This Month in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
There's a lot happening this month in the lead up to the opening tournament, Spring Training, and the debut of the CBO. Therefore, we are splitting this month up as much as needed with our opening news and notes all the way up to the tournament, which begins March 19.
So, now for the hot takes of March 1 through March 19.
1 March 2296 – Faulty Wiring Destroys Players’ Dorms
While Vault 81 is overcrowded, the settlement has expanded from the vault and surrounding area all the way west to the Charles River where they built McNamara Park. Along the river, Vault 81 also built a row of houses just completed four days ago called the Dorms, a wall-to-wall array of shanty shacks meant to keep the players away from the usual settlers.
Unfortunately, whoever was in charge of wiring the Dorms made a mistake by crossing the wires, causing an overheating issue. That issue led to a row of the eastside dorms catching fire and wiping out five pitchers’ temporary homes. Those players were identified as Danny Hitless (Dorm EA1), Kevin Containment (EA2), Joker Griffith (EA3), Zippy Patterson (EA4), and Nate Riccardi (EA5).
While no players were injured in the incident, the five players mentioned above lost most of what they own and may not have their minds on baseball for a while. Only 31 of the 40 dorms had been occupied, so all five players can move to new dorms while they take care of replenishing clothes and other supplies.
Overseer McNamara also ordered that her engineers test the wiring of the remaining 35 dorms to ensure no more would experience similar problems.
4 March 2296 – Jamaica Plain Player Too Honest
When he was a boy growing up in Covenant, Jamaica Plain second baseman Honest Dan Mathews was known then as just Danny. A visiting mercenary who called himself Honest Dan passed through for an investigation Matthews did not understand, but he fell in love with the man’s name and assumed it as his own later.
Living up to his assumed name, Matthews made it his life’s mission always to tell the truth, regardless of the consequences. Well, after an incident at the Drumlin Diner, Matthews is honestly going to need to learn how to cook.
After eating a mirelurk egg omelet, Matthews complained that the omelet was “so bad it could turn a deathclaw pink.” Well, Drumlin Diner cook Maxbear Sanders took exception to the insult and attacked Matthews with a frying pan. While Matthews got the better of Sanders in the end, Sanders insisted that Matthews be banned from the establishment. As one of the few eateries in the Jamaica Plain region, Drumlin Diner does not have to be the best food, but it is one of the few places serving the demanding bellies of the young people of the Commonwealth. It will be minus one of those bellies now.
In other news, Sanders was overheard planning a new menu item: Pink Deathclaw Fingers.
10 March 2296 – Cool Has a New Voice
Zeke and the Cats have announced that the Atom Cats Radio Network is “going to be the A, B, and Double C” of all Commonwealth baseball broadcasts. Not happy with the drag that is the official media on Diamond City Radio and WRVR, Zeke announced that the ACRN would broadcast all home games for the Atom Cats.
According to Zeke, “Hey all you cool cats and chicks, we’re not down with the town when it comes to them squares in the radio biz. We’re no wet rags here at the Garage. We want to party like it’s 1957, ya dig? Our Atom Cats Radio is going to be the boss of the Commonwealth, baby. It’s hip. It’s fab. And it’s got a lot of pizzazz.”
Nate Howard was unavailable for comment. Before the Atom Cats’ announcement, there were plans for both DCR and WRVR to each broadcast at least one home weekend series for each team in the Commonwealth Baseball Organization, meaning that each team would be featured in at least six games on the season. With the Atom Cats’ announcement, it appears that there may be an uneven amount of coverage, depending on the strength of the Atom Cat’s signal. Currently, DCR and WRVR can be heard throughout the Commonwealth.
11 March 2296 – Bloodbugs Newcomer Needs Amputation
Chopstick McWilliams has only been with County Crossing for two weeks, and he already has experienced problems.
While apparently on a date with one of the chemists at Doc Weathers’ chem and meds manufacturing plant, McWilliams and his date, later identified as Maggy Weathers, decided they needed a little more privacy. The only place nearby where no one else goes is an abandoned nuclear power plant station.
The couple intended to have time to themselves, but instead emerged themselves in a toxic soup of nuclear waste. Both immediately started growing new limbs from their legs where they stepped in the nuclear puddle. Both will also require amputations and recovery time.
McWilliams grew a new pair of legs from his left calf muscle. While he will heal just fine, there will be some time for the muscle to be reshaped and rehabilitated.
