[Westheim]

Raccoons (20-16) vs. Loggers (14-22) – May 19-22, 2036

First series with the Loggers in ’36, and they sat fourth in the North, but were already out by double digits after the Titans’ recent surge. They were ninth in offense, but were giving up the very most runs with a rotation that was pushing for a ERA of five. The Raccoons had won 12 of 18 games against Milwaukee in 2035.

Projected matchups:
Colt Willes (4-0, 2.60 ERA) vs. Tommy Iezzi (0-1, 4.88 ERA)
Bernie Chavez (2-3, 2.66 ERA) vs. Sergio Piedra (1-2, 1.53 ERA)
Gene Tennis (0-0) vs. Paul Metzler (1-5, 5.49 ERA)
Raffaello Sabre (3-2, 3.30 ERA) vs. William Stockwell (1-4, 5.03 ERA)

We’d get three right-handers, then a left-hander. Piedra was a swingman patching the hole left by Alfredo Casique (3-2, 3.22 ERA) hitting the DL with elbow soreness.

Speaking of the DL, the Raccoons would not get Dave Myers back until the weekend, so we’d have to keep making ends meet with the current selections of masters of disaster at third base. Justin Marsingill and Matt Triolo were batting .152 between them…

MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B McWhirter – 3B Conner – C F. Chavez – 1B Garnier – SS Del Vecchio – LF D.J. Mendez – CF Will Ojeda – P Iezzi
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – 1B Maruyama – CF Maldonado – 3B Marsingill – P Willes

Danny Valenzuela opened the long set with a triple to center, and immediately the pictures from Colt Willes’ last disastrous start flashed back before our eyes. The Loggers contented themselves with a Bill McWhirter sac fly for one early run. While not an instant explosion on the mound, Willes didn’t help his own cause in the bottom 3rd following Justin Marsingill’s leadoff single, bunting into a double play. The Raccoons didn’t get on the board to tie the game until the fourth when Tony Morales stretched his hitting streak to 12 games and was scored with two outs on Ed Hooge’s single to right-center.

Valenzuela hit a leadoff single in the sixth. McWhirter failed to bunt, but he simply stole second before McWhirter’s grounder moved him to third base. Willes lost Josh Conner on balls and the bullpen got up with some light jumping jacks – David Fernandez immediately had to sit down with a bucket, which coincidentally had also been his third bucket of chicken legs on the night – but Francis Chavez helped out with a sharp grounder to short, Berto to Vickers to Maruyama to end the inning. Up to that point the world was turning, albeit slowly. The Raccoons couldn’t hit a damn lick against Tommy Iezzi, and soon enough they also couldn’t pitch anymore. Willes walked Ted Del Vecchio in the seventh, then served up a bomb to D.J. Mendez to fall 3-1 behind, and Mendez brought the house down entirely in the eighth inning. Dusty Kulp began proceedings by being as **** as ever, walking two and allowing a single in filling the bags while getting only one retirement out of the Loggers. Garavito replaced him, got Maxime Garnier to hit a comebacker for a force play at home, but then allowed an RBI single to Del Vecchio. The bags were still full for Mendez, who put the game away with a pretty convincing grand slam to right, 8-1, aaaand curtain. Iezzi pitched a complete-game 6-hitter to add to the humiliation. 8-1 Loggers.

And that was the first career complete game for Iezzi, a fifth-year player, although to be fair he had been mostly employed in relief so far in his career…

Dusty Kulp (12 BB in 12.2 IP) was thankfully signed through 2037 and had 10/5 rights. This meant that getting rid of him was nigh impossible and the Raccoons instead had to send Tom Miller, who pitched a scoreless ninth, back to AAA to promote Gene Tennis, the starter for Wednesday. Jimmy Wallace was moved to the 60-day DL to make room on the 40-man roster.

Something new here – Tennis was a left-hander! If he prevented choking on a chicken leg until Wednesday night, him taking the ball would already tie the Raccoons’ total of starts by left-handed pitchers in ’35.

