[Westheim]

Raccoons (54-63) vs. Buffaloes (47-70) – August 14-16, 2035

The Raccoons returned home after two weeks on the road, find themselves having a day off before another last-place team, and the last interleague matchup of the year, came in, and I found Nick Valdes in my office on Monday. He was again sort of outraged that the Raccoons were in last place. I pointed him towards Cristiano Carmona, who was supposed to explain that we were only 5 1/2 games out and that all was gonna be totally fine now, while I pointed right, darted left, and hit in the nearest dumpster until nightfall. I was slightly dismayed to also find Travis Zitzner in that dumpster, and he spent hours just hissing at me, thinking I was trying to get into his banana peels, or because he hated my guts – who knew, he didn’t talk to me, and I didn’t ask, either…

Then it was Tuesday, and the Buffos came in a sad rematch of the 2028 World Series, where they hadn’t won a single thing, and if we could keep this going, maybe we’d be fine. The Buffaloes were in the bottom four in both runs scored and runs allowed in the Federal League. Their roster was crummy throughout, they were not in the top half in any single meaningful statistic either batting- or pitching-wise, and there was nothing to love about them, so we’d definitely get swept. No-no, Nick, it’s gonna be fine. We had lost both interleague series with them since the 2028 World Series, most recently in ’32.

Projected matchups:
Gilberto Rendon (10-7, 2.97 ERA) vs. David Elliott (9-8, 3.83 ERA)
Colt Willes (10-10, 3.91 ERA) vs. Dylan Channel (4-12, 4.62 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (8-10, 5.01 ERA) vs. Josh Irwin (7-9, 4.60 ERA)

Elliott was their only southpaw.

Game 1
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF Coca – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P D. Elliott
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – RF Salgado – P G. Rendon

We sure got off well, with Gilberto Rendon walking three and giving up a double to former CL North nightmare Tony Coca. That scored the second run with two outs; Ruben Esperanza had already hit a sac fly ahead of time. None of the first six Critters put the ball in play – two walked and four struck out – and we had nothing going early on until Berto dropped a leadoff single in front of Esperanza in the bottom of the third. Stalker walked, Wall singled, and the bags were full for Justin Fowler. Elliott’s control was no better than Rendon’s and he walked Fowler on four pitches, forcing in the Critters’ first run. The Coons tied the game on Manny Fernandez’ fielder’s choice to Alex Meza, then took the lead when Elliott threw a wild pitch to plate Kurt Wall. Both Zitzner and Marsingill then struck out to strand Manny at second.

Rendon was all gassed after five innings, fanning Esperanza with Mike Miles on third base as the tying run. He would not get the W for his bothers; the Buffaloes tied the game in the sixth inning. David Alvardo doubled off Dusty Kulp, and that runners was also on third base with two outs when Chris Wilkes grounded in front of home plate, Kurt Wall couldn’t get a grip, then kicked the ball towards shortstop. Alvardo scored, and Nick Valdes casually remarked that he had seen a classic movie the other night and had enjoyed it very much. One of those old time flicks. And it gave him ideas. I asked which movie it was. Turned out it was “Soylent Green”. I liked this thought process there.

The Buffos left the go-ahead run on third base in the seventh; Mike Miles opened with a single off Kulp, then advanced on a groundout, Mauricio Garavito’s wild pitch, but both Jake Evans and Esperanza struck out to leave him on. While the Raccoons did absolutely zero, the Buffaloes got Tony Coca on with a single off Chris Wise beginning the eighth. Wise struck out Alvardo, then was replaced with David Fernandez against PH Greg Regan, who hit into a fielder’s choice… and then scored on Wilkes’ gap triple with two outs. Adrian Castillejo grounded out, but now the Coons were behind, 4-3, and while Manny Fernandez’ leadoff single in the bottom 8th led absolutely nowhere, Mike Miles whacked a leadoff jack off David Fernandez in the ninth. Down 5-3, Tony Morales pinch-hit in the #9 hole to start things off against Chris Myers, a southpaw, in the bottom 9th. Myers fell to 3-0 when Morales poked, I screamed, Valdes screamed, even Cristiano screamed, heck, SLAPPY SCREAMED. He grounded over to Jake Evans, who for no particular reason completely blew the play and tossed the ball way over Myers’ head and into the Coons’ dugout. Morales got second base, and the Coons as a whole the tying run to the plate through no merit of their own. Berto popped out, Stalker grounded out, but Kurt Wall remained unretired on the day and grounded through the left side for an RBI single, and, well, fair enough, that brought our best chance to still win to the plate, all 17 homers worth of Justin Fowler, who struck out. 5-4 Buffaloes. Wall 4-4, BB, RBI;

