a somewhat annoyed Slappy. As far as Raccoons position players were concerned, the game wasn’t worth the effort anymore, although the Blue Sox *made them* score a run with a 2-base throwing error by Justin Ollis AND a wild pitch by Clifford in the bottom of the eighth… Justin Simmons took it back with a homer off Garavito in the ninth. Clifford fell one out shy of a complete game, being slapped for three singles and a run in the bottom 9th, not that it mattered… 10-4 Blue Sox. Salgado 2-5; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1, RBI; Zitzner 2-4, 2 RBI;

The Sox lost Sean Ashley to injury. The rookie was out for the month with a sprained ankle. The Raccoons had only lost all their dignity, so it wasn’t quite as bad……

Game 3
NAS: SS Bouldin – RF Stross – 3B Bossert – 2B J. Allen – LF R. Sanchez – C M. Cooper – CF Simmons – 1B Ugolino – P D. Mason
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – CF M. Fernandez – RF Salgado – C Scheffer – P del Rio

Thursday brought right-hander Donovan Mason (9-11, 4.40 ERA) rather than another southpaw, which was fine either way – we could effortlessly lose against both! Mason had a 1-0 lead from the first, owing to two sharp hits off del Rio by Bouldin and Bossert, while del Rio didn’t even have basic command over the crap he threw. He was behind most hitters in he early innings, and somehow the Blue Sox didn’t kill him outright, which was very kind of them. The score remained 1-0 while neither team could find a way to poke their way on base until the bottom 5th when Salgado reached on a leadoff single and stole second. Following two poor outs by the poor battery, Berto singled home the run to tie the game, then dashed around to slide across home plate for a 2-1 lead on Zeltser’s double. Stalker flew out to end the fifth.

Del Rio held the opposition to four hits in seven innings and maintained the 2-1 lead that became 3-1 while he was still officially in the game on Philip Scheffer’s unexpected solo homer to right-center in the bottom of the seventh. Chris Wise took over in the eighth, found two runs of lead excessive, and gave one of them back by walking Stross, who reached second on Bossert’s groundout, and scored on a “Mastodon” Allen single, who got his 85th RBI of the season. 85! In August! Our team leader has… who is it even? … Cristiano!? … Which of these numbers are RBIs? They’re all so tiny! Raccoons RBI leader Jimmy Wallace, it turned out, was at 62, and that didn’t change in the eighth when he batted with one out and Stalker on first base, and chucked a ball right at Bossert for a 5-4-3 double play. Blair retired Cooper, Simmons, and Ugolino in order to salvage one game in the set. 3-2 Coons. Ramos 2-3, BB, RBI; Scheffer 2-3, HR, RBI; del Rio 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 4 K, W (10-7);

That was a squeaker.

Have we ever won a game by more than two runs…? – I see you nodding, Cristiano, but where are your numbers??

Raccoons (66-55) vs. Indians (57-62) – August 18-20, 2034

Indy has lost four in a row. They were scoring the fewest runs (fewer than the Coons?? How??) and were giving up not many at all, but let’s just say 3.7 runs per game were not a winning mix. We led the season series, 8-3.

Projected matchups:
Pat Okrasinski (12-6, 4.24 ERA) vs. Andy Bressner (13-8, 2.98 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (7-5, 4.72 ERA) vs. Arnie Terwilliger (1-1, 4.60 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (11-4, 2.46 ERA) vs. Jim Kretzmann (6-13, 3.92 ERA)

Right, left, right – and the Indians’ already anemic lineup was further reduced with John Baron and Juan Benito on the DL. John Hansen was also ailing to begin the series.

Game 1
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – RF Plunkett – 1B Jon Gonzalez – C Kuhlmann – SS Barlow – 3B Grigsby – CF Linnell – P Bressner
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF M. Fernandez – CF Reichardt – C Wall – P Okrasinski

Okrasinski struck out three in the opening inning… but Jon Gonzalez managed to sneak in an RBI single, collecting Dan Schneller and his double for the first marker of the game. Fernandez and Reichardt hit back-to-back doubles to get even in the second, and there the game remained while Okrasinski whiffed seven in four innings right up until the rains came. Bressner singled off Okrasinski to begin the fifth inning, and on an 0-2 pitch, while both their caps were soaking wet. Acor hit into a fielder’s choice, but that was the end for the Raccoons’ pitcher with a rain delay called that lasted over an hour. Prieto emerged on the other end to retire Schneller and Mike Plunkett to end the fifth. Bressner went back to the mound for the bottom 5th, for the second straight inning gave up a leadoff hit, now to Wall, and for the second straight inning got a double play grounder from the next flapjack to turn the corner in this case Billy Jennings…