Game 2
MIL: RF Valenzuela – 2B McWhirter – LF S. Wilson – 3B Conner – C F. Chavez – 1B Garnier – SS Del Vecchio – CF Will Ojeda – P Piedra
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Vickers – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – 1B Maruyama – CF Maldonado – 3B Triolo – P B. Chavez

Francis Chavez took Bernie Chavez plenty deep in the second inning, and like Willes the day before Bernie had taken good care of walking the guy immediately preceding his assailant. Come the third, Piedra hit a leadoff single off Bernie, and a McWhirter single and Conner’s sac fly got him around to score, 3-0. Now, the Raccoons made up the deficit in the bottom of the inning, but only just, and all runs were unearned. Ramos opened with a single, was caught stealing, but Morales walked and Fernandez reached on a throwing error by the shortstop. Ed Hooge drove in the runners in scoring position with a double, then scored on Maruyama’s single. Maldonado fanned, adding to our growing concerns about delicious fruit not yet ripe to pluck them, and the inning ended with the score level at three…

Top 5th, Piedra hit another leadoff single, and Valenzuela doubled to give the Loggers two in scoring position with nobody out, and I started looking at the album of Portland’s Most Beautiful Bridges again, tying to decide which one to throw myself off to drown myself once and for all. McWhirter popped out, and then Steve Wilson flew to center. Maldonado made the catch coming in, the Loggers sent Piedra, and he was thrown out at the plate! 8-2 double play on a true laser beam, and how much more dumb luck could the Raccoons possibly abuse to still lose!? In the bottom of the fifth they at least got an earned run and the lead. Morales drew his second walk (but was yet hitless) and after Fernandez flew out easily, both Hooge and Maruyama hit 2-out singles to maneuver the catcher around to score, 4-3. Runners were on the corners for Maldonado and, gosh, an insurance run would be fabulous. But how about three? Piedra’s 0-1 was down the middle Maldonado saw it, then dished it over the fence in left – a 3-run homer!!

Talking of scrubs hitting 3-run homers, that happened again in the sixth inning, but this time I was much less excited. After Bernie Chavez AGAIN got bombed by Francis Chavez, he put another pair of runners on base before being yanked in a 7-4 game when left-handed Salvador Ayala, a 24-year-old second-year rookie, pinch-hit for reliever Matt May in the #9 hole. David Fernandez came out, got him to 2-2, then served up the game-tying homer to dead center, a true monstrosity and crime against humanity, I want to add. Portland got the lead back in the bottom of the inning against Mike Bass, who walked Berto, drilled Manny, and then gave up a 2-out RBI single to Hooge. Maruyama walked to fill the bases, bringing back Maldonado and his murderous .623 OPS. Bass balked, then nailed Maldonado, which sadly counted for fewer runs in this order than the other way round. Preston Pinkerton batted for Triolo with three on and two outs, because there was no platoon advantage to be had against the right-hander Bass if the batter in question was blinder than the three mice. Pinkerton struck out anyway. Bottom 7th, Keller, Ramos, and Vickers loaded the bags against Mike Bass with walk, single, walk, and nobody out. We’d buy into a knockout blow here! Morales heaved an 0-2 pitch past Del Vecchio for a scratch RBI single, extending his steak to 13 games, after which Bobby Valencia replaced Bass and allowed only one more run on a Maruyama single amidst sorry pop outs. It was still 11-7 now. Maybe we’d even hold on! …and we did. Prieto and Soung saw out the game for four and two outs, respectively, levelling the series. Ramos 3-4, 2 BB; Hooge 3-5, 2B, 3 RBI; Maruyama 3-4, BB, 3 RBI; Triolo 1-2, BB; Keller (PH) 1-1;

Game 3
MIL: RF Valenzuela – SS Garnier – 3B Conner – LF S. Wilson – CF Will Ojeda – 1B S. Ayala – 2B Del Vecchio – C Bean – P Metzler
POR: SS Ramos – LF Hooge – C Morales – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – 2B Stalker – 3B Triolo – RF Keller – P Tennis

Maxime Garnier walked, stole second, and scored on Steve Wilson’s single in combination with an Ed Hooge error in the first inning, and the Raccoons had to play yet another one from behind. The walks were a problem – Tennis walked a guy in every inning, and by the fourth we also issued an intentional walk with two outs to Elijah Bean, bringing up Metzler with Ayala, who had drawn a walk the normal way, already at second base. Metzler of course smacked another single, driving home Ayala, 2-0, and I angrily hit my head against the desk. Valenzuela legged out a grounder for an infield single, and with the bases loaded Garnier hit a clean single to drive in two more runs, 4-0. Conner whiffed, but here was another game in the bin, with the Raccoons doing zero. It took them until the bottom 5th to get on the board, when Ramos singled home Keller with two outs. Hooge also singled, but Morales grounded out to Del Vecchio to strand them.