I’m confused, though, Nick – are they then turned into raccoon food? Because everything is raccoon food. And I mean *everything*. (points at wooden table leg with gnaw marks)

Game 2
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF Coca – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P Channel
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – LF Wallace – CF Fowler – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – 2B Vickers – 3B Zeltser – P Willes

This time Portland got the early 2-0 lead. Berto singled, advanced on a wild pitch, and scored on Manny’s double. Fernandez saw Wallace pop out and Fowler walk, Morales struck out, but he got to chug home on a 2-out RBI single to left by Travis Zitzner (!) before Vickers grounded out to Wilkes. It soon became apparent that two runs wouldn’t win this game; the Buffaloes had their first two batters aboard in the second, which did include a Ramos error that placed Tony Coca on base, but Wilkes hit into an inning-killing double play. Willes was less lucky in the fourth, conceding a run on Meza’s leadoff walk, a Jake Evans double, and Coca’s sac fly, but crucially whiffed Esperanza in between. Alvardo grounded out.

In the bottom of the inning, however, Rich Vickers parked a ball in the stands for a solo homer, and Bob Zeltser’s fly to center was caught by Coca, but the 35-year-old also caught a wrong move and had to be subbed off for Lloyd McBryde. The Raccoons lost their own centerfielder only one inning later – Justin Fowler doubled home Fernandez to extend the score to 4-1 with two outs, but also felt a tug in his nether regions again. Apparently the groin again, which had already put him on the DL earlier in the year. Preston Pinkerton took over and was stranded when Morales grounded out. And those two weren’t the only position players that left the game not under their own or the manager’s volition; Willes struck out Wilkes to begin the seventh inning and Wilkes just lost it and yelled at the ump, who sent him to bed. Edwin Rendon took over after the ejection. It was also the last out Willes logged, with the Buffos poking two singles off him before he was removed for Garavito against lefty batting Alex Meza, who struck out, and Evans flew out to left. But everything was reasonably alright until the ninth inning, when Ed Blair came on to maybe defend the 4-1 lead. Rendon singled. Adrian Castillejo singled. Mike Miles singled and a run scored. When Nick Valdes asked whether we’d win, I bluntly replied No. The Coons then took a Meza grounder for a force out at third base, which sure was *something*. Evans grounded to Vickers, could be two! …and Vickers threw it away! NOOOO!!! Three on, up two, one out, and zero hope. Four balls to Esperanza forced in a run, and then Blair was THE **** YANKED. David Fernandez came on, conceded the tying run on McBryde’s grounder, then whiffed Regan. Valdes asked whether we had won, and again I replied bluntly, No. – No, we won’t win. – No, never again. (throws pillow against wall-integrated TV for no effect at all) … which of course the dismal team took as chance to make me look like I had no clue. Zeltser was stranded on second base in the bottom 9th, but in the 10th Manny Fernandez hit a leadoff single off J.J. Ringland. Salgado and Pinkerton were no help, but Tony Morales doubled down the line to walk off the team… 5-4 Blighters. M. Fernandez 2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Fowler 1-2, 2B, RBI;

Justin – your stupid groin ticks me off! – Alright, Dr. Chung, I will yell in his face and not in his groin.

Fowler was day-to-day this time and would not be in the lineup at least on Thursday.

