This Month in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
2 February 2296 - Glowing Radroach Nearly Does in Dwellers CF
Vault 81 once had a major hidden molerat problem. Though the venerable Nate Howard took care of that problem and freed the darling of the Commonwealth, Ms. Marie Curie, not all of the vault’s holes have been filled. Vault 81 centerfielder Chris Van Benschoten along with his new gal pal learned all about the filthy holes of the vault when he found a glowing radroach amid the steaming pipes of the boiler room. While Van Benschoten was able to protect his girl, the radroach was able to sink its mandibles into Van Benschoten’s neck, running a nice little array of rad poisoning through his veins. Dwellers’ owner Dr. Jacob Forsythe was able to treat the wound, but simple RadAway was not able to do the trick. Instead, Van Benschoten needs time to heal all wounds. He will be out for the foreseeable future. He may also want to practice safe…ahem…time in the future.
5 February 2296 – Player Takes a Plunge at the Marina
The Charles River distributary is no imposing river—unless one cannot swim. That was the case for near-drowning, and extra-irradiated victim Corey Statue of the Scrappers. While working on repairing a dock with a couple of his new teammates, fellow infielders Casey Roux and Fawk Fowkes, Statue lost his footing after tripping over a large nail. After falling into the river and taking a great big gulp, Statue was pulled up by his bemused but suddenly concerned teammates. While he dries out his lungs and gets pumped with a ton of RadAways, reports are that teammates are starting to call Statue “The Anchor.” Because he sinks.
6 February 2296 – First Trade Rumored
In a follow-up to a story from last month, the first rumored trade is starting to take shape. Apparently, Sunshine Tidings and Starlight, both of the Institute League, are currently working on a deal to move Tony Bertha from the Lady Killers to Sunshine Tidings. While neither team has confirmed the trade talks, Irish Cait and Small Bertha were seen together in County Crossing over the weekend. Supposedly Cait was looking for medical supplies for the Starlight Drive-In stockpile when she bumped into Bertha, but reports mentioned the two women together entered Bloodbugs owner Doc Weathers’ office.
Last month Chemists owner Talia McGovern was reported to have a black eye. While there were no conformations, sources suspected Bertha of being the culprit after McGovern passed on Bertha’s brother, Tony Bertha, in the CBO Inaugural Draft. Rumors also swirled that Small Bertha had threatened to pull her company, Vim!, from the stadium sponsorship in Sunshine Tidings Co-op if “that ***** [McGovern] didn’t get her **** together.”
9 February 2296 – Scrappers Rename Stadium
The Egret Scrappers’ owner, Ron Staples, announced on Sunday that the team had found a corporate sponsor for the 2296 season and would rename Old Phyllis Field to Fallon Field at Egret Tours Marina, effective immediately. Becky Fallon was on hand to commemorate the event. While Egret Tours Marina has worked on expanding its territory and has some investments from Nate Howard and others, the Scrappers are thought to be one of the poorer teams starting out the inaugural season. With the addition of the Fallon name, the leader in clothing production and distribution in the Commonwealth, Egret can be more financially competitive with other teams. While that may not be of value to this year, they may be able to compete for more depth in the near future.
10 February 2296 – Atom Cats Name Their Five “Coolest Cats”
Atom Cats owner Zeke Cat announced today his team’s Five Coolest Cats, an honorary title for five players he wants to push as players exemplifying the qualities of his gang. Each of the five chosen agreed to be called by their nicknames in official press, though Zeke did not expect the players to change their names permanently. The five players are:
“Boss” Junkpile – Leadership Award
“Daddy-O” Sixx – Loyalty Award
“Bee’s Knees” Stabb – Selflessness Award
“Earthbound” Bussey – Work Ethic Award
“Jets” Wash – Smarts Award
19 February 2296 – Exhibition Tournament Announced
Diamond City – Nate Howard announced today that the league would hold a preseason tournament from March 19 through March 22 to kick off the season. While this is currently a tournament meant to get teams in game mode before they begin practice games against their own league members on March 26, there could be plans to repeat or expand the tournament in future seasons.
Six random hosts were selected. First, a single host from each league was selected, and then two wild card hosts were selected. Each host team will host three other teams, one from each league, in a round-robin format. The top two teams will then play for a tournament championship unless one team goes 3-0 in the round robin. In case of a three-way tie for first, the team with the best run differential would get a bye. That team would then play the winner of the other two teams for the championship. Each tournament is named after its hosts’ nicknames.
The Four Leafs Invitational features the following four teams: Finch Farms, Concord, Goodneighbor, and Vault 81.
The Silver Shroud Invitational features Fort Hagen, East Boston Prep, Warwick, and Fairline Hill Estates.
The T-51s Invitational includes Oberland, Nordhagen Beach, Abernathy, and the Atom Cats.
The Gunners Invitational includes Quincy, Salem, Lexington, and Shaw High School.
The Deathclaws Invitational shows off University Point, The Slog, Sunshine Tidings, and Diamond City.
The Lady Killers Invitational includes these four: Starlight, County Crossing, Jamaica Plain, and Egret.
20 February 2296 – Rogue Power Armor Takes Out Shroud Reliever
A Brotherhood of Steel patrolman is under fire for forgetting to power down his power armor. Knight Edgar Lomax had to take a piss break while on patrol out west. When he got out of his suit, though, automatic pilot somehow got tripped. While Knight Lomax and others on patrol were unable to secure the suit, a helping Curtis Thriceshot of the Fort Hagen Silver Shroud decided standing in front of the suit was a good idea. It wasn’t. Though he only suffered minor scrapes and bruises in the incident, Thriceshot may have beat Knight Lomax for dumbest move of the day.
24 February 2296 – Trade Rumors Rumors No More
Ever since the Inaugural Draft was held on January 1, there have been rumors swirling that Sunshine Tidings Chemists corporate sponsor Small Bertha has been putting pressure on owner Talia McGovern to correct the mistake she made when she passed on Small Bertha’s brother, Tony Bertha. Earlier this month, Small Bertha was spotted in County Crossing meeting with Bloodbugs’ owner Doc Weathers and Starlight Lady Killers owner Irish Cait.
Today, we are able to confirm the purpose of that meeting when Cait announced there had been a three-way trade between the teams. The trade will need to be processed through the home CBO office, but there may be some delays since the system only allows two-way trades currently.
Here are the details we know:
Sunshine Tidings has sent pitchers Front Porch Potter and Chopstick McWilliams to County Crossing. They also shipped outfielder Jesus Church and infielder Wild Cannon to Starlight.
Starlight sends pitchers Tony Bertha and Danny Beerholder to Sunshine Tidings. They send infielder T.J. McMath and outfielder Mushy Levy to County Crossing.
County Crossing sends pitchers City Moore and Burn Rivera to Starlight. They send infielder Josh Noob and outfielder Frank Corsica to Sunshine Tidings.
There has been no confirmation if McGovern approved the trade. The trade is pending approval from the CBO league office.