Tennis dragged himself into the sixth inning, but left with Bean on second base and two outs. Dusty Kulp came on and conceded an immediate RBI single to Valenzuela, 5-1, then gave up another sharp single to Garnier. Valenzuela was thrown out at third base by Jason Keller, ending the inning, but by now Kulp had thoroughly worn out his welcome. He allowed ANOTHER two hits and two walks for a run in the seventh before being yanked for Moore, who got a double play to bail out of another ****show. – Not that it mattered. The offense was completely absent and the Loggers completed the game with nothing but Metzler and Rafael Zacarias. 6-1 Loggers. M. Fernandez 2-4, 2B; Stalker 2-4; Keller 2-4; D. Fernandez 2.0 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 3 K;

Not even concerned with the Titans zooming away. If the pitching is now like THIS with the offense being like THAT, we’ll find sixth place in a hurry, even though the Crusaders (13-24) look pretty fatal, too…

Although the Raccoons bitterly needed a win on Thursday, their lineup raised the white flag well before first pitch. Against the southpaw Stockwell, Preston Pinkerton was scheduled to bat leadoff! Thankfully, even the baseball gods couldn’t take it anymore and sent torrential rains that wiped out the final game of the set, which was rescheduled for August 7 in the middle of a long string of games with no off days. But August’s agony was August’s agony, and May’s agony was here now. And so would the Thunder be in just 24 hours.

Raccoons (21-18) vs. Thunder (15-26) – May 23-25, 2036

The Thunder were still reeling from their 6-15 April, but they were not quite as bad right now as their record indicated. For their last ten games they were a modest 4-6, treading just as much water as the Critters, who had won the last two season series, 5-4 each. The Thunder were in the bottom three in runs scored and runs allowed, but again, much of that damage had occurred in their truly troubled April.

Projected matchups:
Raffaello Sabre (3-2, 3.30 ERA) vs. Paul Peters (2-4, 2.72 ERA)
Gilberto Rendon (2-2, 5.23 ERA) vs. Gary Martin (1-2, 5.60 ERA)
Colt Willes (4-1, 2.77 ERA) vs. Joe Robinson (4-3, 3.77 ERA)

Again a series scheduled to close with a southpaw. Maybe this time!

The Raccoons still had to wait one day before they could activate Dave Myers, but he would indeed return on Saturday, and then everything would turn out fine! Please, Slappy, promise that it will be fine. (is handed another bottle by Slappy)

Game 1
OCT: 3B R. Martinez – CF Olszewski – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – 2B A. Rojas – LF DeLoach – C Urfer – SS Santillan – P Peters
POR: SS Ramos – LF Hooge – C Morales – CF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – 3B Maldonado – RF Keller – 2B Vickers – P Sabre

The Thunder’s first two singles were both hit by Roberto Martinez, who was caught stealing in the first and simply stranded on Drew Olszewski’s groundout in the third inning. Dropped to #8 for a dire 3-for-30 slump, Rich Vickers then opened the scoring in the bottom of the third inning, taking Jason Keller’s leadoff walk and a Peters fastball and barging it over the fence for a 2-run homer. And I wasn’t sure what it was with Coons pitchers this week, but it seemed like the fourth already began with runners on the corners… Lorenzo Celaya and Alfredo Rojas were the tying runs, but were stranded on Elvis DeLoach (best name ever? worst name ever?) popping out and Rick Urfer going down on strikes against Sabre.