Jimmy Wallace was also in a bit of a grim slump. A solid 1-for-21 in his last six games… yaaay… I guess we will bat him behind Zitzner, who is a strong 3-for-27 …

Game 3
TOP: 3B Miles – 2B Meza – 1B J. Evans – LF Esperanza – CF McBryde – C Alvardo – RF Reardon – SS Wilkes – P Irwin
POR: SS Ramos – CF M. Fernandez – C Morales – 1B Zitzner – LF Wallace – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – RF Salgado – P Chavez

On one paw, Bernie Chavez seemed to have decent stuff and whiffed four early. On the other paw, the Buffaloes also hit five seeds off him, all line drives, and mere luck had them scatter their efforts to only get one run out of them in the first three innings. Through five, Chavez was on six hits, two walks, six strikeouts and near 90 pitches in a mess of a game, while the Raccoons’ offense had seen Bob Zeltser hit a single… twice.

Bernie got through six without more damage, but that also put him at 104 pitches and he was readily batted for leading off the bottom of the sixth. Marsingill flew out to right in his place, but Berto singled. Fernandez grounded out, moving the tying run to second, and Tony Morales ACTUALLY got him in with another go-ahead extra-base hit, this one a 2-out homer to right, the fifth of his young career. Nick Valdes jumped up and down, giddy for joy, but I didn’t because I saw a slight issue coming with patching three innings together with the knackered pen. We didn’t even manage one; Dusty Kulp came on, Irwin lined out HARD to Ramos, Miles singled, and Jake Evans doubled him home with two outs. Tied game, and we barely got Esperanza out on an infield grounder after that…

Portland took the 3-2 lead by accident in the bottom 7th. Tim Stalker opened with an infield single, then stole second while Bob Zeltser flailed – the result of the third base coach sneezing in the middle of the sign relay, and since the sneeze counted as wiping off the next two, Stalker took off rather than pulling down Evans’ pants to create havoc as we had originally called for. It led to a run anyway when Zeltser’s grounder moved him to third and Salgado flew out to center for a sac fly. Gowan and Wise split the eighth, and it was still 3-2 (though we were outhit, 9-5) in the ninth inning. With a right-handed batter, Wilkes, up front, we stuck with Wise for the moment, especially with Garavito and David Fernandez both having pitched in both of the first two games. No left-hander would materialize in the inning, and neither did any Buffalo set hoof on base – Stalker struck out Wilkes, Castillejo, and Miles in order. 3-2 Critters! Zeltser 2-3; Wise 1.2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K, SV (2);

Nick Valdes congratulated me and implored me to keep up the good work. Regrettably he could not accompany the team in the next road series, having to inspect the documentation of test drilling operations in a Nicaraguan nature reserve.

Which was probably for the better, given where we were going…

Raccoons (56-64) @ Titans (63-58) – August 17-19, 2035

Still 6 1/2 behind, this was due or die for the now fourth-place Critters. They HAD to win that series. A sweep would be great, but a series win was a MUST. And we were so far up 6-5 on the Titans, which was funny, because we would have won the damn division last year with a performance like that, but, oh well… Boston was fourth in runs scored despite the worst batting average in the league, but they had the best on-base percentage, which was a tall ask when your team was only hitting .236 …! They were only middling in homers and steals, having 72 of each. The Raccoons of course had the second-best batting average and weren’t getting on base only the eighth-best in the CL… We even had more homers than them.

Projected matchups:
Josh Livingston (5-1, 2.06 ERA) vs. Mario Gonzalez (3-3, 3.53 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (6-6, 3.97 ERA) vs. Robby Gonzalez (2-7, 4.95 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (10-7, 2.99 ERA) vs. Tim Wells (7-5, 3.18 ERA)

The latter Gonzalez would be the only right-hander in the mix. He had been relegated to the pen earlier, but the Titans had several pitching injuries (Jeff Dykstra, Tony Chavez) and had to bring him back or make a call to AAA. Moises Avila was also on the DL. And we needed to win against all of them anyway…

Game 1
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Marsingill – RF Salgado – P Livingston
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – C J. Young – RF Hayden – 3B T. Johnson – CF Walberg – P M. Gonzalez

