Today in the CBO
News and Notes - Reports from around the Commonwealth
by Nat Wright-Kowalski
6 April 2296 – Tentsleep, Hugz to Miss Week 2
The Slog shortstop Lernz Tentsleep and Salem ace starting pitcher Josh Hugs had a short first game of the season after a fight. Now, the two will have to sit out the entirety of the second weekend due to their shenanigans.
The CBO league office passed down the suspension today after a fight caused both to be ejected from the first game in CBO history.
Hugs (0-1) was unhappy after he gave up a two-run home run to Ghouls’ second baseman C.T. Woodard, the game’s first runs. Woodard moved a little too slowly for Hugs’ taste during his home run trot. Hugs then responded by throwing the ball straight at Tentsleep, plunking him in the back. Tentsleep then charged the mound, knuckles blazing.
Commissioner Nate Howard said that he understands it will take time to “make gentlemen out of savages,” but he expects decency and good sportsmanship to be the “rule rather than the exception.”
Neither team nor the players were available to comment since they were preparing for this week’s games. Salem left The Slog en route to Finch Farm. The Ghouls will remain at home to host Nordhagen Beach.
6 April 2296 - Oberland Not Happy
It is with a disclaimer that I run this report. Please be aware that this report is based on Publick Occurrences reports by our correspondents. As the relative of the object of this report, I, Nat Wright-Kowalski, absolve myself of any added rumor or innuendo or personal reflection.
With that mentioned, the son-of-a-***** owner of the Oberland T-51s is apparently unhappy that one of the greatest minds and men in the history of the Commonwealth had one bad game.
That supposed owner, August Oberland, criticized a supposed bad game by the handsomest of men, Sheng Kawolski.
Drafted in the first round at the #10 pick, Kawolski was drafted nine spots too late, or so I have heard from many people who know better than August Oberland or the owners of Abernathy, Fort Hagen, Fairline Hill Estates, Salem, Quincy, Goodneighbor, Warwick, The Slog, or Concord. In my humble opinion, they all drafted fools. But my sister says that I am biased. Brahmin****!
So, just because Shengie-poo allowed 8 runs in 4 innings and has an 18.00 ERA, that radscorpion-spunk owner Oberland is talking about trading him. I hope he does. Then Sheng can go to a team that will actually win in this lifetime and will actually have a stadium in its own town so that the team doesn't have to cross the river in that dangerous area every time they play.
Anyway, that is what I was told by our Oberland correspondent. Who knows if any of this is accurate?