The Raccoons caught another injury bug in the bottom of the inning, this time Jesus Maldonado locking knees with Roberto Martinez on a slide into third base. He went first-to-third on Vickers’ 2-out single, then had to be walked off the field by Dr. Chung, who rolled his eyes when he saw the rookie trying to convince him by limping pronouncedly. Chung had to be begged to take him out of the game – Justin Marsingill took over. Sabre grounded out to strand the runners.

Danny Cruz’ homer cut the lead in half in the sixth, and maybe the Raccoons could find an insurance run or two in their bats and in their hearts yet. Manny popped out to begin the bottom 6th, but Maruyama walked and Marsingill singled. Keller struck out, and while Vickers hit a liner to the right side, Alfredo Rojas was right on top of it and shagged the missile to end the inning. Sabre held up seven, then was pinch-hit for to begin the bottom 7th. Kurt Wall fanned, and that was already the most excitement the Raccoons generated in the inning.

The Raccoons then tried something new. Rather than having Yeom Soung or, god help, Dusty Kulp, face right-handers in the eighth, they would send Chris Wise for two batters, then would try to finish the game with Soung against the mostly left-handed middle of the order. Wise got his two guys, but Soung walked Olszewski before facing PH Fernando Garcia, but the ex-Coon grounded out to short. Bottom 8th, Morales opened with a deep drive to left, but was retired by DeLoach before both Fernandez and Maruyama reached base against Peters with ****ty bloop singles. Baseball, kids! Baseball… Stalker batted for Marsingill and stuck out the bum to get hit by the 1-2 pitch. The Thunder protested, but the umpire sent him to first base anyway, filling them up for .196 menace Jason Keller, who drew a 4-pitch walk to force in a run …! Vickers flew out, which was bitter, since the Raccoons now had to pick between a pinch-hitter for Soung, or having him actually do the ninth. Prieto was available, but this was a ****ty situation that offered only bad outcomes. Matt Triolo batted for Soung, struck out, and the quagmire started to deepen… Ìn the end, Garavito and his 5.65 ERA got the baseball as a result of the Raccoons having outsmarted themselves, twice over. He logged two casual flies to center and a K against DeLoach. 3-1 Coons. M. Fernandez 2-4; Marsingill 1-1; Vickers 2-4, HR, 2 RBI; Sabre 7.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, W (4-2);

What do you mean, Dr. Chung, he has *nothing*? – Like, no damage? – When did that ever happen??

After batting .174, Matt Triolo was sent back to AAA. Yes, Marsingill was no better, and yes, Myers batted right-handed like Marsingill, all true, but only one of them had options, and Marsingill wasn’t it.

Game 2
OCT: 3B R. Martinez – CF Olszewski – RF Celaya – 1B D. Cruz – 2B A. Rojas – LF DeLoach – C Urfer – SS Santillan – P G. Martin
POR: SS Ramos – 3B Myers – C Morales – RF M. Fernandez – LF Hooge – CF Maldonado – 1B Maruyama – 2B Vickers – P Rendon

Oklahoma scored in the first thanks to a clumsy leadoff walk to Martinez, a groundout, and a Celaya RBI single. Both Celaya here and DeLoach in the second were caught stealing by Tony Morales. Bottom 1st, Maldonado was back in there after having been found simulating injury, which merited playing time rather than benching, although me and Honeypaws were still debating the merits of simply drowning him in the Willamette instead. The rookie came to the plate after three 2-out singles had loaded them for him, then flew out softly to Celaya… One inning later, a Maruyama double and a walk drawn by Vickers put two Coons on with nobody out. Rendon got the bunt down, but Berto was grazed by a pitch and the double play opportunity was set up for Dave Myers. Gary Martin was sweating profusely at this point and despite counseling from the catcher and pitching coach couldn’t keep himself together. He walked Myers to tie the game, but the Coons then started poking stupidly again and grounded out twice with Morales and Fernandez; at least the former brought in the second run for a 2-1 lead.