By the third, the Raccoons were on their second second baseman after Tim Stalker got tossed asking the umpire whether he was kidding with his strike three call. Turned out he wasn’t. Rich Vickers took over. Neither team amounted to a lot in the first three innings, although the Raccoons loaded the bases with two out in the top 2nd… for Livingston, who gently grounded out to Todd Johnson. The bases were loaded again in the fourth, then on Fernandez, Zitzner, and Marsingill singles with one out, and Salgado coming up. Hugo Salgado was in as big a slump as Wallace and Zitzner, but got a 2-run double off on a 1-2 pitch, sending a liner over Jay Elder’s head. This matched his RBI total going back to July 27… Livingston flew out to center with Marsingill being sent – and thrown out at home by Clay Walberg, ending the inning. Livingston blew the lead immediately, nailing Keith Spataro to begin the bottom of the inning. Willie Vega grounded out, Elder walked, and so did Jim Young. While Matt Hayden struck out, Todd Johnson tied the game with a single up the middle. Walberg was nailed with an 0-2 pitch, but Gonzalez struck out, stranding three…

We were out-hitting them 8-1 in a tied game in the fifth after Vickers and Wall singles. Fowler singled to right, Vickers was sent, and barely beat the 27-year-old rookie Hayden’s throw to break the tie again. The other runners moved up, but Fernandez struck out and that brought up Zitzner, and well, what are you gonna – … Portland dragged Livingston through six muddled innings, then had the same pen problem again, but this time on the road. Gonzalez however nicked Ramos to begin the seventh, so maybe something could be cookin’. Vickers singled, which was now TEN hits for three runs, and then Kurt Wall flew into the right-center gap. Hayden hustled over, but the ball tailed away from him, dropped, and raced to the wall! Ramos scored, Vickers scored, chaos in the outfield, Kurt Wall to third base with a 2-run triple!! Lefty Jesse Erickson replaced Gonzalez after an intentional walk to Fowler. Manny hit an RBI single, and when Zitzner did his best to hit into a double play, Erickson fudged the comebacker into a bases-loading error. Next was Justin Marsingill, who got an 0-1 fastball in the bright red zone and the ball was GONE. 450 feet – GRAAAAAAAAAAAND SLAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!

The game was over as a contest after that 7-spot. The Raccoons patched the last three innings together with Garavito, Kulp, and Prieto, and only the last one allowed a run in the ninth on a Mark Walker double out of the #9 hole. 10-3 Raccoons! Vickers 2-3; Wall 2-5, 3B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 3-5, 2B, RBI; Marsingill 4-5, HR, 2B, 4 RBI;

Well, wasn’t that a rush? How about it, boys? Two more of those?

Game 2
POR: SS Ramos – RF M. Fernandez – C Morales – CF Fowler – LF Wallace – 1B Zitzner – 2B Stalker – 3B Zeltser – P Sabre
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P R. Gonzalez

Berto opend the game with a triple… and was stranded. Two ghastly pops on the infield, then a Fowler fly to center. Not good enough, boys, not good enough! The same was true for Sabre, who walked Antonio Gil on four pitches to begin his day, got a double play grounder, but in the bottom of the second just put runners on base until they were full, then nailed Clay Walberg to force home a run for Boston. Gonzalez flew out to shallow right and Gil to deep left, keeping three aboard. Sabre’s next heroics included bunting into a force on Zeltser at second base in the third, which came close to costing the tying run either on Berto’s single or on Fernandez’ groundout until Tony Morales’ 2-out grounder narrowly eluded Spataro for a 2-run score-flipper. Fowler singled, but Wallace continued being dead from the ankles up and grounded out to Spataro, keeping it a 2-1 game.