Both teams failed their way to one run on four hits through seven innings, with Chris Wise tasked with the eighth. He was ludicrous, allowing a leadoff double to Dustin Acor, who right away left the game with a groin strain, to be replaced by Nelson Colon. Schneller bunted the runner to third, Plunkett whiffed, and then Wise loaded them up by nailing Gonzalez and walking Morgan Kuhlmann. Yank! David Fernandez took over against the left-handed Jake Barlow, who ran a 3-1 count before poking and grounding out, stranding three. Lance Legleiter was doing duty in the bottom 8th with his near-6 ERA. Wall lined out to Pat Green at third base. Salgado lined out to Pat Green at third base. Berto thankfully went the other way, and far, far the other way – HOME RUN BERTO!! Coons have the lead!! It was also all they could muster against the Arrowheads, and the 2-1 lead would be Fernandez’ in the ninth given that Ed Blair had pitched two out of three days, but the Tuesday outing had been for five outs with hiccups, and this was the bottom of the order of the worst offensive team in the league. Richard Linnell hit a 1-out single, but that was all. Juan Herrera and Nelson Colon ended the game with pops. 2-1 Blighters. Wall 1-2, BB; Okrasinski 4.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 7 K;

With this not very inspiring win we closed the gap to Boston to seven games. They had yet to win a game on the week. The Cyclones had swept them, Thursday had been off, and their game in Elktown was rained out on this Friday. They had a double header tomorrow.

Game 2
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – SS Hansen – 3B P. Green – CF Linnell – P Terwilliger
POR: SS Ramos – RF Salgado – 3B Zeltser – 2B Stalker – 1B Hawkins – CF Reichardt – C Wall – LF Sibley – P Rendon

Coming off a terrible outing in relief on Wednesday, Rendon was on a 75-pitch limit for this game. Not that we would take a hit by losing him to injury, but I hated seeing millions paid to players lingering on the DL for the year. And before things could go majorly wrong with him, Rendon singled home two runs with two outs in the bottom 2nd, giving himself a 3-0 lead. Preceding the offensive heroics had been a comedy of errors; Tom Hawkins walked, and Linnell grossly misplayed Wall’s fly for an RBI double. Sibley was walked intentionally before Juan Herrera kicked a spiked pitch up the first base line to allow the runners to advance to where Rendon could take full advantage.

Although, technically full advantage would have meant the win, too, wouldn’t it? Rendon didn’t get it, becoming unglued in the fifth. Green and Linnell went to the corners with singles, and having a terminally ill offense the Indians knew the smell of death when it hit them in the nostrils. Terwilliger swung away and flew out to center for a sac fly. Rendon saw Acor, but walked him, and then was lifted after 78 pitches for 4.1 innings. Bates inherited the tying runs on base, walked Schneller to fill the dishes, got Salgado to race in to catch a Herrera pop, and then somehow whiffed Plunkett to strand three. The Coons didn’t do anything worth writing home about at this point, so it was about Mauricio Garavito keeping the door shut while being penciled in for two innings. He stalled John Hansen and his 1-out triple in the sixth, but got stuck in the right-handed part of the order in the seventh. Schneller and Herrera singled, and a pitching change was advised. Portland went to Prieto, who fit nicely in the #5 hole where Hawkins had just made the final out in the bottom 6th. Zitzner entered the game at first base, batting ninth, and received a perfect feed from Zeltser on Plunkett’s groundout to end the inning. Prieto also did the eighth, but Terwilliger stuck it out for eight innings against the Coons, allowing four hits and three walks, and it was back to Blair in the ninth. Linnell lined out to Zeltser, but Morgan Kuhlmann singled to left. Acor ran a 2-0 count before hitting a ball right at Berto, and the game ended in a double play. 3-1 Raccoons. Wall 1-2, BB, 2B, RBI; M. Fernandez (PH) 1-1; Rendon 4.1 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 6 K and 1-1, 2 RBI;

Like glue. Like glue!