While Rendon held on for at least a little while, stalling Celaya an Cruz singles with K’s to Rojas and DeLoach in the fourth, Rick Urfer beat him with a leadoff jack in the fifth, tying the game at two. The Coons couldn’t do anything with Vickers’ leadoff single in the bottom 4th, but Morales hit another one in the fifth. Fernandez walked, and Hooge shot a grounder up the middle. Jose Santillan dove for the ball near the bag, deflected it deeper into right-center and away from a hustling Olszewski, and the Raccoons’ third base coach started windmilling Morales around third base and for home plate. Olszewski threw there late, Morales was safe, and the other runners took the extra base on the throw; runners on second and third with nobody out in a 3-2 game! …and of course nobody scored anymore…! Honeypaws, why? Why? … Maldonado popped out, Maruyama fanned, Vickers was bypassed, and Rendon grounded out, then immediately proceeded to get screwed with a Celaya double, a Rojas homer, and a DeLoach triple in the sixth inning. Prieto replaced him, somehow managed to strand the runner, but the Coons were now 4-3 behind again…

They also seemed to be accepting their fate. Berto singled and stole second in the bottom 6th, but was stranded, and nothing good happened in the seventh or eighth. Casey Moore struck out the side in the ninth to keep the Thunder just the one run away before they sent right-hander Steve Bailey and his 7.15 ERA against the Coons’ left-handed 3-4-5 batters. They HAD to make this one up. They just HAD to. Morales flew out to center. Fernandez walked, but Hooge whiffed. Maldonado singled to center, getting the tying run on base, but the Raccoons were now also well into the doldrums part of their lineup, and specifically Maruyama. There was no convincing PH option on the bench. Maruyama batted… and struck out. 4-3 Thunder. Morales 2-4, BB, RBI; Hooge 2-5, RBI; Vickers 1-2, 2 BB;

No Maud, I don’t want to go home. (buries face deeper into paws) I just … I will just sit here and wait for death. – Yes, goodnight, Maud.

(Maud closes the door and kills the lights)

(darkness)

Game 3
OCT: 3B R. Martinez – CF Olszewski – 1B D. Cruz – 2B A. Rojas – LF DeLoach – RF Cutler – C F. Garcia – SS Santillan – P J. Robinson
POR: SS Ramos – 2B Stalker – 3B Myers – LF M. Fernandez – 1B Maruyama – CF Maldonado – C Wall – RF Pinkerton – P Willes

The first run of the game came on a solo shot by Preston Pinkerton in the bottom 3rd, after Willes had spent three innings trying to get another spanking and having his defense constantly deny him of his naughty pleasures, and after Robinson had retired the first seven Critters in order. The game continued like the entire week had gone – shoddy pitching, with Tim Stalker making two strong plays to hold Willes together in the fourth, and then the Coons got Myers and Manny on the corners in the bottom of the inning, and useless dimwit Chiyosaku Maruyama hit into a 6-4-3 double play to throw it all away again… Better yet, after Maldonado reached on a Santillan error in the bottom 5th, Kurt Wall was up to the challenge. 6… 4… 3…

When Berto hit a 1-out triple in the bottom 6th, I was 100% sure that we wouldn’t be able to find a Coon to drive him home. And we indeed didn’t … after Walker stalked, a wild pitch plated Ramos, 2-0. The Thunder went on to walk Myers intentionally to get to Fernandez, who grounded out, bringing up Maruyama with runners on second and third and two outs. No double play possible! For a major miracle, he singled to center, plating both runners and doubling the lead, then moved to second on Maldonado’s single, and then scored on Wall’s single. Pinkerton flew out, but it was now a 5-0 game for Willes, who wouldn’t get too many more chances to blow it all to hell.

But a 5-run lead allowed some liberties, like not yanking him after a Rojas single to begin the seventh, and he did retire the next three batters in order, so he wasn’t lifted for a pinch-hitter in the bottom of the inning either. The eighth inning saw a K against Santillan, a Jorge Zamora groundout, and Martinez rolling over to Ramos for three calm outs. Should it be possible? Starting this badly and then coming away with a shutout? We’d surely *try* our luck. Olszewski grounded out to Stalker on the first pitch of the ninth, but then Willes struck Danny Cruz in the arm with an 0-2 pitch. Cruz left injured, replaced by Jake Markley. Willes faced the right-handed Rojas, who grounded out – Markley to second – and now there was just one out to collect from DeLoach, a lefty .241 batter. Willes claimed he was fine, but gave up a single up the middle, Markley scored, and the shutout was gone, and no more than two seconds sooner than the bullpen gate flung open and Garavito was sent to deal with Steve Cutler. A strikeout ended the game. 5-1 Critters. Willes 8.2 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, W (5-1);