Morales and Fowler were on base again in the fifth inning with the score still the same, although if Sabre was a dam, the reservoir behind him would already leaking out of several spots at his front… Wallace was then up with runners on the corners and one out, perfect double play spot, but he popped out instead. Zitzner fell to 0-2 with two outs, but neither whiffed, nor hit Tony Morales in the eye with a stupid liner, but hit a soft single to center to get the catcher home, 3-1! ZITZNER!! Yes, I know!! Tim Stalker was then robbed by Ivan Vega in deep right to end the inning. After Sabre had a calm fifth, Bob Zeltser led off with a double off Gonzalez in the sixth. Sabre hit, but grounded out to the left side. Ramos grounded out to the right side, but again Portland got some 2-out luck past Spataro working, with Fernandez squeezing a grounder inches past the usual tormentor of Critters for an RBI single. That was all for Robby Gonzalez, who was replaced by right-hander Austin Holt. Tony Morales then unloaded into the rightfield corner for an RBI double and his 30th RBI – not too bad for 159 at-bats. Fowler flew out to the fence in left to end the inning, now up 5-1.

Sabre retired nobody anymore and got yanked after both Willie Vega and Elder hit line drive singles to begin the bottom 6th. Prieto came on, received a bunt from Rhett West, then shrieked in horror when Jim Young drilled an 0-1 to the fence in left, but – wonder! – Jimmy Wallace made it back there and held the Boston Blues to a sac fly. Walberg grounded out, keeping it 5-2. Tacking on would be an option! Wallace and Zitzner (!) reached the corners against Holt with nobody out in the seventh. The Coons scratched out a run on Zeltser’s sac fly, but that was all, and somehow still had to pitch three innings with a consistently depleted pen.

Now, this was not a save situation, and he would never go three innings, but he was the most rested – Ed Blair was sent for the seventh with the task of getting as many outs as he could. Six would be great. Maybe get them without cocking up four runs this time. Six outs he got, against only one baserunner, Gil, who was caught stealing later on. The rest of the team got more 2-out RBI’s off Danny Bronstein; Fowler hit an RBI single in the eighth, and in the ninth Stalker and Salgado were on and scored on Berto’s 2-out double to right. The Titans got a run in the ninth again, this time off Steve Gowan, but they weren’t even close… 9-3 Furballs! Ramos 3-6, 3B, 2B, 2 RBI; M. Fernandez 2-6, 2B, RBI; Morales 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Fowler 3-5, RBI; Zitzner 3-5, RBI; Zeltser 2-4, 2B, RBI; Blair 2.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Good one, boys! Come on! One more! Go for the throat! Like you eat newly-hatched baby birds! Come on! Get ‘em!

Game 3
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – C Wall – CF Fowler – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Zitzner – 3B Zeltser – RF Pinkerton – P Rendon
BOS: SS Gil – 2B Spataro – RF I. Vega – LF W. Vega – 1B J. Elder – 3B R. West – C J. Young – CF Walberg – P Wells

Neither team got a hit through three innings, with the only on-base events being a walk drawn by Berto right at the start of the game and a Zeltser error that put Ivan Vega on with two outs in the bottom 1st. Neither scored. When Tim Stalker did lead off the fourth with a single to left, Wall hit into a fat double play. When Spataro then opened the bottom 4th with a single, I saw doom coming. Rendon fumbled Ivan Vega’s comebacker for an error, then walked Willie Vega. Three on, no outs. Jay Elder fanned, a run scored on Rhett West’s grounder, and Jim Young whiffed as well, stranding two, but Boston was now up 1-0.

After Rendon hit Wells in the fifth, walked Spataro, and somehow had Ivan Vega’s pop caught by a backwards-circling Stalker, Berto opened the sixth with a single to center. He advanced on Stalker’s groundout, then on a Wall fly to center. Fowler also flew to center, but beat Walberg’s range for an RBI double, tying the game. Then it was Spataro again, showing a lack of range on another 2-out grounder by Fernandez that became the go-ahead RBI single, 2-1…! Zitzner then grounded out at 3-1, but we knew that one before, didn’t we…