Game 3
IND: LF Acor – 2B Schneller – C J. Herrera – RF Plunkett – 1B Barber – SS Hansen – 3B Barlow – CF Linnell – P Kretzmann
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Zeltser – CF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – RF Jennings – 2B Sibley – C Scheffer – P Chavez

Bottom 2nd, Jennings‘ single gave the Critters the early led when it scored Travis ZItzner, who had reached second base with a hard double on which he had almost looked like a major league player. Linnell opened the third with a triple into the corner, but Bernie buckled down, rung up Kretzmann, got Acor to pop out, walked Schneller, which was not so great, and then got Herrera to ground out to Sibley, stranding Linnell at third. On to the fourth, where Plunkett hit a leadoff double before Bernie got two outs and walked John Hansen, but this time it brought up an angry Richard Linnell, who singled sharply to center to tie the game at one. Kretzmann fanned to strand two, but the fifth began with another leadoff hit, an Acor single, and again the Indians ached their way through to a run, Herrera bringing the go-ahead run home with another hit. The Raccoons remained a goddamn embarrassment, amounting to no other hits but the pair from the second inning all the way though five.

Barlow’s single to start the sixth marked the fourth straight inning that the Arrowheads got the leadoff man on via base knock. Hansen bunted him over, but Linnell’s fly to right and Kretzmann’s grounder to second base stranded the runner at third base. Bottom 6th, the Coons awoke from their comatose condition with a leadoff walk drawn by Zeltser and then a Manny single. Jimmy Wallace raked the first pitch he saw and unleashed a grenade that took out a fat guy and his two trays with food on the stairs in section 79 behind the rightfield fence – a 3-run homer! Hal-le-luyah!!

Bernie would throw 108 pitches for seven and two thirds innings of 7-hit ball, which sounded less nerve-wrecking than it really was, with David Fernandez ringing up Barlow to complete eight innings. Whether David would get a chance at a save depended on the offense, but things looked bleak with Zeltser and Manny Fernandez making quick outs against Kretzmann to begin the bottom 8th. Wallace then singled past Schneller, which brought up Zitzner and lowered expectations even further, at least until Zitzner hit a shot to right that also broke the plane over the wall, and hit the same fat guy on the same stairs when he already had beer and mustard all over his face and well-worn Carl Bean uniform, splattering the contents of another tray of food all over him. What a wonderful sight! Offense!! Fernandez then returned to pitch the ninth, with the save chance taken off, and was one strike away from whiffing the side when Kuhlmann grounded out to Zitzner instead. 6-2 Coons! Wallace 2-4, HR, 3 RBI; Zitzner 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI; Chavez 7.2 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W (12-4); D. Fernandez 1.1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, SV (3);

In other news

August 17 – Salem’s Jose Castro (.319, 9 HR, 48 RBI) is going to miss three weeks with a strained rib cage muscle.
August 17 – Two walks, a C Toby Ross (.287, 15 HR, 65 RBI) single, and a throwing error by PIT LF/RF Vicente Palacios (.270, 6 HR, 38 RBI) allow the Canadiens to walk off in regulation, 5-4.
August 18 – The epidemic of broken kneecaps continues with LVA 1B Sean Gustafson (.273, 13 HR, 71 RBI) the latest victim. Gustafson is out for the season, but hopes to return by Opening Day.

Complaints and stuff

Did we actually see some sort of pulse on Travis Zitzner towards the end of this week? Not really. While he had two big hits this week, both were meaningless, and he only got five hits in 18 attempts altogether, adding a measly point to his average (three points to OPS). If that guy could stop blowing out of a hole, it would REALLY liven up the offense though!

We start next week with the Titans in on Tuesday. WE have Monday off – but they don’t! They have a makeup game with the Falcons *at home*, so after losing two of three (and almost blowing the third one too) in Elk City in two days they will fly cross country twice in 24 hours to get that one in before rolling in here. That should tucker them out! They will also play some of the meaner CL South teams for the rest of the month, while the Critters will have softer competition. If we could get within five games or so by September 1 …….

Ah, illusions. (continues to shove the neck of his Capt’n Coma bottle into his mouth)

Fun Fact: The Raccoons have scored more than four runs only three times in August.

(opens mouth, then reconsiders, closes mouth and takes Honeypaws instead)

(holds Honeypaws while slowly rocking back and forth on the couch)