In other news

May 19 – IND SP Andy Bressner (6-2, 2.94 ERA) and MR Bernardo Martinez (1-2, 6.35 ERA, 1 SV) pitch a combined 1-hitter against the Canadiens for a 2-0 win. Only OF/2B Jesse LeJeune (.277, 2 HR, 11 RBI) manages to drop a single for Vancouver.
May 22 – Shoulder inflammation could end the season of 37-year-old CIN SP Bobby Morris (1-4, 6.00 ERA).
May 22 – The Scorpions have only three hits, but two of them are homers by SS/3B Adam Downs (.316, 3 HR, 8 RBI) and 1B/LF/RF Carlos Cortes (.281, 7 HR, 19 RBI) to beat the Pacifics, 3-2, despite L.A. having 12 base hits.
May 23 – CHA 2B/SS Oscar Aguirre (.208, 7 HR, 25 RBI) drives in five runs from the leadoff spot with three hits and a walk as the Falcons beat the Titans, 14-8.
May 23 – Denver’s OF/1B Rich DeLuna (.349, 2 HR, 16 RBI) might miss the rest of the season with not only torn, but shredded ankle ligaments.
May 24 – NAS 3B Andy Schmit (.067, 0 HR, 0 RBI in 15 AB) lands his first hit of the season and the 2,000th of his career in the Blue Sox’ 8-4 win over the Scorpions. Doubtlessly in the dying light of his career, the 38-year-old was an All Star three times and won two rings with L.A. earlier in the 2030s. He’s a career .266 batter with 150 homers and 867 RBI.
May 24 – SAL SP Phil Harrington (8-2, 1.21 ERA) 3-hits the Buffaloes in an 8-0 shutout. Harrington, the Federal League Pitcher of the Year five years running, strikes out eight batters in the game.
May 24 – The Condors trade 2B Andy Hughes (.333, 1 HR, 6 RBI in 21 AB) to the Scorpions for AAA outfielder Marquis Stubblefield and a prospect.
May 25 – DEN SP Mike Hodge (3-3, 4.19 ERA) 3-hits the Rebels with six strikeouts. The Gold Sox win 8-0.
May 25 – MIL 3B/1B Josh Conner (.203, 3 HR, 11 RBI) is out for six weeks with torn ankle ligaments.

Complaints and stuff

Tony Morales is somehow second in batting in the CL (behind Celaya), so I have zero doubt that he’ll break his skull dumpster-diving before long.

The division is a mess, but a mess the Titans are running away from with great pace. The Coons’ third straight 3-3 week saw them dropping further behind, and the Titans are now 18-and-****ing-5 in May. They haven’t lost as many as three consecutive games since being swept by the Knights four weeks ago.

Justin Fowler is due to rejoin the team at some point next week. That should surely boost the offense. And then it will all be alright. Totally. All will be fine. (keeps muttering)

Not making major news, but we’re keeping stock thoroughly here, the Indians and Loggers swapped reserves on Friday. Juan Benito headed to Milwaukee, with Jeremy Leftwich going to Indy. Neither of the two had appeared in the majors this year.

Fun Fact: Nobody but Phil Harrington has led the FL in strikeouts or ERA since 2030.

Since he’s on the Wolves, he only amounted to two triple crowns despite never posting an ERA higher than 2.14 – he is the best pitcher of his generation. Somehow he was only a #51 pick in the 2023 draft.

Let’s see. Who did the Raccoons pick ahead of Harrington, stupidly? Elijah Bean at #4, who has 673 at-bats in the majors at age 32, none with the Critters, but who was in town with Milwaukee this week… And corner guy Brad Woods at #47. He is unemployed right now. Woods has never started a major league game. He got 70 at-bats with the Knights earlier in the decade, batting .242 with one homer. Oh boy.

Oh. Boy.