Doc Weathers asked that the entire nuclear plant be fenced off with radiation warnings instead of just being understood as a no-man’s land. “I could have lost my daughter,” Weathers said. “Either that, or she could have become a twin. And I don’t want either of those to happen.”
Weathers also requested that his players stay "a ball field away" from his daughter from now on.
14 March 2296 – Giddyup Buttercup Donkey Kicks Knuckle Puncher
Youngster Ethan Lynch thought it would be funny to mechanize a horse-sized Giddyup Buttercup and ride it into practice. Unfortunately for the undrafted reliever, he overpowered the metal toy and turned a slow ride into a bucking bronco. Lynch was thrown from the metallic beast and then caught a hoof to his nose, enveloping the young man in oil, blood, and tears.
After the rogue toy was put down with a frag grenade, Lynch was treated for a broken nose to go along with a broken spirit. He will rest for a couple of days while the swelling goes down, but he is expected to be available for the preseason tournament in five days.
15 March 2296 – Cautious Learns Irony
Egret Scrappers reliever Danny Cautious learned a lesson in irony as he was injured in a freak accident over the weekend.
Cautious was collecting firewood just east of Egret Tours Marina to cook some fresh radstag meat when he tripped over a frag mine near the train tracks. The trip probably saved his life, with the shrapnel only tearing through his boots and slashing his feet.
Cautious will have to spend a few weeks in the Egret Tours Marina Clinic while a Miss Nanny meticulously pulls the metal shards out of his feet.
16 March 2296 – Hayes Close to Sitting
After the terrible incident that left Goodneighbor Hancocks infielder Jumper Hayes with a . . . strain to his gluteus, the team has announced that he is close to being ready to play.
Hayes has been sitting for longer periods of time. He will try to practice with the team and sit on the bench. He may even take the field at the Four Leafs Invitational if he feels down to it.
17 March 2296 – Protest Interrupts Quincy Parade
A parade to celebrate the Gunners Invitational for the host team from Quincy and visiting teams from Lexington, Salem, and Shaw High School was cut short today amid protests.
Around 100 picketers blocked the path’s parade through Downtown Quincy in protest of the team taking the Gunners name. They held signs reading such things as “Kill off the Gunners for good” and “My family was killed by Gunners.”
Quincy team owner Smiling Larry tried to address the crowd, but they were offended by his face. He was pelted with tatos and mutfruit as he tried to explain the financing and how he had no love for the Gunners gang, blah blah blah.
Protester Mabel Furcat, who made her way to the protest from the Finch Farm area, said, “My settlement was attacked by Gunners who killed people just because they needed more bullets. How dare a baseball team adopt their name? They were killers. It is gross to think people will cheer for Gunners. It makes me ill.” Furcat then spat on the ground to show her disgust.
While local militia and volunteer peacekeepers were able to remove the group, Quincy mayor, Jun Long, said that he was too shaken up and could not allow the parade to continue. No word yet about whether or not Commissioner Nate Howard was made aware of the event. He is expected to be at Starlight Drive-In for the Lady Killers Invitational. Who knows how many women will be protesting that one, am I right?
19 March 2296 – Sunshine Tidings Down a Pitcher
The Sunshine Tidings attempted to pose for a picture while in an underdeveloped section of University Point. While there had been repairs to the building, no one considered that 40 burly boys and men standing on a single platform could be dangerous.
As expected, the platform collapsed, causing most of the Chemists players to suffer only minor cuts, scrapes and bruises. All except pitcher Bill Sarnacki who ended up with a post pinning his leg at an awkward position with the weight of several men on top.
Though he was pumped up with some stimpacks to help the healing, Sarnacki suffered a broken leg and was transported via pack brahmin to The Castle so that he can get top-notch care from Minutemen surgeons. Broken limbs are often quick-healing injuries thanks to medical technology, but, of course, they still take some time.
Sunshine Tidings is now down to two starting pitchers for the Deathclaws Invitational. They will consider attempting to use multiple pitchers for their third game and potential fourth day.
19 March 2296 – Tournament Coverage at Starlight Drive-In
We at Publick Occurences are focusing our first coverage of the Commonwealth Baseball organization at Starlight Drive-In since the commissioner, Nate Howard, is present. While we are focusing our coverage here, we will use reports from around the Commonwealth for scores and any news reports we may receive.
For our coverage, we will feature all games at our location, giving a quick recap of the days’ events in that day’s late edition. We are also broadcasting all games live, so tune in to Diamond City Radio to hear the games come to your room or wherever you are listening to the game.
Play ball!