Unfortunately, six was again all the Critters got from their starter; Rendon allowed only two base hits, but still needed 97 drawn-out pitches to get even that far. Walberg and Gil base hits tied the game off Garavito in the bottom 7th, and Spataro singled off Chris Wise, Ivan Vega hit a soft fly to left on 1-2 but Fernandez caught it. That brought up .220 lefty hitter Willie Vega (but with a .364 OBP …!?), but the danger of running out of pitchers was real. If we brought David Fernandez and he walked him, we were doomed, with two right-handers thereafter. If Wise walked him, well, he was still Wise. He didn’t walk him. He allowed an RBI single to right at 3-2, then nailed Elder and walked West to force in a run. Jim Young grounded to third base, Zeltser to Zitzner, and, oops, Zitzner dropped it. Another run scored, the sweep was dead, and so was the dream. Wise walked Walberg with the bases loaded, then saw Ramos miss a Tim Wells grounder for a 2-out single – and all that with two outs. Dusty Kulp replaced the dismembered Wise and fanned Antonio Gil to end a 7-spot that broke the Raccoons’ vague-at-best attempts of being serious about the division.

Then the Raccoons scored three runs in the eighth against Wells, because of course they did. With three on and one out, Fernandez hit a sac fly to get Ramos home, and then Zitzner hit a 2-out, 2-run double, just when I had finalized my plans to shoot him in the bum with the blunderbuss once back in Portland. Stupid Willie Vega homered off Kulp in the bottom 8th, 9-5, and the Coons were down by a slam entering the ninth inning, and facing Jermaine Campbell with nearly 13 K/9. So of course Preston Pinkerton led off with a single. Jimmy Wallace pinch-hit – right into a double play. And Berto struck out. 9-5 Titans. Ramos 2-4, BB; Fowler 1-2, 2 BB, 2B, RBI; Pinkerton 2-4; Rendon 6.0 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 5 K;

Five runs were unearned.

In other news

August 13 – Rebels SP Derrick Forbes (8-7, 3.55 ERA) 3-hits the Crusaders in an 8-0 shutout.
August 15 – DAL 1B Josh Keen (.280, 7 HR, 41 RBI) drives in five runs on two doubles in a 13-2 discarding of the Aces.
August 16 – An elbow contusion will keep SAL INF/RF Jose Castro (.268, 16 HR, 69 RBI) out for two weeks.
August 18 – SAC RF Troy Greenway (.289, 17 HR, 48 RBI) could be out for the season with a broken hand.

Complaints and stuff

Just when I thought things looked good (run differential of +29 …??), they deliver a stinker like Sunday’s. There were no words to describe that game, but then again we did it twice to the Titans in the series and scored all the time with two outs on their sorry bums. Ours were earned though. If stupid Travis Zitzner doesn’t make the error …!!

Oh well, spilled milk. They spilled it for four months and it’s now no good to lap up. Perversely though, we are now 8-6 against Boston this year, which is more wins than in any of the last SIX years, with four games to spare!

Those four games, which will not be played until the final week of the season, is what keeps this interesting, even at 5 1/2 games out and with plenty of other stepping stones, like the starting pitching, or stupid weather, or stupid first basemen, or even Justin Fowler’s stupid groin.

We claimed a right-handed reliever, already 26, off waivers by the Warriors this week. Dennis Citriniti had been signed out of beer league in 2034 and had only made a single appearance for the Warriors this year, pitching a third of an inning. He had plenty of options, but Sioux Falls wanted him off the 40-man roster. The Coons scooped him; strong fastball, delicious changeup, but awful control. He might be September fodder.

We’re back home next week, playing the Loggers and Aces after a much-welcome off day on Monday. Our starting pitchers this week allowed 9 runs (8 earned) for a splendid 2.10 ERA… but pitched only 34 1/3 innings. None of them got through seven, and only one (Willes) logged even one out in the seventh. The off day is needed to turn the blue stripes in the relievers’ faces white again…

Fun Fact: Only twice has the CL North been won by a team with fewer than 90 wins.

Once recently, and once a long time ago. The 1994 Loggers won the division with 85 wins when the twice-defending champs from Portland took a whole year off and came in at .500; just five years ago the Indians squeaked past the Titans with only 84 wins.

Three times the division has been taken with exactly 90 wins, twice by the Titans (2029, 2033) and once by the Indians (2006).

This year everything is possible…